So..first time mums and experienced mothers, I have a question :)

[nurseysclone]

I am 19 years old and have always wanted children, while I acknowledge that 19 is far too young, I'd like to know what you all think of when is the right time. I'm not rushing in to anything, as first I need to finish my education, get a job and mortgage. What age did you become pregnant? Were you ready for it? Were you scared? I'm very curious what your superior experience will tell me :)

There is no right age, but my personal opinion is that to have lived a little, got some sort of education, established some sort of career (or at least got some experience of the world of work) and to have a roof over your head and some financial independence BEFORE you have children gives you and your child/ren huge advantages later on.

I was 25. Perfect age for me. I also wanted children when i was 19 but thankfully held off. I discovered myself more in my early 20's and enjoyed going out, buying nice things and only thinking of ME. The only time in my life it will happen. By the time I was 25 I had met the right person nd wanted to settle down. I now don't have 'what if's' and look back on my single child free times as fun memories.

Are you feeling lonely? I only ask because that is why I wanted children at your age.

I was 29. Had to wait for DH to be ready, and for us to have a financial situation where I could be a stay at home mum. Didn't want to have children and put them in a nursery.

I was 33. Had to meet the right person and feel secure in our relationship before I could think about it.

I was 29. I was like you too, I'd wanted kids from a young age but also realised I needed to live a little and have a stable life. DH and I have been together since we were 18, so that bit was stable, but I'm a bit of a butterfly with jobs. Eventually after moving to another part of the country I found a job that paid enough for us to survive and that wasn't going to drive me nuts. DD arrived a couple of years later.
I'd have loved to have started a family at about 25/26 but it wasn't the right time.

I was 23 when I had my first. It was unplanned and I was still doing my degree so yes, a bit too early but by the time I graduated I was pg with number 2 and that was planned so it can't have been that bad .

From my experience I would say that it is important to have worked before you have children, even if only for a short while. I didn't have that chance and even though I now have a degree I feel ill qualified for anything, I am a SAHM but really thinking about work and have no confidence at all. I think it would be easier in many ways to have a job that you can either go back to after maternity leave or, if you choose to be a SAHM, you have something on your CV before children.

I was 36 when dd was born
I did not want children when I was in my 20's
never thought of getting married at all found it all too binding
met dh in my late 20's we are the same age, we did thought the same
by 32 I got pregnant, not planned, we thought long and hard, decided to keep but miscarried
after that we started planning our lives to have children
it took us until I was 35 to conceive and keep a pregnancy, out only child

were we ready? I think we were ready financially, more or less, we were emotionally well connected to each other, we had done a lot of what we wanted to do, so were ready to let it go for a while and just go at the baby's pace

but really I think it depends on the person and what you want from life
parenting is full of joys but also some frustrations, tiredness and quite strong emotional demands
it brings a couple close but it also adds tensions

in the end only you can tell what is right for you

I am 25 and pregnant with my first. Renting (no chance of a mortgage!!) and in a very stable long term relationship, we both work full time, have been to university, my partner has his own business and we have some money saved. Wanted kids since I was 22/23 but couldn't have done it before now really, largely due to finances

I was 27, I was married and all my kids were planned, I think a lot of people put it off waiting for one thing or another but in the end you just have to go for it, I felt ready from about 25, but some of my friends are 32 and still not ready.

I was 40. It's been brilliant so far.
the 2.5 years of trying was crap though.
There's never a 'right' time but remember your fertility declines in your 30s.

First at 20 ( too young)
second at 24 ( still a bit too young but with a big of experience)
third at 27 ( lovely age, fit enough and all other mums similar age having their firsts
fourth at 34 ( the most wonderful time to have a baby financially secure, emotionally balanced)
I wish I could start all over again but I would worry about birth defects, it's really hammered home to you over 30. So overall I wouldn't change a thing I have a wondeful spread out family.

I had my first at 20. In hindsight I was much too young and while I don't regret having DS I do regret who I chose to have him with. I so wish I had waited and found someone a lot better. At the time I was just so desparate to have a family that I had only given the slightest thought to what would happen if things went wrong - that I'd cope on my own and we would manage. Me and DS do manage pretty well and I'm happy with my life now, but I naively didn't realise how guilty I would feel with DS having someone like my XP for his father.

Was never bothered about having a mortgage first as I doubt I'll ever afford one. Having DS before my career got established I think was good, in a way. But you'll find a way to make it work whatever age you have children. Who you have them with is really the most important part. It sounds cynical but imagine what your partner would be like if you did split up and how amicable he would be WRT access to the children, as well as how good a father he would be assuming you stay together. I think it's also good to work out how close your views are on the main issues and how willing you both are to compromise.

Also hang around the Relationships board on mumsnet. At first it seems all doom and gloom but look out for the threads which pop up every now and again (or do a search for "husband" in thread title) for the threads which ask people to tell all about their wonderful partners. Also reading the threads will make you see what kinds of things you don't have to put up with in a relationship. I wish I'd found it before I met XP! I would have recognised the controlling red flags much earlier on. I'm in a lovely relationship now and I really think mumsnet has helped in that I haven't jumped in and been too eager and scared him off, I've been able to have a measure of what's "normal" vs what is unhealthy.

So I'm rambling. But the person you choose to have children with is so much more important than anything else. Everything else will fall into place. And if you are young just give it time so you know he's the right person. Hint: if he starts putting any kind of pressure on you, he's not. :)

Actually (sorry to ramble more!) I know I said I felt I was too young at 20 but actually, I don't think my age was a problem. I just mean that my age meant I was more naive and if I was older and wiser I wouldn't have got pregnant by XP. I actually think it's ok to be a younger parent, but you have to be sure it's right. Any regrets and it's better to wait while you have the time to do that.

Thankyou everyone for posting! I was quite nervous because I never know what to expect on forums.My mother was 27 when she had her first (my elder brother) and says she thinks she should have waited a bit longer. I want stability before anything else and even though I still get quite broody I want to wait. I grew up on a council estate and I don't want that for my own children. My own little dream is a lovely little house in suburbia, a job as a vet nurse and 2.4 kids. I have a bf currently who adores kids and wants his own, but luckily he shares the same viewpoint in wanting to hold off. But when I do have kids I'm sure it will be joyful (you know, in the rare parts when they're sleeping or quiet!). I've heard a lot of horror stories which I like to re-read as a fresh realisation of what it means and the down sides. Mickylee: I'm not really lonely, I don't see my friends too often because of financial reasons and they live quite far from me now, but it seems to be on the up now. At college I still see people and my best friend regularly and a lot of the time I'm just content to stay in and read a book :)

I am currently 33 pg with 1st, will be 34 when hopefully all goes to plan and ds/dd is born. I have done everything I have wanted to do when I wanted to do it....partied like there's no tomorrow in my late teens, early 20's, travelled the world in my mid 20's, worked my way up to a senior nursing position in my late 20's early 30's. I have done "me" and am financially stable with an amazing partner now and ready to give to "you" now. I feel I can give so much worldly experience to my children now.

dickiebird: You sound like you've had a full and amazing life to me :)

On the other hand: what about egg donation? I'd be helping someone with my own eggs but have been discouraged from this by mother and best friend. I just want to help.

I met my DH at 16 however we didnt start a family until we were 30. We have had many years of couple-dom together. Didn't live together until we got engaged at 24. Going to university and experiencing all that being a student involves, having our own groups of friends and giving each other space and freedom. Renting homes with mates. We went on lots of non-child friendly holidays and did things that you can't do/ enjoy fully with kids in tow. There has always been total trust between us on both sides.
Got married at 26 because it felt like the right time for us and at 30 started a family. We have been married 10 years and have been together for 20 - longer than we've been apart!
I think we have a very strong marriage and as a result provide our children with an ideal emotional environment for their future wellbeing. It is a priceless thing to have and I feel very lucky to be in this position. I would say there is no ideal age but live a bit, experience the highs and lows that life brings, find someone who looks out for you in this unfair world and who you can build a good environment for your family with.

This is an ideal and lots of Famillies are not like this but that would be my advice.

I was 29 with first child and Im now just turned 34 with the second there will be no more now. I enjoyed my early 20's I found this a great time to have fun got a mortgage and a long term partner (we had been together since I was 17). We had our own house well paid jobs dogs and other pets had to wait for partner to be ready. We got married got pregnant did it all right and spilt up 3 yrs later. All as Im going to say is I did it the right way and it ended up in divorce for me and lots of upset. Now I have been with my DP for 3 yrs and were expecting a baby (36 weeks preg). I have no job laid off in May no one wanted to give me a job it seemed as I was pregnant. never been out of work in my life and now im in a rented house with no cash and a baby on the way and my lovley DS who now 5yrs old. This time feels different my DP is great with me. So after that big post I guess Im saying you can plan things and do what you think is right but it does not always work out. But I do think get some work or education behind you first as I wish now I had done a degree and maybe I would be in a better paid job or a job for my kids did not think like that when I was in my 20's! Everyones is different good luck with what ever you do

I am 21 (22 soon) and I feel the same as nurseysclone. I am currently finishing my degree this year but im not sure what i want to do in the future. I dont know whats wrong with me but ive been really maternal recently it annoys the hell out of me. Im not all ready to have a child and nor am i financially stable. My mum had me at a very young age (16) and i know that she felt she wasnt ready that is obviously wayyy too young! I imagine that you would know when you want to have a child. I dont know why i feel so broody though maybe im lonely...

I was 30 when I had my first and I only just about felt ready to start then.

I did party hard though from about 18 onwards and I too travelled the world from 24 to 29 and didn't meet my now husband until I was 27 and we working together in Hong Kong. I wanted to meet the right person and would never have settled for someone I wasn't madly in love with so it took me until I was 27 to find him! I am now 40 and expecting my fourth child but I would like to be a little bit younger!! However, we took ages to have our 3rd for some unknown reason and then fourth happened as easy as you like. Life has a habit of working thing out for you too!

Well i had my first at 19 and don't regret it for a second, i had loads of energy , a problem free pg and was generally care free. I then had another at 20 and again was great.
I'm now 30 and having number 3, physically its more demanding, i had 3 mc's before finally this one stuck and i'm terrified something will happen. At 30 i feel i may have more patience but less energy, maybe the other 2 have worn me out ??? :o

I'm 20 & currently 23+6 with 1st DC, unplanned but DP & I wouldn't change a thing. Our situation was not & probably still isn't ideal but we know our baby will be loved & provided for regardless. :)

Myself & DP have always been "wise beyond our years", very self-sufficient & independent, so we see this as the lovely start to our own little family.

All down to personal preference & when the timing is right for you & DP.

I met dh at 18 but had my first at 34 - which was about the earliest I feel I should have.

Dh and I had time to get to know each other properly, party like crazy, do the whole career thing, travel, enjoy the fripperies in life (2 incomes no kids has its very good sides) and get ourselves financially secure before launching into the whole dc thing.

But most importantly, we had gone through enough together that we can shrug off the strain on the relationship that having a baby is, as we know that it's just a matter of time before things get better again.