2nd Pregnancy Blues...anyone else?

[MrsBloomingTroll]

Firstly, I should say that on both occasions it's taken us a long time ttc and I am absolutely delighted to finally be pregnant again.

I loved my first pregnancy, and felt amazing (once the nausea and exhaustion had passed with the first trimester) and was so looking forward to the experience of just being pregnant again, especially as this will likely be my last pregnancy (all being well). So far (am 19-20 weeks) it just hasn't been the same for various reasons:

• Coping with DD1 who is a "terrible two" and potty/toilet-training at the moment, absolutely exhausting. I still just want to collapse into bed after I get her down in the evenings.
• Am now a SAHM having been made redundant after going back to work. Less spare cash to splash on pregnancy "treats" such as nice clothes and spa pampering, nice toiletries, etc, all of which I did in first pregnancy.
• My taste/body shape has changed since last pregnancy and I don't like/fit many of my old maternity clothes.
• No lazy lunches with work colleagues this time (I was pregnant at the same time as a colleague last time - she and I spent hours comparing notes and making plans).
• No friends pregnant at the same time as me, except one good friend in Australia who has 3 kids already and too busy for regular phone chats (we've tried!).
• No maternity leave to count down to. No maternity pay.
• No personal trainer at the gym this time. Feeling much less fit, although I am trying to do something about this now the sickness has gone.
• Rubbish pelvic floor....am having to wear pads all the time.
• I'm stuffing my face with all kinds of rubbish to help me have more energy. Except this time I know that after the birth/bf I'll be dieting heavily for months.
• I've got a massive cold sore. First one for years (and years). And my skin is still terrible. In last pregnancy by this stage it was completely clear.
• No "babymoon" to look forward to this time. (Although we do have a nice family holiday coming up.)
• DH is the sole earner this time and working long hours to hold down his job in tough economy (for which I am very grateful, but he is a "weekend dad" and I do everything else Monday - Friday).
• Although I do have part-time childcare for DD1, I spend my child-free time doing housework and never-ending house-related admin. Boring!
• DD1 can be so all-consuming that I sometimes forget I'm pregnant, until DC2 gives me a helpful little kick as a reminder. Then I feel bad for neglecting DC2!

In other words, I am far-from "blooming" at the moment. The weather is so lovely outside as well. I just want to sit in the garden and read a book or go for a lovely walk. But no, the laundry and ironing beckons...

It's not that I'm dreading the birth or latter stages of pregnancy, because neither of these were bad for me last time around (I was very lucky). And I am looking forward to meeting my gorgeous DC2 at the end of it, in the hope that s/he, by law of averages, has to be a better sleeper/"easier" baby than DD1. Or, at least, I've earned my stripes with her and will have many more coping strategies.

Does/has anyone else feel/felt like this with their 2nd and subsequent pregnancies? Any tips to help me make this pregnancy feel more special?

Hi there mrs,

Yes, me, I feel like that too! I'm almost 20 weeks, it's my 2nd pregnancy, my DS is 18 months. How old is your DD?

I loved being pregnant with DS and thought this one would be the same, how wrong was I! I had bad nausea for 4 months, which I never had with DS and I started showing at 8 weeks . The weird thing was I didn't want to tell anyone or admit it - one person asked me outright and I said I'd just eaten too many pies!! Whereas with DS I told the world straight away. Strange. Possibly because I got pg immediately this time round and it was a bit of a shocker - took me a while to get my own head round it, nevermind telling other people.

I too have no pelvic floor left and I feel so much heavier this time round. Have aches and pains all the time, awful heartburn which wakes me at night. I'm still managing to lift DS, though (he loves being carried around) goodness knows what it's going to be like when I can no longer carry him.

I also feel bad that I don't give this baby much thought - I think that's normal for second ones though. One thing I try and do every night before going to sleep is connect with the baby - I have one of those musical soft toys which I hold against the bump and have the baby listen to it a few times. Sounds daft, but it's my little experiment - I'm hoping the baby will recognise it once born and it might have a calming effect! Who knows?!

It sounds hard for you having to adjust to being a SAHM. I'm still working, which gives me a bit of a break in the day and I went back to my "old" life.

Do you know what you're having yet? I'm planning to wait until the birth to find out

Thank you bunnyfrance, I'm so happy to know I'm not alone!

My DD is 2.7 and the age gap will be similar to mine to my sister. Everyone tells me that her current behaviour is normal as she adjusts to the idea of no longer being my little baby and that she'll be a great help once the baby arrives.

My bump popped out almost immediately and I was so sick this time around (just nausea last time). If I'd been at work, I would have been rumbled a few weeks in!

DD is still wanting to be carried everywhere, which I'm finding really hard work!

I like your idea of the musical toy, might try to find something I can do with my bump.

I feel like I've only just really adjusted to being a SAHM, and it's all going to change again now. On the plus side, I can now think about going back to work once DC2 is old enough. Because being a SAHM is not for me!

We're not finding out the sex either - that will be something to look forward to, either way!

Hello!
I can relate to how you are feeling. I'm only 9/10wks but so far not enjoying it at all. Last time was so over the moon at being pg, haivng taken so long to get pg in the first place, then ectopic and surgery...thought we'd neverhave a baby, so didn't mind the nausea/vomiting etc. This time, like you, I've a two year old toddler and soon to start potty training. I'm suffering major headaches and all I can take of course is paracetamol, which doesn't even touch it. I'm sicker this time round too and soooo exhausted. I sleep when DD takes her afternoon nap and go straight to bed when she is settled in the evening. I also am unemployed now so no maternity pay to look forward to, just a constant struggle to pay the bills. Last week I had a UTI and felt miserable, I just wanted to cry all week. From 19wks onwards with DD, I had terrible SPD, ending up housebound and on crutches for the final 6 wks.... and it's already starting this early this time round. I've bought a good support belt but think the thought of what probably lies ahead is what's putting a dampner on the whole pregnancy. How can I cope with a toddler, big bump & crutches and barely able to move??? Also a horrendous delivery last time and long time recovering, in fact I ended up back in hospital at 4months post-natal:(.....anyway, I keep telling myself things can only get better....... Loving your idea of the musical toy....must try that too. I take long relaxing baths to pamper myself a bit when I get the chance. Any more ideas to cheer ourselves up?

Awww, IWillDoThis, sounds horrible. Have a .

I had a bit of hip pain around 9/10 weeks and it was horrible. I've had a few twinges for the past week and I'm really hoping it won't develop. I've got a few friends who ended up on crutches second time around.

I can completely relate to you! In fact I could have written most of your post. my DD is 13 months and I am 17wks and work part time and I'm not blooming at all. Just blooming knackered all the time! I feel guilty for mot remembering I'm pregnant most of the time as we were obsessed the first time round. The pressure of household chores and stuff and having no spare money is really getting me down too.

I also feel so tired and achey in the evenings that the small amount of time I would have for myself is wasted through sleeping! And I should just be happy!

Hopefully it will get easier for us all!

But you have a great username... at least this pregnancy hasn't robbed you of your sense of humour .

Honestly, though, I can relate. I'm also finding pregnancy much more exhausting this time around... DD is not yet 18 months but seems to be into the toddler tantrums already.

But could the housework really not wait whilst you sit in the garden and read for a bit?

Ultimate respect to those of you who are battling through pregnancy with a much smaller age! At least with DD I can attempt to reason with her and (after she has stopped thrashing about and screaming) can ask her what's wrong and get a semi-sensible answer, sometimes. If "I don't WANT the light on" (referring to sunlight) counts as semi-sensible, that is.

I do try to allow myself a few hours' me-time a week but this week I "spent" all my me-time having my hair done yesterday. The short bit where I got to sit and read trashy magazines whilst my grey hair was being covered up again was nice but I don't necessarily see making small-talk with the hairdresser (lovely though she is) as "relaxing". So, as a result, today was a mad dash to get the housework and paperwork (ah, the never-ending paperwork!) done before picking up DD from nursery. No time to sit in the garden, although I did allow myself the odd wistful gaze out of the window and even a brief foray outside to move some flower pots around.

I hope that no first-timers are reading this and being put off. If there are any first-timers reading this, please do make the most of appreciating your first pregnancy (assuming you're having a nice time of it)!

When I was a first-timer, the thought of ever doing it again seemed so horrific I was convinced I would never have another child. So I doubt you'll be putting off too many people...

Am 23 weeks with a DD of 13 months. Hated pregnancy first time round, hate it this time too. Am working full time but all money is spent on childcare so no treats for me (not that I had any first time either). At least pelvic floor isn't issue as had ELCS last time and have cleaner to do house. Otherwise I'm knackered and feel sick all the time - just like last time.

Am 35 weeks with DS of 13 months. Really glad to find this thread as have been feeling down this time round since boxing day due to picking up every bug going and looking after DS who seems to be having tantrums early too. Mostly feeling frustrated at not being able to get much done everyday and everything piling up.

However trying to keep my pecker up by remembering lots of mums have done it a second time and this phase doesn't last long.

So for all you ladies - well done for being nuts about babies and kids to do it all a second time and as my MIL says treat yourself as you would a good friend and remind yourself everyday at least 12 times the different ways in how brilliant you are.

Anyway hoping that once DC2 is born I will get my energy levels back by the summer.

Hi I'm 33 weeks with #2 and DS is 2.9. He's a bit changeable at the moment, sometimes such hard work, but also quite adorable and I can sometimes reason with him. DH is helpful and Im still at work 4 days a week which probably makes things easier than for you. I have found myself feeling guilty for not thinking about #2 so much though. No pregnancy diary, no spending time looking up baby information and choosing nice baby things. I still sometimes forget I'm pregnant despite constant kicks etc. I think this time round I was so much more sick for so much longer that I just felt ill and sorry for myself rather than getting excited about being pregnant. I'm less scared of labour (had a reasonably straightforward birth with DS) but part of me is worried whether I will bond in the same way with #2 because I've felt a bit disconnected from it this time round. I suppose it is harder to be self-indulgent with #2 because there is so much more daily life to get in the way....I don't think DH is making as much fuss of me this time round because he too is having to spend more time on sorting out DS. On the plus side I'm a lot less stressed, more grounded and confident about being a mother which I think was a huge worry first time round

Yes me too it's totally different. No time off as either at work or wig toddler or chores. So much more tiring.

Bought myself lots of books yesterday to save my mental health! Must make an effort to read them!

So glad to find this thread! Am 21 weeks with DS2 and DS1 is 27 months. Am so bloody knackered all the time! At least first time round I didn't have to worry about tidying up all the fucking toys that DS1 insists on spreading bloody everywhere! Just not feeling it!

We are not alone!

Apologies to those on this thread who had a shit time of it first time around too - I suppose I have that to be grateful for!

Ah, the toddler is whingeing....gotta go!

Oh wow - I too could have written OP's message word for word. I am 22 weeks and DD1 is 17 months. I had the flu over christmas and got so down about it that never managed to quite shake it off. I too struggle to be a SAHM as I didn't go back to work after figuring out it would basically just pay for childcare so what's the point. I do love love love spending time with my DD tho as she is amazing most of the time even tho she too is just starting to develop those floor thrashing tantrums. She was an IVF baby and number 2 was natural and very quick in happening so I'm sure that had something to do with it....strange how I wasn't as excited about telling people either.
Worse than ever is the guilt I have in feeling this way. Guilty that I'm not fulfilled being a SAHM after it took us soo long to conceive, guilty that I'm not as excited about baby number 2, guilty that the house is dusty, needs a hoover and I'm simply not keeping on top of all the housework and just plain old beating myself up about it and feel supremely selfish that I wish I had extra money for little luxuries like some time to myself or even a holiday.
Anyone got any tips for feeling more fulfilled about being a SAHM. I want to cherish and appreciate this time as I do feel extremely priviledged not to be working but also need to find a way to make it more fulfilling.

Can I sign in? I'm 21 weeks and have a 20mth dd. I get the guilt too, guilt I've no energy to fulfilled dd, guilt I'm not as excited about this preg, guilt I was gutted at my 20week scan and found it was a girl ( am over the moon now!)

Constant fucking guilt, oh and heartburn :-)

I do work pt 2.5 days a week and find it does really help take my mind out of self pity mode.

Dita, yes, the guilt..... I also feel guilty about all those things you mention, guilty about everything, really. And yes, how to make it more fulfilling???????? When anybody looking on my life would think I should be feel 100% fulfilled.....

Oh yes, the guilt!

Thanks so much for being so honest everyone. I feel so soooooooo lucky to finally be successfully PG with DC2 but I just constantly worry about what could go wrong. I am worried about money, the future, what if I am going to be a SAHM forever. I feel constantly guilty about not working although we seriously would be paying for me to have gone back to work and now the economy is in such a mess and I was unable to find ANY form of work to fit in with DH's job/nursery/childcare for DS that I got quite depressed.

I felt so pathetic and ungrateful. I soooooooo didn't want to tell all the relatives about being PG this time round either. I wonder if it is because we DO know what it is like to really be PG - I have been constantly sick since about 6 weeks and am so exhausted I hardly get anything done so when DH comes home after working his arse off it looks like I have done f*ck all all day.

I am really happy, truly thankful to be PG and I know this is realistically our last chance due to money, timing, age etc so I really want everything to be a typical, boring, non eventful PG and birth.

Sorry to add to the thread with a big whine about everything - I actually tried not to do that but I guess we all need to get it off our expanding chests!!!

Oh, I too have pelvic floor issues especially if my bladder is slightly full and I don't make it directly to the toilet eg someone "pops in for a coffee" or I am on the phone so I empathise over that. It is shit.

For the SAHM concerns - I would love to be one! I only work part time but it really is an extra strain, getting house and child fit to leave, hoping he is well enough to leave, wanting him to be happy enough to leave,, squeezing work into the hours I can be there, rushing home, not feeling I am integrated at work because part time, coming home to chaos and feeling utterly knackered - more knackered than a day at home with my toddler by a long shot. But then I am a primary teacher! I do definitely get a change of scene by working But it is a big strain to do it all and do it well. Today was my day home after days at work and I did not feel in control! The transitions are hard.

Of course it's swings and roundabouts for everything and I don't mean to moan but honestly work after child is Not the same as work before child.

Thank Goodness for Mumsnet and other people feeling like me. I only found out I was pregnant last week, so I'm not quite 5 weeks. If you've come across me in Conception you will know we've been trying for 2 years and I'd all but given up hope. I thought I would be extatic, and I am really pleased, but I'm just not excited like last time. (Mind you that was nearly 8 years ago!) I'm just so tired and to be honest wondering how we'll readjust to having a teeny around when our DD is 7.

Last time I was on the phone to the doctor at 8.30 am the morning after I found out, and I bought every pregnancy book I could lay my hands on. This time round I still haven't phoned the doctor and I've known for a week!

Seriously, what's wrong with me? I will be really devistated if it goes wrong,
but I'm worried the fact that I'm not excited is an indication that there's actually something not quite right.

Someone needs to slap me and remind me how good my life is, I mean, I could be living in Libya or Japan. I think I'm just having a mood swing!

Dycey I know how you feel, I would like to be a SAHM as well!

Moan over. Sorry.

KatyCustard I was excited about being pregnant again with DC2 (after a year ttc - took us 3+ years with DD1) but still took me ages to make the GP appointment, so don't worry about that! I'm sure everything will be fine.

My theory is that, because you now know what's at stake (and how much you love your DC1) you try to protect yourself from getting too attached to DC2 until you know everything's okay. Because once you're a mum, you tune into every story in the news or amongst friends and acquaintances about miscarriage and pregnancy loss, every story about something bad happening to a child. With my first pregnancy I was innocent of such things, but I'm a bit paranoid now.

As for SAHM/Working Mum, it's such a personal decision, and the grass is always greener on the other side! I did go back to work part-time (3 days a week) after DD1 was born and found it was the perfect balance for me, but then I worked in I.T. and could keep up with emails and so on via my phone/laptop on non-office days. You can't really do that with a class of pupils!

P.S. Congratulations Katy!

Katy!!!! How wonderful to see you here! I remember you from the TTC boards....wasn't it you that started the "testing around 16th feb" thread?? Congratulations on the BFP!! I know exactly how you feelabout not wanting to get your hopes up yet....
Just think...your DD at 7 will LOVE having a baby around and will enjoy playing mum to him/her....and be an extra pair of helping hands for you!! X

Thanks MrsBloomingTroll those are very sensible words, I think you are right, this time round I know what is at stake!

Hello iWILLdothis ,yes that was me that started that thread! I still can't believe we've finally done it! Thank you for you congratulations! I'm so desparate to tell people it's good to have an outlet on Mumsnet!