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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Do u/will you let all your visitors have a hold of your newborn for first couple of weeks?

43 replies

JimmyChoo17 · 26/06/2011 01:21

at my antenatal session this week the midwife made a good point that if your pet dog had puppies......you wouldn't let guests interfere with them by picking them up.....but babies just seem to get passed about regardless of how newborn they are.

She said that really babies shouldn't be handled much at all (with the exception of mum and dad) particularly during first week. I have to say I am dreading the onslaught of visitors especially as I want to make the most of the time with hubby and master breastfeeding.

Anyone successfully managed to avoid this in early days. Considering how some people react to you when pregnant i don't see them being better w hen a cute newborn is on the scene.

I want plenty of mum and dad bonding and time to master breastfeeding in private!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

cat64 · 26/06/2011 01:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

needsanswers · 26/06/2011 02:41

hi there, with both Q it is completely up to u and no one else.. i had a 48hour ban on visitors just so we could get to know our baby, and it will depend how ur labor goes to when u want visitors. also when people ring/text to come over make sure they no that u have a newborn, and ur tired so just say im not up to long visits just yet, anyone with half a brain and that has kids will know exactly what u mean and only stay for half hour or so! As far as not letting people hold ur baby like they r a puppy? im pretty sure that's because if the puppy doesn't smell like the mothers scent then the dog will disown it and not let it feed off her etc, so i don't really think that's the same thing but again that's all completely up to you, don't do anything ur not comfortable with, ps for the first at least a month i didn't feed in front of anyone apart from my partner, i used to go to my room etc and ppl understood why.. good luck! im sure everything will work out fine!

msbuggywinkle · 26/06/2011 08:56

Yes, I let people hold them. But I am firm about getting them back when I need them back. I tend to get 'I need my baby back' feelings after anyone but DP has had hold for more than five minutes.

wearenotinkansas · 26/06/2011 09:05

You can bond with your baby and let others cuddle them. Obviously you don't want your DC whisked off for hours, but I think its actually good for them to get used to being held by other people, if you ever want to have a life again! Possibly not during the first few days but certainly during the first couple of months.

MrsVidic · 26/06/2011 09:16

Yes especially as I do breastfeed, you'll be glad of the rest. You'll be surprised how constantly holding something so small can make you ache so much.

mousesma · 26/06/2011 09:17

I wonder if there are any other midwifes who could say if this midwife's advice is usual. I have to say that I have never heard this view expressed before and the analogy between humans and dogs doesn't work, as the other poster says you are unlikely to reject your baby because it doesn't smell of you.

I can understand not wanting loads of visitors in the early days so that you can bond as a family but not letting anyone hold your baby for two weeks seems bonkers and impossible to enforce. I think the grandparents will be terribly hurt if you do this.

Also as someone else said you don't know how you will feel after the birth, I was exhausted after being awake for almost 3 days and was happy to let anyone help me settle my newborn who wouldn't stop crying.

notcitrus · 26/06/2011 09:35

I was surprised at the people who wanted to hold my baby when he was asleep (NO WAY) or feeding (impossible). Admittedly there was almost no time when he wasn't doing one or the other, so apart from grandpa several visitors didn't get to hold him in the first couple weeks - but generally content with hand-holding.

I figure the baby is busy and tired and doesn't need to be passed about like a parcel - there's a happy medium to find between keeping baby happy and visitors happy, and if in doubt the visitors lose.

imadgeine · 26/06/2011 09:39

Medically qualified people come up with some interesting and strange ideas. My SIL was told by her MW that she should avoid fizzy drinks as this would give breastfed baby wind. How, exactly those bubbles would get into the mothers bloodstream and then through the milk producing glands, was not clear! Where do they get these ideas from?
Is this based on anything other than her experience as a dog breeder?
The issue of how many visitors you want, which visitors you want, when and for how long is an important one and there is no formula for what is right for you and your friends and family.
As long as your visitors have not got any active infections I can't imagine what the problem would be in them holding the baby.
The people you should say NO to is hospital staff if they fancy having cuddles. Don't want to run risk of hospital staff transmitted infections. Gloved or well-cleaned hands only, thank you.

schmee · 26/06/2011 09:43

I absolutely hated my MIL taking one of my babies. She'd wander off and not give him back even when I asked, taking him into another room. I was usually feeding the other twin at the time though, so I was a bit more stuck trying to get the other one back. When the baby came back he would smell of her smoky jumper and I would want to kill her.

Your baby has been inside you for nine months and there is a reason the first three months are sometimes called the fourth trimester.

I'm not really sure what I'm going to do this time round but this is a good reminder to enlist DH's help in getting my baby back without world war three breaking out...

As other posters say, GPs will be really upset if they don't get a hold, so it's good to think through some ways to handle that and to talk to your DP about it. Realistically I think you will have big ructions if you don't let the GPs have a hold in the first few weeks. With friends more generally you might get away with just not offering.

Scheherezadea · 26/06/2011 09:45

Oh no, i can't wait to have visitors (well, family) and see the look on SIL/MIL/DILs/Auntie/Cousins face as soon as they get there.

For me I feel like I am bringing a baby into a family (well, DPs family as mine are so shite) and the baby 'belongs' to that family as much as he belongs to me and DP. Although of course we do have our own family unit...

Not very good at explaining myself, but I basically cannot wait to introduce my baby to the world no doubt will change my mind when born though as this is my first so I have no idea how I am going to react really!

theonlyhb2 · 26/06/2011 09:54

having got cramp in my arms from holding my friends newborn (10ib) I am not surprised she likes having people hold him for a bit!

The only people round in the first week is gonna be family and close friends and I am quite happy for them to all hold my baby whenever they want, in fact, I plan to use as bribery with some of my friends "you can look after baby all day today if you want.....but make me a cup of tea first" ;D

I am chuckling at the thought of a professional comparing a baby to a puppy. WTF?!

clairefromsteps · 26/06/2011 09:55

Hmmm, with regards to visitors, I think you need to do what feels most comfortable for you and your family. Having said that, my parents and my PILs descended on me literally about three minutes after I gave birth and I couldn't have imagined sending them away. Especially PILs, who had travelled 200 miles to see us! I felt the same as Scheherezadea, in that the babies were coming into a family and I couldn't wait to introduce them. Friends, colleagues and wider family members were put off for a couple of weeks until we'd managed to sort ourselves out and got back on our feet.

With regards to people picking up my babies, I didn't have a problem with it as long as they weren't, you know, filthy or carrying infectious diseases.

meditrina · 26/06/2011 10:01

I was very happy to pass my newborns round all and sundry - I nipped off for a nap! Obviously you might nit want to do this if you have any out and out loons in your family circle!

The comparison to other animals (where scent changes night lead to rejection) doesn't stand up to scrutiny.

m1nn1em0u5e · 26/06/2011 10:13

I was happy to some extent for people to cuddle my new born, however, I really despised a certain visitor who reguarly turned up often quite late, just after I had bathed, fed & settled ds & then insist on picking him up!..They went home (they have no children), & I was left with an unsettled baby who smelt really strongly of her perfume :( It used to drive me mad!....Second time we learnt & actually said to people if the blinds are closed, please dont knock!..We also used to put the answer machine on if we were particuarly shattered.

shonnomanom · 26/06/2011 12:27

As long as they ask first before picking up the baby. And not wake the baby on purpose to get a hold then its ok. If the baby is asleep do not touch.

MerylStrop · 26/06/2011 12:34

Picking up and manhandling a sleeping baby is not really on.

Otherwise fine, IMO. I've had three and I was happy for anyone to hold them. But then only a few close friends, my mum and my doula were invited around in the first week or two.

nicolamumof3 · 26/06/2011 13:16

perfectly reasonable to say you don't want any visitors for the first week. This is your baby and you can do things however you want.

I think grandparents may expect to visit sooner, but totally up to you what you do and do what feels comfortable.

H007 · 26/06/2011 16:45

My baby will be my families baby too and my friends are my family so they will all be welcome to cuddle baby when they visit :) the only ones I am worried about are my niece and nephews/oh nieces as they range between 6 and 12 but I'm thinking careful positioning and they can have cuddles too :)

piprabbit · 26/06/2011 16:56

You might want to limit the number of visitors/length of visits when you first get home, so that you can all get used to each other a little.

However, once a visitor arrives there is no real need to prevent them holding the baby for a while (it may give you the chance to go for a wee, have a quick shower, drink a warm cup of tea or even grab a nap), unless they are poorly (in which case I would hope they have the sense to stay at home).

candzsmum · 26/06/2011 17:09

I let visitors hold the baby, but only after they washed their hands first. My fil thought I was over the top and got a bit huffy about it, but I stuck to my guns - don't really care if visitors think I'm weird, my job is to protect my newborn and clean hands are a must. My ds3 is 5 weeks old and his 2 older brothers (2 and 4) know to wash their hands before touching the baby (although I know how successful this is is limited, but at least they are trying!)

EssentialFattyAcid · 26/06/2011 17:15

Many people love to cuddle newborns and I think its a bit precious not to let them!

nannyl · 26/06/2011 17:18

Im planning a home birth and planning on no visitors at all for 24 hours.

In the days following birth, i know i will be visited firstly by MIL (+ step FIL) and FIL (and probably though id rather not step MIL).
Also BIL + his OH and SIL + her OH.

Of course i will let them hold the baby. It wont even cross my mind to not let them!

My family are 5 hours hours away and i think my mum is coming up for about 24 hours as soon as she can, at a weekend. (bear in mind the weekend after my due date we have wedding far away on both sides of the family, so will have no family at all around then, as all at the weddings!)

When OH finishes paternity leave my mum is coming to stay for a week. AGH!!!!

Also one of best friends, also a nanny, who has done lots of courses and is especially expert on breast feeding is coming to stay for 3 days or so. I cant wait for her to come and i know she will really look after me / us, and be helpful and positvely useful.

It wouldnt even enter my head to not let anyone other than OH touch my baby for 2 weeks (or even 2 days!) and it will be nice to be able to have a bath / shower / afternoon nap etc if possible, and that will be easier if there is someone else to help me!

TBH Id like to have baby the Thursday evening / Friday after due date as then everyone we know will be over 200 miles away, so not a chance of family visitors until Sunday as ALL will be at the weddings!

(and yes i know babies come when they want but i can still hope )

BuckBuckMcFate · 26/06/2011 17:21

I really don't get the not holding a sleeping baby thing. Isn't that what most newborns do when they're not feeding? I could understand if it was a 4 month old but a brand new baby?

I've always said to family and friends to pick them up when they're sleeping, if they had to wait until they're awake they could be there for hours! And the chances are they've woken up because they're hungry so they still wouldn't be able to hold them.

The dog thing is odd. It makes me feel sad on MN when it sounds like people think of their babies solely belonging to them, not as the newest member of the whole family. I am responsible for the wellbeing of my DC but they have relationships with grandparents, cousins, uncles etc all people who I think my DC belong to as well if that makes any sense.

Bartimaeus · 26/06/2011 17:25

I'm not going to have a ton of visitors, probably just grandparents and the baby's uncle and aunt during the first few weeks.

It's my first baby, but I think I'll let them cuddle the baby whenever they want provided the baby doesn't want feeding or is asleep.

Fortunately, my MIL is an ex-midwife so I think she'll be considerate, and my parents and my brother have already said that they don't want to play past the parcel with the baby.

Plus my family (including MIL) are all lovely so I know I could ask for the baby back if I wanted to, or say the baby needs rest. As it is, none of them live in the same town (or the same country for my parents and brother) as we do, so visits will be planned well in advance, they won't just turn up on the doorstep...

Bartimaeus · 26/06/2011 17:27

pass the parcel

Good point abut holding a sleeping baby buckbuck. Might revise what I said just to include not holding a hungry baby....

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