What would you do if you wanted your mum or best friend at the birth but your DP didn't?

[nappyaddict]

Would you back down or not?

Can you have a proper talk to him about his concerns. Is this first dc?

assuming DP is still in the picture, I would definitely back down...

...unless you are going to call mum/bf round to take their share of the feeding/changing/night-waking

Is your DP not going to be there - but is saying who you can and can't have?

why doe she not want them there? thats a little weird....

it depends, if you really didn't feel he would be able to support you during the labour then i would insist on having someone who you thought would but if it is just that youwant your mum there then i think you should back down.

It depends how important what you want is to each of you and why each of you wants what you want.

One of you will have to back down. It should be the one to whom it is less important (slightly weighted in your favour, perhaps).

I suggested that my mum was there but DH wasn't keen.

He thought it was 'our' time.

He was more than competent and supportive right from the word go ( well apart from starting to drive me to the wrong hospital and then whizz me around in a wheel chair so fast that I felt like I was on the waltzers apart from that....

Wheter you call it backing down or respecting his views depends on your own POV I suppose.

was happy and it was great that I fell asleep almost instantly after all the stiching was done (DS1 was born 55 min earlier) and to wake up with DH cuddling him and holding my arm with a big grin on his face!!

I think it also depends what your partner/DH is like.

Looking on the relationship boards over the years some MN have had some right nobs for partners. You need someone you can count on and will support you.

If you have a dick for brains partner it may be best to have mum on standby!! (Not saying you have I mean people in general)

If you and your DP are together in a happy relationship I can understand why they want it to be you both together because it's just such a special moment.

How many people are you allowed to take into the labour room? Our hospital try to keep the labour room to a minimum number of people ( some circumstances may mean the woman has a few relatives there). It's a matter of space, comfort and practicality.

They - I mean "he"

You are allowed 2 people in with you during labour :)

Reality, that's a bit harsh. He might not be giving birth himself but he is being birth partner (I presume) and it is his child being born so he is entitled to a view about who else should be in the room. I would tend to agree that the mother's view carries a little more weight (depending on circumstances) but it's not fair to say that the dh's opinion counts for nothing.

I agree with Reality my partner as part of being a good birth partner wanted to do everything to make labour as easy for me s possible if that meant having my mum then he was happy as long as it helped me.

My Minge, My Choice.

My DP was excluded from the birth of his first child by his ex in favour of her mother. He's always been very sad that he missed it - needless to say they broke up shortly afterwards so it reflected other problems in the relationship. Not that I'm saying this is the OP's situation.

my mil and partner came in with me for 1st

At my hospital you are only allowed one birth partner - its temporarily restricted due to flu/swine flu. Worth checking.

Apologies I read the title as wanting your mother AND best friend in the room... Not an either or. Eyes tested later this week.....

Well if they temporarily restricted it for whatever reason that would be different - you should choose DP.

Depends. If you want them there because it would be nice, but he feels it will damage the experience for him, then I think you should back down.

If you want them there because you feel that he would not be able to support you in some way and they would, or because you are terrified and want your mum, then he should back down.

Why would you want more than one supportive person therethough whether it s a DP mum or friend. Any more than one and it looks like a spectator sport.

DH felt it was our special time as well, so I backed down. With hindsight it was definitely the right decision.

I wouldn't need to 'back down', if my DH knew I wanted my Mum there he would support me whether he wanted her there or not. However, it's his baby too and I can't imagine anything more special than just the two of us being there when our child is born so if he would prefer my Mum not to be there, I'd go with that. (I know midwives etc are there, but I have really found they can be so in the background you barely notice them except during delivery)