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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Pregnant and being called fat

37 replies

mrsrosieb · 16/05/2011 14:24

I am currently 7 months pregnant and am struggling with a friend who persistently calls me fat and sings "roll out the barrel" at me. I had an eating disorder in my teens and early 20s (I am now 35) but have been recovered from this for some time. I started my pregnancy at a healthy weight range and despite gaining about 15lbs too much have been managing to eat healthy. Since this started at about 5 months I have started to have difficulties with my body image and now cannot even look in a mirror without crying. On my midwife's advice I have challenged this woman, but she just will not stop. I am very distressed and scared I could become anorexic again at the worst possible time as it could harm the baby. Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
WhipMeIndiana · 16/05/2011 14:25

oh good grief what a thoughtless cow!!
ignore her. she's probably jealous you look so fabulous and glowing.
keep talking to your midwife, honey

try telling her again to shut her stupid mouth!!

WhipMeIndiana · 16/05/2011 14:26

do you work with her? is she a friend? can you stop seeing her for the time being?

iklboo · 16/05/2011 14:30

'I'm not fat, I'm pregnant. I will soon give birth and be my normal weight again. You, on the other hand, will always be an obnoxious c*nt. Cup of tea?'

BlingLoving · 16/05/2011 14:32

This woman is not your friend. I can't believe she is being so unpleasant. Tell her straight she is being a bitch and stop talking to her. Speak to dp, your midwife and people who make you feel better.

OppositeOfBlooming · 16/05/2011 14:33

Oh that nasty, nasty woman.

Is there some way that you can not see her. Not just now but ever again?

What a shitty, terrible way to behave towards somebody. If you have challenged her and she's continuing then there's no reasoning with her. And why should you?

Keep talking, talking, talking to your midwife about how you're feeling.

HandMini · 16/05/2011 14:34

This is really weird behaviour, I would just stop talking to her. You don't need someone like that in your life.

FetchezLaVache · 16/05/2011 14:35

Does she know about your history of eating disorders? If so, bin her. Actually, bin her even if she doesn't, because you have asked her to stop and she won't. You don't need this woman in your life.

nunnie · 16/05/2011 14:36

I am the opposite in the fact that it is actually me who has the issue with my body not someone else (would be easier for me if it was someone else, as I have grown a thick skin to people and their ignorant comments), I was treated for bulemia when I was 15, and I am now 31 and pregnant with number 3. I didn't used to weight myself, and I never looked in the mirror. I knew my BMI from previous pregnancies and that was enough for me. However this time around I have grown increasingly concerned about my weight, I like you am crying if I look in the mirror, which is happening far to often. I am weighing myself regularly and have lost more than half a stone this pregnancy. Which I think is down to me, whilst I haven't been making myself ill, I have cut back on my intake of foods I know will make me gain weight.

You yourself know, and as soon as you feel you are returning to the point of worry, then you must seek help.
As you are already looking in the mirror and being upset by what you see, I think you are close the that stage. Irrelevant of what has made you feel like this the issue is you are starting to believe it yourself. I don't want to judge, but I have a feeling the reason your 'friends' comments are hurting you is because deep down you were already concerned about this yourself.
Speak to your midwife, or even your GP. Please get help now whilst it is still early.

Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well.

Lastyearsmodel · 16/05/2011 14:37

I'd stop referring to her as a friend right now. Does she know about your past issues?

You say you've gained '15lbs too much' and are having problems with your body image. There is no such thing as 'too much' weight gain and as long as you are eating healthily you and your baby will be fine.

Pregnancy is a strange time - your body changes so quickly it is very hard to keep up with the changes (let alone decide how to dress for your new shape!).

You sounds very worried so I hope someone with more experience comes along but I just wanted to say enjoy your beautiful pregnant body - it is growing a new life on the inside and that means a temporary change of shape on the outside. Anyone who thinks a lovely bump is fat needs their head examining - I would feel sorry for your 'friend' if she weren't being so cruel to you.

lolajane2009 · 16/05/2011 14:50

This girl is not a friend. i'd cut her from your life as she seems like all she will do is cause you grief. Five years ago i finally cut out a similar sounding childhood friend and it was the best thing I ever did.

Nanny01 · 16/05/2011 15:34

I have to agree keep yourself away from this person surround your self with those that affirm the positve. I am very obese but I have told some to not even talk about it, I am what I am and dieting in pregnancy is not good. I had bulimia as a teenager so really don't want to go back to that. Just don't return her calls. eventually she will go away.

whatsoever · 16/05/2011 15:45

If she is a workmate, please have a word with your manager - this is totally unacceptable behaviour. If she is a non-work friend, avoid avoid avoid.

I really hope you can get away from this poisonous woman and stop feeling bad about yourself, you are growing a baby and that is amazing Smile

sleepybump · 16/05/2011 16:27

(apologies if you've already done this but,) If she is usually a good friend of yours - are you being blunt about her stopping saying those things? Don't skirt around the issue or be 'nice about it' be absolutely straight up with her and tell her to stop. If, however, you have been straight up about it I agree with the other posters here, avoid/ignore/ she really isn't your friend. I don't mean she needs to know your life history to make her stop - she should just stop if you ask her to and shouldn't carry on making jokes at your expense.

saffy85 · 16/05/2011 17:50

Any mutual friends who could/would tell her to keep her fucking gob shut? Gimme her number and I'll do it. Angry

Someone needs to be brutal with this stupid mare.

Original poster
mrsrosieb · 16/05/2011 19:21

Thanks for the advice. I have explained things to her assertively, but politely today, also pointing out I have been anorexic in the past. Hopefully now these comments will stop-if they continue then I will just tell her to get lost. The problem is she seems like such a nice person apart from the weight comments and I am struggling to tell whether she is just incredibly tactless-or malicious. I guess I will just have to wait and see if these comments continue-in which case it must be malicious. Thanks again for all your help.

OP posts:
davidtennantsmistress · 16/05/2011 19:35

fingers crossed they do. very Angry and :( for you. my 'best mate' has taken to calling me 'fatty' at 25 weeks - i'm so tempted to say i'm pg what's your bloody excuse Angry esp as she's 2 sizes larger than me when i'm not pg!

it's not nice to have this and I think it amounts to bullying tbh. :(

WiiUnfit · 16/05/2011 19:46

Oh that's horrible! :(

Does this "friend" (I use the term v.loosely here!) know of your past experience?

It may be worth a "Look, [I had struggled with an eating disorder in the past and] your comments are less than helpful. BACK OFF." Feel free to include / disregard the bracketed bit - why should you have to explain yourself?!

I do like iklboo's advice:
'I'm not fat, I'm pregnant. I will soon give birth and be my normal weight again. You, on the other hand, will always be an obnoxious c*nt. Cup of tea?' Grin

WiiUnfit · 16/05/2011 19:48

x-posts, sorry mrsrosieb, I didn't see your reply! Good on you, this vile cow needs to be told straight, her behaviour is unacceptable. If you do work with her, please mention her behaviour to your manager, it is really not on.

leopardprintmum · 17/05/2011 14:59

friend? methinks not. Like lolajane2009 I 'broke up' with a long term friend who caused me years of heartache & stress. It was the best thing I could have done, for both of us. Its sad but sometimes friendships turn toxic. You simply cannot afford to influenced by negative forces at the moment. If she's a work 'friend', its tricky but I'd explain that she had seriously offended you and it was best you didnt communicate from now on.

ToriaPumpkin · 17/05/2011 15:27

Do love iklboo's response Grin

She sounds like a complete cow OP. I hope what you've said to her today has the desired effect and she gives it a rest. I'm with the posters who have told someone where to get off for similar comments and am anticipating a few more in the next few weeks (particularly the bride for whom I'm going bridesmaid dress shopping on Sat who likes to project her own issues onto other people, but she's a whole other story)

BooBearBoo · 17/05/2011 15:42

Oh yes I had this once.

I teach a little boy up the road and continued to do so up until I was about 37 weeks pregnant. I put on 5 stone whilst pregnant. The husband of the house only ever first met me when I was about 30 weeks preg. Anyway, just before I left to go on mat leave he came into the room and his wife was commenting on how big my bump had got. He then called me a fat cow!!! Literally like "I know. Fat cow" TO MY FACE!!!! Shock Hmm.

Anyway 4m after giving birth I went back to work there and had lost half a stone more than I had gained making me a size 8. You shoulda seen his face... Wink Grin

Original poster
mrsrosieb · 17/05/2011 15:45

Thanks for all the advice. Thankfully this is not a work friend. I confided in another friend this morning who has agreed with many of the posters here that this woman is being malicious and not just tactless. Not only has she slagged off my pregnant figure she has also said my garden is a mess and has volunteered to help paint my home as "it is not a home it is just a house". I am bloody livid about it. My garden is a mess, but I live in a rented home and will be moving once the baby arrives. She is also trying to give me graphic advice on how to do pelvic floor exercises and I feel very uncomfortable discussing those bits of my anatomy with anyone other than my midwife. I was in floods of tears today discussing the "fat tw*t" comments she has made to me and just cannot take anymore. I am going to just avoid her from now on. Thanks again.

OP posts:
BooBearBoo · 17/05/2011 15:47

Oh dear :( Yes you need to get well rid. She sounds horrible [hug]

ToriaPumpkin · 17/05/2011 15:56

Is she my MIL?

lizandlulu · 17/05/2011 16:01

how awful for you, this woman must be a nasty nasty cow to even think these things about you, especially considering your previous problems. i hope you get through this healthily, dont worry about what other people think about your pregnancy, your body is doing the most amazing job of looking after and nurturing a baby and i bet you look stunningSmile

i would aviod her at all costs, delete her from your life if possible, what good is she?