Are you ever financially 'Ready' to start a family?

[mytime777]

Hi (i am pretty new to this...)

I am 27, seriously thinking about starting a family with my partner (30) of 4 years soon.

We both have full time perm jobs etc. Up until recently we have had lodgers in our house to help with the bills etc as with the recession and due to us buying at possibly the worst time - before the housing market crash, we had to,but now they have moved out so financially we will be a lot more strapped for cash now with a big morgage but wondered... do people wait until they can say 'financially we are ready' or do they just go for it as the old saying goes ' things have a way of working them selves out' ? You'll manage/ You'll cope etc

It may sound funny &up until recently I didn't believe it, but my biological clock has definitely started ticking... loudly- over the last 8-10 months I am constantly thinking about starting a family and having my own little bundle!

I am a very cautious person and definitely a worrier so want to be as secure as possible but having said that dont want to wait too long as i know there are increased ricks as you get older... ( besides i would ideally like 2-3;) )

I know having a child is a very big decision and therefore am keen to do it right.
With the wealth of knowledge and experience on this site i am keen to know peoples thoughts...:)

Thanks

Short answer? No. :)

I went through a tick tock period similarly around your age but I had only just met my DH then. We spent years trying to sort out respective careers out. Went ok for a bit whilst we saved like mad to buy a house which we did, like you, at the peak (but glad we did as we wouldn't get a mortgage now!) Got married (2 years ago today in fact!) I'm now 36 and pg with first baby. I'm probably too old for lots of kids but like you, I'm a worrier, and had my hubbie not been quite insistent that we got on with it, then maybe it would never have happened.

As it is, both our careers have been all over the place for last two years. Both do contract work, though I now have part-time lecturing job which is great as it's a little bit of steady money.

I don't think there is ever a 'right' time unless you are very lucky. Life has a way of chucking stuff at you! I think if you are stable in your home, and both have jobs and both are stable and happy in your relationship, then why not go for it?! Good luck :)

Hi there mytime7777

I was just like you, and my father in law said to us that you are never financially ready haha! If you put off waiting until you think you are you might never do it. So now we're 20 weeks pregnant and we're going to find a way to make it work. Money will be tight we know that, but it will be so worth it.

We were the same about getting married, we kept putting it off and saying that we couldn't afford it but when we sat down and really looked at what we were spending our money on, and how much we could save if we cut back on things we didn't really need, we realised that we could do it and we did. It was the same with starting a family.

Obviously you've got to be responsible but if you're both working full time and your jobs are permanent I'm sure you can find a way of making it work. Make a list of all your incomings and outgoings and you might just be surprised.

Good luck!! xx

No.
All the rubbish you read about how much children cost is just that....rubbish. You spend as little or as much as you want.

We've not two pennies to rub together, but have three healthy, happy, wanting for nothing children. And zero regrets.

When they're actually there, you get on with it without a thought.

Not at all. My partners in the process of finding his permanent teaching job for next year, I'm going to have to leave my job if we have to move for his, no savings no mortgage, and a wedding to pay for in March.

But wouldn't change it for the world. I think we know we'll manage no matter how hard it is for a few years so that makes it ok.

xx

My sensible mother pointed out that if we all wait until we can afford children, there would be very few born.
DD was a complete surprise, she is an only and I was 37 when I had her. Like Pictish pointed out, you spend what you can afford.
She is at school in Belgium, yesterday she had her birthday party in a local park. On the invitations we had specified that people shouldn't wear fancy clothes as it was likely to be messy.
One mother told me off for allowing her DD to slide along the floor in mini Versace white jeans. My face was a bit like this
Our DD wears C+A and H+M, she hasn't suffered from lacking 195 euros trousers.

Thanks. And congrats on the pregnancy:)

They say your 20's are meant to be fun right? but I just feel so much pressure to 'set our lives' out.I feel like what I do know will effect the rest of my life. Whilst my other half doesnt say as much I know he feels pressure to 'provide' as obviously if we had a baby I wouldnt be working for a while. plus I know he would prefer that I spent as much time as I could with the baby , and also that as we have said we would ideally like to have a 2-3 ,we would like them close together in age which would mean me not working for a while.

now we have the house to our selves we need to give it a few months to make sure we can afford the morgage payments and live etc.

In my mind I do think it will be ok.. we will manage and if that means no holidays/clothes/ shopping etc etc then so be it - that is something I am willing to give up in order to have a famiily.
I have one older sister and as yet neither of us have had children- I know my mum would love to be a nan. my sister is a very career driven person and living in London means that she is even further away from settling down. I often feel that as the younger sister, maybe I shouldnt want to settle down yet, maybe I should be pursuing the'career' and having the holidays etc that she does but then I realise that isnt what I want!

How old is you other half if you dont mind me asking.. despite that I am younger than mine, I feel I am the one that actually wants to do something about our future,where as he is happy I think to carry on as we are. I think he is expecting that one day he will wake up and think' i want to get married/I want to start a family' etc.....

It depends... do you anticipate that your financial situation will improve if you wait?

I was on short-term contracts through my late 20s and early 30s, living in rented accommodation because we didn't feel comfortable taking on a mortgage at the height of the impending financial doom, and I was traveling a lot for work, often away over 1/2 the year. Late 2009 I started a job with a permanent contract and great mat bens, we were able to buy a big house at a good price with almost no mortgage due to the crash and having saved hard in the flush years, I finished the worst of my traveling and came off the pill. Currently 15w with our first.
The downside to the smuggery above is that I am now 34, and occasionally wonder if the aches & pains of (my so far uncomplicated, fx) pregnancy would be less if I'd started 5y ago. That said, we weren't in a secure enough position to deliberately ttc then so who knows. I don't think that one ever quite feels there is a 'right time' anyway. If you and your partner have talked about it and feel you're emotionally and fiscally able to support a family, go for it.

Isn't there a saying "God (or whoever) laughs at people who make plans"?!

I like you spent quite a lot of time thinking about 'the right time' to start a family. And then, having reached the grand old age of 34 we decided to start trying at the end of last year. We fell pregnant straight away... I got my BFP 8 days after I was made redundant!!

So I would echo what others have said, there is no right time financially as you NEVER know what is around the corner! However, there is a right time (or better time) emotionally. I would stress that making sure you are (both) ready emotionally to start a family is the more important consideration.

HTH.

You are never financially ready to start a family. The more money you have, the more accustomed to it you become.

3 years ago I worked full time and childcare costs were something that other people had. We had at least one skiing holiday every year, usually went abroad another time, didn't worry about whether we could afford to go out and overpaid our mortgage.

I now have a 2.8 yo DS, 17 wks pg with DC2, work part time, pay more in childcare than mortgage, buy a lot of stuff second hand and holidays are in the UK and sometimes under canvas and our house is really too small. Our lifestyle is very much lower key, but I don't miss my old (exhausting and unfilling life) at all. I am having a great time though, and would not change having child(ren) for the world. We get by and are fed and clothed.

You might be interested in this article from Saturday's Guardian work life balance

No - just go for it. Pre-baby essentials sometimes become non-essential and you have no idea how much your life will change even if someone says to you that you have no idea how much your life will change.

Wasn't finacially ready with my 1st but decided to try anyway took over 4 years so glad I did, am now pregnant with my 3rd and am still not finacially stable.
If you both feel ready to try then I say try, don't wait for money to be perfect as I don't think you will ever know when it is.

Thanks for all your advice.

I guess if you wait for the day when you have more than enough money, you may be waiting forever as that day may never come and as a result will possibly have missed your 'ideal' time from an age/body/emotional perspective.

I am thinking if we wait a few months to make sure we are on track with the morgage now we have no tenants etc , then get 'cracking' at the end of the year for a summer baby.... !!(if it all goes to plan that is )... thats a good year off from now so if we both carry on saving etc i'm sure we will be fine.

Out of interest ; are the figures that are out there true about how much a child costs in the first year??

There is no right time, the right time to start trying is when you know you want to get pregnant.

I got pregnant accidentally at 24. It was a shock but we both worked full time, had just moved into a 3 bed house, had plenty of disposable income that we just frittered away on meals out, clothes, drink, etc. Looking back, it was fine. I got a good maternity leave package, we bought everything for the baby ourselves and didn't starve or default on the mortgage!

How much a child costs in its first year is up to the parents! how much did you spend on yourself in the last year? its stupid to put a price on a baby.

The time will never be right. You just have to cut your cloth accordingly. Having kids more than makes up for having less money. Your lives will change anyway in ways that you might not imagine.

FWIW, we have two DDs (5 year old and 14 month old). We live in a 2 bed semi in an expensive city. DP is more or less the sole breadwinner (although I do a very small amount of PT work). Our DDs share a tiny room. We could REALLY do with somewhere bigger but that ain't happening anytime soon. However, we will manage somehow and that's the key!

DD1 has just arrived a week ago, I am 42 and DH is 47. Ready? Yes. Financially? No. I'm facing redundancy, we couldn't cope on what DH earns. We'll spend what we can afford, although you can guarantee if she needs it we'll do whatever it takes to make it happen. If I'd have met DH 10 or 15 years earlier who's to say it would have been any different?
I'd be curious to see the figures on how much a child costs, I'm sure we'll be spending less that that!

Agree with everyone above....I am about to have our first baby, and despite both DP and I being full time employed in decent jobs, STILL the thought of mortgage, plus some unpaid time off work, plus impending childcare costs when I do go back absolutely terrifies me. (I too am a life worrier and hugely cautious with cash). I think we will just have to re-assess all our outgoings on a pretty regular basis once baby arrives and we make childcare decisions and start to work it all out.

The oft-quoted figure for raising a child is £250,000 until the age of 18. Unless you go for private education or reams of staff, I really can't see how that number is generated. You could go pretty nuts on bedroom furniture, a new car every couple of years, and some pretty spanking holidays and still not get close to it!
So unless that is based on people moving house or loss of earnings, I'm going to assume that's tosh

Well I'm 23 and my DP is 24, I'll be 24 when the baba comes along.

But even though we've not been together a long as many other couples (a year and a half) we both knew that this was what we wanted. My DP wanted to have kids after 30 initially but I think after a few months we both decided that if we had them earlier we'd both be happier. But even though we were planning on trying after the wedding, this suprise has been really well received. (Still totally freaking out though) :)

xx

Yes I guess it is a bit tricky to estimate how much a child cost in its first year as everyone lives differently and again within their means.

My main worry is being able to keep the morgage going as we looked at potentially selling but would be in negative equity so not really an option therefore we would have to keep it up on what we earn.

I guess regardless of how much you plan life out, things can just happen which can take you by surprise which no amount of planning would forsee!

IMO children are very expensive if you are relying on two people's salary to pay the mortgage and bills. If I didn't have to work then my kids would be really cheap as clothes, food etc for them is not very expensive. However if you are relying on two salaries then the family income takes a massive hit. Most woman do not get full pay for the entire maternity period and then when you go back to work childcare costs are huge. We estimated that we were down about at least £50k in lost earnings when I was off work. We now have two kids and are spending about £800 a month in childcare costs to "allow" me to go back to work part time. A ft nursery place costs at least £40 per day so should be factored in to your calculations

That's not to say that you should put off having kids until you are loaded. I would however caution that if you are struggling to pay your mortgage now when you are both working ft then you will need to
make some serious financial adjustments once you have a baby.

We did wait until we were basically financially stable before having children. Sort of. We knew we wanted to move into a bigger house first, and then as the house was a wreck, we wanted to do lots of improvements to it before having children. We were married for 10 years before having children.

So do I regret it? Yes and no. We had some really fabulous years where we did some great stuff. Lots of holidays, lots of hobbies, lots of time getting to know each other. We also managed to save enough money so that we didn't have to rely on 2 incomes to pay mortgage, bills etc - we have no free childcare so all my salary would have gone on childcare.

But it took a lot longer to get the house done than we anticipated. I do regret that time as in my mind once I had moved I wanted to get on with having children not doing a massive extension and painting the house etc. Having said that, it was much, much easier doing it before children than if we'd waited and had to do it around babies and toddlers.

I think it was worth waiting a bit - mainly for those fabulous childfree, carefree years. Getting to know each other really well has been fabulous during the very hard baby years. Building up savings has been useful but not essential - we'd have coped whatever.

We waited until financially (and professionally) it wouldn't be a disaster (directly opposed to financially ready). As it happened, this was before DH was ready in his own mind, so needn't have thought about it that way...

Nope. We were actually in a quite good position, then husband lost his job when I was 34+2. Not ideal. Not fretting yet, sure he'll find something soon, but just goes to show that you can never be entirely secure.

no. unless you are The Queen or Madonna, that moment isn't going to come.