Having a third girl - happy but sort of upset at the same time

[ladyofla]

I just found out this morning I am going to have a third girl. In my 12 week scan I was told it was 95% sure I was going to have a boy so even though we didn't tell anyone in case it wasn't a boy I had got used to the idea. I was sort of disappointed but at the same time relived at having another girl and mostly happy the baby is healthy. I was worried my DH might be disappointed but he is in fact delighted. In the couple of hours since then I have been a bit upset. I don't actually crave a boy as such and haven't been dreaming of blue or boy stuff but just thought maybe a change would be good. At the same time there is something very nice about having a third girl. I also feel so lucky to be having three kids when I know so many people having fertility problems and have friends who have just not met the right person to have kids with etc. The weird thing is that I think I am upset at what will be the reaction of people when I tell them. I have already had comments about how I must want a boy etc. It seems sometimes that other people have more hang ups about it being a boy or girl than the parents. I'm sure I will have some nice but almost commiserating type comments and I think I am more upset at the prospect of all these reactions than anything else. Does this make any sense? Has anyone else been in the same situation?

I have two girls and am currently expecting my third - a boy.

It's odd really - I always thought I would really want this one to be a boy but in reality I am grieving a little for the road not taken with having three girls. Similarly I know if this one had been a girl I would have felt the same way as you. Right up until the time you know for certain, there are always two roads available and it makes sense that you would mourn the future you don't get.

What does annoy me are the people who TELL me I should be "so thrilled" I am having a boy when actually I am quite ambivalent about it and all I care about is if he is healthy. I actually feel insulted on behalf of the girl I am not having, as crazy as it sounds. Like you say, it seems others seem to have a far bigger issue over it!! Perhaps because they have nothing else to say.

Hiya, when i had my babies i never knew the sex b4 the birth.

I have 3 girls. With no.1 and 2. i would have definately chosen a girl if i could have pressed a button and made it happen. With no. 3 i had mellowed and decided i didn't mind either way.

When, with my 3rd, the midwife said "It's a girl" i actualy cried with joy!

Three girls is a very special, and some say powerful, bond. Lots of people have been very envious. However, I remember my ex MIL saying "OH - never mind" ! when my then husband told her the 3rd was a girl. I was so cross.

This is baby no 4 for me - and i realy dont mind this time!

My daughters are now 18, 15 and 13 BTW and absolutely gorgeous xxxx

wow, sorry for the negativity you've encountered. if it's of any consequence, my dh and i would absolutely love to have 3 girls! so if you'd told me, i'd have looked at you with a bit of envy:) (we've got one girl, am expecting now and don't know what it is)

I have two girls (2 yrs 8 months and 18 months), and am 25 weeks pregnant with our third girl. I'm the middle of three girls and I went to a girls' school, so in a way I was hoping for a boy in the mix as boys are exotic creatures to me! I can totally understand ladyofla's reaction - when we found out I was a little bit disappointed but now that I'm used to the idea of having three girls I can't wait! As you say we're so lucky and blessed to be able to have healthy children, and that's all that matters. I've realised we'll probably save a bit of cash (at least at the start on clothes and toys - but then I guess we'll have all those weddings in the future - lol!), and actually I'm close to my sisters now. We're going to stop at three so perhaps a boy would have felt left out? Who knows! Don't feel bad about how you react to some of the biggest news of your life - at the end of the day we're all human!

PS: My husband's one of three boys so he's quickly had to get used to females! He'll know how his mum felt now...!

I wouldn't worry about what other people think or say - who cares??? Just tell them it's your husband's lot in life to be surrounded by beautiful women. It's not like you can will her gender to change so I wouldn't waste your energy on what-ifs. Like passionfruit says, a little boy might have been a bit hen-pecked anyway with two older sisters!

We have dd1 (3) and I'm pg with ID twin girls. We are both delighted. We didn't mind what they were but as dh says, dd is so fab, another two would be brilliant. People have been quite positive on the whole but dh has had proper condolences offered for missing out on having a boy which really made him cross (very unlike him as he's very calm). The jokes we can handle and laugh along with comments such as poor dh with 4 women to nag him etc but 2 colleagues actually said "sorry mate, that's bad news!" and "Oh no, that would be my worst nightmare!"

dh's dad made some comment about the family name so dh said well maybe one will be a lesbian and continue the name that way (I know you don't have to be a lesbian to keep your name but I think dh was trying to make a point, especially as pil are completely homophobic).

Congrats on your pregnancy x

No advice just sympathy. I have one girl and another surprise on the way and already so many people have started in on the 'well i do hope its a boy'

I am very sensitive and I get this feeling like another girl will just let everyone down or something. Or they wont be as excited... its aweful!

Am trying to ignore it and telling everyone I think it a girl, hoping they start getting used to the idea. x

Sparklies I could have writeen your last paragraph except I have two boys and am expecting a girl. I'm expected to be over the moon, when in fact I really didn't mind, but thought I would have another boy so it has taken me long time to get my head around having a girl. In fact I'm not sure I'm there yet at 34 weeks.

I had 2 girls and then a boy and didn't find out about any of them. Everyone assumed we were 'trying for a boy' and were 'very lucky to get what we wanted'.

I always said 'thank you - we did get what we wanted. A healthy baby' but it was lost on many.

Ironically, pg now with #4, expecting another boy but I'm the only one that knows that . I'm expecting the comments again afterwards - 'oh aren't you lucky to have got the perfect balance?'

I'm one of 3 girls and we're all as different as can be.

It is so frustrating how we all have to put up with these comments from people.

3 girls is wonderful

I have 3 grls and its great :) I did want dd3 to be a boy but I'm pleased I got what I got. I'm pregnant with number 4 and loads of people are asking if I hope its a boy. It would be nice but the so would 4 girls :)

Im pregnant with my 3rd child, already have 2 gorgeous little boys....the 'bet you want a girl' comments are driving me crazy!....I keep saying, we wanted another baby yes & a healthy baby would be fantastic!....It makes me so mad, yes a girl would be lovely to experience both boys & girls, but equally I love love love little boys & know what im doing with boys!....

I'm the same but opposite way round, having 3rd boy
I get how you mean as sometimes 'commiserating' comments can be a bit :( and I think in your case because you were told @ 12 weeks scan it was a boy, and then that was changed, that might make it a bit hard on you because you were expecting one thing then had it changed on you, but I would just try not to dwell on it too much or overthink it, as you say 3 babies is great whether girls or boys and we don't get to chose, so you have to take what you're given and be happy with it really. I would love to have a girl though for a 4th, just 'for a change' really as you say but 3 of the same they are all individuals and different anyway so it is still exciting.
try not to worry about people's reactions and im sure you will settle down with it soon, and congrats on ur baby girl!! it will probably be nice for your 2 older dds being 3 girls together

I'm pregnant with my second, and it's another boy, and the first comment from a close family friend was 'Never mind'!!! Couldn't believe it! Apart from the fact that the baby is healthy, and i think it will be great for DS to have a 'brubber' as he calls it, I'm planning on having at least 3, so why on earth would the news that we are having a healthy baby boy warrant a comment like that? Crazy

Congratulations! 3 girls will be lovely. I have friends with lots of sisters and they all have a close bond as adults.

A friend of mine with 3 boys got v upset by people's "sympathetic" comments, and used to say "they are 3 different people, their sex is secondary."

I didn't find out the sex of this one, partly as a colleague had her scan a couple of days before mine, and every went mad congratulating her on having one of each, and I couldn't have borne to feel that people were commiserating if I revealed I was having another DD (we really couldn't give a monkeys, will be thrilled either way).

You are bound to have mixed emotions on discovering more about your baby - pregnancy is an emotional time!!

I think it's perfectly reasonable to feel the way you do you have had a little boy visualised in your head, loads if plans for him etc to then find out it's a girl is kind of a disappointment notation a girl but at your plans have to change if that makes sense. I have 3 DDs and used go hate the trying for a boy comments. When beautiful DD3 was born I even had people go " aww that's a shame". FFS as if a healthy little girl is a shame. It's made be quite protective over DD3 she's the light of our life. When I was pregnant with DB4 we had all the usual boy comments again but we were so sure it was another girl, we had her name chosen and I lived the idea of 4 little girls, of course he was a boy, what a shock. I will admit part of me was disappointed I wasn't getting my tribe of daughters. I still get annoyed with all the messiah child comments we get especially when said in front of the DDs. Have been told we can stop having babies now we have our boy!!! Anyway 3 girls is fab and I am sure you will agree once you hVe gotten your head round it, once your gorgeous DD is here and you are all smitten with her you will look back on this thread and laugh.

I am 23 weeks pregnant and have 2 little girls at home. EVERYONE asks if we are hoping for a boy this time, it drives me nuts! A boy would be lovely, and so would a girl. We lost DD3 to a heart condition last year at 15 weeks GA so I really couldn't care less about the sex, having a healthy baby in my arms in a few months is all I want.
DP would like a boy but he also said he would be delighted if it was a girl. Our girls are gorgeous and so loving (most of the time). Congratulations on your third little princess. We will find out next week at the 24 week scan what our little bundle will be - and only finding out because the girls want to know so they can help to buy new toys for the baby and give him/her a name. We didn't find out the sex with our girls xx

princessscrumpy lol at your dh! actually, my DP is one of five girls in her family (one boy, not likely to pass on the family name), and a lesbian and her DD does have the family name...brilliant, just brilliant

our DD, of course...

I too can relate to how you are feeling, I found out last week I'm having my 2DD and I'm thrilled but at the same time a bit sad as we only plan on having two children so will never get to experience having a son, I'm not for one minute disappointed in having a girl as my 1DD is absolutely wonderful and the best thing that ever happened to me! I too I'm fed up with comments made to me like what a shame one of each would have been nice! I've had two MC so I'm just thrilled to be having a healthy baby no matter what sex!

I have two girls (5 & 4) and they are them most amazing things I could of ever wished for! This pregnacy we are having a boy which I am delighted about! It was me that really wanted the boy and my husband really wasn't fussed! He said to me before we had the scan as I had my heart set on a boy, our girls are the most amazing thing that ever happened to us and they are so different in personalities too, that if we had another girl it would be amazing too!! I was ecstatic to be told we were having a boy, but then when it came to sorting through all the stuff, everything is pink!!! So we've had to buy all new stuff (not cheap) and it's definitely not as fun buying for a boy than it is for a girl, and deciding on a name is soooo much harder! I sat there in babies room the other day and just thought, shit!, were having a boy!! What the hell do I do with one of those!!! I actually didn't care whether it was a boy or a girl! Was quite upset that I didn't have the chance to dress the little one in all those gorgeous outfits I saved from my last two! I think as time goes on and pregnancy really takes it toll, and you start to get things ready, you'll be so exited! Give it chance! And when you tell people, have the biggest. B eam on your face you can do! X x x x congrats aswell x x x

And how the hell could they tell at the 12 week scan! What a mean thing to do!!

I have two boys and completely understand. I am curious about what it would be like to have a girl and think it would be quite nice to have all those pretty outfits!

But NOTHING makes my blood boil quicker than"are you going to keep trying for a girl" as if DS2 was unwanted! GRRRRR. DH desparate for a girl. I suspect I would be unnecessarily hard on a girl and have to higher expectations (thanks mum+grandma for that legacy), so perhaps mum of boys is better for me.

MIL is like "have a girl they can be your friend" MIL suffocates her children to the point they all left they country. I tried to point out your child isn't a firend they are more than that, the relationship is totally different, you are not on equal/same footing, they need to be able to look up and rely on you in a way you can't with a friend. Dh wants a girl to "help me around the house" (!!!!!) this in itself is enough to stop me wanting a girl!

Understand feeling upset, just bec you are fortunate does not exclude you from genuine feelings!