Just found out that I am having a third boy

[TallulahDoesTheHula]

Had scan this morning and its a boy.
This pregnancy has been so different to the other two that if I had had to guess I would have said it was a girl.
Every single person I know has said that they are positive I am having a girl this time.
DH very much wanted a girl. he loves our boys to bits but he would also love to have a daughter and this will be our last child.
SO many people have said to me things like 'well fingers crossed its a girl this time' even though I have always said that I will be happy with either sex.

Now I know its a boy I feel really flat. I know DH is disappointed. He barely said a word after the scan and has gone to work now.
I have not told anyone yet and I'm not excited to at all as I feel that no one will be happpy about it or excited and that it will seem like disappointing news to them.
I know that people will say things like 'oh nevermind' etc (especially people like my Nan who always says silly things) and I am not looking forward to it at all.

I would love 3 boys

Im another 1 with 3 boys (aged 3, 8 and 18 next week)

I had slight pangs when I found out DS3 was a boy at my 20 week scan, but by the time he was born I was desperate to meet my new son. As it was DS2 and DS 3 are really close and have good fun together, something that might not have happened if he had been a girl plus I had such a big gap from DS1 this was nice.

I agree with people who say its all about being disappointed that your baby is a boy but mourning the fact you wont have a daughter, when you know your family is over, like I did at the time.

It would be so much easier if peopel didnt have to put up with stupid comments from otehrs, not as easy to ignore and can be really hurtful, I really did get "oh thats a shame" comment when I found out DS3 was a boy. , which didnt really help how I was feeling off course.

As it is we have decided to ttc again, although Im 40 and are not holding out much hope. Its not because im desperate for a girl - although this would be nice of course - just that we want another baby, regardless of sex. We havent told anyone either as I cant bare the comments I am sure I would get. Although I have started to compose little replies in my head to questions such as "what are you going to do if its another boy" (notice someone has had this here to.... Im just going to say something like "well give him back of course", it would be worth it to see their face

this has been such a reassuring thread- I have tears in my eyes reading some lovely comments. I am mom of 2 boys and pregnant with number 3. No idea what it is, am 21 weeks and had my scan but don't want to find out. I did think I would find out because I was disappointed on the birth of my second son. But over the last few weeks I got so excited about my third that I realised it did not matter as long as healthy baby. Am getting lots of comments and have been asked if this is just to have a girl- no it is not. we just wanted more than 2!
great to hear all those moms with 3 boys saying such positive things. It is not me who will be disappointed if it is a boy- nor my husband. I am now thinking that if I had a third boy it will be so so much fun

I don't know why people feel the need to make comments about wanting a girl-surely all people want is a healthy baby?!

I'm really glad I'm having another boy (also my third) though can't say I've enjoyed being pg again. Pregnancy totally and utterly sucks!

I had all the "bet you want a girl comments" - er no.

Also all the "you'll be busy!" (accompanied by a roll of the eyes) comments.

I am looking forward to being the matriarch of my little tribe of man cubs

I was the same as you but with girls, I'm just about to have my third girl. This pregnancy was so different that I was convinced I was having a boy and we both really would have liked a boy. But saying that once we found out I starting looking on the bright side and how cool it will be to have 3 of the same sex. The worst is other peoples reactions when I tell them, I hate the "well, as long as they are healthy" or "oh now you'll have to go again". You just have to grit your teeth with those. At least you know and have time to adjust and by the time baby comes along I bet you'll be delighted your having 3 boys!

Apparently it is statisically very unlikely you'll have a different sex third time round if you already have two of one - not explained very well, and I've no idea if that's a helpful thing to say or not!

I think it'#s totally natural to feel how you are just now - I'm expecting dc2, I have a ds already and really want a girl. I know I'll be momentarily disappointed if i find out it'#s a boy but tbh there'd be pros and cons either way, and I'm sure once your wee man is here you'll be delighted!!

And just ignore unconstructive comments from family and friends - people always have to have an opinion and rarely think of how they might make you feel.

This is a great thread. I'm 28 weeks with no3 and have 2 boys already . Hard to imagine having a girl after 2 boys and really don't mind what we have as long as they are healthy. If it's another boy I feel I will have my own wee tribe

I too have 3 boys all grown and sorted now but it was a real laugh watching them grow up and hard work too.I was a tad disappointed with my 3rd boy but largely due to society pressurising people to be perfect.he turned out to be the apple of my eye and we are very close,he was also a ballet dancer hoo!They are now hillarious and tease me constantly,they supported me like old friends when i had cancer and got divorced,please be happy with them all they ae all individuals not defined by their gender at all.

Boys rock!
congratulations

People can be really insenstive.

I'm one of 5, 4 girls and then the youngest, a boy. My Mum constantly got the same reaction but neither her nor my Dad wanted a boy and she never found out the sex in advance with any of us.

As it turns out, my Dad struggled to bond with my brother because he was so used to girls. After he was born my Mum was then getting lots of comments of, 'so you kept on going until you got a boy then'?! You can never win.

Just ignore people. Your DH will get there in time and he will love your little boy when he arrives. As will his big brothers!

I hope that all goes well for the rest of your PG. xxx

Saying you have a gender preference isn't saying you don't want a 'healthy child'. You can separate the two. I had a traumatic birth experience but yes I'm still grateful for the healthy baby. Doesn't mean I can't mourn the terrible experience. If you don't have a preference or you haven't felt deflated or flat on finding out the gender then you just don't understand. That's fine but you can't compare your experience to others.

And I personally don't like 'as long as it's healthy' anyway. Because I know quite a few people whose babies weren't healthy to varying degrees. And you can't very well send them back. Though I understand the sentiment. Everybody would like a healthy baby I think.

And a very small personal gripe, I don't like it when people use these threads to say either is better in any measurable way. Oh well at least you won't get all that pink madam crap or we all know that boys love their mums the most. Because gender disappointment isn't about that. It isn't about tangible differences between gender or stereotypes, it's more complex. And I am a mere mum of a girl I admit. Boys love their mums hurts. Like I'm missing out. Or the Dads of boys I know are missing out. It's not a comparison or a competition. It's a normal reaction to something and in 99% of cases one that will pass. Good not to reinforce negative stereotypes of one gender to praise another.

I have 3 boys and they are fantastic. 3 of the same sex is fabulous.
I also have 2 girls (my eldest DC) who are fabulous too and my 3rd child was a girl too so I had 3 DDs first, sadly we lost DD3 at 6 months pregnant. MIL was evil and said 'poor daddy' when we told her it was a 3rd DD but that there were sever problems at the scan. Would have thought she would be more bothered about the baby actually surviving than the small matter of gender...
Any baby is a blessing, I lost 2 DDs late in pregnany and after going through that it really makes you realise your luck in managing to have ANY gender of baby!

I am 20 weeks with number 3 and I will be finding out next week. I already had 2 DD;s aged 6 and 8 and yes there is a part of me that would like a ittle boy.
Yes I will probably be a little disapointed and I think deep down DH will too but thats why we are finding out.

Sigh...I feel guilty writing that.

I have 2 DD's and my 3dc will be arriving tomorrow. We don't know what it is and I can't tell you the number of people who have asked if we are hoping for a boy. The answer is not particularly. A boy would be lovely and I know dh would appreciate along with his family as it is culturally very important to them. However, we really would just be grateful for a healthy baby. I feel really strongly that having a child is a privilege, not a right and to that end cannot really separate the healthy baby from preferred sex issue. That said, I can understand why you are feeling deflated at present, especially if you had got your hopes up for a girl. I hope you will get your head around the idea and by B day will be really excited to meet your new little man. In the meantime, my technique to those awkward questions - 'hoping for a boy?' was to answer, no, hoping for a healthy baby!

But you shouldn't feel guilty Inbetweener. It's a very understandable thing.

I am one of 3 girls and it was lovely growing up with such a large range of older sisters' clothes to pinch! My cousins are 3 boys and they all get on great (now!).

I've had 2 dds and then 1 ds. Now expecting #4 and although I secretly would like another girl (for shallow reasons like pretty clothes) I truly will not be disappointed to have another boy because just as when ds was born, he was a baby - another scrummy pile of gorgeousness to love. In fact, we were both delighted and shocked he was a boy.

I know I'm lucky to not mind - I have a friend with 3 boys who always wanted a girl and will be devastated if I have another girl.

As others have said, give yourself time to grieve - not because it's a boy but because it isn't a girl. They are very different reasons to mourn.

Be gentle with yourself and I promise, you will come through it.

Tallulah I really feel for you> I have always wanted a daughter and have ended up with four boys. I found out that ds4 was a boy at 28 weeks and I think it is the worst thing I could have done. I cried all the way home! I had never found out on my others and have to say, it is much, much easier to love a snuggly baby than a cold scan picture! Ds4 was and still is absolutely adorable! And the only one of my boys who looks like me and is right-handed, all the others look like dh and are left-handed. In the ward I was in when I had him there was a girl who had just had her fourth girl. We met one day in the nursery and she said "And you would have liked a girl and I would have liked a boy!" But the important thing is, neither of us would have handed our baby over to the other and done a swap!

I am pg again now but it's early days. I am 42 now and have told myself that it will be a little boy and I hope he will be a healthy little boy. And I will have my 5-a-side!

And, if anyone is interested, I will be having a tubal ligation!

Hi Tallulah - I posted back in December when I found out I'm expecting DS3 (I'm now 31 weeks) - with almost identical feelings and experience to yours. Totally different pregnancy this time, everyone had "strong girl feelings" (except for me, had no inkling either way, I never do!). I knew how excited everyone would have been if it had been a girl. I also had the problem that my DS1 (5) was convinced it was a girl and desperately wants a sister - still! I found the responses I got on here really helpful - the mums of 3 boys who are so positive make you feel really excited.

I'm glad I found out. It was the first time I've found out the sex (we did it for DS1's sake really to prepare him as he was referring to the bump as "she") and I've found that I have bonded with this baby more than my other 2 in pregnancy. I also didn't want to have the feeling of "hang on a minute, he's lovely but where's my daughter?" that I had for about 4 weeks after DS2's birth. It made me feel so guilty. I kept looking at all the blue cards and feeling that they should have been pink. I didn't want to feel like that again. As someone suggested doing further up, I have been out and bought a few things just for him and it's lovely, I feel like I'm really celebrating him now. It has also meant DH and I can deal with our feelings and other people's before he arrives. Funnily enough I felt elated at the scan and then weepy the day after. Took me a couple of weeks to accept that I won't have a daughter, but that doesn't mean I'm not excited about having my very much wanted third baby. I am still getting the occasional pang when I spend time with little girls I like, but I am hoping that that will pass once he arrives. I am spending far more time fretting about how the new boy will fit in with his brothers, will he sleep, and how I am going to cope with the school run etc!

Other people's reactions are infuriating though - I was going to post about it today actually! A complete stranger this morning said "bet you're hoping for a girl" then flinched when I said it's a boy and told me poor me, I'd have my hands full. Isn't 3 children a bit of a handful whatever? And on Friday someone actually said, "oooh, worst case scenario" and it really knocked me. On a good day it's funny watching people frantically back-pedal when you say it's another boy, on other days it really gets me down. They know nothing about my 2 DS's (who are far from hard work and a source of complete joy to me) and the generalisations are irritating beyond belief. My tactic has been to give people a massive smile when they ask, so it looks like I'm going to say it's a girl, then I say it's a boy. Seems to stop some people saying something daft. When people say "oh well, maybe next time" I say quite firmly that I want 3 children, not 4. Grrrrr. I have been pretty sensitive about it, but when a friend with a boy and girl told me that when she was expecting no.3 she was constantly asked if it was planned I realised that you can't win and people are just making conversation, albeit thoughtlessly! It has made me promise myself that I will never say anything to anyone other than "congratulations, that's lovely news".

I feel for you, I know where you are at - you will work through it though and then be able to look forward to meeting your new boy!

I have five boys and a girl (second child ) I feel blessed - feel like the luckiest woman in the world
The faces will get you down I don't deny it and the grimaces - yes!!!

I have been gutted - at the scan of the 4th boy - it does pass though and you realise they are people not just a tail!
I really feel for you as it does put a strain on the relationship too but at least you can look forward to your tall lovely teen age boys!!
Congratulations - REALLY!! I know you feel flat now but like someone else said boys really do rock!

Hi, I'm a mum of 2 DSs, aged 1 and 3, and can also imagine what you are going through. I toy with the idea of having a third, but , at the moment, feel I would only be doing so to try for a girl,so need to be happier with the idea of 3 boys before doing so. I'm certainly getting there...

My thoughts when I had DS2 were similar to a previous poster's - "What, another boy. Where's my girl?" and these feelings did last a few weeks, but then gradually disappeared as I bonded with my lovely, cuddly cute little boy. Now I certainly wouldn't change my situation..and I'm not just saying that - I can't imagine life without my DS2. and you'll be just the same with your DS3

It is all too easy these days to idealise girls but here are some thoughts I've had, which have reassured me:

For every lovely, demure little girl/loving daughter who loves shopping with her mum, there's a Jordan or a Gillian McKeith!
For every aggressive male hoodie hanging out on the street corner, there's a Michael Palin or a Brian Cox or a Terry Wogan or a Sid from Cbeebies(personal fave! lol!)

My point is that there are lots of wonderful, sensitive, inspiring boys and men around, just as there are lots of wonderful, sensitive, inspiring women. And there are loads of "negative" examples of both genders. So there is no reason to idealise girls or boys for that matter...

I know of quite a few three boy families that have worked really well. Interestingly, I read an interview with the loveliest of all men (!) David Attenborough t'other day, and it turns out he is one of three boys. Ok, his mum may have had a slight wobble when her third boy was born, but just imagine how proud she must have been many years down the line, watching the work of two of her sons- Richard and David.

We mums of boys must not let the negative stereotypes get to us! They are just stereotypes, and, if all stereotypes were true, I would be a pink clothes-loving, obsessively house-cleaning, spa-weekend- going female. I hate all three of the aforementioned activities! I am the messiest one in our household, spend 2 minutes on my morning routine, have very few pink items in my wardrobe and truly shudder at the thought of spa weekends.

Your sons will probably also turn all the stereotypes on their heads
Enough rambling for now...

you would feel kind of sorry for the third Attenborough boy, though, wouldn't you Elisio?

minimuffin, you say you find it hard when you spend time with little girls you like? This is probably goint to sound mean but when I feel down about not having a dd, I think of a little girl I know who is bossy and whiny and think to myself "Knowing my luck, if I did have a dd, I'd get one like that"
It cheers me up no end!

Disclaimer: I am not saying all little girls are bossy and whiny!

No chip they're not all bossy and whiney. Just feels that way sometimes!

Reading these last posts though I've been thinking hang on, I've been saying I'm maybe 51% for a girl and 49% for a boy. Yet my dds are currently driving me crazy! One is a teenage mess of hormones and one is a preteenage mess of hormones!

Perhaps #4 as a boy is suddenly shooting up the favourites ranks...

I have three girls - do you want to swap one of yours for one of mine? I have friends with boys who all say how cuddly they are compared to girls. I do wonder what it would be like to raise a son.....

Seriously, though - although you feel disappointed today I am sure that by the time he arrives you will have reconciled yourself 100% to a third boy and might even feel happy about it. Children are all so different whatever sex they are. And it's not like you can choose anyway. Try to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy

Yes I do know some girls who are way harder work than either of my boys and my cousin (who has 3 boys and 1 girl) says she has found her daughter a little more complicated to deal with, and I've been a complete hypocrite (having got cross about people who generalise) by comforting myself with thoughts like that! And what if I'd had a Barbie-worshipper etc etc! The only thing that still makes me a bit sad is that I think it would have been really good for the boys to have a sister when they're in their teens. I worry slightly that growing up in an all boy household they might put girls on a bit of a pedestal and having a sister would help de-mystify women for them. Although probably an older sister would have been more useful for that. And I loved the idea of a girl having two protective older brothers for potential boyfriends to deal with! But I know these are just hypothetical, idealised versions you have of how your family will be. I know lots of blokes from all boy families who are very well adjusted, sensitive and always treated their girlfriends brilliantly so I don't know what I'm worrying about really.

I think for OP the issue is, as it was for me, that for 20 weeks or so you have had the real possibility of a daughter, and then that is taken away in a moment and you go from the possibility of having one to the reality of never having one. However much you prepare yourself for it, that's a big readjustment of expectations and you just need a little time to process it. As other people have said, it's not disappointment about having a son, or not being grateful about having a healthy baby, it's just about your life panning out maybe not quite the way you'd expected it to. I never ever thought I'd be a mum of 3 boys, no reason why particularly, I just didn't see myself in that role and I'd been stashing up "things I will teach my daughter" all my adult life (she wouldn't have listened of course!). But that happens throughout life in different ways and you give yourself a bit of time to get used to the new reality and then you move on.