Does anyone get up to give you a seat on the bus/train?

[Ivortheengine8]

When I was pregnant with DD1 I lived in Hertfordshire and lots of times people offered me their seat when I started getting bigger. I now live in London and no one has ever offered me a seat.
I was always taught to get up for older people and if I saw a pregnant woman would do so too, its just the way I thought the world was. Here I see lots of young people sitting at the front of the bus who don't even move for old people or people who obviously have trouble standing, let alone pregnant women.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself (although it is a pain in the bum being pregnant on a busy bus with people sqeezing between your bump!) but it makes me wonder sometimes if I still live in the dark ages!

Nobody has given up a seat for me and last week a bus driver actually shut the bus doors on me whilst I was clambering through them. I have come to the conclusion that most people round here are bastards :( What really pisses me off is that even now, at 34 weeks, I would still give up my seat without hesitation if someone who needed it more boarded the bus - I would not want to be a wobbly pensioner around here as clearly most people are too selfish to do the right thing.

All the fucking time.. I keep telling them that I'm not pregnant and I'm just getting fatter due to the fact the only exercise I get is raising my wine glass from the table to my mouth.

Why don't you just ask for the seat? It saves a lot of anger (at least for me).

And to be fair, although most people are just rude, some of them are so immersed in their papers/mobiles they don't see there's a pregnant woman standing there. Now that I carry DS in a baby carrier (and he's over one, so quite easy to spot) it takes only a few seconds until someone offers me a seat!

I have to say over the last couple of months people on the London tube have always offered me a seat (am 38+3 now), at any time of day, in rush hour or out. Before that it was probably less obvious I was pregnant, and I used to go up to the priority seat and ask. I would be polite and smile and say thank you when they got up for me (which they invariably did without any grumpiness).

Felt I had to say this so not everyone loses hope in manners in modern society!

GwendolineMaryLacey She could have been on the verge of death as far as I'm concerned, pregnant women like that give all of us a bad name and it's embarrassing.

Whether it took him 2 seconds or 2 minutes, at least chocolatehobnobs DH offered!

Also, not everyone spends every minute of their time on the tube looking out for pregnant women. Sometimes is it crowded and they just can't see! I've found that many pregnant women I know feel some sort of entitlement to a seat, even when they are in their 1st or 2nd trimesters. Offering a seat is the right thing to do, but we mustn't forget it is a courtesy.

We also forget that some people have non-visible reasons why they too should be allowed to sit and maybe that's why they are not offering - e.g. someone who may have thrown out their back, who is feeling sick, who has a disability... I try not to judge because I just don't know what their situation is.

Anyway at the end of the day it's all about attitude. People who stand there sourly staring down people for not standing immediately probably get offered seats less often than people who look kind and friendly.

I always make a point of smiling and thanking whoever has offered me a seat, telling them it's very kind of them to offer. No matter how long it took them to notice me!

I was once on a bus and had to carry my friends newborn whilst she held the pram. No one offered me a seat.

When you try and get in a buggy bay no one moves. So pleased i now have a toddler.

I would always give my seat up for someone who needed it more but i think i am in the minority

When I was pregnant, the people most likely to offer seats, open doors, etc. were teenagers. Boys and girls.

Least likely were men aged 25-40ish. I have no idea what happens to men between their teens and mid twenties to make such a difference.

My bump was utterly huge so I must have looked in need of a seat.

that is so rude of the lady to chocolate hobnobs dh! i don't think there is any excuse for that reaction, of course it would put people off to be spoken to like that. all she should have said is thank you

When I was pregnant I was always offered a seat.

I try not to judge too much as when I was 15 weeks pregnant and hardly showing, I had really high blood pressure and had to take things very easy. Although I didn't look like I needed a seat, I did.

I am only 17 weeks and as such don't really need a seat yet, and can definitely pass for just having a beer belly. However I've got one of those baby on board badges from work and have been offered seats consistently on the bus. The only time I haven't is when I get on a packed tube where there's no way I could get to a seat, even if someone did stand up for me.

I know someone said it's obvious when someone is pregnant and when they're fat, but I sometimes find it really difficult to tell, particularly if someone is larger already and not one of these skinny minnies who looks like she's shoved a basketball up her top. I always have a quick look when people get on my train in the mornings to see if they need a seat but there was one woman who I saw for a year or more and she always looked the same, quite large - after about 18 months she went up to someone and asked for their seat saying "would you mind giving me your seat, I'm pregnant" and she honestly didn't look any different from the previous 18 months we had been taking the same train together. If she hadn't mentioned it, I would never have guessed (even when she stopped taking the train and I would guess was on maternity leave she didn't look pregnant, just like she'd put on weight all over). I'm sure she was fuming about how rude we all were though

This really worries me! I have really bad SPD, and standing really hurts. Am terrified of leaving the house, as have to use public transport!

transatlanticcitygirl - how can you judge people in their 1st and 2nd trimesters?! You're not carrying their child, you dno't know what it is like for them. I'm 24 weeks, so still in my 2nd trimester, and everything from walking, standing and getting up is extremely uncomfortable due to SPD. Of course I'm waiting for physio and to get some crutches, but it's sad that it would take a sign like this for someone, especially someone on MN, to think that maybe not everybody has 100% pregnancies.

I?m now 23 weeks pregnant and I have consistently been offered a seat on the tube 95% of the time for the last 6 weeks by men and women equally. The 5% when I?m not offered a seat is when people have their eyes shut, are reading a paper, are totally zoned out or can?t see the bump. I don?t feel entitled to a seat and I?m fortunate enough at the moment to not particularly need one. Maybe I?m just lucky with the lovely people on the District Line (hope I haven?t cursed myself now)!

I'm surprised by the comments on here. I regularly see people offer their seat to pregnant women (mostly other women, it must be said, while the man next to them hides behind his paper....).

Personally I have had a few incidences of "is she fat or is she pregnant"? It can be really difficult to tell until someone turns sideways. I would always offer to someone I can see is pregnant but would hesitate if I wasn't sure. A man can get away with offering a seat to a woman out of old fashioned chivalry but if a woman does it and she is not pregnant, then you might as well just scream "fattie" at her on a crowded train.... As one of my friends says (light-heartedly) if you're not sure it's better that a pregnant woman stands than a fat woman spends the rest of the day crying. I don't quite agree with that but there are cases when you are just not sure.

Scheherezadea - no one ever said that women in their 1st/2nd trimesters shouldn't ever be offered a seat (or more probably, be granted one on request since it's unlikely to be offered in the early stages as it's just not obvious).

You have a very specific condition that affects one in four pregnant women to varying degrees and you cannot expect people to read your mind when you are not yet visibly pregnant. In your case, you will need to ask for a seat if no one notices you, in much the same way any person with any non-visible disability will have to ask as well. Or wear a badge.

At 24 weeks, it's highly probable that people just aren't clocking the fact that you are preggers. There are two women in my office who've just announced that they are 5 months pregnant - and it was only just the other week I was admiring one of their trim figures!!!

eurochick on that note, one of my friends was offered a seat AFTER she had given birth and asked when she was due. She was utterly mortified.

you just need to ask. People are afraid to offer if you don't show very much in case they offend someone who is actually just naturally rotund without a baby inside them.

I commute into london on a packed train, and generally get offered a seat - if people look up from their paper / book or whatever but the other day was on a rammed carriage (train before cancelled) and bump was literally in a lady's paper and she didn't offer. A guy about two rows behind noticed me and offered his seat - which was a nightmare because we had to navigate past all the other people with a sizeable 26 week (twin) bump!

On the tube, if I stand actually in the rows of seats and not by the doors I have always been offered.

I understand the not wanting to offend someone who isn't pregnant thing, but towards the end bumps are very different shapes.

To be honest, I'm ok with standing at the moment, but in the first 12 weeks I could have done with a seat much more as felt wretched!

'Anyway at the end of the day it's all about attitude. People who stand there sourly staring down people for not standing immediately probably get offered seats less often than people who look kind and friendly'

Right so all of us who don't get seats are miserable,sour faced meanos?!
Not at all, I always try to be as pleasant as possible. If people don't offer me a seat I just look out of the window!

I didnt expect to get a seat until I obviously looked pregnant btw as I know it can be hard to judge. I now very obviously look pregnant.

Kicking, I agree, last time I was pregnant a few teengae boys especially offered me their seat and I made a really big deal of thanking them!

My mate once asked for a seat when she was 35w and the bloke refused to give her his seat. Rush hour seems to be every man for himself so no asking for a seat doesn't always mean you'll get one and I don't see why anyone who is clearly PG should have to ask for seat. People should move and offer a seat esp if they;re sitting in priority.

I commute on the tube and buses in London and find commuters are great at offering seat - although nearly always men! Often on the tube I prefer to stand as it's only a couple of stops and have been sitting all day. I actually find myself saying 'No, thanks' to several people as a result.

The weekend is another matter. Weekend tube users have no etiquette whatsoever whether it be offering pregnant woman seats or the general decency of waiting for people to get off the tube before getting on.

Rant over

Ivortheengine No.... but if you stand there looking all sour and miserable, you won't be doing yourself any favours!

vallinnapod What line did you come in on? I used to travel from Brixton to Euston and still nothing. The mornings were ok as I would go so early I would get a seat, the afternoons no one would even give me a damn pole to hold!

Oh and for the record, I'm not one to have a sour face or stare at people. I actually think that's rather unfair.

I did read an article in metro the times about embarrassing situations where people have offered seats to women they thought were pregnant, but weren't. Maybe that's something to do with it?

I haven't travelled in London yet, although due to do so in a couple of weeks, but I've had people offer their seat, and if I have a suitcase I'm always offered help.

Perhaps it depends which line you're on?

I live in central London and avoid the tube if I can. On buses I find it's women over 35 who usually offer me a seat -- one woman told me she had carried triplets so she understood how I felt! Occasionally teenagers do as well. And one time, a standing woman shouted at those sat in the priority seats until a man was shamed to stand up for me. I was really embarrassed actually, as I would never ask for a seat myself, and he looked the most deserving of a seat of the lot. I was taught to offer my seat. Others clearly live by a different code but there is no law that says they need to give up their seat. Also, I would agree that many are just too zoned out to spot a more needy person.

The worst story I heard was on the Thameslink. One woman had stood up for a pregnant woman, but before she could reach the seat, a man sat down knowing full well the seat was given up for someone else. Half the carriage had to shout at him before he stood up again. Now that's rude.