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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Had a private gender scan yesterday....

33 replies

dana4nyc · 22/05/2011 11:03

Hi all,

I am 16 weeks exactly today. My husband & I paid for a private gender scan yesterday (15 + 6) and we were told it's a boy. I have a 14 month old DD and we only opted for this gender scan as my husband will be away for the 20 week scan and he missed the 20 week scan with my DD so we both wanted him to experience being told the gender.

Has anyone had any experience of having a gender scan so early? Are they fairly accurate? I was pretty certain I was carrying another little girl, so I am in a bit of a shock. I am not wishing things to be different, but I am curious to see if I can trust the results. I know no scan is ever 100% accurate, but I have a niggling voice in the back of my head telling me that it was still too early to tell for sure.

Any ideas?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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FollowMe · 22/05/2011 11:35

I had a private gender scan at 16 weeks exactly. The scanner said he was pretty sure it was a boy (could see 'sonething') but to go back at 17 weeks for confirmation as 16 weeks is very early to tell.
Went back at 17 weeks and to my surprise was told girl!
Apparently at 16 weeks there are still enough hormones around to make the babys bits look swollen whatever the sex so it looks like there's something between the legs.
Have since had 20 week scan which also said girl

lollystix · 22/05/2011 14:03

Wow - I have 3 boys and had scan 3 weeks ago at 15 plus 3 (first scan as didn't know I was pregs - how did I miss that one???) and was told defo boy. Doesn't bother me in the least as little boys are gorgeous but didn't think it could be wrong....

virginiasmonalogue · 22/05/2011 14:07

I had one at 16 weeks and it was pretty clear he was a boy. Did you see clear "evidence" yourself?

FollowMe · 22/05/2011 15:57

I've got 2 boys already and was pretty shocked but I guess the fact that he said to come back in a week showed it was not certain anyway. If your scanners were very sure then there's prob a greater chance they are right first tine!

Original poster

dana4nyc · 22/05/2011 16:32

I saw what looked like a penis, but I also saw definite 3 lines as well. The scanner was a lovely man, but I found it very hard to understand him. He didn't point out anything in particular, just said 'it's a boy'. I only have experience of seeing my DD on the screen, so I didn't know what to look for other than the obvious, I didn't see anything that looked like a scrotum though.

I will get used to the idea, I just am a bit sad. I know it's silly, if it turns out to definitely be a boy I will have been blessed with one of each, I just never pictured myself as the mother of a son. It's probably just hormones making me feel this way and once I get used to the idea I will have a great time preparing to meet my little man. I just do feel sad for the sister that my DD will never have as I don't plan on having any more children after this one.

OP posts:

Georgimama · 22/05/2011 16:36

I had a private scan (due to a bleed) at 15 weeks and the consultant doing the scan told me it was a girl. It was a boy. So he could indeed be wrong. I don't know if there is anything different about sexing scans as opposed to other types.

However, boys are lush and love their mothers infinitely. You will be fine.

Borisneedsahaircut · 22/05/2011 16:49

Dana, had you wanted aother boy? (I mean hoped for...iykwim in a totally unbiased way) I have one dd and would dearly love a boy this time just so I ave one of each but I also know that it can be a bit strange if you ahve thought it to be one sex and it turns out to be another. I thought dd was a boy until the scan and I felt a bit sad when it turned out to be a girl but that disappeared quickly once I got used to it.

Borisneedsahaircut · 22/05/2011 16:50

sorry another daughter...

Original poster

dana4nyc · 22/05/2011 16:52

Boris, no I have always wanted girls. My DH is desperate for a boy and he is thrilled at the news we got yesterday but I had quite an adverse reaction. I cried all day yesterday and even said I didn't want the baby anymore. I am not proud of that, it's no one's fault, least of all the baby's. I am just truly shocked as I knew DD was a girl and I "knew" I was carrying a girl this time as well. I feel better today but I have still cried a little bit. I just don't know what to do with a boy!!!

OP posts:

Georgimama · 22/05/2011 17:03

Nothing very different dana.

Borisneedsahaircut · 22/05/2011 17:07

It will pass in time, I guess it's almost like mourning for something you have lost. I am pretty sure you will get used to the idea over time. Nothing to feel bad about, I think uts human nature and you are just being honest with yourself.

candr · 22/05/2011 18:15

We were told boy at 12 and 20 weeks. We asked because both wanted a girl but now that both neighbours and two friends have had girls I have really got my head round it being a boy and would have actually felt dissappointed at 20 week if they had got it wrong. I know whatever as long as it is healthy and happy but it is not unusual to have a preferance everyone loves them when they have them

bidibidi · 22/05/2011 18:23

You want the private scan to be wrong, don't you?

Original poster

dana4nyc · 22/05/2011 18:28

bidibidi, Yes if I'm totally honest, I do. I know it is a terrible thing to feel, let alone say, but at this point in time I am devastated and I do hope that the sonographer was wrong. I also know that I will feel differently in a few days, weeks, months etc and especially when I hold him in my arms. I know that I will love him unconditionally and all these feelings I'm having right now will melt away and I will probably look back and despair at what I complete cow I was for ever feeling that way. I just wanted another little girl and am sad for it not to happen.

OP posts:

bidibidi · 22/05/2011 19:25

I should understand your gender disappointment, and apologies if I'm feeling short-tempered about it. Our whole family (all 5 of us) felt disappointed that DC4 wasn't a girl. We already had one girl child, just thought two would have been the perfect balance. Anyway,
I think we're over it.
I think you need to explore why it seems so important. The odds are that you're clinging to some misinformation about what it means to parent a boy, and you can do something to feel better by debunking that.

buttonmoon78 · 22/05/2011 19:29

That's ok though. Yes, it is not rational to feel this way, but it can be normal for very many people.

And your last post sums up exactly what I was going to say. You will love your boy when he arrives. But equally, you have lost what you thought you had. You can grieve for the girl you haven't got whilst being v grateful and happy with the boy you have got.

Boys are great too. I have 2 girls, 1 boy and another on the way (if the scan is right and I think it is from what I saw!). Of course, all childrenare different, and I'm generalising here, but he is such a loving boy. He likes nothing better than a snuggle on the sofa

ginhag · 22/05/2011 19:36

I can't get my head around the 'grieving' part, sorry. Disappointment, yes. But you haven't actually lost anything. The baby is still your baby. Lots of us have had scans where we have discovered worse...I found out I'd had a mmc at my 12 week scan (before eventually getting pg with ds2.)

I don't mean to sound horrible, I know you are disappointed but as you say, when you meet the little fella it'll all be different. And honestly, boys are lovely.

ginhag · 22/05/2011 19:41

Ps I know that 'count your blessings' is an incredibly annoying thing to be told when you are upset, so I'm sorry about that. I still kind of stand by it though, as I'm honestly sure you will feel ok once you have processed this and got over the shock. There's a little person in there :)

lollystix · 22/05/2011 19:46

My friend had 2 girls and her 3rd was a boy. She was a bit weary but now he's here she is smitten. Georgia is right - boys are just lush and they adore their mums (sure girls do too). Having 3 myself I literally spend my time trying to prize them off me- the cuddles are constant. I understand gender disappointment - I've been there but you need to turn this on it's head. You have one of each - lots of folk would give their right arm for that. Hey you could be me and have 3 boys and another on the way....(and I feel truly blessed cos boys are fab- just u wait- you'll see!!)

Borisneedsahaircut · 22/05/2011 19:54

Ginhag, you don't need to have lost 'someone' to grieve. Not sure if I used the right word but it is as if something has been taken away - even if it is only a dream or an image.

Many of us have had M/C's too - that doesnt give us the right to judge how dana or people like her feel, At least she is being open and honest about it - many wouldnt because they'de be too ashamed. Yes we should and I think deep inside we are all grateful for whatever we are given but sometimes it just takes time to get used to the idea.

WorzselMaamage · 22/05/2011 19:55

I felt like you when we found out out 2nd dc was a boy. I wasn't exactly gutted but was a bit sad about never having 2 girls. You know what though, boys are wonderful, truly! My son is magic and if we have another I'll be crossing my fingers for another boy.

I bet in a year you'll be kicking yourself. You do know what to do with a boy.. All you have to do is love him!

ginhag · 22/05/2011 20:00

Boris my post really wasn't meant to be harsh or judgemental. If it appeared to be then I'm sorry. I just wanted the OP to know that it will be okay. Because it will be. That's what I meant about the 'grief' thing. Yes, you've lost one thing...but gained another IYSWIM. So although it may take time to feel sure about it, it is okay. That doesn't mean I dont sy patties with how she feels right at this moment.

ginhag · 22/05/2011 20:01

'sy patties'???? sympathise (sorry, feeding and typing...)

Borisneedsahaircut · 22/05/2011 20:03

No ginhag I wasnt directing the second bit at you - it was general. Don't shut up

CantThinkOfDecentNameChange · 22/05/2011 20:04

I have one of each and it is FAB...could not imagine having two DDs or 2 DSs (I feel awful to admit this, but I sometimes feel sorry for those who haven't got 'both' as they are so different and so fun togther) you are LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY!!

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