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Original poster

Baby Shower - why?

47 replies

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 06/05/2011 07:56

I am curious. Is it just a ruse to get people to give you presents (not that I'm criticising this approach, I like a gift as much as the next materialistic girl of the 80s) or does it actually have some other purpose? I kind of like the idea of one, (I know I'm not actually pg yet, but soon, hopefully) but I'm going to have to have some damn good arguments up my sleeve that have nothing to do with presents if I want to convince my mum that it's a good idea. She has very firm 'views' on these sorts of things.

So have you had one? Do you love them? Hate them? Convince me!

(And yes, I'm just trying to distract myself with fun baby things until that damn test makes up its mind, so humour me here)

x
Cakes

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moregranny · 06/05/2011 08:13

I had a secret one all arranged for my daughter, special cake ordered, balloons , banners, party games.............then she threw her dummy out when I had to tell her due to a clash of dates, out come.......rather a lot of baby shower merchandise, minus the cake, stored in my spare wardrobe :( I do understand now why she wasn't best pleased and she was worried that people thought they would have to bring gifts, she is a very private kind of girl in some ways.....anyway I wonder if my son and his girlfriend are thinking of having a ba................................ :) :)

spatchcock · 06/05/2011 08:13

Are you making cakes at this moment then? :) Good luck with the test.

I am having one. I didn't want one, but my good friend and my sister conspired to throw me a surprise one. I overheard them talking (I wasn't eavesdropping, they both have very loud voices). I'm glad I found out though. I just had a word asking them to emphasise that if I was to have one I'd like it to be about the get-together rather than gifts. Most of my friends are skint, so I don't want them to feel obliged to get me something.

On the whole, not bothered about them and think they are a bit 'grabby'. I could really take it or leave it, but everyone's been invited now so I guess I will have to show up!

spatchcock · 06/05/2011 08:15

Oh moregranny - I think I am probably like your daughter!

I don't like surprises, and am with her on the gift thing. I'm sure when she thought about it she felt a bit sheepish. Bless you for your kind thought.

purplepidjin · 06/05/2011 08:26

I think they're grabby if you organise your own, but having one organised for you is just like having a birthday party or leaving do organised - a lovely caring thought.

moregranny · 06/05/2011 08:28

She worried about it so much, how much it had cost me, was I upset with her, it took a while to convince her that it doesn't really matter, moral of the story....if in doubt ask mum to be before you get carried away ! :)

buttonmoon78 · 06/05/2011 09:34

I agree purple - the circumstances are what matters.

I would never organise one for myself, unless I could put on all invites that no presents are expected, it's simply a get together. But then why would you call it a shower? Hmm, requires more though I feel!

buttonmoon78 · 06/05/2011 09:34

thought!

Eviepoo · 06/05/2011 09:46

I'm having one - I HATE the idea.
My sis was planning a small get together, then the girlfriends got involved and hijacked it and made it more of a shower. (this was after my sis told them I was feeling a bit put out because they did not acknowledge my wedding anniversary)
I have explained that I did not want one - and don't mind a get together but there will be NO presents.
I am going to tell them I want it back at my sisters house and she is in charge, I just would feel more comfortable about it - and more family members would then come too. (and I know my sis is also feeling put out about them hijacking it, she is just not saying cos she doesn't want any hassle for me, but it is her way of being involved with the pg)
Tough straight talking Poo is required on this one
I also don't like how DH is not involved in this

ilovemydogandMrObama · 06/05/2011 09:48

I'm American and baby showers are thrown by family and friends, almost always female as a get together to support the new mother to be. For some reason in the UK, they have turned into grabby materialistic thing. I don't know why.

Having been to numerous baby showers and had one thrown for me, they are simply get togethers, sometimes with food. At mine, I got a brilliant book on breast feeding that I still refer to, but also had a chance to talk with great aunts about babies which is a great source of knowledge/experience. As someone who didn't have children, you tend to tune out when advice is being out, so this time I listened! .

if you don't want presents, why not ask people, if they want, to make a donation to the local baby unit or Children's Hospital?

nunnie · 06/05/2011 09:57

Not something I am interested in, I do know one person who had one and it was bigger than my wedding reception!

buttonmoon78 · 06/05/2011 10:01

Ilovemydog I think it's probably because we Brits have seen so many slebs arriving at showers at for eg Claridges with cashmere baby clothes and Dior diamante dummies etc.

People are often so easily led that they then think that's all it's about!

Original poster

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 06/05/2011 10:02

I like the idea of getting older generations involved - nice to be able to talk to other women about their experiences. I don't have any grandmothers or great aunts, but I used to talk to an elderly neighbour and she told me about her births and a miscarriage she had in the 50s - it was really interesting to talk to her, it makes me sad I don't have anyone older than my mum in my family to talk to.

As for presents - well, if people want to contribute something useful then it makes sense to make a list of things you really need - I've heard you can never have too many muslins, for example! I didn't like the list I read about somewhere on MN where the mum-to-be was asking for egyptian cotton bedding and, i dunno, gold plated nappy bags or something - absurd, but I don't think a list is entirely useless or necessarily grabby: or am I wrong? I always like buying from lists (and maybe adding something pretty or frivolous as well, for fun) because at least you know then you're getting them something they really need.

OP posts:

Eviepoo · 06/05/2011 10:08

Ilovemydog that sounds lovely, thats why I'd like my sister to plan it. I have heard that the friends have planned silly games etc [sighs]. I'd be happy with a nice get together with some food and plenty of chat.

JazzAnnNonMouse · 06/05/2011 10:10

I would never plan one for myself but as I'm the first in our group of friends to be having a baby they're all over the top excited and are insisting on throwing me a 'baby shower'.
we were having a coffee the other day when I just said so wtf do we all do at this baby shower then?! it's not like we don't meet up and just chat anyway... how is this different? Well we all looked at each other a bit puzzled as they'd lovingly thought how wonderful it'd be to have food and cakes and tea and all be together. I'm totally up for this but it doesn't sound that dissimilar to normal meeting up just plus some fatty foods

Are we supposed to play games - pin the bow on the child? pass the pacel of nappies? musical chairs with the loo?

I know they'll buy presents but then they would anyway!

I just don't really get it - it's not like they can really give me advice for the future either...

(trying not to sound ungrateful!)

purplepidjin · 06/05/2011 10:31

Ilove you got there before me and I agree - if you don't want presents, pay it forward and get donations for a baby charity. Or ask for things to send to a mum in a 3rd world country?

My mum went to a talk on dv and because it was organised by a charitable organisation they couldn't collect money so they collected toiletries, nappies, toys, sanitary towels etc for people who had to flee home in just the clothes they stood up in.

SelinaDoula · 06/05/2011 10:36

I want to have a Blessingway (an alternative baby shower)that celebrates birth as a sacred rite of passage (but can also still involve gifts)!. I've done a couple for friends and they are lovely. But you need a friend to organise for you, I can't do my own!
www.magicalbirth.co.uk/5.html
www.blessingwaybook.com/

WaspsAnkles · 06/05/2011 10:51

Haven't had one thrown for me as only pg with dc1 but have helped organise a couple for friends in the past. I think the Mama to be enjoyed them but the stress was more on the get together,having friends involved and of course cake. I think its a nice way for the friends to get involved with the pregnancy but I don't think I would throw myself one. As for games - tried to avoid those but bought some plain white grows and baby hats and some textile markers and everybody got to personalise a little outfit for baby which seemed to go down well.

anonacfr · 06/05/2011 10:51

Have a look at the AIBU board at the 'To be really hust at a friend's reaction to her baby gifts' to read about a horror baby shower? Seriously unbelievable.

I like the concept in a non-grabby way but personally would have been too superstitious to have any.

Original poster

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 06/05/2011 11:06

Yeah, anonacfr - that's the baby shower story I was talking about!

OP posts:

Xiaoxiong · 06/05/2011 11:20

Ilovemydog as a fellow MNer of yank extraction, preach it sister. Anything to get rid of the hideous idea that they're for grabby greedy people with no manners. My cousins loved their baby showers because they were hundreds of miles away from their families and got loads of hand me downs from other mums who lived near them, since there was no equivalent of the NCT where they were - it gave them a ready made support structure.

If none of my friends get it together to host a baby shower for me, I will definitely organise some sort of afternoon tea or garden party. I did this for another friend and it was a lovely opportunity to get all of us together in one place before the baby was born.

(I will, however, not be putting anything on a wishlist! I may make one for our parents to make sure they don't double up on anything we've already got, but they've requested we do that.)

Xiaoxiong · 06/05/2011 11:21

(PS Just to clarify I also don't expect any of my friends to host a baby shower for me either!!)

Original poster

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 06/05/2011 11:39

I like the idea of a hand-me-down baby-stuff swap party :-) Can we find it a good name and make it the UK version of a shower? :-)

OP posts:

vvviola · 06/05/2011 12:26

I was thrown a surprise baby shower when I was pregnant with DD. (DH let me in on the secret a few hours beforehand so that I would have a chance to get showered and respectable looking - we were renovating a house at the time). I was a little uneasy at the thought, but it turned out as a "girls get tipsy on Vi's behalf" party, which suited me perfectly.

I was the first of our group to have a baby - so there was no advice/useful ideas part, but we had a load of food, the girls drank champagne & wine, there were some lovely small thoughtful gifts (although the best part of the gifts was the description of the day the girls got them, wandering around our local mothercare, hoping nobody saw them!).

However, I went home early-ish, not feeling particularly well (having given the girls instructions to stay & drink on my behalf!) and my waters broke (3 1/2 weeks early) a couple of hours later. I've given all my friends instructions that there are to be no baby-related gatherings this time until I've reached 37 weeks!

jenga079 · 06/05/2011 12:36

My friends are insisting on giving me one, but I've made it really clear that it should be a chance for girly gossip & copious cake eating rather than a gift-giving party. My mum has asked everyone to bring a square of material though & she's going to make a patchwork quilt with it.

natwebb79 · 06/05/2011 13:18

My American SIL asked me 'Ooh so when's the baby shower!!' as soon as she found out I was pregnant. She was pretty surprised when I answered 'my what??'. It's been a nightmare trying to tell her that I won't have one because they're not common over here and people might get pissed off and think I'[m cheeky if I arrange what seems to be an excuse to get loads of presents :-)

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