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Pregnancy

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Original poster

111.30pm visiting on postnatal ward?

53 replies

stegasaurus · 04/04/2011 19:10

My sister-in-law had a baby this afternoon. MIL rang to tell us and ask when we are going to visit. I have a prior arrangement I can't get out of without letting a lot of people down 7-9 this evening, so DH suggested tomorrow or Wednesday. MIL said visisting at the hospital is until 11.30 tonight so we can come after I have finished as it is only about 10mins away. Is this normal? I am 36 weeks pregnant and definitely would not want anyone, even closest family members, visiting at that time of night when I have just given birth. SIL has been in labour since 1am so hasn't slept, so I thought it reasonable to wait until at least tomorrow, but MIL apparently was impressed when DH suggested that. If this is normal for postnatal wards, how can I request that no visitors come to see me at that kind of time?

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GrumpyFish · 04/04/2011 19:17

I don't think it's normal! I think my hospital has pretty relaxed visiting hours but even then IIRC it is something like 2-8 for "normal visitors" and 10-10 for dads. If she's on a ward I can't imagine any hospital allowing visitors until 11.30 - even if she doesn't want to sleep, won't the other people on the ward?

Does your SIL actually want a visit today? In her circumstances I would probably be very glad to be left in peace until the morning!

Meglet · 04/04/2011 19:23

If anyone except my (then) DP, or mum / sister with an emergency hamper of food, visited at 11:30pm in the evening I would tell them to feck off.

I couldn't stand hospital visitors. I was in pain (EMCS) and tired, I felt like an animal in the zoo when I had everyone stood around the bed . Second time round I told DP his family weren't to visit and mine had to keep it short. More time for me to doze, feed and read the papers in peace., it worked really well and everyone kept away.

Just tell people you will let them know when you are up for a visit.

Littlefish · 04/04/2011 19:26

I agree that you need to find out from you SIL whether she actually wants any visitors in hospital. I also think that your MIL has got it wrong. I don't know of any maternity wards which have visiting times until 11.30pm.

JuicyLips · 04/04/2011 19:33

in ours your partner was allowed in til 11. I agree that mil has probably got this wrong and is more likely to be til 8 or 9 at latest for rest of guests.

RitaMorgan · 04/04/2011 19:36

Even partners were turfed out at 9pm when I was in - I got quite irritated at other people's partners hanging roung til 10 past 9 so visitors turning up at 11.30 would not have gone down well

Firawla · 04/04/2011 20:15

Definitely not normal!! If she is in a private room it may be that she has open visiting though, which could be the explanation
Otherwise as people have said its normally 8 or max 9 then even partners will be kicked out

thisisyesterday · 04/04/2011 20:17

i would ring the ward yourself and find out

i think it's highly unlikely that visitors would be welcome at that time of night, she has misread or misheard it.

i think when i was in having ds1 it was up to about 9pm or something.

ShowOfHands · 04/04/2011 20:19

Depends on the place but is unlikely.

One hotel locally is 8am till 8pm for partners and older children then a couple of hours in the afternoon for other people too.

Other hospital has two slots for partners (morning and evening) and one for others (including older children) in the afternoon. No more than 2hrs at a time.

nunnie · 04/04/2011 21:07

12-8 for partner here and 3.30 till 5 or 7-8 for other visitors.

But that won't help you as I can only comment on my area sorry.

ChristinedePizan · 04/04/2011 21:12

It was until 9pm on my ward but the selfish bastards family opposite never left until security chucked them out at 10pm. FGS don't go tonight - the other mothers are absolutely going to hate you and I can't imagine your SIL is going to be that chuffed to see you either.

MerryMarigold · 04/04/2011 21:14

8.30pm in my hospital. Dad or not. Dads were allowed in at 8am though.

RancerDoo · 04/04/2011 21:18

I'll never understand this obsession with seeing the baby as soon as it is out: sometimes it is pretty unpleasant for the mother (certainly was for me when I had a room full of visitors after a 36 hour labour and emcs, and still had a catheter in, felt vulnerable and knackered and sore).

You need your DH to be the gatekeeper, so that means: not telling people you have given birth until you have had time alone with your baby, him telling his mother you are exhausted and she is not to visit after whatever time seems reasonable, and that he supervises visits and moves people on when you look tired.

nicolamumof3 · 04/04/2011 22:03

mil sounds a pita im afraid!! not good 'insisting' you go no matter what time. no.1 sil has just given birth..as if she would want visitors that time at night!
no.2 you are 36w pg yourself and couldn't imagine you would want to do that either.
strange one!!

Finessa · 04/04/2011 22:09

I wouldn't want visitors at 11.30pm in my own home at any time, whether pregnant or not, and especially not in hospital, having just given birth and after missing a night's sleep!
I hope you are planning to visit sometime in the next day or three

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 04/04/2011 22:12

I had a private room last week and DH was able to stay as late as he wanted, but everyone else had to be gone by 8pm.

Original poster

stegasaurus · 04/04/2011 23:09

So we went and they were in a private room and we were allowed to visit. Apparently anyone can visit at any time of day or night! I am jealous of their lovely private room but still hope my hospital doesn't have such a crazy visiting policy. I don't know if they really wanted us to visit that late, but my in-laws are the kind of people who would have been offended if we had had the opportunity to visit but hadn't. I need to work out how to tell DH that I won't want all of his family visiting within hours of giving birth without offending him and his family, especially as the precedent is now set and they can say there is no reason not to visit as they visited SIL and nephew 3-4hrs after the birth and she didn't mind. They are quite easy to offend without meaning to.

OP posts:

cowboylover · 05/04/2011 00:35

Wow thats some long hours!

The hospital I am going to seams like a strict fortress in comparison with visiting:

12:30pm - 2:00pm & 7:00pm - 8:00pm, partners only
5:00pm - 7:00pm open visiting

cjdamoo · 05/04/2011 00:54

I have made dh promise not to let anyone visit If I have to stay in. They can all bloody wait till I bloody get home.

thisisyesterday · 05/04/2011 22:05

steg... talk to the midwives! seriously, they are VERY good at not letting new mums be disturbed.
so just say to them, look, i don't want any visitors today and they will just say no!

Original poster

stegasaurus · 07/04/2011 22:07

Argh! DH just told me that MIL said she and FIL are planning to be at the hospital and sit in the waiting room for as long as I am in labour there. He says she wants to be supportive even though I pointed out she won't be any support in a waiting room. I guess that means she (and possibly the rest of the family) will be visiting as soon as DC is born whether I want them to or not. I can hardly tell them I don't want to see them if they have spent hours and hours waiting. This does not help with my worry that I will not be as good at labour/ birth/ being a mummy as SIL who had her baby on Monday (or anyone else). :(

OP posts:

GrumpyFish · 07/04/2011 22:26

This is madness! You could be there for 24 hours. You could end up with an emergency section and not be up to visitors (hopefully you won't, but it does happen). You really really need those first few moments to bond with your baby,consolidate your birth experience, try out breastfeeding in relative privacy (if that's what you plan to do) etc. I thought people only did this in American soaps! I would personally find this to be far too much pressure and would be insisting that my DH acted as gatekeeper until I was up to visitors. Does your hospital even have a waiting room? Mine doesn't (fairly small hospital).

VivaLeBeaver · 07/04/2011 22:29

Just don't tell them when you're in labour. You can fib tell them afetr the event that it all went really quickly and you never had time to ring.

grubbalo · 07/04/2011 23:01

I agree with thisisyesterday, let the midwives know! They really are used to this sort of thing and will make sure you don't get bothered. Although Viva has a good idea too, and how are they going to know if you or DH don't tell them?

oggybags · 08/04/2011 05:20

My large local hosp has just cut hours for non partners to 2-3 and 7-8 only 2 and no swapping
are they alllowd to wait during labour? Not v common these days?
Hope ur birth goes well x

saffy85 · 08/04/2011 05:56

OMG I'm horrified on your behalf! And your SIL's too for that matter!

Doubtful that any hospital ward allows any visitors at 11.30pm There are 2 slots at my local hospital- 1.30 til 3 and 7 til 8.30. Birth partners and the mother's own children can be there any time between 8am and 9.30, 2 visitors with each patient, although the last rule wasn't enforced much last time I was in so it was total chaos and one lady had 16 people with her at once. Me being a cranky killjoy complained about the noise (deafening- 16 people conversing very loudly and talking over eachother) and 14 of them were booted out.

As for waiting around in the waiting room while you give birth, that may not be possible. The delivery suite at the hospital here do not have a waiting room at all, probably to prevent stupidness such as this. They'd have to wait in a boiling hot corridor with no seating outside the locked delivery suite. Due to security and risk of cross infection they would not be allowed in.

If they do find out you're in labour and show up and you can't talk them out of it, just bear in mind you don't have to nip out and tell them when the baby is born- the staff wont bother either especially if you ask them not to. Just concentrate on bonding with your baby. It's such a special time and you wont ever get it back. Always a bit at why anyone thinks they have a right to muscle in on something so precious.

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