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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Is anyone else getting freaked out by all the celebs losing their babies?!

58 replies

footyfan · 10/05/2011 04:23

I'm 19 weeks pregnant with my first. I've had two mc in the past (both before 12 weeks). I had thought once I got into my second trimester I was in the clear, but all the coverage of stillbirths is starting to make me wonder if I'm being naive. Does anyone know what your risks of losing a baby after 12 weeks are?

I know I'm being ridiculous - but you can't help thinking about it when it's in the press every other week!

OP posts:
frakyouveryverymuch · 10/05/2011 09:32

xstitch I didn't order any of the big stuff until after the 3rd trimester scan, refused to have the pram in the house (it spent 3 weeks in the boot of DH's car) and wouldn't allow DH to take the cot out of the packaging to assemble it. Most people thought I was crazy but I couldn't think of anything worse than preparing the house to welcome a baby and that baby never making it home.

I'd rather deal with a bit of a flap (or not deal, because I was in hospital!) after the baby arrives safely.

I worried the whole way through, which I probably would have anyway but it was compounded by Amanda Holden being pretty much the same stage as me.

Now I'm paranoid about SIDS. I guess you can't win...

xstitch · 10/05/2011 09:35

It is quite a strong superstition in Scotland not to have the pram in the house beforehand. DP thinks I have flipped. Problem is I am the only one who can drive so not sure how we would pick things up this time.

frakyouveryverymuch · 10/05/2011 09:45

Order from somewhere that will deliver at short notice and leae essentials with a neighbour?
Nice local MNer who will do a run from baby shop to your house the day you come home?

apricotears · 10/05/2011 09:50

My beautiful neice was born asleep only a matter of weeks ago. Such a devastating outcome for my family after 9 months of preparation for a beautiful baby to be brought home. It is such a scary thought, but I am trying to stay relaxed and just listen to my body. I think it really is the best thing we can do for our little ones; worrying to the point of not being able to function or ENJOY our pregnancies isn't going to help anyone. I cherish every single moment I feel my LO move inside me and I will never again complain about a symptom of pregnancy, when others endure far worse things in life.

BornAgainBitch · 10/05/2011 09:54

Another tip from Auntie BAB...

Itchy hands and feet need to checked out as a matter of urgency. This sometimes indicates a liver condition that can lead to stillbirth.

orangehead · 10/05/2011 09:58

footy I know what you mean. I suffered 3 mcs all before 13 weeks. Then when I was pregnant with ds1 I couldnt relax, not helped as I kept spotting even in 2nd and 3rd trimester and he had quiet days of hardly any kicking. So had lots of visits to hospital but they were always great. A friend of mine then had a still born at 6 months when I was 4 months I think when You have had mcs you are not happy till your baby is in your arms.
The count the kicks campaign is great, my friend had noticed reduced movements but never went in and she cant forgive herself Sad.
I too thik it is good this things are openly discussed.

RitaMorgan · 10/05/2011 10:07

When I was pregnant last year, I also thought that once the 12 week scan (and especially the 20 week scan) was ok, that was it - you'd get your baby in the end.

I'm glad that stillbirth is more widely known about now, and I know I will be more vigilant in my next pregnancy.

Why do we have such appalling stillbirth rates in this country? Someone mentioned SIDS above - after much research, recommendations were made for parents to follow and cot deaths fell from something like 1200 to 300 a year. Stillbirth is now much more common than cot death, so why isn't anything being done about it?

xstitch · 10/05/2011 10:10

I think its getting better in a way. I did my family tree. Found out about a still birth in the relatively recent past (1930s) yet nobody had mentioned it. It wasn't mentioned not to avoid heartache but because it was considered shameful Angry. That must have made the mother feel a lot worse.

stillfrazzled · 10/05/2011 10:11

I had 2 (early) mcs after DS1 and before DS2 (born in January) so I didn't relax at any point during the pregnancy either. It is horrible.

Two things I found out with DS2:

  1. Leaking 'wee' in late pg might not actually be wee, especially if it doesn't smell much and you don't really feel it leaking when you cough, sneeze etc. In my case it was actually amniotic fluid, which I didn't realise for a few days as I was only 35 weeks.
  2. DS2 was absolutely normal at 20-week scan. At 35+3, when I got a scan because of my waters breaking, he was growth restricted due to poor blood supply so had to have EMCS. IMO there's too much of a gap between the 20-week scan and the birth. If a friend's bump was measuring small - which mine was, when I am absolutely not small - I would encourage them to request an extra scan or go private, I think.

Also entirely second the keeping an eye on movement. Not so much counting ten kicks, as just getting to know when the baby likes to be active and watching out for that.

However - and this is the bit that I hope won't freak you out - what I found out is that even when things go wrong, there's a lot that can be done. DS2 is tiny, but gorgeous and perfect and - most importantly - alive and with us. The NHS totally came through for us, and the care was exemplary.

I know there are cases that are a bolt out of the blue, but there are also plenty of simple things you can keep an eye on, and the odds are massively in your favour. 99%, in fact.

Hope all goes well for you. Smile

midori1999 · 10/05/2011 10:28

I agree with everything serendipity has said and although I am deeply sorry for the losses these women have suffered, I am glad it has been reported in the media, as if it raises awareness and makes the life of one woman who has lost a child slightly easier, or saves one baby, then it being reported in the press is a good thing. It's just so sad that anyone has to lose their baby at all.

I have had several early miscarriages and lost twins at 24 weeks last year. My waters had broken around twin 1 at 14+5. When it happened I rang the labour ward, certain that is what had happened, but not realising (even after 3 DC) that your waters could even break then. They were pretty confident I was wrong and it was just urine I was leaking, but when I went in it was confirmed it was my waters.

Having the early miscarriages was awful at the time, but it was more about mourning the loss of what could have been, our hopes and dreams, whereas losing my twin girls was unbelievably worse, that was about losing actual babies. Babies that I had seen breathing, that I had held and cuddled and loved as individual people, just like I love my surviving DC.

I refuse to let worry ruin this pregnancy though. Yes, the thought that I could lose this little girl at any time is always on my mind, it would be impossible not to worry. However, we bought our pram at around 20 weeks and it is upstairs and now at 32 weeks we have bought almost everything we need. I couldn't buy a thing last time as we knew from the time my waters broke we were likely to lose both babies and I was on strict bedrest and in and out of hospital, so I am determined to enjoy this pregnancy, to appreciate every little kick, every scan picture/DVD, every antenatal appointment and even everyt ime I can go out with a bump. I want things in the house so I can see them and look at them and let myself get a little bit excited. Part of the reason for that is that I know only too well that if something does go wrong, that will be all we will have left, but I won't let that ruin what is supposed to be a happy time.

serendipity16 · 10/05/2011 11:20

So sorry for your loss Midori1999.

I think its really important woman are aware of stillbirth and watch out for things but also try to enjoy your pregnancy.
Pregnancy is such an amazing, wonderful experience and although i am very high risk i love being pregnant. Yes i worry everyday i'm pregnant but i also enjoy every moment of it.

humph123 · 10/05/2011 12:06

I really don't want to go over my due date as paranoid something will go wrong. I may even fork out for a private scan to check on the placenta.
All i can say is if you don't feel much movement from baby then go to the hospital and get it monitored. I have been twice - about 4 midwives have said I did the right thing. everything was ok - and remember it's their job. life is too precious.

lovemybabyboy · 10/05/2011 12:40

I am already nervous enough, but all these celebs loosing there babies is making me worse!
I am 16+3 weeks pregnant with dc2, I have a ds who is 2.5 yrs but last august had a mmc, baby died at 8 weeks but found out at scan.
I was convinced i would have another mmc, and after a good scan result thought i would relax...and i did....for about a week, then started worrying again!

Having all these stories in the media, i think, are making people think that it is happening more often these days, but its always been happening, its just when it does happen people dont talk about it as its still such a taboo subject.

girlfromdownsouth · 10/05/2011 14:00

I am also worried hearing all these late m/c stories. I too had a m/c at around 12 wks and although have two DC's the fear never goes away. I am nearly 32wks pg with DC3 but have had numerous episodes of bleeding throughout and have always presented myself at A&E (in the first trimester) and at the maternity ward in the 2nd & 3rd trimester. Each time they were quick to reassure me that I had done the right thing and it was better safe than sorry.

Listen to your head and your body - if you are worried, go in!!

BornAgainBitch · 10/05/2011 14:30

I really don't want to go over my due date as paranoid something will go wrong. I may even fork out for a private scan to check on the placenta.

Very sensible, Humph.

theonlyhb2 · 10/05/2011 14:34

Oh poor Kelly :( she was due about the same time as me (am 26 weeks)

it is really quite upsetting, it wasnt something that ever bothered me before being pregnant and I thought you just got over it, but now being pregnant, I am amazed at how different I feel about some things!

BooBooGlass · 10/05/2011 14:34

Captainbarnacle, you seem to have a very loose understanding of statistics It doesn't work like that.There's not a set amount of miscarriages to go around. Thinking that because someone has lost their baby means it's less likely to happen to you is bloody awful, not to mention ridiculous.

TheFantasticFixit · 10/05/2011 15:21

Yes me too.. so sad for Kelly but I can't help thinking 'ohmegods.. what if that happens to us?!' and panicking. It doesn't help that when I originally told my boss she relayed the story of her multiple miscarriages pre 3 months - resulting in a life without children. It has terrified me. Am 11 weeks today and have our scan booked for next weds - am so scared that it will show a MMC...

theonlyhb2 · 10/05/2011 15:28

fantastic you have to wonder why some people don't keep their mouths shut! I am sure your scan will be fine and you will be amazed there is really a baby in there (and it looks like a baby!)

TheFantasticFixit · 10/05/2011 15:35

theonly: yes I know. I really, really wish she had kept her very sad story to herself, or perhaps told me once I had had the baby - I was only 5 weeks at the time! She's being a bloody nightmare now as well and smokes heavily - which makes me retch.. maybe I should get my own back by being sick on her shoes or something?! He he

Keeping fingers crossed for the scan - and I tell you, if all goes well I will be overwhelmed!

Minnieheehee · 10/05/2011 16:46

Great thread to worry/vent! My 20 week scan is due in 15 mins and all I can think of is poor Kelly Brooke....wish me luck ladies.

onadietcokebreak · 10/05/2011 20:06

Very worried- sil and two friends have had stillbirths. Trying not to allow it to consume me but yesterday's new of Kelly brook is making me was unsettled.

Northernlurker · 10/05/2011 20:20

I think it's good to be aware of these risks. Yesterday 17 women lost their babies (on average). Today another 17, tomorrow another 17. It is a national scandal that our stillbirth rate is so high and that so many stillbirths are totally unexplained.

Having said all that it is a rare event. Be aware of the risks and what to look out for but don't let it dominate your pregnancy.

Just a couple of other things following on from what has been said on this thread:

A cervical stitch is a serious intervention which carries substantial risk and is not a guarantee that everything will then be ok.

The risk of stillbirth inceases slightly after term yes, but induction carries risks too.

A placental scan post term will not tell you about any problems that may develop. It tells you about how things are at that point alone.

jellybeans · 10/05/2011 20:27

I am devastated for them but think it is 'good' that it is talked about and that people seee it happens to anyone, famous or not. I have had 9 pregnancies and lost 4 of them. 2 of these losses were after 20 weeks. It was the most horrible sad time and still leaves its scars on me.

It is rare but the 1 in 100 is for losses after 24 weeks as far as I know. I was told 3% for losses up to 24 weeks (but after 14-16 weeks). The vast majority of losses are early ones. Out of a toddler group that I go to, there are about 30 mums/carers and I know about 5 who have had a late loss. Most of them were full term (37 weeks+) and the baby suddenly had no heartbeat. I know several families who lost one of twins about halfway through. That seems quite common sadly as well.

jellybeans · 10/05/2011 20:31

'A cervical stitch is a serious intervention which carries substantial risk and is not a guarantee that everything will then be ok.'

Totally agree. I had a stitch and thankfully it worked but it was very hard and I was in and out of hospital with serious bleeding and warned of a 10-15% chance of preterm birth and subsequent loss (if before 24 weeks). If you get past that the stitch can rip etc and infection is an ever present risk. It is horrifying actually because there are many people who it fails for, i know several of them. Research actually is unclear as to it's benefits except for those who have lost several babies at around 20 weeks or who have definately got IC (not many that you can be 100% sure about). It is not a quick fix.