Expecting the third boy and everyone keeps asking me if it's a girl...

[beatrice75]

Right, I am so fed up with this!
All I seem to be hearing this days is "Are you sure there's only one in there?" and "I bet you hope it's a girl".
I'm seriously worried I'm going to bite someone's head off one of these days. I can't do anything about looking 30 weeks pregnant at only 22 weeks and incidentally I AM expecting another boy. Don't get me wrong, I'm over the moon that I'm pregnant and I don't mind if it's a boy or a girl but I'm getting more and more worried that when he's born people will give me the "Ohhhh...what a shame it's another boy..." line becuase I don't know how I might react. I don't want this poor thing to be the subject of such silliness and I find it insulting that people can be so nosy and untactful and think that all it matters is whether it's a girl or another boy. Has anyone experienced the same and has it bothered you to the point that you're stressed every time someone new knows about the pregnancy because you know you're going to get the "I bet you want a girl" comment? Please help!

i'm pg with DC2 and everyone thinks i want a girl because i've got a DS already - i reply that i'll just be happy with one that makes it to term and i get to take home straight away (DS was in hosp for a looong time after he was born). tends to take the wind out of their sails a little.

i do get asked a lot "do you know what you're having?"

my reply: "i should think it is perfectly obvious i'm having a baby"

reactions: priceless!

I have two DSs and am pregnant again. I don't know if it is a boy or a girl but am so sick of people saying to me that I must be hoping it is a girl. Do they think another DS would be second best? Grrr. I just want a happy, healthy baby.

I can really sympathasise. I have 2 boys who are brilliant and am 21 wks with number 3. We went for number 3 because we wanted another child and really do not mind whether it is a boy or girl. The number of people though who assume that we are trying for a girl! Where do they get these ideas from? Is having children of the same sex supposed to be somehow deficient or something, with 1 girl and 1 boy the 'optimum'? The only things I am worried about are making sure there is just the one in there (first thing I checked on the 12 week scan ) and that they are healthy.

When people make that sort of comment I just say no, we are just hoping for a baby. Although I am storing up the various replies posted here...am too much of a wimp to suggest that we would ebay one if, as someone delightfully commented, we finally get a girl and no longer need 2 boys!

I'm 21 weeks pregnant with DC3, and already have one of each so I keep getting the 'I suppose it doesn't matter because you've already got one of each'. I have also had a couple of people asking if it was an accident because why on earth would I want another child when I already have one of each?

People are mental, that's my only conclusion. I have no idea why people are so hung up on what sex babies are - I don't think people who make these comments think it through, tbh.

I love some of the come backs on here!

I'm also enormous, beatrice which gets plenty of comments too!

ReadRideABikeSwim - a friend of my mum's has five girls, and I have to tell you that when her dds4 and 5 (twins) were born and she was loopy on drugs, she accused the surgeon of 'cutting off her boys' willies' - she just couldn't believe she had 5 girls. She did get over it!

My SIL got this after just one boy! She now has two gorgeous DSs but various relatives said "aw, what a shame" even after DN2 arrived. I was incensed by how rude it was!!

Aside from any nonsense about the perfect combinations of genders in a family, and they fact that implying any child is a disappointment is totally offensive, I just think -these are PEOPLE, not playthings! It is not like getting new co-ordinating sofa cushions! They are human beings! And even if you do get the gender everyone else was after so you, you have no idea how masculine/ feminine the personality will be.

I sympathise OP!

Rant over

Oh yes i get this, and i am sick of it. after 4 girls everyone thinks i want a boy. Actually, i want a BABY. I dont care if it is a boy or a girl, i adore all of my beautiful children, my only wish for this one is a peaceful entry into the world lots of love, and a happy life.

You're lucky - I had this start with my first! My sister has three boys, so my family was very very keen for me to have a girl. The women in my family see it as an affliction to have a boy (have never understood why), as all of them apart from my sister have had girls. When we found out that we were having a boy, there was massive disappointment from family. I phoned my mum after the scan and was so excited - she ruined it by saying "Oh well, never mind - I'll still love it I suppose". I will never forgive her for that.
Am now expecting my second child - another boy - and my husband and I decided from the bfp that we wouldn't share with anyone what the sex was until it's born. I couldn't face a whole pregnancy of disappointed and negative comments, and figure that once baby is born I'll be too overwhelmed with excitement to take any notice of them.
Think my family is just too weird. Luckily I'm not like them, and am thrilled to be having another boy. But I still have had the exact same comments that you have - I'm always being told how nice it will be if this one's a girl, even from complete strangers. I've never understood why it's assumed that I'd prefer a girl. Having grown up in a house full of girls, I'm happy to be one amongst my boys . Also, I was a complete nightmare teenage girl, so am mightily relieved not to be having one of my own .

birdofthenorth totally agree that some people see them as accessories, not as people. My mum actually said once that it's a shame that I won't be able to go shopping with my DS as he's not a girl. Yes she really said that.
Am convinced that I'm adopted.

Tigerinmysoup: yes I'm adopting the same strategy as you now. I tell them I don't know what it is because if I hear "what a shame" one more time I might bite their heads off. The idea being that how can they say "what a shame" after he's born...But mind you, reading your posts, girls, I am bracing myself for this possibility too now
LOL

I feel your pain, OP. I'm expecting DC3 in March (gender currently unknown) and have 2 boys. The very first thing my FL said when we told him our news was "Well I hope it's a girl this time". I'm already working myself into a rage at the comments I'm likely to get either way.

My neighbour leeps wttering on about how she has a "Gentleman's family" (one of each) as i she is somehow responsible for cleverly planning and engineering the gender of her children

I have 2 DDs and a DS, but our 20w scan said we were having another DD. DH was over the moon! I was so shocked when they announced it was a boy.

My MIL recently introduced the DCs to someone ending with DS 'we waited a long time for this one!' If we weren't in posh company i'd really have let her have it!

I take comfort from the fact that he adores his grandad and doesn't really have time for the smothering from MIL. :o

Think of it this way: anyone with DS's would have really been in demand 500 years ago!

Tigerinmysoup - I'm shocked at your family. How mean for you and your sis.

I hate that crap about 'clever you' which I hear when someone pops the opposite gender from what they already have - like it's planned!!

I do console myself that Henry 8th wouldn't have divorced or beheaded me if I'd been his wife - but then I would have died in childbirth with ds1 so he wouldn't have had a chance - god bless the NHS!

3 DSs here too, and towards the end of my pregnancy was reduced to tears by the checkout woman in Boots one day, who (as she scanned my maternity pads, breast pads etc) asked if it was my first (no, third), what did I already have (2 boys) ooh well if you've been a good girl, fingers crossed you'll get your daughter - I stopped her halfway through and said no it's a boy actually, and if he's anything like his brothers then I am one lucky lady. But when I left I dissolved as I'd just had comment after comment after comment and was really fecking sick of it. I had just had a friend have a daughter after 2 boys and had watched the jubilation and delight that surrounded the birth, watched her walking on air for weeks afterwards and yes, a bit of me was envious, but more than that I felt so so sad for my unborn baby that his birth wouldn't be greeted with the same excitement - it would just be "oh, more of the same".

Now he's here and he is so utterly beautiful and angelic that I get lots of comments on him, which is gratifying after the crap I had to listen to whilst pregnant. But you do still get people commenting - the most idiotic one is "3 boys, oooh you're brave!" like I've just signed up for a tour of Afghanistan. Err no, they're my children, they're gorgeous - what's brave about that? I echo thegingerone, it's an insult on top of an insult if they actually know your other boys too. I had a friend here a few weeks after DS3 was born with her 2 girls. They were playing in the garden with my DSs, clobbering the DSs about the head with swords, snatching and squealing. My DSs didn't know what had hit them. My friend turned to me and said "oooh, your house is going to be noisy isn't it with 3 boys...?" I was literally lost for words! I hate the complete assumptions people make about boys and girls - that their sex determines their likes/dislikes/personality/behaviour/activites/colour preferences/performance at school. Yawn...

Congratulations btw!!

PS I did acknowledge in the end that I was probably being a smidgen oversensitive... but still, it made me resolve that I will never say anything to anyone expecting a baby of any flavour, first or 15th, other than "congratulations that'll be lovely"!

Minimuffin - I don't think you're being oversensitive - I just think folk can be fecking insensitive!!!

Well, in one way it's just people making small talk as people do, but it is totally insensitive if they would stop to engage the brain first. The other comment I'm getting endlessly now is "ooh, so are you going to keep up with the Beckhams then, girl next?" - I'm sure I'm not the only one!

Just read that back and it makes no sense - what I mean is if people stopped to engage their brains first, they might realise that their small talk is insensitive - and in some cases offensive, come to think of it, like the person who said "oh god, just imagine how your house is going to smell in 10 years time with all those stinky trainers and football boots" Nice, thanks for that. Good luck OP, I suspect we face about 20 years of this, deep breaths all round!

I found out with ds4 so that I could get in first for the comments. My stock line is 'yes I am pregnant again, no I'm not mad cos he wasn't planned and yes it's another boy!' it usually shuts them up

Minimuffin - I can relate to every single word you wrote. The sequence is usually exactly the same:

1. Is this your first (no, third),
2. Oh! What do you have (2 boys)
3. STUPID COMMENT!

I too am jealous of one of my DS's friend's mum who's had a girl after two DSs and not because she can buy pink, but because she doesn't need to put up with all the stupid comments and her baby is always the centre of attention. In actual facts, she was one of the worst if terms of launching a prolonged investigation on what I'm carrying and how I feel about it which is really nasty considering she must have gone through this too before she knew what she was having. I do find that those who have one of each are the worst ones. Oh and by the by, I have never heard a man make such stupid remarks, have you?

I have just had DC4 and also had lots of comments too. We already had 2 boys and 1 girl, and so many people kept asking if we wanted a girl to 'even things up'.

We never found out the sex at the scan, so just told people we didn't know and really didn't mind if it was a boy or girl anyway. As it happens we did end up with another girl, but would have been just as happy with another boy. Sometimes I think people just don't have anything better to talk about, and seem to think there is some 'rule' about having equal numbers of boys and girls!

Yes beatrice I think it is just women. I asked DH if he was getting the symapthy comments when we found out DS3 was a boy and he said no, his mostly male colleagues treated it like some superheroic feat and thought it was brilliant. But I think that had we announced we were having DD3 then DH would have had sympathetic comments from male colleagues. Just the way of the world I guess. Yes I envied my friend too that she's not going to have a lifetime of comments about "ah, would you have liked a daughter". Given that she had been quite open whilst pregnant about how gutted she would be if she had a third boy it was a bit galling tbh...!

Congratulations on your DS!

I am 22 weeks PG with DC2 and have been horrified by all the comments from WOMEN saying "oh I do hope you have a girl.. bet you wish it was a girl..etc". As if it will be some huge disappointment if I have another little boy

I would be delighted if I have another boy cos DS1 is adorable. And after this high risk and vile pregnancy any old healthy baby will do!

this is my first but have had a few people saying 'aww a boy bet you were hoping for a girl' i find it kind of wierd that people seem to automatically think that woman want a girl i come from an all girl family and a good few of them have said when i told them he's a boy 'oh it's gonna be wierd having a boy' 'i dont know what to buy for boys think i'll give money in a card' and my personal fav from my mum 'i'm kinda getting used to having a grandson i just hope he's not wild n horrible oh and don't expect me to come watch football games'

I'm hoping once he's here it won't matter but at the moment it seems like everyones a bit disapointed i'm not having a girl.

(i'm happy at having a boy and genuinly had no preference)

It's the 'gentleman's family' thing I don't understand. It's almost like having one boy and one girl completes a family and that's it. There's no other type of family out there :( I have two boys and don't want anymore children (don't fancy going through pregnancy again, too stressful in my case). Any combination is lovely and unique.

Kiki22-congratulations boys are FAB. Mine (5,3 and 18 months) spend most of the time they have with me' fighting each other over who can cuddle me. They all want to sit on my knee at dinner and ds2 tells mr he loves me at least 20 times a day - you will feel very wanted.

Beatrice - I think you're totally eight in that the crap comments are from other women -especially older ones.