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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

no FHB at 12 week scan :( (i was nearly 13wks)

28 replies

no1childminder · 05/04/2011 22:02

i am absolutely devastated! dp and i were really really looking forward to our 12 week scan and to see our baby again. i had a bleed at 5/6wks and saw a blob with a strong heartbeat at 7/8wks, so we started to relax. went for our scan yesterday and baby had died very shortly after the scan which we saw the heartbeat. cant believe the baby had not been alive in my tummy for so long :( had an op this morning to have everything removed. anyone else had this then went on to have a healthy pregnancy/birth?

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BumpyBecs · 05/04/2011 22:04

Just wanted to say am so sorry for you and hope things go well in the future. X

RancerDoo · 05/04/2011 22:08

I'm so sorry for what's happened to you. This has happened to a couple of my friends for no reason that the doctors could give, and both have since had healthy pregnancies. It can be ok in the end. In the meantime, take care of yourself.

apricotears · 05/04/2011 22:12

So sorry to hear your sad news Childminder, hope you are coping x

ChunkyChick · 05/04/2011 22:19

Oh hon, so sorry to hear this. What awful news. No wonder you are devastated. Know literally loads of people who have had miscarriages then gone on to have babies, some without even a period in between.

LDNlady · 05/04/2011 22:23

I am so sorry to read your very sad news. Take good care of yourself. x

CBear6 · 05/04/2011 22:42

I'm so sorry no1, what awful news.

I had a mmc in June last year at 14 weeks, baby's heartbeat had stopped at 13 weeks. It was devastating, I'd had bleeding at 7 weeks and a scan showed a heartbeat, I'd also had my 12 week scan and everything looked fine, just a week later and it was over. I had medical management because I was advised it was the only option and found it fairly traumatic. Little by little though I got myself back together.

I'm pregnant again, I felt ready two months afterwards and it took four months to conceive. Oddly enough my due date this time works out that conception happened on what would have been my other due date.

There's not really anything anyone can say to make it better, it just takes time. Know that you're not alone and be kind to yourself, there's no right or wrong in this situation. There's no rush to try again but, if/when you do, your chances of it happening again are no higher than anyone elses, the odds are on your side. I haven't relaxed yet this pregnancy worrying that it will happen again but my GP and MW both assure me that everything is fine and that last time was purely bad luck and nothing more - it's a shitty explanation for why it happened but, in the absence of a real explanation, shitty was all there was.

Take care

TysonSnowflower · 05/04/2011 22:45

I am so sorry to hear you have gone through this. :(
I had a mc at 6 weeks, didnt need a d and c and two weeks after i stopped bleeding i conceived dd, she is now 6 months old, there is hope, try again when you are ready.

Sparklies · 05/04/2011 22:50

I'm so sorry :( :(

I've known lots of people online this has happened to - it really is just terrible bad luck in most cases and they carry on and have a normal healthy pregnancy afterwards. It's so tough because everyone says when you see a heartbeat then you're as good as sorted, but the reality is a small percentage still do fail before the "magic" 12 weeks and you just happened to be one of the very unlucky ones.

Hope your physical recovery goes well and as others have said, make sure you take care of yourself emotionally too.

JimmyChoo17 · 05/04/2011 22:54

Hey it's an awful devastating feeling and all the stats etc that get thrown at you don't make it any easier. It may be 1 in 4 but hey...u r left wondering why I had to be the statistic...

With my first pregnancy at around 7 weeks I just knew something was up, I had no pain and no bleeds. I just knew. 2 weeks later I just lied about bleeding in order to get a scan.

My little angel had stopped growing at 7 weeks. I never had any physical signs. I went in for a d &c 2 days later.

We were devastated and I just wanted to shut the world away.

I fell pregnant about 3 months later but lost that bean too at 5 weeks but I had a really nasty illness misdiagnosed by the drs and wasn't aware I was pregnant so it had no chance.

It took another 10 months to conceive and that little miracle is kicking away in side me now.

I've gone on a bit but I just wanted to let you know, I know how it feels and take the time you need to grieve and start when u feel ready. We started again within 2 weeks as the only way to mend my heart was to get pregnant again. I still took a while to get my head straight still mind. I'm now 25 weeks and fingers crossed everything goes ok.

I know it's hard hon but it will happen for you. I admit I worry that something will happen but I think we all do. I was 27 years for first and am now 29.

If can answer anything for you or help please let me know

xxx

LuckyWeKeptTheCot · 05/04/2011 22:57

Happened twice to my sister and she now has two healthy children. So sorry to hear your sad newsbut don;t give up hope. x

knackered76 · 05/04/2011 23:17

So sorry you're going through this. It's the same thing that happened to me, strong heartbeat at 8 weeks, stopped developing a couple of days later. It was my third pregnancy after 2 healthy ones and I really considered not trying again as I wasn't sure I could face it but I did and am now 31 weeks. I got pregnant again after my first proper cycle and have had a trouble free pregnancy this time, although huge amounts of worry in the first few weeks. I wish you luck for the journey ahead and give yourself time to deal with what has happened. I felt okay after the op and for a couple of weeks afterwards and then had a meltdown for a few days. I hope everything works out for you. x

daimbardiva · 05/04/2011 23:21

So sorry to hear this has happened - you must be absolutely devastated. As others have said, don't give up hope, it's highly likely you'll be able to have a healthy pregnancy, but for now, our thoughts are with you xxxx

LDNmummy · 06/04/2011 01:21

Just wanted to say I am sad to read your news and wish you all the best for the future and a healthy pregnancy

wellieboots · 06/04/2011 01:39

So sorry childminder I had the same news at 12 wk scan, although I hadn't had any bleeding or anything so hadn't had an early scan.

Please take your time to grieve and recover from your loss - it takes time, and I don't think it's something you ever get over completely (I am almost 4 months down the track and trying again, but I am assured by friends who have been through it before including an older lady who mc'd about 30 years ago that you never forget it)

Try again whenever you feel ready if you feel that that will help, or have a rest from TTC if you need some head space - everyone is different, take your time and take it very easy for the moment, you need to take care of yourself

Over on the mc boards, there are lots of lovely ladies who have been there and they were an amazing help to me, you would get lots of support there if you feel up to posting at some point.

lots of love to you

notaroundmuch · 06/04/2011 02:07

So sorry for you and your DH. This happened to us last year... second pregnancy, all had been fine first time round so never expected it, but little one had stopped growing at 9 weeks. Had D&C which I recovered from fine.

I know a lot of people start ttc straight away but I waited 2 cycles to know where I was with it & to replenish folic acid levels. Fell pregnant 3 months after D&C, so basically first month of trying again (well, a bit before as discovered my dates were 2 weeks ahead of what I thought at 12 week scan, so much for monitoring my cycle!).

He is now 5 weeks old.... born exactly a year to the day that we had the mmc scan & at the same hospital.. quite poignant.

Wishing you all the best in your recovery, both physical & emotional.. & best of luck for the future. If you can, try to have positive thoughts about trying again... this one sadly wasn't meant to be but it is highly likely that another will so keep focused on that thought.x

PoppysMom · 06/04/2011 03:27

I am so sorry for your loss :(

flowers123 · 06/04/2011 03:43

so sorry to hear your news, my thought are with you x

Folicacid · 06/04/2011 07:57

I'm so sorry childminder. Take care of yourselves.

Anastasia1979 · 06/04/2011 09:36

I'm so sorry to hear your news childminder. I just wanted to say don't give up hope. I know how dark things must seem right now. I had a mmc last January, there was no sign anything was wrong, but we found out at the 12 week scan that the baby had died at 9 weeks and I had to have an erpc. I conceived again in two months (I decided to try again straight away, you will know what feels right for you), and lost that one at six weeks. I conceived again a couple of months later......

AND I am currently 40+2! So please don't give up hope. I used to sit in my car and cry and cry, I will admit that you never "recover" or "get over it", you will always carry it with you. There is never a day that goes by without the memory of it. BUT there is every chance that you will have a successful pregnancy in the future! I am proof that it can happen!

I wish you ALL the best, and I'm sure it won't be long until you have a precious baby in your arms, don't give up. Thinking of you.
xxxxx

Original poster

no1childminder · 06/04/2011 10:58

oh thank you very much everyone! you've all really given me such hope. hopefully in a few months il be writing on here that im pregnant again. fingers crossed!

OP posts:

DiscoDaisy · 06/04/2011 11:05

I had a m/c at 12 weeks and had a have a d&c. I've since gone on to have 4 more children and no more m/c(I had a child before the m/c as well so have 5 in total).

Sorry for what you're going through at the moment.

orangehead · 06/04/2011 11:16

I am so sorry childminder. I had a similar thing, I had a bit of a bleed at 9 weeks so had a scan which showed everything was fine strong hb. I was so happy and proudly showing everyone my scan picture. At my 12 week scan they couldnt find a hb and I had an erpc. Words cannot explain how devastated I was. Unforntely I did go on to loss two more but I now have two healthy boys aged 7 and 9 (although I did bleed alot through their pregnancies which was very scary).
How are you coping?

Original poster

no1childminder · 08/04/2011 11:00

orangehead im coping better than i thought i would, thankyou. I think its because I know its happened for a reason, and it wasnt my fault. It also helped knowing that it was less than 1cm long, and not the fully formed feotus we thought it had grown into. was heartbreaking to go on baby sites and cancel my week by week email alerts :( Im sorry to hear you went on to have 2 more mcs, but its lovely that you have 2 healthy boys now! I know with my next pregnancy Il be worrying non-stop. im not looking forward to that! i did read somewhere that if youve had a previous mc you can ask for an early scan to put your mind at ease, was you offered this?

OP posts:

wigglesrock · 08/04/2011 11:14

no1childminder just wanted to say exact same thing happened to my best friend. We are going to the party of her 1 year old daughter this weekend which she conceived a few months after her miscarriage, she was offered an early scan with the subsequent pregnancy. Good luck xx

CBear6 · 08/04/2011 17:06

no1childminder, I had medical management of my mmc so I don't know what the process is with surgical management (aren't those terms just awful?), but they analysed the feotus and placenta afterwards for any signs of what went wrong. They didn't find anything obvious and my MW is under the impression that it was possibly an infection of some sort because of a reference in my notes to anerobes.

I asked the MW who did my booking-in for an early scan and she said no "because we could scan you and you might still mc an hour or a day or a week later, it's no guarantee". Nice of her, yeah? So I went to my GP instead, he fully sympathised and said he likes a scan done after a managed mc to check that it's uterine and get a rough gestation because it can sometimes be hard to pinpoint using LMP - he referred me for an appointment the next day. See your doctor for the scan rather than the MW.

I also had to take double folic acid for the first 12 weeks this time. No neural tube defect was found but my GP recommended it anyway.

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