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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Obsessed by miscarriage

34 replies

Folicacid · 03/04/2011 21:59

Please please will one you you slap me and talk some sense into me.

I've been googling for well over an hour all about miscarriage, why oh why am I doing this? We saw a heartbeat on scan at 6 weeks, and got such reassurance from that but I keep finding posts on various forums from women who saw a heartbeat then went back for scan weeks later and fetus had died.

WHY AM I DOING THIS? Now I'm sick to stomach. I've been feeling better in the past week- symptoms have lessened- not having to go to sleep at 9pm etc. Still queasy though. And now I'm freaking out that lessening of symptoms means miscarriage as yet again I can find lots of posts online from women where symptoms dropped off and then miscarriage.

Anyone else gripped by this madness? I do not know why I am doing this.

9+2 today.

OP posts:
Iwantpizza · 03/04/2011 22:04

As the woman who did my 6 week scan said, when I explained to her how worried I was, you never hear about the thousands and thousands of pregnancies that go without a hitch. Well, at least they dont stick in your head. Fingers crossed for you :)

BuggyBabe · 03/04/2011 22:06

I was just the same. Convinced I couldn't possibly be lucky enough to have a successful pg and totally sure I would miscarry.

When my symptoms suddenly disappeared at about 8.5 weeks I was sure that was it and cried and cried and googled and googled. But it was fine, DD is fast asleep upstairs now, a rascally 2year old.

Try to keep positive that all will be ok. I never really let myself relax in pregnancy and never enjoyed it, looking back I wish I'd took the leap of faith and let myself believe it would all be alright, but at the time I was just too worried and fearful.

Sorry, realise that doesn't help much but its not just you!

Original poster
Folicacid · 03/04/2011 22:10

Thank you thank you thank you for replying. I'm working myself up so much.

I think I just have to bite bullet and get a private scan.

Buggy that is so reassuring re symptoms disappearing and you freaking out- just like me.

OP posts:
BuggyBabe · 03/04/2011 22:12

Folic I was a total mess, I left work in a state (mumbling something about womens problems) and got a last minute slot with a GP who called the EPADs unit and the next morning I had a scan and all was well. I have never had such a 'dodged a bullet' feeling before!

BuggyBabe · 03/04/2011 22:13

I ended up having two private scans (over 2 pgs), each was about £70 and it was the best money I think I've ever spent!

Original poster
Folicacid · 03/04/2011 22:13

Right that's it, I think a quick private scan is the only thing that will help me. I really can't do this for another 3 weeks. It's not healthy.

OP posts:
BuggyBabe · 03/04/2011 22:14

That was my DHs opinion 'I can't live with you like this, book a scan...' was how the conversation went!

Original poster
Folicacid · 03/04/2011 22:17

Thanks so much buggy. I had already found a place locally to do a private scan ( in my slightly less but still freaking out state last week) so I'll just call and sort it.

At least it's a positive step.

OP posts:
daimbardiva · 03/04/2011 22:19

I miscarried in Novemeber (at 6 weeks in fact) and am now, happily, pregnant again at 15 weeks. For the first 12 weeks of this pregnancy I worried myself sick that it was going to happen again - it's only now that I am past 12 weeks, and starting to have a bump that I am feeling anywhere near relaxed!

Of course there are no guarantees, and miscarriage is heartbreakingly common - but healthy, happy pregnancies are much more common, and that's the thought you need to keep in your head.

And STOP googling - the internet is not your friend at times like this. Your sonographer is also right - we do remmebr the horror stories not the happy endings, or sometimes we don't even hear about the happy endings as people delight in relaying the horror stories.

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you - it is so normal to worry, but it won't do you any good. I really hope that everything goes well for you, and that you manage to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy :)

JenniL1977 · 03/04/2011 22:20

I did this too. It took me 3 and a half hrs and a good dose of fertility treatment to get pg, and I just couldn't believe it could go right. I'm 20wks now and still struggling a bit.
Ok, the facts: if you've seen a heartbeat at 6 wks, 78/100 pg's go full term. Once you've seen a hb at 8 wks, that goes up to 94/100. At 12 weeks, over 99/100 pg's are successful. If you're doing what you should be- eating as well as you can, not drinking, not smoking, you're doing everything you can. One thing my mw and fertility people told me though- stress hormones are the worst thing for the baby. Worrying makes you stressed.
Above is correct, you don't hear about the thousands of pg's that all go ok.
Stay away from dr google. Try not to worry, it's doing neither of you any good. It's perfectly normal for your symptoms to subside - I didn't have any, at all, which made it hard to believe I was pg at all without all my scan pics!
And it does get easier and better. Tbh, for me it was last week when I started to feel the baby moving (now I'm being beaten up from the inside!) but something will click for you.
Now get away from the pc and the evil Internet and go have a hug with your OH :)
Good luck x

BuggyBabe · 03/04/2011 22:20

Just try to keep positive, keep busy so you're not sat worrying and STEP AWAY FROM GOOGLE!

JenniL1977 · 03/04/2011 22:22

That should say three and a half YEARS, not hrs...

apricotears · 03/04/2011 22:28

I know how you feel. I was so scared waiting for the first 12 weeks to pass, so I know exactly how you feel. Even now (and I'm only 18+4) I am still a little apprehensive...

At least I can function now, but I am still hesitant to get excited 'just in case' something bad happens. I had to stop googling, because I had myself in a state... every symptom pointed to something terrible. I have to say I do feel better now that I have stopped it! DH keeps telling me I need to relax, the worry is not good for me or the baby and he is absolutely right.

Sometimes you just need someone to put things into perspective for you Smile

I am sure everything is fine with your LO folic, but have the scan and put your mind at ease Smile

lolajane2009 · 03/04/2011 22:28

After 8 years of trying for a baby I have to admit I am extremely paranoid about this pregnancy even now at 16 weeks. I actually apologised at my 12 week scan before the scan and was terrified about the scan until i heard my baby's heartbeat and almost burst out crying when I heard it again on thursday.

CBear6 · 03/04/2011 23:02

I've had an early mc and a late mmc and, awful as it sounds, there is absolutely nothing at all that you can do to prevent it. If it is going to happen then it will, it's entirely blameless and entirely out of your hands. I don't mean that in a harsh way, it's just what I tell myself every pregnancy (and this is my fourth) to help me get through - if I can't change it then why worry about it?

Miscarriage occurs in roughly 1 in every 4 pregnancies, but that means that it doesn't happen for 3 in every 4, the odds are on your side. Every week reduces your risk and after 12 weeks it is just 1%, so that's a 99% chance you won't miscarry once you reach that point. A midwife once told me that many miscarriages occur around 5-6 weeks when the heart starts beating, if it doesn't beat properly or isn't formed properly then the pregnancy can't possibly continue so it ends. She also told me that once they've seen a heartbeat the pregnancy has around a 95% chance.

Yes, miscarriage is awful and it's always a risk but it's a small risk compared to the number of pregnancies that don't miscarry. Please don't let these worries spoil your enjoyment of pregnancy.

And stay away from Dr Google! :)

Original poster
Folicacid · 03/04/2011 23:24

Thanks for all your replies, I really really appreciate them.

I've had a right good old sob and feel a bit better. OH was on way to work but he agrees with me, book a scan. So I'm going to do that tomorrow and then that's an action. Even if it is giving into the crippling paranoia.

Hopefully things will feel better in the morning.

OP posts:
camdancer · 04/04/2011 09:11

I went into my first scan all excited that I'd see my baby. It wasn't to be. For my subsequent pregnancies, I've spent the first 12+ weeks being completely paranoid that the same would happen. But you know what, either it will or it wont and there is very little I can do about it. For me, having an extra scan wouldn't help that much as I only feel better for about 1 hour after the scan, then the worry would start again. I just have to tell myself that there isn't any point borrowing trouble and if the worst happens I'll deal with it then.

fwiw, I'm now 31 weeks with DC3 and I still worry. I just try not to let the worry take over. I do hate scans though. I can't talk to anyone until I've seen a heartbeat. And did cry at a few of the scans when I saw the heart beating nice and strongly.

Hope you are feeling better this morning - or worse with morning sickness as that always seems to be a good sign!

BuggyBabe · 04/04/2011 09:15

Hope you're feeling better this morning Folic

AppleyEverAfter · 04/04/2011 14:23

I am the same Folic, like diam I miscarried last year at 6 weeks and am now 15 weeks with second pg. I am so paranoid that every time someone mentions the word miscarriage or I read it somewhere, I have to find out when the woman miscarried, what the signs where, why it happened etc etc. And I CANNOT get Lily Allen and Amanda Holden's awful experiences out of my head. But then I think of all the other horrible things that happen in the world (tsunami, bombs, freak sledging accidents etc etc) and realise that I'm not really worried about them cos they're so unlikely to happen, and that I need to GET A GRIP! Phew. Glad it's not just me feeling like this though.

Bluetinkerbell · 04/04/2011 15:05

Folic why don't you go to your doctor and tell her your worries? I went last Friday after having several small bleeds, she booked me another scan for today at the EPAU.
Everything is fine! can't explain the bleeds.
You don't have to pay an enormous amount for a private scan...
Are you gonna have your nuchal scan done? that's only a few weeks away no?
I am 9+4 today, so we're only a day difference!
Try to stop worrying!

Original poster
Folicacid · 04/04/2011 15:44

Hello all,

Update from the manic obsessive.

I called the EPU to ask about bleeding and my lessening of symptoms and she offered a scan tomorrow. I've 3.5 weeks to wait until nuchal/dating scan.

So hopefully my fears will not be realised tomorrow. Thanks again for all your replies, and I'll come back on to let you know how I get on.

OP posts:
Bluetinkerbell · 04/04/2011 15:57

See there you go! EPU are great! (and free Wink)
And don't worry when they don't say anything the first few minutes... they seem to last forever, but they will explain what there is to see on the scan!
and they are very supportive! told me to come back anytime when I had the feeling the bleeding keeps going or feel worried.
I have my fingers crossed for you!

BuggyBabe · 04/04/2011 21:16

Folic Hope all goes well at the scan, come back and let us know how it went.

InMyPrime · 05/04/2011 07:30

Early scans are the only way to go, if you ask me. I had an MMC at 11 + 5 last time round and it had taken me a while to get pg as well. Last time around I had no inkling anything was wrong when my symptoms eased off at about 10 weeks, just assumed all was fine and assumed unless I had bleeding I was fine so the MMC came as a massive shock and that ultrasound experience still gives me nightmares. This time around (am now 14 + 3) I was a nervous wreck so the only way I could get through the pregnancy with my sanity intact was scans, scans and more scans. Had an early scan at 6 weeks with a heartbeat etc, another at 8 weeks with all well, another at 10 weeks which was the first one where I actually relaxed for the first time, my 12 week scan on the NHS and finally another scan at 13 + 3 as a freebie thrown in while we were getting bloods done for Downs privately!! This baby is now a scan addict I think and is getting spoilt from performing on TV so much Grin

Anyway, don't hesitate to get the scan. The worst thing about my MMC was the shock factor and feeling so out of control. Taking charge of your fear and doing something about it, getting scans, asking questions etc, makes things easier to cope with. Good luck!

escapeartist · 05/04/2011 14:57

OMG! Folic it's like I wrote the above post!!
I have had cramps from the beginning and as soon as I found out I was pg I have been worrying about miscarrying! How strange... I have googled everything, from weekly rates of miscarriage to missed miscarriage symptoms.

I've already had two scans (currently 8+4) one at 6+3 when we saw the hb and all was good and one at 7+3 after a small bleed (which was caused by a tiny subchorionic heamatoma) and all was great there too.
Still, every time I have cramping (like right now) or in fact even if I haven't felt all that sick at that day, or my boobs feel better, I go into overdrive... It's actually quite upsetting and I know we laugh about it, but I really would quite like to enjoy this period that I have waited for for so long...

It's great to hear from other ladies on here, who also feel a little...hmmm... crazy at times. :) (However as camdancer said I only feel better for about 1 day after the scan and then spiral back into google-town and paranoia. The only thing that does seem to help is thinking of hard-cold statistics for me - so thanks everyone for all the percentages ;)

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