Does anyone get up to give you a seat on the bus/train?

[Ivortheengine8]

When I was pregnant with DD1 I lived in Hertfordshire and lots of times people offered me their seat when I started getting bigger. I now live in London and no one has ever offered me a seat.
I was always taught to get up for older people and if I saw a pregnant woman would do so too, its just the way I thought the world was. Here I see lots of young people sitting at the front of the bus who don't even move for old people or people who obviously have trouble standing, let alone pregnant women.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself (although it is a pain in the bum being pregnant on a busy bus with people sqeezing between your bump!) but it makes me wonder sometimes if I still live in the dark ages!

[LyAngee]

I am 27 weeks and I've got a "Baby on Board" badge from TFL and travel on the tube every day to and from work. I get offered seat every time, and everyone is really apologetic if they don?t see me first. Only once I had to ask someone to give up a ?priority? seat, but it was when it wa really packed on the tube and they didn?t see me and my bump

[saoirse86]

When I was pg last year (and visible from about 4 months) people never did anything for me, never gave me a seat, never helped me with bags, never helped me reach for something, even "friends" sometimes let me stand up while we were out while they sat down all nice and comfy!

The first time anyone did anything, I was about 37 weeks. I dropped my change in a shop so started to do my usual slowly bending down in a tripod position while my also pg sister held my arm, when suddenly the woman on the till by me ran round to pick it up for me. At first I was really confused and thought I'd done something wrong, but then realised she was trying to help me!

[emmazed]

since 20 weeks (and visible bump and baby and board badge) i pretty much always get offered a seat. i did have an 'argument' with a lady yesterday on the bus. she has a walking stick and i insisted she sit down, she wouldn't let me stand for her becasue she said i needed the seat more. i was amazed that no-one else sitting bothered to offer up their seat.

aside from that, i have found people kind. if it is very busy and the sitting people can't see me i just say something like 'excuse me, i'm pregnant and if someone could give me their seat i would really appreciate it'. it always works.

i am quite capable of standing up for periods of time, but a moving vehicle with people pushing past you is a very different thing so i really do appreciate a seat.

i think that, as with all things, some people are nice/kind, and some not, and i include other pregnant women who are rude in that as well.

[vvviola]

Last time around (in Ireland) it was pretty good. I almost always got a seat on the train, and in one case a young guy practically sprinted the length of the train to offer me his seat (I think he might have been trying to impress the girl he was with ). In most cases it was teenage/early-twenties guys who would offer a seat. The least likely to offer seemed to be women in their twenties/thirties.

This time (Belgium) it's a bit hit and miss. I mostly get a seat, but there's a lot of people who just stare out the window. Yesterday, it was over 30 degrees, I'd had a rotten appointment at the doc, and I'm 30 weeks - no-one offered me a seat. So I asked. And they pretended not to understand me . It was only 2 stops, but I was so hot and miserable and upset by the time I got off. First thing to ask my French teacher this week is how to ask for a seat....!

[firstsupermum]

i am 37weeks pregnant with 2years old (pushchair), i dont get any help from no one I had to catch the tube sometimes with my baby, no lift, and have to carry the pram with my baby on it, people just pass by no one offre hand, i have to stand up in the train, realy tired with big bump, realy rude people out their, i make sure to check if they are any one old to give a sit to or pregnant, help them if they need as i see myself one day in their place, but people just ignore you.

[Yukana]

33+5 weeks pregnant here, and I have ALWAYS been offered a seat, had the door opened for me, and when getting out of a taxi the driver always makes sure I'm all right.

There was one time in a bus station where a middle aged woman saw I was about to sit down - (I had aching swollen feet, felt absolutely exhausted, and it was about a week ago) - and quickly scuttled into the seat I was going to sit in just as I was about to sit in it.
I was but didn't say anything, and neither did the woman's friend. There were two young women sitting in the other two seats, young woman A insisted on giving me her seat which I was very grateful for. So, I waddled round the seats and was about to get there, when the rude woman's husband was about to sit in the seat young woman A just offered me! Young woman B thankfully said 'Err, no, this lady is sitting there' and he moved, DP in the background very and myself extremely grateful they had let me sit down.

[reddaisy]

It is a mixed bag. We were in New York recently (sorry to namedrop!) and absolutely NO-ONE offered me a seat on any bus/tube there. In fact I got up a few times to offer very elderly passengers a seat who were left standing.

Here, people often will offer and I don't blame them for waiting initially to see if someone else jumps in because pregnant or not, I also prefer to sit down.

There are always courteous people and less courteous people, I have had very busy looking businessmen grab DDs buggy and help me get it up the tube steps before when I was struggling and it makes me feel good about humanity all day!

[TrinaW]

London ladies - if you email [email protected] they send you one of the badges to wear for free. I've had one since 16 wks and it works a treat (I commute in from Bristol, so definitely need a seat!) - a couple of people have even commented that they wouldn't have realised I was preg if it weren't for the badge and are happy to move. I wear it on my hip so it's at face height if I'm standing up.

[Lizziefinch]

I needed a seat much more in my first trimester when no-one would have known I was pregnant. Could hardly stand at all, and I actually threw up in transit more than once (thankfully not in the rush hr, and thankfully managed to get the sick bag out in time). Now I've got a big bump I can cope with standing OK. Still very grateful for a seat when offered though!

[ButterflySally]

I catch the Northern Line, and, if I can manage to get to the seats, I have always been offered one quite quickly.

The only issue I have is when it is really busy and I can't get anywhere near the seats. However, this happened the other day and a lovely young man got on and asked me if anyone had offered me a seat yet. I said no and he then asked (at the top of his voice across the crowded carriage) if there was someone who would give up their seat for me. Someone did. I was a bit embarrassed but pleased he helped.

(I know I should have asked myself but I feel so uncomfortable doing so. I don't want it to look as though I feel 'entitled' to a seat, even though a seat would be most definitely appreciated!)

[PrincessJenga]

Oh dear, clearly none of you have ever come across my DP on public transport. He is physically incapable of relaxing unless he is absolutely, totally, 100% certain that there is no-one stood up, anywhere, who needs the seat more than him. While I adore him for his chivalry, it has meant some embarrassing exchanges 'you have it', 'no you have it'... "I'm not pregnant', 'I know, [he didn't] but you're female and I'm well trained'...

All I can say is that he's ex-military and chivalry seems to be taught in Army School. Obviously there aren't many squaddies on rush hour trains so maybe look out for the blokes with really shiny shoes and well ironed shirts - sure to give you a seat!

[philbee]

When I was pg with DD i found that i was offered a seat about 90% of the time, and once a bus driver shouted down a very crowded bus that i needed a seat and someone would have to get out of the priority seats. The times i didn't get offered a seat were when the bus / tube was so crowded that i was in the bit by the doors, so i think either people couldn't see the bump, or thought it was too much hassle for me to get to the seat, which it was.

Since having DD I've also been surprised by how often people will offer to help with the pushchair, or move for the two of us to sit down. Not always, but often.

I think with both it depends a lot on your body language. If I looked down and not around at people no one offered. If I got in people's faces and stood up straight and looked around often I found they did. With this one i want to get better at asking people to stand up. My colleague saw a heavily pg woman say to a bloke in the priority tube seats 'that's my seat.' nuff said. It also varies where you are in London i think. In SE London where we are people stand up for old people and pg women, and I've seen people shouted at who didn't. In SW London, no one ever offers help and all i get it snooty looks. Oh well.

[minipie]

I haven't read the whole thread but as a regular Tube user (but not pg) can I just say:

Please if you are pregnant SAY SO or wear a badge and please do ASK for a seat

Because I have spent so many Tube journeys thinking "is she pregnant, or just fat?" and worrying about whether to offer, and risk offending, or not offer, and risk leaving a pregnant woman standing.

Also, the Tube is crowded, people have their noses in their books/Kindles/etc and really may genuinely not see you. Please ask!

[Scheherezadea]

transatlantic Trust me, I am very much visibly pregnant right now

Luckily for me, I don't live anywhere near London, and live out in a tiny country village and all the bus drivers know me anyway. Not had any problems so far, but it's not exactly a busy place!

A nice old man who works at Chatsworth house kindly let me know where all the places in the house were that I could sit down if I needed a rest, though!

[Xiaoxiong]

mookick that happened to me on the central line last year - stood up for a woman and a guy nipped into the seat (literally slithered in behind me as I stood up). I turned around and said "excuse me, that is for this lady here" and he stood up immediately muttering apologies. I've always given him the benefit of the doubt thinking he didn't see me motion to the pregnant woman to sit in my seat, and just thought I was getting up to get off at the next stop.

[aliceliddell]

When I was 8 mths preg in the long, hot summer of 99, carrying large bags, I helped a blind man get on the Tube. Nobody offered us a seat until I directly asked somebody occupying a priority seat. But I expect it's because my horns make me easioly identifiable as a feminist.

[Ivortheengine8]

I don't usually use the tube myself more so the buses Around here (Southgate,Enfield,Wood green etc)

We havent been in London long so are still trying to suss out the area.

[vallinnapod]

OMG Moo rather takes it to another level!

Violet I too am Northern Line hwoever I find the Jubilee the politest

[mookickkick]

I live in central London and avoid the tube if I can. On buses I find it's women over 35 who usually offer me a seat -- one woman told me she had carried triplets so she understood how I felt! Occasionally teenagers do as well. And one time, a standing woman shouted at those sat in the priority seats until a man was shamed to stand up for me. I was really embarrassed actually, as I would never ask for a seat myself, and he looked the most deserving of a seat of the lot. I was taught to offer my seat. Others clearly live by a different code but there is no law that says they need to give up their seat. Also, I would agree that many are just too zoned out to spot a more needy person.

The worst story I heard was on the Thameslink. One woman had stood up for a pregnant woman, but before she could reach the seat, a man sat down knowing full well the seat was given up for someone else. Half the carriage had to shout at him before he stood up again. Now that's rude.

[redexpat]

I did read an article in metro the times about embarrassing situations where people have offered seats to women they thought were pregnant, but weren't. Maybe that's something to do with it?

I haven't travelled in London yet, although due to do so in a couple of weeks, but I've had people offer their seat, and if I have a suitcase I'm always offered help.

Perhaps it depends which line you're on?

[VioletV]

vallinnapod What line did you come in on? I used to travel from Brixton to Euston and still nothing. The mornings were ok as I would go so early I would get a seat, the afternoons no one would even give me a damn pole to hold!

Oh and for the record, I'm not one to have a sour face or stare at people. I actually think that's rather unfair.

[TransatlanticCityGirl]

Ivortheengine No.... but if you stand there looking all sour and miserable, you won't be doing yourself any favours!

[vallinnapod]

I commute on the tube and buses in London and find commuters are great at offering seat - although nearly always men! Often on the tube I prefer to stand as it's only a couple of stops and have been sitting all day. I actually find myself saying 'No, thanks' to several people as a result.

The weekend is another matter. Weekend tube users have no etiquette whatsoever whether it be offering pregnant woman seats or the general decency of waiting for people to get off the tube before getting on.

Rant over

[VioletV]

My mate once asked for a seat when she was 35w and the bloke refused to give her his seat. Rush hour seems to be every man for himself so no asking for a seat doesn't always mean you'll get one and I don't see why anyone who is clearly PG should have to ask for seat. People should move and offer a seat esp if they;re sitting in priority.