Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Might be OTT but how come people just get pregnant without planning?

59 replies

Sandra2011 · 05/09/2011 10:21

Even contraception is free in UK.

I'm from Scandinavia where you have to pay for your contraception (not cheap!), still there is no problem with teenage pregnancies and I personally don't know anyone who's children were not planned.

I'm talking about people who were born after the 60's.

Is it because we have sex education in school?
When I was school age that education started at 11.

OP posts:
LawrieMarlow · 05/09/2011 13:54

In my case i had stopped taking the mini pill as it reduced libido to nil and so we were using condoms. One night I was on about day 8 of my cycle, we had sex, didn't use a condom and so DD came alongn wasn't planned but was wanted. Sometimes things happen that aren't planned.

MummyGemx · 05/09/2011 14:13

Contraception can fail - my husband and I always used condoms when we were first together but one slipped at the wrong moment. Next morning I went straight to the doctor for Morning after pill. Took it as told and wasn't ill or anything. Thought nothing of it had not had period for a long while before due to the stress of losing my Dad but still did not want to chance anything as just finished uni, new job and everything. Anyway 9 months later we had a son!

I find it difficult to believe that no one you know has had an unplanned pregnancy - perhaps they just would not say or perhaps its more common to have an abortion? I dont actually know just asking the question. x

edwinbear · 05/09/2011 14:53

DH and I were having sex so infrequently after DS that I stopped taking the pill after a breast cancer scare, DH was fully aware and supportive. We switched to condoms, but got carried away one night and didn't bother. I asked him the following morning whether i should get the MAP but we both decided that with it being day 10 of my cycle we'd probably be OK, happily though, I'm now 29 weeks.

Empusa · 05/09/2011 15:07

I got pregnant on the pill. A pill that is 99.3% effective.

It happens.

ohbabybaby · 05/09/2011 16:35

Appley - Shock at that leaflet quoting 98% for the natural family planning method - I remember reading a doctor in a newspaper saying they have a name for people who use that method - it's called 'Parents' Grin.

Certainly I have one brother (12 years younger!) as a result of this method, one miscarried baby (day 10 of cycle), and one DC2 (day 7 of cycle - we really should have learnt our lesson by then!).

If you are in a happy relationship and able to emotionally/financially care for a child, these little 'accidents' are very happy things. Poor Scandanavians missing out on the joys of an unplanned life!

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 05/09/2011 16:52

I get really Angry at people who say there should be no unplanned pregnancies if you use contraception correctly. I was on the pill and we used condoms and I still became pregnant.

I never missed a pill, nor did the condom split. I now have a 10 month DD! These things happen.

Don't think it has anything to do with the age of sex education. Hell, I still believed in Santa Claus and the stork when I was 11 :o

Scheherezade · 05/09/2011 17:00

Me and DP are very happy the way our pregnancy has come about. Much more fun than the "lie back dear, I'd like to conceive tonight" - very romantic Grin

phlossie · 05/09/2011 17:38

There are loads of reasons! A friend had a condom split, then got the MAP and the result is going to be four next month... Another friend had such trouble conceiving DDs1 & 2 she didn't think taking one risk was much of a risk. Her DD3 is nearly 2.

As for 'teenage pregnancies'. There are loads of reasons, and not every teenage pregnancy is a) unplanned or b) a disaster. But where there is a problem it's social. When I was a teenager, aged 14 or 15, there were two badges of honour that girls wore at my school - 1, was whether or not you could get served alcohol, and 2, was whether or not you were a virgin. I was desperate to lose my virginity, and I took risks. But because I was confident, I went and got the MAP several times. There is a mental attitude towards drinking in this country (I have a bee in my bonnet about this because my lovely aunty recently died from alcoholism), and taking risks with sex goes with it.

kiki22 · 05/09/2011 19:04

Sometimes contraception doesn't work everyone thinks then the pill or whatever is 99% effective so theres hardly any chance but when u think about it this way... for every 100 woman who are able to fall pregnant on the pill 1 of them it will fail it's quite a lot of fails.

My DP was told at 15 he would need an op before he had any chance of children and even then it might not happen, so we didn't bother using anything as whats the point am now 19 weeks naturally deff not planned but still wanted

AlpinePony · 05/09/2011 19:27

Because people are dawned ignorant when it comes to contraception, or lie to themselves and say they used it properly.

AtYourCervix · 05/09/2011 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

mrsravelstein · 05/09/2011 19:39

if you're using condoms, even perfectly in line with the manufacturers instructions, there is still a fairly high failure rate, so there will always be people getting pregnant on them without something so obvious as it splitting happening. it might only be 5% (i don't know the statistics) but that's still quite a lot of unplanned pregnancies.

Northernlurkerr · 05/09/2011 19:40

OP - before you start asking stupid questions next time you may want to reflect that for many people an unplanned pregnancy can be a highly emotional and difficult time. I had an unplanned pregnancy. It worked out fine but was nevertheless one of the most difficult things I have faced in my life. I don't appreciate your witterings about free contraception and sex education. Life is far more complex than it seems in the classroom.

Btw - some of your friends are lying. No way is there a 100% planned thing going on. I'm not surprised they lie with a judgemental, smug friend like you.

AuldAlliance · 05/09/2011 19:49

Our neighbours had 2 kids by IVF after years of trying. They were told that they had so many combined infertility factors that there was no hope of conceiving naturally. When the 2nd child was 3.5, they found out that they were expecting a 3rd...

This also happened to other friends of ours, and a colleague of mine was also told she could never conceive, so adopted and promptly got PG.

These are people born long after the 60s. They all had counseling to help them, as it is very tough to be told you are infertile, go through IVF and then have that "fact" disproved.

Choufleur · 05/09/2011 19:54

Because sometimes they don't work. Like me getting pregnant with mirena coil in. Took years to get pregnant and had to take clomid with DS. Then was pregnant completely unexpectedly and had a miscarriage.

Not everyone who gets pregnant unexpectedly is stupid or using contraception wrong (not sure how I could use a coil incorrectly!).

localcrackpot · 05/09/2011 20:13

Our contraception worked for years when we wanted it to, then when we wanted a baby we conceived. We were very fortunate.

I too thought your question was rather crass and smug.

lovemysleep · 05/09/2011 20:17

It happened to me - used a condom, it split, then took MAP, and it didn't work.

Last year, I got pg at the grand old age of 38, using the rhythm method - or whatever they call it now - only had sex once that month, on day 5 of my cycle, so technically should have been fine. That pg ended in miscarriage.

I don' t think it's as black and white as some people like to think - nothing is 100% effective, unless you just don't have sex.....

Sidge · 05/09/2011 20:19

IME as someone who works in contraception and sexual health, most people who have an unplanned pregnancy are having regular sex and using irregular, or no, contraception.

They just think it won't happen to them, or don't care if it does.

ladyintheradiator · 05/09/2011 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

buttonmoon78 · 06/09/2011 06:35
Angry

The pill has failed me twice. Used perfectly. Correct dosage for my weight etc. I have 4dcs and they are all wanted - 'even' the unplanned two (#s 1 & 3 FWIW).

Now stop being so judgemental please OP. My sil couldn't understand how we could have had genuine accidents. She's pg with her dc2 - which I'm sure wasn't planned just yet Smile

Original poster
Sandra2011 · 06/09/2011 10:49

I thank you all for your nice comments.

I have been on the pill for the last 20 years. Stopped using it twice, result two pregnancies.

Have been in relationships, now married (with plenty of sex thank you for asking)

I have never had any problems with contraception.

None of my friends or relatives would ever have an abortion unless there was something wrong with the baby. Maybe this is because how we are raised, religion etc.

If they had accidents somehow they happened so that children have 2-3 year age gap.

It's very easy to comment other peoples threads and call them names.

I would like to see more activity on this board.

So evereyone please start some new threads.

OP posts:
SayCoolNowSayWhip · 06/09/2011 11:04

Could you BE any more smug? You haven't taken on board anything anyone has said, just asked a stupid question and then posted a ridiculously smug reply. Good for you that your life has worked out so according to plan. Not everyone else can be that perfect!

OTheHugeRaveningWolef · 06/09/2011 11:29

I've never gotten pregnant accidentally and have always been careful. But even from a position virtue as peerless as your own, OP, I can see that you sound rather self-righteous. Not to mention unimaginative, if you really can't understand how it might be possible for accidents to happen.

Xiaoxiong · 06/09/2011 11:43

OP, it's also very easy to generalise from the particular. Perhaps the people you happen to know all have these neat and tidy lives. But you've just had 50 responses from random strangers on the internet pointing out that perhaps the people you know are not the most representative and that accidents do happen even among people who are clued up.

Also, how do you know that your friends' children are all planned? Do you ask them straight out? I've had a couple of people ask me (friends, family and one stranger(!)) and I've been completely taken aback and in one case blurted out "how rude!" (She knew she was shit stirring too, she blushed and spluttered and finally flounced off Grin)

HappyCamel · 06/09/2011 11:50

goodnightmoon I'd been on the pill 13 years. Took it after brushing my teeth every night. I'm teetotal so no drunken nights for me. I got pregnant but then miscarried. DD was planned but I got pregnant my first month off the pill after all those years. My periods returned 8 weeks after having DD even though I exclusively breast fed.

Some people are just very fertile.

Swipe left for the next trending thread