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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

finding out the sex at a scan - would you be upset if...

75 replies

allyco · 30/11/2005 15:56

just thinking aloud here. If at your scan you found the sex wasn't what you hoped for (assuming you had your heart set on a particular sex) would you feel upset, or disappointed? And would this last until the baby came?

Or has it happened to anyone?

I think it's a hard thing to admit in RL...

OP posts:

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expatinscotland · 01/12/2005 09:26

Eids
My DH is also the last to 'carry on the name'. But you know, in the US - where my kids will also have citizenship - it's pretty common for women to keep their maiden name after marriage and pass it on to their kids.

My dad has two daughters and now three granddaughters. He jokes that if our DB is a girl, he will be surrounded by beautiful ladies!

Enid · 01/12/2005 09:31

someone (who shall remain nameless) said to me early on in this pg 'well if this one is a girl perhaps that shows you just can't carry boys' (I have two girls and lost a baby a couple of years ago)

nice

emkana · 01/12/2005 09:33

OMG enid

ninah · 01/12/2005 09:33

what an awful thing to say
sorry about baby you lost.
As for carrying on names, my son has my name and so will my daughter.

thecattleareALOHing · 01/12/2005 09:43

Some people do get incredibly sanctimonious about finding out the sex, for some bizarre reason. I did both times, because I wanted to. Couldn't see why if the information was there, I couldn't have it.
I loathe surprises but adore anticipation, and detailed anticipation. Of course I 'could' wait to buy clothes after the baby is born, but part of the fun of being pregnant for me is getting ready, buying little things etc.
And Mistletoo - numerous people have given anecdotes of disappointment on the birth of a child of the 'wrong' sex (one woman on Child of OUr Time had a clinical depression because she didn't have a girl). So what's not to understand? Some people think it's better to adjust to the idea and get over any sadness/disappointment BEFORE the baby arrives - and what's wrong with that?
I didn't mind either way either time, though now they are here do really enjoy having a boy and a girl, but more particularly of course, this specific boy and this specific girl.

thecattleareALOHing · 01/12/2005 09:44

Enid, people talk such crap, don't they?
Someone told some friends of mine who were trying to conceive at all 'Maybe God doesn't want you to be parents'

eidsvold · 01/12/2005 09:52

expat - my friends 2 dds do not have middle names so that their maiden name then becomes their middle name if they get married.

Kittypickle · 01/12/2005 09:54

I paid to have a private scan with DS as our local hospital won't tell you what sex it is at the 20 week scan and I really wanted to know. There are absolutely no boys in our families and DH has 7 girl nieces so I was convinced we would be having another girl but wanted to know for sure because if it was to be a boy I wanted time to get used to the idea (and yes I know that there would be the next 20 years but I get completely irrational when I'm pregnant!) The consultant said "that's the bit you're interested in" and suddenly there was no doubt that the baby was a boy - I was completely and utterly speechless which has never happened before. I didn't have any negative feelings but it wasn't that I massively wanted another girl, I really didn't mind either way as long as it was healthy. It's just I really didn't think he would be a boy and at that time really really felt the need to know.

PotPourri · 01/12/2005 19:42

Didn't find out, but I was convinced I was having a boy. I must admit I thought I didn't mind in the slightest, but was terrified once I started to sense it was a boy - we are all girls in my family (5 sisters) and almost all neices - what on earth do you do with a boy? But I got used to the idea and then really liked the idea.

Then - shcok - a little pink bundle arrived! I couldn't really have cared less about the sex at that point, but if it had been a boy and I had a sense it was a girl I do think I would have had that same freak out at that stage.

Pg again, and think it's a boy. But I'm not laying too much on my instincts this time. And really not bothered either way. Would be nice to have a boy and a girl, and nice to have two little girls that can be friends.

Glitterygook · 01/12/2005 20:08

I wouldn't find out. I think you could be disappointed if you are desperate for one or the other when you find out in the cold light of day. It's entirely another matter at the end of a labour and the baby is handed to you - you just love them whatever sex they are so there isn't any disappointment at all.

That's what I think anyway.

shepherdswatchedtheirflockets · 01/12/2005 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tegan · 01/12/2005 20:17

I didn't find out the sex when pg with dd1 and assumed I would have a boy. Bought loads of boys clothes and painted the nursery blue, so when she popped out I was in shock and it took me a while to bond and really believe she was mine. So when pg with dd2 I decided I needed to know because I didn't want anything getting between me and by baby.

edam · 01/12/2005 20:21

I always wanted a girl, was convinced I was having a girl, and then found out ds was a boy. More importantly, I found out he was OK; I'd been run over the week before plus had a higher risk of abnormalities, so the relief my baby was OK was, of course, the most important thing.

But the gender was a shock. I come from a family of girls and just couldn't get my head round boys. Was genuinely disappointed. Finding out at 20 weeks gave me a chance to get used to the idea. I was already very attached to my bump but now I knew a bit more about 'him' we got even closer. By the time he was born I couldn't have cared less about the mythical girl, was just delighted with ds. So for me, finding out ds was OK was crucial and having the chance to get used to a boy was also very helpful.

edam · 01/12/2005 20:21

PS - ds isn't carrying on dh's family name - he's got my name (dh's choice). So having a son is no guarantee!

BunnyHem · 01/12/2005 20:26

enid, I got similar comments from my sensitive and caring MIL. Bloody woman

Still dont get this anti-boy thing that seems so rife . My ds fills my life with sunshine (as does dd of course, and had she been another boy would have been equally loved and treasured). Boys are absolutely amazing, jsut as are girls

expatinscotland · 01/12/2005 20:30

'It's entirely another matter at the end of a labour and the baby is handed to you - you just love them whatever sex they are so there isn't any disappointment at all. '

That's not true, unfortunately. I thought I was having a boy. I had PND on top of a long, painful labour which ended in assisted delivery. I wish I'd been able to know that DD was a girl beforehand. The shock really added to my sense of having no real bond w/my baby.

I think the decision to find out should be the parents'.

notasheep · 01/12/2005 21:13

allyco,at our local hospital they WILL NOT tell you the sex at any of the scans.To be honest not knowing was much better for me,the main thing was a healthy baby.

Mum2OneAndBump · 01/12/2005 21:19

To be honest when i fell pregnant with my first, i wanted a girl, had lots of girls names & thought it was a girl, We did find out at the 22 week scan & it was a Boy my first reaction was i was gutted & i did cry, but i was so glad i found out as that was just my reaction on the day from that day onwards i was sooo excited & just wanted a healthy baby.

I am now 33 weeks pregnant & again we found out the sex & this time i said i did not mind the sex just as long as i could make it to the end & have a lovely healthy baby, it's a girl this time & if i have to be totally honest i sooo want another boy, i think it's because my son is the light of my life & made me realise boys are just totally fantastic, but i am sure when our beautiful little girl arrives i will be over the moon.

skerriesmum · 01/12/2005 21:22

Same here in my part of Canada, the hospital won't tell you the sex because some parents had sued the staff when they got it wrong!

skerriesmum · 01/12/2005 21:24

And my own experience was I thought I was having a girl (without feeling strongly one way or the other) but when our ds was born I was over the moon. Now I'm thinking I'd love another boy!!!

lua · 01/12/2005 21:34

Allyco, as many here we decided to have the scan because we were absolutely sure it was a girl, and Dh dreaded even thinking it could be a boy. So much so that when I tried to convince him to have a second child he would say, "but what if it is a boy..."
At 12 weeks we had a scan, and they tought it was going to be a girl but couldn't be sure... DH relaxed
Well, at 20 weeks he certainly showed his boyhood...
DH was so shocked he couldn't talk anout the baby for two weeks! Well, DS is here now and DH adores him,and says all the time how happy he is that it is a boy! I could see over the 20 weeks how he grew into the idea of a boy.
So, in short... I was sooo glad we find out earlier!If you or your DH has great preference or expectations I would say YES, find out!

Good luck with scan either way!

allycotownofbethlehem · 02/12/2005 09:38

well I have read this thread and STILL can't decide if I want to know. I guess that really does mean that I don't have a preference?

Have noticed though that it seems more people were upset/disappointed/whatever when baba was a boy when they wanted a girl than the other way round and wonder why this is? Can anyone elighten me?? Are boys so scary??!!

My scan is Monday....

shepherdswatchedtheirflockets · 02/12/2005 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

edam · 02/12/2005 09:45

I wanted a girl because that's what I knew about coming from a family of girls. And little boys seemed to be noisy and not engaging.

Now I've got a boy, I know different.

Mum2OneAndBump · 02/12/2005 16:35

I think maybe a women wants a girl so they can do all the girlie things? i:e, doing there hair, girlie shopping, dressing them up etc etc, & its probably vice versa with a man and a boy some men want boys to roll in the mud, play football etc etc.

The total reality of it all is, is that this is not always the way, i adore my little boy, we always said we only want 2 kids & our 2nd is ment to be a girl, but now i know i am going to have a girl and a boy i really would like another child later on in life, but i do not want another girl i want a boy.

Boys are truley fantastic

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