OMG not quite the gap I had planned... Any advice?

[Feeline]

Hi
Just found out that I am pregnant. This will be my second.
I was planning on a 2-3 year gap but due to a contraception mishap I will be due next Jan and my LO is only 6 months ATM. He will only be 14 month old when the second is due.
I am a little worried about how to manage a small toddler and a newborn at the same time, does anyone in a similar situation have any advice to settle my nerves?

No experience of this because I'm only 19 weeks with my first! BUT just wanted to say ...
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!! xx

I have a 16 month age gap and the youngest is now two and a half. Here's the honest truth; the first year is HARD work. YOu don't get a break and you feel like someone wants something from you the whole time. YOu also feel like you are doing brilliantly by either child. But even if that is true, neither child notices! You need to have good organisation skills and even if you aren't a routine person, you need to try to be so that you can synchronise naps to try and get 5 minutes to go to the loo each day. YOu will wonder why having one newborn ever seemed hard.

But on then the youngest turns one and they start to interact and it's amazing! My tow chase each other around the house playing tag screaming with delight and when the youngest wakes up the first person so asks for is her brother. The giggle together in little conspiricies against me in the most delightful way. And even at this age, their interests are broadly similar so it is hugely easy to plan activities. Most of my friends who had their first DC at the same time as I had my first are just now having their second. They have had a years worth of good sleep and no nappies and they are about to be plunged back into all that again and are really nervous. Whereas I had it constantly for 3 years and had no time to think about it. DD sleeps through now and is starting to potty train herself and I can't help feeling delighted that we are nearly out the other side of the baby days with two lovely children who are each others best friends. Best thing we ever did.

Congratulations - it's a great thing!

Sorry, youngest is now one and half not two and a half...

Must learn to preview posts - there's so many errors in that that I'm not even going to try and correct them...

Hi Feeline... thats exactly the gap I have with my two dds, youngest being 6wks. So far I would agree that it is bloody hard work, but it is managable. I figure that I would rather do it this way than get out of nappyhood only to go back in. So far my eldest loves her little sister and even on day 2 she was looking for her.

All the very best for your pg :)

I have a 12 month age gap between ds2 + 3 also a 2 year age gap between ds 1+ 2. I will also echo the others that it is hard work and a juggling act. be prepared for your eldest to all of a sudden turn into a newborn again too. However, there is light at the end of the tunnel! first 18 months or so are now a blare. my youngest is now 3.9 and they are all great company for eachother and are at similar levels and interests so its easier to spend time with all ds's. Ive also heard its easier to have more when your still in 'baby mind frame' i cant coment as i have a small age gap between all of mine and am now expecting ds4 . Congratulations! stock up on nappies and wipes

I have just 15 months between my first two, and the first 6 months is hard, but then you'll be laughing not long after that as they pay together very quickly! Passing on clothes and toys is brilliant! I put my first into a big bed on her first birthday freeing up the cot and then both in the same room when second was 1 1/2 which was the best move I ever did!! Less nightmares, not afraid of the dark etc! The spare room was the play room! It's brilliant, wouldn't have it any other way!! Now there 4and 5 and there the best of friends, share everything together, play so well together but still have very different personalities and there own friends!

Hey don't worry lol there is always someone worse off than you and that would be me.

I had dc1 -8
Dc2-5
Dc3-4 months

And a complete supprised pregnancy now and just found out there twins lol

You will be fine they will be great friends

X

I am in a similar situation.

DC1 is 4 next week
DC2 is 8 months in 2 days.
and I am currently 24 weeks on friday with DC3.

I fell pregnant my one and only bedroom bounce when DS was 11 weeks old, it was protected sex too. Was shocked but it is slowly sinking in now, and I am started to feel quite excited now.

There will be a gap of under 12 months.

I have got a

Just turned 4 year
twins who are nearly 3 (15 months between them)
and twins who are 6 weeks.

Yes its bloody hard work and Ive sat there crying today actually as both babies keep crying (have reflux) and the eldest refused to get dressed and one of the older twins kept beating the other 2 up but to be fair it was the first time ive cracked since having the 2nd lot of twins 6 weeks ago lol.

It does get easier once your in a routine its the finding that routine thats a ppain but its doable.

Congratulations OP! I have 2 DD's 16 months apart.

The best advice I could give is to keep your eldest involved with caring for his new baby brother or sister, and praise him as much as possible when he does anything that makes life a bit easier for you.

Spend quality time with DS when baby asleep - even if it is just having a cuddle and reading a book, that way he wont feel left out when you have to deal with baby. I found juggling life with a newborn and toddler much easier as my youngest loved to sleep, so my eldest got lots of attention.

My eldest DD would get her dolly to feed when I was feeding baby (although she copied me and tried to breast feed her dolly, cute and very funny to see!) and would always cuddle up with me to stroke her sisters back to stop her from getting a sore tummy.

As they have grown older the challenges have become more, but not by much. Because the age gap is so close they are into the same things and now aged 3 and 4 are best friends. My eldest tells her little sister that she taught her to talk and use a fork etc, and my youngest is always very pleased about this. They will have a new brother or sister in September and they both fuss over my growing bump and cant wait to look after the new addition and teach him/her all about growing up.

I would suggest getting help with meals (lots of pre-cooked and frozen meals for the very early days) or have some one help out with DS for the first couple of weeks until you find your feet.

You will be fine and amaze yourself on how well you will cope. Very best of luck to you and your growing family xx

Congratulations.

18/19 years ago I was in the same position. And the first 12 months is hard, but there are so many benefits as they grow older. DS is 15 months older that DD, which meant that the same type of activity always suited both, and we never had to worry about one being too young to ski for example. Now DD has a big brother to take her out, and DS has a little sister to boss around - and comment on his girlfriends!!

I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

Although DD always tells everyone she was a mistake, rather than a surprise, as I like to say.

I have a 13 month gap between my dd3 and dd4 and for us it worked really well. We were already used to carrying baby equipment everywhere, sleepless nights, so dd4 fitted straight into the family with minimum fuss. I also think its easier as they get older as it's easier to entertain two of a similar age than an older and younger sibling.
Congratulations!!

Forgot to add - if someone offers to sit with the kids whilst you get a nap in, take them up on the offer! Or if they both go for a nap at the same time, get your head down too. House work can wait, it will still be there when you wake up. Once you are over the initial tiredness from having given birth and looking after a toddler, you will get back on track xx

My two are 17 months apart and I felt terrified when I discovered I was pregnant. Congratulations You'll be fine. Yes it's rather interesting as you first settle into life with two But it wizzes (sp?) by and my two are aready 2 and 3 years old. Great fun now with them both. Lovely when they hold hands and run together or play together. Makes my heart melt.

No advice, mine will be a 2yr gap, but feel free to come and join us in the January 2012 antenatal club board!
Congrats :o

My DDs are 15 months apart and are now 3 and 2. It got easier as soon as DD2 was sitting up confidently. That's when they started to interact and enjoy each other. I put them in the same bedroom when DD2 was about 12 weeks and they've shared ever since. Honestly, if I could do it all again I wouldn't change a thing. Their relationship is beautiful to watch develop.

I am dreading this.

I have a 15 month ds and am 14 weeks pregnant with dc2.

Ds has a brilliant sleep routine and I'm petrified dc2 will change that. I'm really anxious about the whole thing.

My two oldest DDs are 11 months apart. DD2 was extraordinarily easy and basically slept for the first three months, occasionally requesting some food. Between 3 and 9 months is something of a blur though. Once DD2 walked at 9 months she literally did everything that DD1 was doing at the same time, which made life pretty manageable.

They are now almost 17 and 18 and are the best of friends when they don't hate each other.

Congratulations, though - it will be a blur, but it will be a whole heap of wonderful fun as well.

I have a 12 month gap. 2nd was a surprise! But a very pleasant one. They are 2.8 and 3.8 now. I remember the day I did the pregnancy test. With DD1, it was SUCH a faint line we went to DH's BIL (a GP) to see if it was true!

When I though 'ooh, not had a period in... 42 days' I did a pg test. Never seen a fatter, bluer line in my life. I walked over to DD - who was under the baby gym, and cried. I wanted to do cooking and craft with her! Not now!

Anyway, that aside, DS1 came along. We had a routine. I will happily talk you through it (night time I mean).

All was OK, if busy. Looking back, I would recommend it utterly. No jealousy, interfering etc because she was too young for all that. And now - they play (and fight occasionally) for ages. Marvellous.

Congrats and good luck!
Ellensx

I have 18 months between DD1 and 2, 2 1/2 years between DD2 and 3 and 22 months between DD3 and DS.

The 18 month gap is the best and if I could have planned it would have had even shorter gaps. My periods always take a while to come back and I had a mc between DD2 and 3.

DD1 and 2 are 6 and 5 now and it's great they are so close. First year is hard but if your changing one nappy might as well change 2. Once the second one is a year things do get easier.

You will be fine, one thing I would say is best yourself a decent double buggy (I'e had 4 and nothing beats a Phil & Teds) you can then get yourself out walking every day which will save your sanity a bit.

Message to LadyOf - try not to stress too much about it. I worried the same about sleep routine, but to be honest it made no difference to DD1's routine at all, if anything it actually helped. I put my DD's in the same room when DD2 was 16 weeks old, and DD1 never woke when her sister did for night time feeds. Children have an amazing ability to lock everything out when they are tired...! It also helped me get DD2 into a quick routine too.

I am glad my girls were born so close together, am more anxious about the age gap between the eldest 2 and the one due in Sept, especially as DD1 will be starting primary school 10 days before baby is due! xx

Congratulations!
I was terrified a year and a half or so ago-was expecting twins with a delightful but irrepressible 8 month old taking up all my time and worried about how Id cope. We ended up with a 17 month gap,and whilst yes,its been incredibly hard work,the twins have just turned 10 months,and I`ve spent the afternoon laughing at their older sister as she giggles at them,entices them to crawl after her,and generally (recently!) adores them.
Our house is more and more fun-filled as the babies personalities evolve,and my 3 babies are all growing up together.I echo someone upthread-best thing we ever did!

Thanks for everyones candid responses!
I was kinda expecting the hard work but glad to here there is an upside too.
ATM DS is a very happy and easy to manage 6 month old, he sleeps thru well and is weaning really well too, hopefully this will make it a little easier (especialy if the 2nd one is as easy going as DS was).
I will get myself onto the Jan 2012 thread once I have had my 1st scan (oh and told everyone that I'm pregnant again)! lol

Well just an update, DS1 is 14 months old now and DS2 is 1 month old and I havent self destructed yet :)

Eldedst was a little confused at first but seems to just generally ignore DS2, hopefully this will change once they are able to interact.

We are having a few sleep issues as DS1 is teething 6 molars all at once and obviously a newborn wakes a little more frequently for feeds, but I'm hoping this will settle in the next few months.

Heres hoping it all continues relativly smoothly!