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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

"Offers" of hand-me-downs

30 replies

ParisPreMom · 01/03/2011 11:48

Am I being totally out of line when I say that I don't understand the compulsive need for everyone I know who has had a child to tell me "I'm going to give you tons of clothes I kept" and "we'll give you all of so-and-so's clothes and sheets". I know that things cost money and that you need lots of clothes, etc. etc. but for some reason I feel overwhelmed by what are always declarations and never suggestions (like "I have baby clothes, if you need anything" which I would have no problem with).I feel like I won't have any choice in what my daughter wears/sleeps in/plays with. Aside from that, clothes have become one of the least expensive purchases, so why isn't anyone offering to buy me a baby monitor or thermometer?
I know I sound really ungrateful, but something about the situation is driving me crazy!

OP posts:

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babyapplejack · 01/03/2011 11:54

well...

Babies particularly grow so fast that you need to get the next size up in clothing all the time. From then, children just grow and grow. So most people have a stack of clothes that they need to get rid of - perhaps they are thinking that the logical thing to do is to offer it to someone who is pregnant.

You just need to be ready with an answer - "That's really kind of you but I have a huge stack of baby clothes already so won't need anymore".

The baby monitor and thermometer will have many years use - people prob still using them!

missmapp · 01/03/2011 11:58

The thing is, when you have had a baby, you realise how much all this stuff costs and how little use it actually gets, so you want it to be useful again!!

I know what you mean about wanting to coose your own things though, I felt like this when pg with ds1, but with ds2 , I took everything I could get!!

Agree with babyapple, a polite refusal doesnt offend.

Original poster

ParisPreMom · 01/03/2011 12:07

Thanks for your replies, which were helpful. I had planned on accepting everything to not offend, and then picking and choosing, but we live in a small apartment and don't have the storage space.

OP posts:

NAR4 · 01/03/2011 12:13

You can always offer clothes you don't want back, politely saying you were given an unexpected bundle of ..... so have only kept a few items from each due to lack of space. If people don't want them back, be ruthless and put them in the clothing bank.

Nagoo · 01/03/2011 12:13

I won't get to choose what DD wears until she is 6m at least :)

solo · 01/03/2011 12:15

Accept, sort, sell the good bits and buy a monitor etc?

freckleye · 01/03/2011 14:03

I have 2 DS's 4 and 2 and have hardly bouught any clothes for them at all....and I LOVE it!! Saves lots of money for trips out and much more fun stuff than clothes

humanfraggle · 01/03/2011 14:15

My 1 year old has pretty much lived in hand-me-downs - with just girls in our families, it's lucky she was a girl!

We bought all new babygrows when she was newborn, and we still buy brand new vests, etc (at £2.50 for 4 from Asda I don't mind being a snob about those!)

I'm very grateful for them - it's not that we can't afford to buy clothes for her, but if we don't need to, why would you 'waste' money? They're in the clothes for such a short amount of time that they hardly show any signs of wear, if any at all. Plus most of them come from my SiL, who is the manager of a branch of H&M

misty0 · 01/03/2011 14:29

I'd just like to add my bit...

I'm only 8 wks and have already been TOLD i've no need to buy a cot, push chair, pram, travel cot, moses basket, high chair ect. by my very well meaning partners mum as her daughter has put it all in her loft left over from her 4 year old.

Now .... I'm sure i should be thrilled. But - i'm not, i feel like a stoppy teenager! Lol. Of course i thanked her warmly, "how wonderful" i heard myself say.

In my head i'm thinking "But i want new stuff"!!!!!

Theres a 12 year gap between this baby and my last, and weirdly it feels alot like my first. I'm saying nothing to my partner yet .... alot of weeks to go before bringing THIS can of worms up

solo · 01/03/2011 14:36

Well, if you have the spare cash I suppose...

I graciously accepted anything that I was given ~ still do actually. I couldn't/can't afford the luxury of buying new...but I'm an older Mum; maybe it's a generational thing?

I had given away or boot saled almost everything to do with babies without realising I was already pg with my Dd . I certainly couldn't have bought new to replace it all.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 01/03/2011 14:42

I kind of see where you are coming from. When it is your first, going out and choosing those items yourself is quite fun.

Guarantee with your second child that you'll be snatching the bags from your well meaning friends though!

8rubberduckies · 01/03/2011 15:41

I loved buying new little bits of clothing for my ds that I saw and could not resist here and there, and am doing the same now I am pg with number 2, but I am also glad to take any hand-me-downs offered, as I know from experience how much you need in the way of clothes for them and how quickly they grow out of everything.

I suppose if money was no object it would be lovely to buy everything brand new, even down to babygrows, but I think it will still niggle in the back of my mind that it was a waste. So many of ds's clothes were only worn once or twice before he grew out of them, and it would be a shame if they were not used again.

As for baby equipment / furniture, I would love to be able to shop for some of it new this time around, but I thank my lucky stars that we saved all of ds's stuff, because, believe me, family won't be rushing out to buy so much expensive stuff for your little one once you start popping them out at speed!

llareggub · 01/03/2011 15:44

All the second time mothers at our pre-school hand around bundles of clothes, while the (generally) first time mothers look on aghast. I was the same too!

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 01/03/2011 15:50

It's understandable to want to choose your own stuff if you can afford to, but some babies go through loads of changes in a day so it wont hurt to have some back ups and who knows, once you get the stuff there may be loads you like :)

Just check out who wants it back and who doesn't! Anyone that wants the stuff back, just tell them you have loads already - it's honestly not worth the stress. But if people don't want it back then take it, keep the bits you like and pass on the rest - someone will be very grateful of it :)

AppleyEverAfter · 01/03/2011 15:50

I'm planning on accepting the stuff and chucking it out or giving it to charity if it's past its best. I was gutted that my bro broke his daughter's car seat last week as I was banking on that! But I'm not too fussy about using second-hand stuff, baby won't know. Although, I have read somewhere you should get a new mattress and bedding for the baby in case of infection... not sure how many younger siblings get this treat though!

midori1999 · 01/03/2011 16:00

This is my 6th baby and I am lucky in that most of my friends are either finished having DC ages ago or pregnant themselves, so I haven't had a single offer of anything second hand.

I didn't have much spare cash when I had DS1 (and my tastes were a lot less expensive then ) so I was glad of offers of hand me downs, but we have more disposable income these days and it's really, really nice to be able to choose and have what we want instead of having to go for cheaper options, so I want everything new and I am also very fussy.

Annpan88 · 01/03/2011 16:17

I bought a set of new things, but not loads by any means. At first I would of agreed with op but the more I've found out about new borns, the more grateful I am for the maooosive stack of babygrows a friend from work gave me, even if you dont love everything it might me handy when more stuff then you realise is covered in vomit and poo. ooohh 5 days till due date can't wait

lolajane2009 · 01/03/2011 16:25

I might be bad but I am hoping I might get hand me downs from my in laws that have a nine month old baby.

boredbuthappy · 01/03/2011 17:42

For clothes I have the opposite problem. I have no one from whom I could snatch some hand me downs, and I wouldn't mind them!

My FIL however, offered to give us a cot and a car seat which belonged to a lodger who no longer lodges with him. I've met said lodger and the child and, not to be mean, but they weren't the cleanest of people, and neither is FIL's house. I couldn't even entertain the idea of putting my newborn in anything that would come out of his loft and had previously belonged to people with hygeine issues. Snobby maybe, but I just can't do it. That is the extent of offers to help we've had from in-laws side. My family live on the other side of the Atlantic. Bless them though, my mum told me that the cot I buy and all the bedding etc will be her gift to baby and has reimbursed me for the cost of it all.

My sister has loads of baby clothes she could give me, but again...on the other side of the ocean....sigh.

violetwellies · 01/03/2011 17:51

My first due at end of May and will accept everything I can, I have no intention of wasting money on stuff that s/he will have grown out of before weve finished -fighting over- discussing names.

PipPipPip · 01/03/2011 18:17

haha, I had to laugh at your post. I am poor and really appreciate these offers, but sometimes the clothes are so ugly that I subtly "re-gift" them to a charity shop ASAP.

I think the most PC approach is to say "Oh, how lovely. Shall I just pass them on once I'm finished with them?"

They generally say 'yes' giving you a green light to offload them straight away.

The worst scenario is if they want them back aka 'using you for storage' !!

jenga079 · 01/03/2011 20:07

Wow, if any of you have hand me downs you don't want, I will gladly take them! So far, no freebies...

lolajane2009 · 01/03/2011 20:14

lol me too....

MarylandCookie · 01/03/2011 20:15

They're just being kind. Don't take the stuff if you don't want it.

Tillyscoutsmum · 01/03/2011 20:15

My dd had so many beautiful new clothes which she never wore or maybe wore once or twice before growing out of them. I have handed some of them down and really like to think that someone will get some wear out of them.

It is lovely to choose and buy some stuff yourself though so I can sort of understand your point. The hand me downs sort of stop when they get older and then you can have real fun buying lovely things that are less likely to get covered in sick/snot/food/poo/general dirt

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