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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

My mum is driving me mad!

42 replies

Vakant · 06/05/2011 18:35

I am 39+3 and my mum is starting to drive me mad. She rings twice a day, for a "have you gone into labour yet" check in and has done so since I was 38 weeks. She has asked me to call her the second I go into labour (the second, not five minutes into labour, not an hour into labout just to make sure it really is labour! But the absolute second!) so that she can begin the journey to me (she lives 3 hours away). Bear in mind that I hope to stay at home for as long as possible and I don't want her here whilst I'm labouring, nor do I want her in the delivery room when we do get to the hospital. I want it to just be me and my partner, and she knows this. She really is driving me made, how do I deal with her?!? I've told her I will call her as soon as I feel for sure I'm in labour and that she can be the first person (after myself and partner of course) to see and hold the baby, what more does she want??! ARGH.

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Eglu · 06/05/2011 18:39

Tell her that the constant phone calls are annoying you and you will refuse to answer any more i she doesn't stop.

As for calling when you go into labour, where is she going to wait? Hospitals don't have space for waiting relatives in the UK. My MUm also asked me to phone her as soon as I went into labour with DC1. I never had any intention of doing that, and as it happened I didn't have time. She was called as soon as DS1 was born. She also lived about the same distance away from us at the time.

G1nger · 06/05/2011 18:56

Tell her you'll do it. And then don't. I think she's probably worried for you, and this is her way of dealing with it. I remember when my favourite sister went into labour and how much I couldn't settle because I knew she was in pain, etc...

iWILLdothis · 06/05/2011 19:12

I can understand why that would bother you....but here's a thought..... My mum was here while I was in labour. DH was tired and needed a break, so mum was able to help cook, carry me drinks, refill my hot water bottle for pain relief and even massaged my back with one of those roller ball things.... maybe you'd actually be glad of it if your labour goes on and on(and on and on and on and on....) like mine did and maybe even your DP will be glad of the extra help and reassurance, as they can feel pretty helpless at times.

bringmesunshine2009 · 06/05/2011 19:50

OMG don't tell her. My mum insisted on being at the birth bec her friend's mum was! SO NOT GOOD. Me and DH only had 45 mins with DS1 before he had to show her how to get back to our house as the bloody Sat Nav broke.

mousymouse · 06/05/2011 19:54

dont tell her.
my mom was similar, I just didnt answer the phone when it was her and called her when it suited me.
I didn*t call her when I went into labour and dh sent her a text when ds had arrived in the middle of the night.

rightontime · 06/05/2011 20:01

From her point of view it is quite exciting to think of your first grandchild being born and she obviously wants to feel involved.

Explain to her that right now you need to be resting and preparing yourself for your new baby and so don't really have the time/energy to be getting up to answer the phone. You will phone her when you need her and she does not need to worry.

Hopefully she will understand that she may have got a little carried away and calm down a little.

Original poster

Vakant · 06/05/2011 20:12

The last time I didn't answer her calls, she called the police! And it's not her first grandchild, it's her third, my brother has two kids. She basically wants to be there for the birth, regardless of whether that is what I want. I wish I could just ignore her, but it's not that easy, I will just have to manage it as best I can and hold her off for as long as possible.

OP posts:

helsbels999 · 06/05/2011 20:18

I have to admit i have added a week to my dates for the exact same reason - maybe a bit late for you though - I'm 20 weeks.

Could you tell a white lie about the midwife said the head isn't even engaged yet so should be at least another few days - gives you some breathing space at least for a few days

G1nger · 06/05/2011 20:20

Hmmmm. Time to play hardball with your domineering mother? Let your partner answer the phone each time and tell her you're "resting".

mousymouse · 06/05/2011 20:31

yup, I never told her the due date. only that it is "at the beginning of month x"

DuelingFanjo · 06/05/2011 20:34

ring her and tell her you are in labour, then when she turns up say 'only joking'.

fairy1978 · 06/05/2011 22:16

My mum was the same (although never called the police) didn't help that we moved 4 hours away when I was 8 months pregnant - she took it personally! She wanted to be at the birth but I didn't really want her there - can't abide people faffing around me. As it worked out, I was induced (didn't tell her at the time) went into labour at 1am (dp called her to let her know), as it was my first we all thought that it would be ages so she left it an hour or so to get some rest. DD was born at 3.50 so she didn't make it at all! Was very glad though. Have since had a DS and there was no mention that she wanted to be at the birth - I think she knew that I didn't want her there. Now 31 weeks pregnant with number 3! It is hard but you have to be firm, if she doesn't listen write it down and send it, I sent my mum an e-mail and I think that having it there in black and white actually made her take notice!

Good luck xx

cowboylover · 07/05/2011 02:18

That sounds hard on you as the last thing you want to be doing is worrying about anyone elses feelings at a time like this!

My Mum came around to keep me company tonight and every time I move with a BH or anything she stared at me and kept asking if I was ok. I had to ask her to stop in the end as it was geting annoying and sometimes its not comfortable for me to answer and I would honestly tell her if there was anything she could do!

WinkyWinkola · 07/05/2011 06:32

How annoying. Being excited about a grandchild doesn't entitle one to be a pest and ignore a pg woman's birth preferences.

I'm amazed!

Screen calls and next time, lie about your due date by three weeks. That got my mil off my case.

Original poster

Vakant · 07/05/2011 11:39

So, she texted me this morning and because I didn't respond within half an hour she then called me. I answered to say I was busy, and would call her later. Screening calls isnt possible, she will just call my partner instead, if he doesn't answer then no doubt the police will be getting another call. Sigh.

OP posts:

G1nger · 07/05/2011 11:48

Does she call your local police station? Warn them and then let her... Let her get done for wasting their time, if it comes down to that. It's her choice, ultimately. It sounds like she's bullying you...

PrincessScrumpy · 07/05/2011 11:52

My grandmother was upset I didn't tell her I was in labour - we are close but still, I went into hospital in the early hours and dd was born in 2 hours so didn't have time to make a bloody phone call! Maybe reassure her that you will call her but the stress isn't helping! Good luck and congratulations.

WinkyWinkola · 07/05/2011 12:28

I think it's called stalking actually. And it's not normal, balanced behaviour. How is she going to be with the baby is actually here? Still obsessive and intrusive? I had this and had to stamp put my foot down about it because it just got too much.

harassedinherpants · 07/05/2011 12:32

My dd is nearly 5 now (and I'm prg again) but I went 10days over due with dd and got sick to death of the stupid phone calls and texts.

I lost my rag with my mum in the end....... but I also unplugged the landline and put my mobile on silent. It meant I could monitor the mobile when I wanted to.

FirstVix · 07/05/2011 13:19

I have told a couple of friends (so not quite so emotive I admit) that I won't tell them at all if they keep bugging me! That they'll have to find out from others who don't keep annoying me!

Then again, I'm rubbish at answering texts promptly and I don't want people thinking I'm in labour cos I haven't answered within 0.5 seconds of them texting!

Also, you could tell your mum that it is stressing you having to constantly think about the labour and that her asking is actually likely to slow down the procedure - it's been shown that you're more likely to go into labour when calm, relaxed and happy!!

AlmightyCitrus · 07/05/2011 13:49

I'm so lucky with my mum. She's quite happy to help when asked and not interfere.
Unfortunately I'm not so lucky with my friend, who has gone ever so slightly mental since I got pregnant. Her latest is huffing and sighing and wishing I'd let her come with me when I have the baby. I don't want her there and have said as much. DH will be there. "Oh but it must be so lovely to see your best friend have a baby" Bugger. Off.
I'm 32+6 and she's already ringing me constantly. The other day I'd taken advantage of a rare quiet hour and took myself off for a leisurely shower. I didn't answer my mobile or house phone so she rang another friend and asked her to come and see what was wrong with me. Fortunately other friend is much more sensible and said no.
Friend keeps hassling me for DH's mobile number. He has forbidden me from passing it on. Don't blame him!

Xiaoxiong · 07/05/2011 14:10

Citrus I am so shocked at your friend's behaviour. I have read in various places that pregnant women feel they become public property which it seems your friend has come to believe (that you are her responsibility and if you don't answer the phone she is under an obligation to check on you).

I really feel for you OP and I think you've had some great advice here. I can just about bring myself to take my top off in the ladies changing room at the gym to very quickly fumble myself into my gym clothes, and that's in front of disinterested strangers. I can't think of anything more distressing and embarrassing than my mother or MIL or a friend or anyone else who knows me (besides DH) being there while I gave birth, unless "being there" means waiting in the hospital canteen with a cup of tea.

AlmightyCitrus · 07/05/2011 16:41

Tyelperion We had a huge falling out earlier on in my pregnancy, where she was trying to talk me out of certain tests I wanted done, and shouting "you can't do [something] you're pregnant" at every opportunity, telling all and sundry when it felt it was my news to tell. Planning to buy all sorts of baby stuff I neither wanted nor needed (this is DC4...I have loads of stuff) She calmed down for a while but things seem to be sneaking back up to obsession stage again.

When I do go into labour we've decided that DH will answer the phone and say I'm out/asleep/in the bath. If she knew she'd turn up at the hospital and beg to be let in!

(sorry for the hijack OP)

cara2244 · 07/05/2011 17:16

Just read your post vakant and my mum was the same! In the end, my labour was so quick that there was no time to ring her until afterwards. She insisted on coming to stay for a few days after the baby was born to help out...and yes it was helpful, but she made me feel more ill for some reason and it also meant my OH couldn't sleep in the spare room so he didn't get any sleep! This time, nobody is staying.
I wish I had been firmer about what I wanted last time.

Original poster

Vakant · 07/05/2011 17:16

No problem Citrus. My mum is a nightmare and out of order, but I can kind of understand why she's being like this - because she's my muim. Your friend though just sounds mental!

I think my mum might have got the message somewhat as I've had no further calls from her today which at least is an improvement. Tomorrow, however, is another day so we'll see!

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