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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Baby Shower - why?

47 replies

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 06/05/2011 07:56

I am curious. Is it just a ruse to get people to give you presents (not that I'm criticising this approach, I like a gift as much as the next materialistic girl of the 80s) or does it actually have some other purpose? I kind of like the idea of one, (I know I'm not actually pg yet, but soon, hopefully) but I'm going to have to have some damn good arguments up my sleeve that have nothing to do with presents if I want to convince my mum that it's a good idea. She has very firm 'views' on these sorts of things.

So have you had one? Do you love them? Hate them? Convince me!

(And yes, I'm just trying to distract myself with fun baby things until that damn test makes up its mind, so humour me here)

x
Cakes

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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nomoreheels · 06/05/2011 15:11

I've seen a fair few threads about baby showers on MN of late, I'm curious as to why it's such a hot topic?

Any event can get grabby. That includes wedding lists, hen nights (if they're expecting people to shell out for £££ trips abroad and pay for the hen), birthdays...

But that said, I can see how they can go wrong. A relative in the US just sent me her baby shower list and I was at how much was on there - seriously, it must have added up to well over $2000. A lot of it was unnecessary stuff as well IMHO. A special colourful drying rack for bottles at $40? Baby legwarmers at $30?

(I will be posting her a few extra things I have, since she's having a girl too. They don't cost a lot to mail as they're light, and I'm skint!)

Anyhow, mine's tomorrow. I've asked for some muslins and those silicone bibs, and we're all bringing food and drink to share. For me it's really about a last chance to socialise with a big group of my friends in the same place before she arrives. I may get some gifts, and if people want to give me something, that's lovely, but I've not issued any hormonal commands from on high.

spatchcock · 06/05/2011 15:21

"A special colourful drying rack for bottles at $40? Baby legwarmers at $30?"

Substitute with a dish rack from the £1 shop for the first and cut the ends off some old woolly socks for the second. Done - for a fraction of the cost!

jenga079 · 06/05/2011 15:22

I totally agree nomore... good chance for socialising, but no scary hormonal gift lists / mumzillas!

nomoreheels · 06/05/2011 15:57

Yup, her list was pretty crazy... she is really broke and on her own too, you'd think she'd just ask for the essentials!

LivinInTheMoment · 06/05/2011 17:27

Never heard of anyone getting a baby shower here. Its an American thing isnt it?

kleeen · 07/05/2011 09:45

For a friend's baby shower, we were asked to give her our favorite children's book, with a lovely inscription for the baby. I thought it was a nice, personal touch that every one feels good about (giving and recieving).

As another American expat, I think baby showers have their place, but it really is up to the mom-to-be if they feel comfortable with it. I agree that it would benefit UK moms to give it a different name and make it something that people don't feel is just asking for gifts. In the States, its basically a given that the friends or mother or sister will throw a baby shower for first timers. Everyone knows how much stuff is needed for a baby (and let's face it, Americans like lots of stuff!) so its truly a lovely gesture to be able to provide any of it for a first time mom, especially the most basic muslins or nipple cream! And something more valuable than gifts, is always a certificate for some free baby sitting, food making or house cleaning!

Baby showers are a celebration and shouldn't be thought of as just a greedy occasion. Its up to the friends and family throwing the shower to put the right spin on the event, and make sure its something that mom will love!

theonlyhb2 · 07/05/2011 09:59

my friend asked if I am having one......I said only if I get presents and not the baby, it will get enough anyway and I am the one left with a wounded vagina.

I wont organise one myself, and I would be embarrassed at a surprise one but probably secretly love it.

Maybeitsbecause · 07/05/2011 10:13

My baby shower was a lunch arranged by my female relatives and attended by them and my 4 closest female friends. It was quite low key. They all brought gifts - some for me, some for the baby - but they were small. Just tokens, really. There were no games. It wasn't what I would call an American-style shower. It was more a final a 'send off' into motherhood by my loved ones, I suppose.

I've been to two very different baby showers recently. Both were lovely.
One was a huge affair, properly catered and the house beautifully decorated, about 40 guests, went on all day and into the evening - was a bit like a wedding party, really. But the couple involved had been through 4 rounds of IVF to conceive and it was a celebration of something they thought might never happen. They had a gift list at a department store, which I thought was a bit cheeky at first, but when I thought about it, I suppose it saved 40 people turning up with expensive crap that they didn't want.

The other ne was very different - a small gathering of girlfriends, everyone bought a dish and the mum-to-be requested no gifts or secondhand/hand-me-downs only. She is a hippy type, though, so different folks/strokes etc. Equally as nice.

So, after all that waffle, I suppose there are different reasons people want to celebrate a baby coming into the world.

dollyshouse · 07/05/2011 10:36

I threw a surprise one for my best mate in Nov (baby due dec) and it was brilliant, all done cheaply, had theme of chocolate (choc fountain, chocs, cakes etc yummy) and cocktails (choc cocktails and virgin choc cocktails too) and everyone brought something to eat and I made home made decorations and copied some games off the internet instead of buying them which were great fun especially guess the mess where you put lots of different mistures in nappies and guests have to guess the mess ie piccalilli, apple sauce, branston pickle etc what a hoot! and I specifically told people they didn't have to bring gifts but some wanted to as would have done anyway when baby born and so they brought for shower instead of when baby born. Instead we did baby pledges which my mate kept and called in ie babysitting IOU's, a cooked meal IOU, taking out for lunch and pampering when baby born IOU etc etc and she has said that these were the best presents ever received!! it was a really really good laugh and brilliant to get some photos before baby arrived and my mate really loved it as did we all so my one and only experience was a great one!

dollyshouse · 07/05/2011 10:37

forgot to say little gifts brought were ones for the mummy not the baby ie body lotion nice smellies etc

dollyshouse · 07/05/2011 10:40

I also asked everyone to bring a photo of themselves as a baby and we did a guess the baby in the photo as one of the games as well as pin the dummy on the baby, really easy to do yourself at no cost except the paper!

WiiUnfit · 07/05/2011 10:50

MakesCakes what was the result of your test? :)

I like the idea of having a lovely meal with family & friends before the baby arrives & think this is what I'll do. It will be made clear that there won't be an expectation of gifts at all, but if people do want to give gifts of course they are welcome to - I wouldn't ever act like the poor poster on the AIBU thread's friend!

Just please don't throw your own baby shower! My cousin is due a month after me & is throwing her own, posting statuses on fb constantly about how she's trying to find a venue .etc - she is grabby though.

dollyshouse · 07/05/2011 10:53

oh no I agree Wiiunfit never ever throw your own... what an ultimate faux pas!

meditrina · 07/05/2011 11:08

Baby showers aren't grabby if

a) genuinely organised by someone other than the honouree, and
b) there's no formal "list" (though a bit of co-ordination by the official host does help), and the expectation is more pretty muslins than cloth-of-gold changing bags.

Shower is short for "shower with gifts", which is why it can easily tip over into grabby. This can be totally sidestepped by giving the gathering a different name.

Original poster

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 07/05/2011 11:13

There are some really good/nice ideas on this thread. I think I would ask my sister if she would mind organising something - she's very organised and great at parties and I think she's really looking forward to being an auntie and would probably feel touched to be asked... I don't think she would do one off her own bat - is it a faux pas to ask someone to organise something for you?

As for the test - who knows? Period due today, but no sign of it and the tests keep throwing up really faint lines that you have to squint to see - both DH and I are mystified (but suspect today's might be stronger than yesterday's, or is that just wishful thinking?). If still no period or positive test by Wednesday I'll see if I can see a nurse at the surgery as I am getting some odd stabbing pains (not like period pains) in my abdomen and wouldn't mind a professional opinion. Hopefully it will have answered one way or another by then, though :-) Thanks for asking.

OP posts:

dollyshouse · 07/05/2011 13:08

not a faux pas to ask sister I would say, go for it when the time comes!! she might surprise you though so I would wait until you were late in pregnancy otherwise you would spoil it. faint line means pg, no line means not!! I never understand why people have to do loads of tests, I only ever did one for each pregnancy x

Vix286 · 07/05/2011 16:15

I think I have offended my friend as she said last week all excited "oh we'll have to sort out your baby shower!" and I said no.

We haven't found out the sex of the baby so I would rather people buy me some boy / girl clothes after it is born if they wanted to get something. I also can't shake the worry that something might go wrong and celebrating an event that hasn't yet happened seems to be tempting fate. I know I am paranoid!

cowboylover · 07/05/2011 18:30

I was very surprised that my boss did one for me at her house as my leaving for maternity leave thing and I was at first sceptical but I had a fantastic day!

We had fab food, some had champagne, fruit punch, cakes and watched the 6 nations Wales game which was brilliant. I had lovely gifts but it was the time everyone had taken to all do something for me as everyone was given a job for the day.

apelsinnka · 08/05/2011 01:29

I just had one organised by a friend and it was lovely to have my girlfriends and to chat about all the recent worries. They brought food and organised everything.
We were told by an american friend that the initial tradition was that it has to be organised by experienced mum-friends for the first-time mums, the presents were supposed to be used ones and the whole idea was about sharing (experience and some usefull used things). I think that is really nice.

Original poster

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 09/05/2011 12:59

OK. BFP :-D
Doctor's appt tonight

OP posts:

littlemissliedto · 09/05/2011 13:17

My friends wanted me to have one - I said NO!!!!!!!!

Instead over the past few weeks, I've been to differenet places with different groups of friends... a pub meal here, a restaurant, a day shopping, swimming and a cafe 4 a bacon butty and a pepsi - its been lovely (getting out of the house) and also because it is small groups of about 3 or 4 or even better 1-2-1, so I've had plenty of opportunities to go out and catch up b4 bubs arrives and its been about friendship... not possessions and presents and all that (IMO) vulgar stuff!

Having said that, my cousin had one last year with a baby shower "list" (grouped by price so we could pick presents which suited our budget) - a little bit like a wedding list and it was fun, we played games and another friend did a quiz.... i really enjoyed that (just didn't want one for me).

Basically whatever floats your boat!
If you have one, enjoy x

TribbleWithoutACause · 09/05/2011 16:29

I really wanted one, my SIL had one and pratically every bugger else I know had one as well. (Mind you I didn't have a hen party, but thats a different thread altogether).

Personally for me, it's all about a get together with some food and stupid games and lots of talking about babies.

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