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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

The sex is written in an envelope

61 replies

OrangeGloss · 04/06/2011 11:30

I'm 27 weeks and just had a 4D scan and have the sex written in an envelope in case we want to know. We didn't ask at the 20 week scan, but now kinda like the idea of knowing

Any thoughts for or against knowing?!

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LadyOfTheCuntryManor · 04/06/2011 22:41

Well it would for me.

I'm quite glad that I don't have to refer to my bump as a "he" or a "she" or worse, a name.

ShowOfHands · 04/06/2011 22:47

It's like anything to do with parenting, a personal choice. And it's a bit naive to make sweeping generalisations about other people's choices.

I think what you mean LadyOfTheCM is that it would ruin the element of surprise if you found out. That's not what happens for people who do want to know and it's reductive and narrow-minded to make such an assertion.

ShowOfHands · 04/06/2011 22:49

I found out purely because I wanted to find out. I didn't buy a single gendered outfit or make any decisions about the child's life. I also didn't 'have' to refer to my bump as anything. You're being exceedingly rude.

PinkFondantFancy · 04/06/2011 22:55

orange I agree that if you decide you don't want to know afterall you should shred the envelope or leave it with someone that won't give it to you until after the birth! I have no idea how you didn't tear it open in the car on the way home though, and the thought of having that envelope in my house but not knowing would be driving me to distraction!!! Have you come to any decisions?

LadyOfTheCuntryManor · 04/06/2011 22:59

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Message deleted by Mumsnet.

ivykaty44 · 04/06/2011 23:03

I still feel there are few surprises left in life and that is one of the lovely ones...

captainbarnacle · 04/06/2011 23:04

But you haven't given reasons against knowing, apart from being utterly rude and showing your own prejudices about people who do find out. You've basically said that if you find out the sex you 'ruin it' and if you refer to the bump by gender or a name it is even worse. You haven't asserted your own opinion, more than put down everyone else who has a different one.

It's a personal choice. There are arguments for and against.

I love the envelope idea :)

LadyOfTheCuntryManor · 04/06/2011 23:08

Well you'll just have to deal with that.

ivykaty44 · 04/06/2011 23:08

I know one man who died whist his wife was pg, they found out the sex and he died thinking he had a son. His wife was distraught when she gave birth to a daughter as she couldn't tell her husband that the sex was wrong. This was going back quite a few years ago

I know of two others times that the sex has been wrong, once it was two doctors who where told and they named the baby with a girls name and decorated the nursery only to take home a boy and they did change the name and nursery.

Beesok · 04/06/2011 23:10

m1nn you sound a lot like me :) I am a control freak very organised person who likes to do lots of research and prepare things in advance :)
And yes - it must be a lovely experience for the children to see their brother/sister :)

I really don't understand people who say finding out "ruins it" :( I mean, it's still was a surprise when I found out at 17 weeks! Why is it worse than at 40 wks? :) I totally understand that people want to wait to be surprised but nothing is "ruined" ;)

LadyOfTheCuntryManor · 04/06/2011 23:11

Beesok when you say you like to know because you like to "research" what do you mean?

Beesok · 04/06/2011 23:18

Lady I like to know which shade of pink or blue to choose :) JUST KIDDING!!!!!!

I wasn't referring so much to the "gender" when I said research but in general and with the baby well, research involves everything from deciding which pram to get to deciding on my best options for maternity leave etc etc BUT knowing the sex influences some of these decisions because sadly there is way too much gender biased stuff out there and I am not a fan of the neutral beige/yellow combo

Beesok · 04/06/2011 23:20

Also I do like some baby things which are more"girly" and some more appropriate for boys so yes, will want to buy a few things like that too :)

LadyOfTheCuntryManor · 04/06/2011 23:20

I see.

I'm not a fan in cladding little girls out in pink. I also don't see what research or organisation goes into planning a baby in terms of knowing its gender...I was extremely organised and didn't find out.

Still each to their own.

LadyOfTheCuntryManor · 04/06/2011 23:21

What "things" are classed as appropriate for a newborn baby girl/boy?

captainbarnacle · 04/06/2011 23:27

For me it has nothing to do with my purchases or consumer choices. I have bought greens/reds/yellows as usual and DC3 should have the rest of the stuff 'his' older brothers have had. For me, knowing is about visualisation of the next few years of my life - having a family with 2boys and 1 girl is quite different to 3 boys.

Also, DS1 really wants a baby sister so it's been about preparing him for the fact that is unlikely to happen.

This baby still has no name and is unlikely to have a name until it's about a week old.

lockets · 04/06/2011 23:31

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lockets · 04/06/2011 23:38

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Beesok · 04/06/2011 23:38

Lady the pink and blue was a joke, I am not gender biased at all! I work with children on a professional level and that it one thing consistently promoted in my practice!

I think you are taking it way too seriously - I wanted to know, full stop because I like to be "prepared" I like the idea of expecting a little girl or little boy and, if I feel like it and see something I like buy something that is for a girl/boy like for ex a newborn outfit nothing complicated like planning their life hahahaha

captain knowing for me is also not only about consumer choices - I maybe focused too much on that in my post :) and yes, I do buy oranges, yellows and purples and greens but that doesn't mean I don't like the odd pink baby gro (and no, I'm not going to dress a baby boy in pink because I would be too irritated trying to explain it to people ;)

Re names that one is a tough cookie for us as we are both mixed and our children will be the combination of 4 cultures so choosing a name is a challenge and we literally have one name for each gender that we BOTH agree on so far!!! Otherwise, I'm afraid Baby would have to wait a loooooong time to be registered if we left it until after the birth

Beesok · 04/06/2011 23:43

lockets I hope so too! and I agree - ultimately finding out before or after the birth does not impact how the child is treated/brought up, and I think that is the most important conclusion on this thread :)

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 05/06/2011 08:30

We asked the sonographer to write the sex down in an envelope. I would have been happy not knowing, but DH was desperate to know and managed 3weeks before he caved, then another 2 before he let slip to me. We didn't tell anyone we knew. It actually really helped DH to bond with ds during pregnancy and it was lovely having this little secret to ourselves. When I gave birth I was another one who repeatedly said "oh my god its a baby" before going into shock, not sure I needed any extra excitement after all that!

I'd give yourself a few weeks then if you really want to know you have the option at any point

owlbooty · 05/06/2011 09:42

Ooooh Orange you have far more restraint than I do, I wanted to know (found out at 12 weeks which was earlier than I'd thought possible).

Like others on here have said, after the mc last year, knowing what the baby was going to be has helped me and DH believe that this time round, it might actually happen for us and that he's a real little person in there.

And no, he doesn't have any little blue outfits and we haven't chosen a name yet either

mamapower · 05/06/2011 10:22

Hey orange we opened the envelope!! Yes, we did the sane thing but we didn't hold out long and the sonographer had written us a lovely little note inside too! I desp. didn't want to know but dh did; his need to know seemed greater than my need for a surprise! I have to say, it's the best thing knowing the sex, we now talk to her addressing her with her name, and I pick out things especially for her, not pink but things I know will suit my little girl!
I don't think there's a right or a wrong and I think some people have far too much meaningless crap to say just to insight people! Ridiculous! If you want to open it my lovely you do it.... I'll be waiting on grad's for any news

aethelfleda · 05/06/2011 11:25

ladyof, I have two DDs. Last time I had a 20 week scan I wanted to know because it's a surprise at some point, I figured why not have a nice surprise halfway through, rather than on birth day (when I might be hot, sweaty and off my face on gas&air)?

It wasn't about buying stuff- more about whether I should be passing on all the girly clothes I had from dd1! And also I wanted DD1 to know if she was getting a little bro or sister. Gender is a fact of life like hair colour, temperament, and whether they like moshing to heavy metal. Knowing the gender 20 weeks before birth doesn't pre-determine anything! (unless you wish it to).

What's going on with that envelope, orange??

jellybeans · 05/06/2011 12:04

I found out with my all but my 1st 2 DCs (so with 5 of them we found out). We lost 2 of them after knowing the sex and are glad we can treasure the excitement of being told the gender (while we were pg and things were OK at the time) without the sadness of the stillbirths. It was as magical as finding out after the birth. With the other 3 it was important as we could bond and get our heads straight (as they were dif genders to the ones we lost) and it was very exciting again at the scans and even up until the births we were still excited as we still had many surprises..what they looked like, if they had hair etc etc. I think it helped me bond with them. So I don't regret finding out and I think i would if we have anymore.

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