Second time horror stories - thought these were just for first timers? Why do people do this to hormonal women!?

[CBear6]

When carrying DS I had all the horror stories about how much labour hurts and how it's like a scene from a horror film and how your foof will rip open as a 15lb baby with a 50cm head forces it's way out and blah blah blah. All of it was, frankly, bullshit (sorry if I've scared any first timers reading this but it really was total bull so don't be afraid!).

This time round I thought I was safe, but no, the doom and gloom crowd have all new horror stories to share, stories specifically for second timers. I'm wondering how much of it is rubbish and wondering if anyone can comment on these little gems:

• "second babies are much bigger ... " complete with a nod at DS who was 9lb 3oz at 40 weeks with a 37.5cm head

• "if you tore with your last one you'll tear even worse with this one ... "

• "once I got to about 37 weeks it was agony going to the loo because my scar from DC1 had sort of unzipped/popped open a little bit ... " W.T.F!? I think it's highly unlikely I'd unzip, but seriously, what the hell!?

• "once you've delivered you'll get after-pains this time round, they're as bad as full-blown contractions ... "

• "DS was on time? You'll almost definitely go overdue this time ... "

I'm sure there'll be more as I progress, they're the main ones I'm getting though.

Why do some women seem to think it's their sacred duty to try and scare the stuffing out of other women!?

I have come to the conclusion that new babies (in bump or newborn in a pram stage) bring out a special kind of lunacy in certain women. The only way to get through it is to take a deep breath and ignore the lot of it!

And you don't even have to be pg with a second one for the mad comments to start - a woman chatted to me in the queue at Sainsbury's when DD was about 4 months old and asked if she was a good baby. I replied she was ...and I was somewhat taken aback when she tutted said "oh you won't have another one like that then". Er, wtf?! How is she to know what sort of baby I might or might not have next time?! I smiled sweetly and asked her if she was always that negative the cashier was trying VERY hard not to laugh out loud!

Argh!
Have not heard any of these....
ds was 9lb7 - not relishing the idea of giving birth to an even bigger baby..
ds was 2 weeks late - I am praying this one will make his own way out on time..
2nd degree tear last time - not bothered about any more tearing thanks..
After pains? For crying out loud!!!

I am hoping for a home birth and an experience that will help heal the emotional scars of the last one. Perhaps a touch optimistic. Really I just hope we both get through it relatively unscathed.

I haven't heard any of these btw. Well maybe the one about 2nd babies being bigger.

Hmm.

I think its all bullshit to be honest.

No one can tell you whats going to happen in the future. Every pregnency and child is different.

If someone said these to me i think i would be asking if they were phyic and could i have a free taror card reading

I think this pg is going to be ok even thou i'm only a few weeks gone and i've already been sick twice today - morning sickness is horendous with me and then i get SPD as i had it first time round.

Urm. As a fifth timer I feel qualified to say, in my experience, that births get quicker and easier each time.
Obviously there are exceptions!
But in general, most people I know have had easier labours with subsequent babies.
My first birth lasted days and he took over 2 hours to push out. My second was a relatively decent 12 hours with a 10 minute pushing stage.

I have found actual pregnancy more difficult each time but that could be an age thing.

Your experiences are unique to you and just because sue next door nearly died birthing a horse doesn't mean you will :)

Oh and just to say my 2nd was half a lb heavier than the first but then the third was lighter!

:) interesting x posts lockets.

My last 2 shot out but maybe that's due to me not performing my pelvic floor exercises :o

Are you ment to do the pelvic floor exercises before or after birth?

I have totaly forgoten everything that happened first time round. It was only 2 years ago!

May be it was that bad i have blocked it from my mind

I think people are more likely to come out with their horror stories and people who had an easier time are less likely to say "everything was fine and uneventful" becuase it is just less of a talking point!

I have 3 dc. dc1 was by far the biggest. My labour with dc1 was long and I tore. With dc2 and 3 I only just managed to get in the hospital door before they shot out! 2nd and third labours were really short for me and no tear.

My first and second were 'on time' and my 3rd was a week early.

I do have to agree that the after pains were more noticable with dc2 and 3. My uterus did not really contract very well with dc1 and it seemed to work more efficiently and was stronger for dc2 and 3.

Thing is it is different for everyone and for each pregnancy so there is no rule to say babies get bigger or later etc.

With my first i had morning sickness from week 6 til 16 then at 20 weeks i had SPD. at 6 weeks i bleed and at 21 weeks i bleed and then i couldn't feel the baby move twice. I was at the hospital more than at work or home. I was being sick at least 6 times a day.

Then my waters broke and they keep breaking it went on for 24 hours before contrations then i was in labour for 12 hours then the doctor said baby was back to back and i had forceps and he cut me.

Then i stayed in hospital for 6 days as my son was too tired to breastfeed.

It was fucking horrible.

This time had better be easier or i'm not having any more children

sorry i'm a bit emotional - also tired, feeling sick and my son has a very bad cold and keeps moaning in his sleep and i cant make him better

My friend was pregnant with her first when I was expecting DS2. She had said how annoying she found the horror stories and doom-mongering so I was very careful to stick to the 'it's not so bad, people voluntarily do it again' line. She started telling me about her sister and another friend who were both fine first time but were left with incontinence and other problems after DC2....

My second labour was quicker, DS2 was born at home and I've been on a trampoline since with no problems!

Ok well firstly...

• "second babies are much bigger ... " complete with a nod at DS who was 9lb 3oz at 40 weeks with a 37.5cm head
• DD1 was 8lb6, DD2 was 8lb5. A pound smaller. Near enough a dead match I'd say.

• "if you tore with your last one you'll tear even worse with this one ... "
• I was shredded with my first, so much so I have been offered reconstructive surgery. DD2 was by contrast a gloriously easy birth, I didn't even have a scratch.

• "once I got to about 37 weeks it was agony going to the loo because my scar from DC1 had sort of unzipped/popped open a little bit ... " W.T.F!? I think it's highly unlikely I'd unzip, but seriously, what the hell!?
• Oh yeah scars do that all the time, people who have ceasarians find that they're minding thier business trying on jeans in top shop years later and all of a sudden their uterus pops open again... What crap. Scar tissue is several times thicker and stronger than normal tissue. Your only realistic chance of reopening any scar is to do it before it closes, so before the scabs have fallen away then.

• "once you've delivered you'll get after-pains this time round, they're as bad as full-blown contractions ... "
• I must have missed that bit. Personally I was too busy crying with joy onto my beautiful new childs head to care much, as bad as the full thing my arse.

• "DS was on time? You'll almost definitely go overdue this time ... "
• DD1 was 1 day over (and induced) DD2 was 9 days early (naturally)

had ds2 6 weeks ago;

• labour was faster (1hr)
• i did not tear (epi last time)
• baby was smaller
• was 2 days over with both
• afterpains not as bad as with ds1

so yeah, i had heard all of these too and exactly NONE were true for me!

DS1 - labour best part of 3 days, DS2 - labour 4 hours
Had 2nd degree tear with both, but bothered me less this time
Ds2 was 2oz heavier than DS1
Induced at 2 weeks over with DS1, went into labour at 40+10 with ds2
No afterpains with either of them

Much easier the second time round :)

I'm so glad that I was right about it being bull!

I hate it when people think they have more than me because they have had two babies when I had one, and that all they know is infallible.

Apparently I am nowhere near labour because my bump hasn't dropped yet. - baby has actually become fully engaged since the time these two women saw me before. But "you will know when you get there . All will become clear. Second baby...." Whatever.

"You are going to have horrible afterpains" - we'll see. mind your own business. I'll be quite happy to have a new baby, I had afterpains last time, and, to be honest, it's just part and parcel of the experience if it does happen.

"your son is going to hate the new baby" - and you know that why exactly?

"you are going to have a huuuuge baby, you are massive. second babies are always bigger." - bullshit. Actually got referred for a growth scan because I am measuring 5 weeks SMALL.

Just ignore people, or flick them in the forehead and tell them to fuck off. your choice :o

My babies have all got a bit bigger (8lb, 8lb5, 8lb13.5) but the births have got much easier each time. #1 was 6 days late, #2 - 1 day early, #3 - 7 days late.

The only thing I would agree with though is the after pains, nobody warned me about them and it came as quite a shock with dc2, I remember lying on the bed saying 'but it still hurts, it still huuurts!'. But I would have liked to have been warned just so I could have made sure I had a stash of painkillers ready! It wasn't as bad as contractions though and was manageable with paracetamol.

I won't tell you about dc3 though as that would be venturing into horror story territory!! But I am now pg with #4 so it can't have been that bad!

I was told all horror stories with my first. I didnt actually know anyone who had a straight forward birth.
So, when I started contractions, I was expecting a near death experience, that would last days!!
I wasnt in that much pain to be honest, but thought I should go to hospital, as they were under 2 minutes apart.
When I got to hospital, I was expecting to be told to go home. But started pushing within half hour of being there.

With my second, I knew ( hoped ) it wouldnt be the really painfull experience I had been warned about. And knew that if everything was in the right position, I was just gonna push like hell to get it over with!!
She flew out within 10/15 minutes of arriving at the hospital.

I had no pain relief, or stitches with either.
Both were 2/3 days over due, and weighed 7lb 7. Then 7lb 13.

I am wondering if I will be lucky again 3rd time around. Or if I will be punished for spreading some positive news? Keep thinking that it will be my turn for one of the horrendous births I hear about.

However, since speaking with mums, I now know a lot more people that have enjoyed giving birth like myself. But the nice stories are not as exciting to listen to, as someone who has suffered I suppose?

Oh, yeah I do agree that after pains were worse 2nd time. I was sick not long after labour ( probably through shock ), so that was uncomfortable.

Well SIL had a baby a couple of months before I had DS (my first). She and MIL over telling me all about how SIL went 10 hrs drug-free before she asked for an epidural and that the staff were amazed anyone managed to go even that long, they were begging her to get the epidural after five hours, they were so amazed that the story was right around the hospital and even staff on other departments were shocked.

There's me, early labour, terrified, sobbing my heart out to DH about how I want to be strong. All in all it was 36hrs from start to finish, the last 9hrs of which were active labour, with three hours of pushing. DS was face up and coming down forehead first. He turned his head when it was only halfway out instead of entirely out so me slowing down and panting for the head did nothing as the act of him turning his head while still half in there tore me and he shot out all in one go - DH said it looked like someone had fired him out of a catapult . So not much scares me now except the idea of tearing again but if it happens then it happens. Oh, and SIL went in a collosal huff when she found out I did it on gas and air (basically because I'm scared of the epidural but I didn't tell her that!).

IvySedai, I was told I'd go over with DS because he hadn't dropped. I'd had bleeding and the consultant offered me a schedule induction at 40 weeks. I refused it at 39 weeks and was told by everyone that I was stupid, he hadn't even dropped yet and I'd go overdue and end up needing to be induced anyway and it would be worse by that point because he'd be bigger. As it was DS didn't drop at all until I was 6cm dilated and I delivered him at exactly 40 weeks - the cancelled induction would have been at 40+2 so I did it faster under my own steam.

I'm loving all of these stories!

I had DD (DC2) 6 weeks ago.
"second babies are much bigger ... " complete with a nod at DS who was 9lb 3oz at 40 weeks with a 37.5cm head- DS was 9lbs1oz with a 39cm head, DD was 7lbs3oz with a 34.5cm head.

"if you tore with your last one you'll tear even worse with this one ... "- Episiotomy with DS (due to aforementioned massive head), a tiny graze that didn't need stitching with DD.

"once you've delivered you'll get after-pains this time round, they're as bad as full-blown contractions ... "- Actually, they are worse second time around, but nowhere near as bad as full blown contractions.

"DS was on time? You'll almost definitely go overdue this time ... "- DS was born at 40+14, DD at 40+3. We didn't even have a cot for her as we were so sure she'd be late we hadn't ordered it.

afterpains are well worth knowing about though cos then you can neck a whole load of paracetamol straight after the birth and thus avoid them

My second labour was far easier, dc2 was 1LBS bigger, but my afterpains were as bad as cc in my case (but that does not happen often) but I walked out of hospital with a flat tummy which MW said was because of the bad afterpains. I am not scared of DC3s birth but I am scared of the afterpains.

I always think that women who share so called 'horror' stories are often trying to do two things:

1. Deal with their own trauma
2. Help prevent the sheer shock of what happened to them from happening to somebody else.

I wish to God I'd listened a bit more instead of practisisng a fingers in ear la la la my labour won't be like that approach.

There's nothing wrong with politely asking them to keep schtum though.

My second was 3lb bigger than my first, but a much quicker, easier birth, drug free and a very minor tear compared to 2nd degree first time around. I breathed him out in two pushes. Bigger babies don't necessarily hurt more to birth or do more damage.

Yes, the afterpains were worse, but not unbearable. As a previous poster has said, good to know everything getting back to where it should be quickly and efficiently.

1st was induced two weeks over. 2nd spontaneous at one week over...

hope that helps

my experience in relation to your questions:

• DC2 was 1lb7 lighter than DC1
• had emcs first time round, so can't comment on previous scars from tears, but cs scar was fine - had 2nd degree tear with DC2 but loads easier to recover from than the cs
• never felt one after-pain after DC2
• DC1 was 2 weeks late (failed induction) and DC2 was 2 weeks early

I never once believed the mw when they told me 2nd time round would be easier, but for me, by god it was!