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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Do u/will you let all your visitors have a hold of your newborn for first couple of weeks?

43 replies

JimmyChoo17 · 26/06/2011 01:21

at my antenatal session this week the midwife made a good point that if your pet dog had puppies......you wouldn't let guests interfere with them by picking them up.....but babies just seem to get passed about regardless of how newborn they are.

She said that really babies shouldn't be handled much at all (with the exception of mum and dad) particularly during first week. I have to say I am dreading the onslaught of visitors especially as I want to make the most of the time with hubby and master breastfeeding.

Anyone successfully managed to avoid this in early days. Considering how some people react to you when pregnant i don't see them being better w hen a cute newborn is on the scene.

I want plenty of mum and dad bonding and time to master breastfeeding in private!

OP posts:

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Stangirl · 26/06/2011 18:18

Oh I let anyone hold mine for as long as they want - but that's just me.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 26/06/2011 18:37

I was very happy for people to have cuddles, it gave my arms a rest! Holding a newborn is very precious and I was pleased to be able to share mine with the people that DH and I love.

The breastfeeding thing is another point completely though. I was completely happy for DH, my parents and MIL and SIL to be with me when I feeding in the very early days. There is often lots of arm flailing and it can be hard to avoid showing your whole boob.
If we had lots of people in the house, then I would just take myself off to a quieter corner, or even upstairs so that there were less distractions.

If you are struggling with feeding then you should feel completely at liberty to retire to bed and take the baby with you. When the baby drops off, having lots of handy relatives around to take the baby away so that you can have a sleep too is brilliant.
Just be firm and make sure that this is all happening on your terms.

Thornykate · 26/06/2011 18:44

Can someone explain why it isn't good to pick up a sleeping newborn baby please?

I am starting to feel a bit inadequate as in 16 yrs of motherhood I have never heard of this let alone enforced it

Hulababy · 26/06/2011 18:47

DD sis 9y so it's a good while ago now, but yes - all visitors had a cuddle.

TransatlanticCityGirl · 26/06/2011 18:49

Very odd advice if you ask me!

I actually think it's important for baby to bond with all close family members, not just Mom and Dad. In observing my friends and relatives' children, babies who have a number of strong bonds seem to get that much more support and attention from outside the immediate family which can only lead to better outcomes for the little one in my opinion.

There are some babies in my family who I never really bonded with and some who I bond with quite early on. Not sure exact reasons why, so not saying it's directly because I held or did not hold them.

But guess which ones I go out of my way for to spend time with and play games with even though they are now much bigger?

pregnantmimi · 26/06/2011 18:57

my friend has a rule no visits of anyone for two weeks we are all fine with itxx

wigglesrock · 26/06/2011 18:59

Doesn't bother me at all, dd3 is 4 months old and was doing the school runs with the other 2 from she was about 1 week, all the other mums/dads/ grannies had a hold, same with the teachers, neighbours, friends etc. Am just back from holiday where it was a wrestle getting her back from waitresses, cleaners etc, fear she may have developed her mothers' penchant for Spanish men

lolajane2009 · 26/06/2011 19:02

tbh I'd rather be left with it just me and hubby while he is on paternity leave as our time alone with our son will be limited.

MrsSharp · 26/06/2011 19:05

I didn't mind visitors (close family and friends) the first couple of weeks, and was happy for them to have lots of cuddles. I loved showing ds off and getting all the praise!!!! Having said that, no-one was dirty or smelt of smoke etc.

I remember a friend of my dsis had told everyone prior to her baby being born that her and her DH didn't want any visitors at all for the first week after the birth. My mum scoffed that they probably imagined this perfect week of peaceful bonding, and no doubt they would all be wearing floaty white linen! The reality was v different as the baby had bad colic and they ended up desperately needing the help of all the grandparents, so that they could keep sane.

You're entitled to do it whatever way you and DH chose - your baby, your rules - just be careful that you don't offend anyone who you may scream for help from in the middle of another sleepless night!

lockets · 26/06/2011 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToriaPumpkin · 26/06/2011 19:44

Nobody we know lives anywhere near us so the only visitors I anticipate are our parents who will make a special trip and my best friend who will be up at some point (she's already told me she's cleared all her weekends around when I'm due) but personally I love being allowed to hold other people's newborns, so would be being a bit harsh to tell people they couldn't hold mine.

FWIW my mum is a midwife and she's never heard this particular piece of advice and is always the frst to ask if she can have a cuddle of any babies that are around!

PIMSoclock · 26/06/2011 19:48

I read a great book that said to remember that babies were used to being held 24 hrs a day, so after they are born holding them for 12 is still a 50% reduction in what they are used to

Original poster

JimmyChoo17 · 26/06/2011 19:50

Hi all!

I posted this during the night (heat, restless legs, indigestion - all keeping me awake. Oh the joys....)so couldn't be bothered to type much more so will expand on her theory....Plus I didn't really come across correctly....I'm hot and bothered now so probably still won't!

The puppy comparison was not used because of rejection but because on the whole people protect their pets offspring from over handling (forget the Full science behind it) her theory was that when babies are born they are in shock and scared by the outside world outside the womb so She advised, that in her opinion, that it's best to keep contact to those who she thinks baby REALLY must bond with which she said is mum and dad. I have to admit i have never heard this angle On it before but i saw her point but won't be enforcing this myself. In her defence she was not preaching she was sharing her ideas. Her class was actually very good.

I treat it as her opinion only and won't be following anyone's teaching, just my instincts and whats in the interests of my child. I should add the disclaimer that I personally will be seeing how I feel about visitors and handling etc. I have no idea how I will feel (this is my first) so will wait until my bundle arrives. I also might not give a rats arse about bf in front of people by that point! But I know would def be private in the early days as have no idea how good will be at it, so attempting in front of people won't be ideal.

I know I wouldn't prohibit cuddling baby or anything especially grandparents and close family. Dh's and (most of) my family are real close so they will def be invited over. Its the others that i wonder about. The worst being People without kids have already said they will be straight round before baby loses it's newborn-ness?!!?? I'm sure I'd be more grateful of those people's company once hubby is back at work. These people have been hard to tell that they will need to wait until invited. Also the same people who cant work out why i don't want to drive 4 hours away from home for a night out during week39! Why do some people not get it, even if u explain?

Good to read others views on this though.

OP posts:

nicolamumof3 · 26/06/2011 20:09

jimmy just don't answer the door!!!

Original poster

JimmyChoo17 · 26/06/2011 20:15

Hi nic!
Good idea.....pretend I'm not in.....but might backfire on me if baby suddenly decides to scream....can't really pass it off as neighbour...she's in her 80s ha ha!

I have said to these people....when it's you, you'll think back to things I've said and realise why I said them! (I'm the first out of main group to have a baby)

OP posts:

Scaredycat3000 · 26/06/2011 20:45

MW will be considerate! The only person who ran off with my DS was my MIL, an ex-MW. I was not happy, she even let her dog jump all over him, even DP wasn't happy.
Just a tip for if you're out and complete strangers feel it's fine to poke and prod your baby, put them in a stretchy wrap. Any contact they try and make with your baby is inches from your norks so most people tend to only look. Plus it's lovely to have them so close and good for them.

thisisyesterday · 26/06/2011 20:50

i think your midwife is talking rubbish tbh!

why on earth is it not good for babies to be handled much???

mine were hugged and cuddled by EVERYONE! and i loved letting them hold my newborns and love them and stuff

made not a jot of difference to breastfeeding

nicolamumof3 · 26/06/2011 21:13

just tell them not to come jimmy, i can't believe people would just turn out, when you've just been through the ordeal of labour, squeezed a baby out and all on zero sleep!! sorry but tis tru for the most part. you call the shots, literally get your dh to send them packing if you aren't up to visitors. It is quite wearing the constant steam of people coming in/out and those who don't have kids won't understand that after 20mins you've had enough!!

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