Are you ever financially 'Ready' to start a family?

[mytime777]

Hi (i am pretty new to this...)

I am 27, seriously thinking about starting a family with my partner (30) of 4 years soon.

We both have full time perm jobs etc. Up until recently we have had lodgers in our house to help with the bills etc as with the recession and due to us buying at possibly the worst time - before the housing market crash, we had to,but now they have moved out so financially we will be a lot more strapped for cash now with a big morgage but wondered... do people wait until they can say 'financially we are ready' or do they just go for it as the old saying goes ' things have a way of working them selves out' ? You'll manage/ You'll cope etc

It may sound funny &up until recently I didn't believe it, but my biological clock has definitely started ticking... loudly- over the last 8-10 months I am constantly thinking about starting a family and having my own little bundle!

I am a very cautious person and definitely a worrier so want to be as secure as possible but having said that dont want to wait too long as i know there are increased ricks as you get older... ( besides i would ideally like 2-3;) )

I know having a child is a very big decision and therefore am keen to do it right.
With the wealth of knowledge and experience on this site i am keen to know peoples thoughts...:)

Thanks

Don't read any of the "children cost a million pounds" articles. You can get everything you need second hand and people are bursting to give you their old stuff that is cluttering up their lofts! Join freecycle, ebay and regularly look in your local charity shops. Apparently boot fairs are awesome too!

There is never a right time, and we were definitely not in a good financial place, but also remember that once you have a baby you won't be spending money on going out anymore!

Just don't be precious about having new things and you'll be fine! If you breastfeed you won't even have to buy any food for the first 6 months.

I agree with pictish and I think people spend ridiculous sums on babies/small children. I 'did' my two (!) on a very low budget, not because we were desparately poor (but I had never earned much, dh not higher rate tax payer, so maybe below average mn income??) mainly because I am/was a 'green' and got everything second hand, used cloth nappies, breastfed, etc. They only get expensive when you have to start paying for childcare, and then when they start 'needing' more new stuff when they are older. You should be back on an even keel by then with work, as long as nothing goes wrong workwise, which you can never rule out anyway. I think there is a lot to be said for having your children in your 20s (I didn't!) as long as you feel ready.

x post with CookieMonster, I agree with you too!

We started trying to conceive Jan before last so have been trying for 16months. When we started we were not financially secure and were struggling however we were broody and figured it would work out some how but I would have to be flexible and work until due date and may have to go back to work sooner than I wanted. Now though we have had an unexpected windfall so we will be very financially stable and we will be able to afford all the thing we want and I will be able to choose how long I want so sometimes things can suddenly change for the better. I just wish I could now getting sodding pregnant-bloody pcos, endo etc!

Its true you never can be totally secure and know what the future holds I know this from experiance I wont go into it as too depressing. One thing I know for sure that if you want a baby and are broody and are seriously considering it this will not go away and things like expensive holidays will become unfufiling you will crave them camping holidays with kids!. The posh new clothes seem less appealing as you start to realise what really matters which is family and you will adapt and cope with whatever hurdles thrown at you.xx

We waited until the time was right, financially and practically.

First time we had to wait for my husband's son to start school so that we could afford for me to stay at home. We the left approx 5 years between each one so we could build up a pot of reserve money to fund us and limit childcare costs.

We were certain each time that there would be a financially right time to have children.

We decided just to start trying because when we sat down and worked out a 'plan', it became vividly obvious the time would never be 'right' and we would be waiting forever. I have never wanted to be an older Mum either (no offence intended to the older mothers out there, I appreciate it is entirely a personal choice, so please don't crucify me!), so didn't want to keep putting it off. I think no matter how much you earn, it's never enough anyway! lol.

At 21 fresh out of uni and waitressing, I had a tiny rented flat with my then OH and we found ourselves unexpectedly pregnant. I had nothing, due to his behaviour we ended up evicted. A lot of people gave me second hand baby stuff. We moved to another city near my mum to give it a go in a council rented house, then bought a tiny wee ex council in the next village. He was very violent so eventually when DD was three I left, I had even less he ripped me off big time (I calculated later about 12K - but hey I have DD). I was on my own working 2 jobs and we survived (paid for childcare for my day job and mum had he weekend nights while I worked in a pub). When she was 5 I was made redundant. I made the biggest decision of my life I moved back 2 hours North again away from my family (away from HIM and his threats too), the job I got earned me as much as the other two put together - result. I was lucky I got tax credits and I managed ok and made a good network of friends.

3 Months after the move friends introduced me to my DH it was a slow start but 5.5 years on we are married now and I am 26+2. My DH is my DD's daddy through and through now ('He' hasn't even sent her a b'day card etc in 5 years - he lives in another country now - yes he can send stuff through his mum as she knows I am still in regular contact with her). My DD is a happy, confident and healthy pre-teen who is starting secondary school in a few months. She never went without - except when it was things she didn't need! and in the last few years thanks to two salaries she has been very lucky with holidays and electronics.
My DH and I are slightly worried as we are not as comfortable as we were a couple of years ago, but I know from experience you don't need to buy everything, so I am getting essential items only and our families have wanted to chip in too so it's been ok. There are always options!

So what I am trying to say is - just because I had so very very little when she was young doesn't mean she didn't have enough - you do manage as best you can. It sounds cliche but they just need care and love and attention and food and clothes and somewhere to sleep. And just because I have more now financially doesn't mean this child will get anything different from me (I'm just thankful this time I am not on my own and I have the greatest amount of love and support for me too).
If you and your DP decide to have a child then go for it, if you keep waiting something else will become a reason to wait a bit - or a bit longer (DH and I put it off for a couple of years and we are now thinking in hindsight that was a bit daft).

What I said about options - think about that, we plan for me to go back to work full time after 9 months but due to the commute and childcare costs we are not ruling out that it just might not work and I am keeping my mind open for potentially looking for evening work, or working from home on evenings, then childcare doesn't come into it.
Also - when we first started planning this DC we started buying childcare vouchers from my salary, this got us used to a slightly lower income and I have a nice big healthy pot ready, I'll stop getting these as soon as I go on Mat leave.

I would do as other ladies suggested sit down with a list of incomings and outgoings - get rid of any none essential outgoings, look for better service deals (fuel and telecoms bills for example) find out EXACTLY what you need to survive. Then any other income you have on top of this exact figure set up a SO to move to a savings account every month. This will get you used to staying within a budget and when you do have a LO you have a ready made safety cushion.

Oh I went on a bit sorry about that I hope my long winded story was some help. Whatever you decide I wish you luck :)

The figures are a total comic effort! I heard one only a day or two ago which said that children cost (on average) £10k each per year. I have 3, #4 on the way and DH's income is not even 'enough' to raise 3 on that basis! To be fair, when we ttc #4 it was but he lost his job just before our bfp came.

He's now started his own company and although it's tight we still enjoy life. We still have the odd takeaway or meal out and I still have my own car, for which I am v grateful.

We have never had a really large mortgage so that's another benefit.

But as others have said, babies are as cheap or expensive as you make them. I've had all sorts of things offered me this time which I've said no to as I know what I need (pram, car seat, cot, feeding paraphenalia dep on which method you choose) which is all being offered by mum's who've just had their 1st. And then realised that the list off 'essentials' is a big fat lie!

Obv, there are other unavoidable costs - childcare being one of them. But really, a lot of what is spent os not necessary, it's just nice.

Ditto to what most others have said. We were financially stable when we had DS1, then the recession hit and we both lost our jobs in the first year of his life. We had our house repossessed and lost everything, ended up with a mountain of debt and being chased by all sorts for money we didn't have.

We moved in with my mum for a few months and DH went self employed and built up his business. Now we're about to move into a small flat, and we have a tiny car, no Sky TV and we buy Tesco Value everything.

In a nutshell, everything that could go wrong did! But we thought sod it, and now I'm 24 weeks with DS2. Financial stability is a myth in times like these, the gap between my DSes will be just what I wanted and their happiness comes first.

Agree that the ludicrous figures quoted on the cost of children are just laughable. People can't wait to give you their old baby clothes/prams/cots when they find out you are pregnant, and even if you don't have any friends with kids, stuff on ebay is so cheap, simply because there are millions of people who have completed their families but who need a bit of extra cash.

The recession isn't the fault of ordinary people, yet we are the ones who pay the price for it every day. It would be a tragedy if you missed out on the best things in life because of other people's recklessness and mistakes.

Look at me, if the very worst things happen financially after you had your baby, you'll still be a family, and that's what you need when it all goes wrong.

We aren't - we have lots of debts which we are trying to clear as much as we can but then things get in the way like car services, and the bathroom needing attention and wanting to do a little decorating before bubba arrives.

Tho we have been very very lucky with our generous friends and family - and I'm hoping that we wont have very much to pay for childcare as I can take baby with me to work (as a nanny).

I would've 'liked' to wait a little longer to have a baby, ideally 3 more years when our loan was paid off but then something else would happen.

We will be OK, we have to be even if it means we eat beans on toast all week.

I started to feel positive & excited about my 'surprise' pregnancy when I realised that I earn enough money on my own to pay the mortgage & full time childcare (just). Being in a full time job with an established career, in a prestigious company really calmed my pregnancy nerves. I'll get 9 months full salary + BUPA & Benefits. DP has credit card debts so I'll cover the baby costs anyway. Not that I'd ever willingly rely on him financially. TBH, at your age I'd focus on getting yourself in a good financial position, save, work for a promotion, so you can relieve your worries & then are more likely to get preggers!

TTCing and pregnant women are seen as such a marketing opportunity. There's so much that the media and general consumerism would persuade you that you need that is so unnecessary. For example...

Everything new. Certainly, there's probably a need for new matresses for each baby and it's probably a bit dodgy to buy unknown brands of car seat from random strangers, but you really can get almost everything else on ebay, gumtree, freecycle or from charity shops or car boot sales.

A lot of maternity wear. Whereas a few pairs of comfy smart things are probably useful, much of the time you can get away with tops a few sizes larger over a cheap pair of leggings.

A fancy travel system of pram and pushchair and car seat. If you have a car you'll need the proper car seat, but otherwise you can carry a baby in a sling until he/she is big enough to sit in a simple stroller.

Moses baskets and cribs. Babies can go straight into a cot... or you can co-sleep until they're ready for a proper bed.

Coordinated and gender-specific clothes and accessories. If you're planning on more than one, it makes more sense to go for neutrals and bright colours than endless pink or blue. It's more fun and more original, too.

Endless baby classes and activities. There are people out there who'll try and convince you that your newborn baby will suffer irrevocable developmental or social damage if not signed up to £10ph classes in BSL or synchronised swimming. They mostly just want your money. Sure Start centres and church toddler groups are usually free and equally sociable.

Breastfeeding tops. Most of the double-layered or panelled contraptions do nothing to protect your modesty than a normal wrap top or simple cardigan wouldn't.

Baby food. Whether or not you're breastfeeding or doing BLW or purees, there's nothing in any of the jars or packets of baby food you couldn't make yourself.

I'm sure others will add to this list. I think there was a thread about useless baby products here a few weeks back, too...

Short answer: No.

Long answer, we managed, quite daftly to get me pregnant whilst absolutely broke because we'd just moved house, twice. In both cases it was temporary (although we've never rolled in money!) and we are fine.

Being financially stable (ie having regular money come in) means a lot more than having a wodge of cash saved up. Because you can quite often get the basics for practically nothing if you are very careful (freecycle, second hand from friends/family/boot sales/ebay...). But if you have a regular income, however much it is, that there is money to play with and shuffle around and somehow you will always make things add up. Your assesment about what you want/need to spend money on may well change quite dramatically.

A friend told me her work college (unprompted - she is quite young and just starting out at work) announced you needed 50k in the bank before having a baby.

I giggled at that for a long time!

LaWeasel If that was made law we would suddenly have some extreme population shrinkage me thinks!

I am expecting our first and I think we are financially ready (two full time jobs, a house big enough for us and a child) although it has coincided with us being emotionally ready which I think is more important.

The pressures on people to choose the right time to have childern are unbelievable. The medical profession says women should be 20 - 35 (what if you haven't met Mr Right yet?). Politicians generally say you should be financially stable (what if you work in a low paid profession and that will never happen?) Society in general says you should be in a stable relationship (how long is stable?)

I think instinct has to come into it, otheerwise as many people have said, no babies would ever be born!

I try not to look at any of those "babies cost £250k over a lifetime" things. It's not as if you would have a bank account with £250k in if you didn't have children, it would just be frittered away on something else - Tesco Finest instead of ordinary food or a 5 star hotel instead of a campsite on holiday.

We are expecting our 1st

its due on my 31st birthday, and at that point OH will be 29.

We are as financially ready as we have ever been, and i'm lucky enough that we will be able to survive on one wage. (we have been used to 2 wages but will be fine with just 1) OH runs his own company and 2 or 3 years ago it wouldn't have been as 'easy' as it will be now. (& I use the term 'easy' very loosely indeed, perhaps i mean possible?)

I am pleased we have waited until now, BUT i think we have only been emotionally ready for a year or so, and regardless of our financial position, i am now desperate to be a mummy, and regardless of finances, Id be wanting to try for a baby anyway..... Everyone manages somehow, and i know we would manage too.

So long as children are loved, fed, & clothed they dont need much else really, and in the scheme of things food, and clothes (ebay and charity shops) dont cost that much anyway.

One adult item of high street (brand new) clothing, could provide pretty much a whole new wardrobe for a child from a charity shop.

To be honest, if even most people waited until they were "financially ready" to start a family - I am assuming that means at least having a mortgage, a good permanent salary, stable job, some savings - there wouldn't be that many parents around. I had my first child when I was quite young and it wasn't actually planned and me and DH were clearly not financially ready in the sense of the word. But we found parenting very rewarding and it taught us things which we would probably not have learnt if we had stayed childless till now... That said though, 3 kids later, we are almost there in terms of "financially ready", just don't have a mortgage yet, because we are still not sure where we want to plant our roots (DH isn't British, and I am British but spent most of my life growing up and living abroad)... I have friends who really planned and waited until they were financially ready to have children, so they were in their 30's before they had their first child, and once they started having children, they had them in quick succession (1 every year) until they reached the number they wanted (most of them settled at 2, or 3 max). I can certainly see the sensibility in going for that approach though, as those friends are the ones who always have the most cash around for luxuries and holidays and helpers and things, so they are somewhat less stressed as parents, whereas me and DH struggled financially for the first few years of DC1's life before we found our financial footing and didn't have any spare cash left over for holidays and other luxuries, and we moved around a lot so DH could keep improving his career prospects, we did rely on thrift shops and second hand shops and ebay for clothing for DCs and us. I've learnt that in order to have a happy loving family you don't need to have lots of cash lying around. Its a humbling experience and spiritually meaningful.

Ahh thanks for all the advice on here Ladies.

I think we will be able to do it all on a budget, my main concern as I mentioned is the Morgage.
With our house mates moving out we will be 'going it alone' so the next few months will give us an idea how we get on with affording it with both salaries. Then I guess we can work out how viable it is on my partners wage alone!!

Problem is we fall in to that category; dont earn enough to be able to live comfortably but earn too much for any help in terms of benefits.

The housing market crash has really messed things up for us as otherwise we would be absolutely fine and could sell the house if need be ( cant sell now as negative equity and would lose £1000's:( ).

I definitely feel better knowing that the 'essential ' items arent infact that essential and that you can get a lot of it 2nd hand in good condition.

Thankyou. xx