Stop telling me things are 'impossible' after the baby comes

[Cyclebump]

I'm 35 weeks with DC1 and am amazed at the tide of negativity about things I've said I'm planning to do/try to do after I've had the baby. Obviously there have been a few exceptions and people who have been positive but surely life continues post-baby?

Things I've mentioned that, according to friends/family/strangers are 'impossible':

Using reusable nappies. Ever. All I said was that I wanted to give them a go and was thinking of phasing them in after the first few weeks.

Going for walks in the local park (right outside my house). 'Oh no, you won't leave the house for WEEKS!'

Going to France with baby when he's about eight weeks old (driven and taken by ferry by mum to parents' house in France).

There are other things too, but it's starting to drive me a bit mad. Anyone else get this?

I have no idea why, but people really seem to have a thing about washable nappies - everyone said to me, 'oh you won't last more than a week with those' and now that I have been 'lasting' 9 months with them (finding them pretty easy, actually...) I still get gasps of horror when other mums/friends/strangers find out I use them. It's no more work than having to traipse to the shops all the time to buy disposables/empty the bin bags full of used disposables every day. It's one wash load then 3 minutes to lay them on a rack to dry. FFS! If people realised how easy it is to use washables I think more would.

Cyclebump, I think people just say things sometimes as things to say, rather than intending you to take them to heart. It's like saying: "ooh, just wait until they're teenagers" when you're struggling with a toddler. It can be a bit annoying, but people don't generally set out to harm or undermine others' confidence (except on MN at times). It's just phatic language; it means nothing much.

Sometimes it also reflects what has been a very distressing experience for other people. If you have had a very hard birth, someone cheerily planning their post-first-baby life can churn things up a bit. If you do have a traumatic birth, which I hope you don't, you may inadvertantly find yourself saying similar in years to come.

I intended a home birth, and ended up almost dead in the delivery suite, with over a week in hospital afterwards (in the High Dependency Unit and attached to several drips). I say this not to scare you, but to say that you just don't know until it has happened. I had all sorts of plans that proved impossible post birth (I couldn't walk for several weeks) - but friends have merrily transported their new babies to Australia and back. I could well be one of those people who makes doomy and gloomy remarks to others now. If I do, it is more a reflection of my own distressing experience.

Either way, I suggest smiling and moving on.

(PS Real nappies were one of my plans that were scuppered after two days following the birth from hell )

Dont worry. With my DS who is now (5 rys old) and im expecting number 2 (35 weeks preg). I think with the first your doing everything for the first time its all new and when baby is that small they cant really do much when they are toddlers that when things step up a gear! Its not a negative thing at all. I think having a new born baby and getting out is fine. I was just nervous the first time as I was like what if this? what if that? Do I have everything I need?! So long as you have a bag with nappies, milk, wipes, spare clothes maybe some toys in there your fine. I was scared the first time I took my DS out at 3 weeks old. My mum asked me to come out for lunch and meet her friend as well. I took my DS I felt a bit weird! Then after that first time it was great out and about when I felt up to it! Good Luck its such a nice time it is tiring but lovley.

Nope you are right and they are in the most part wrong

Yes it will take longer than usual to leave the house (hardly a surprise...there will be 2 of you instead of one)

I used reusable nappies with both my DS's from 10 days old and had them both in them for 12 months at the same time...one extra load a day does not make a difference and they dry in a jiffy on the line in the summer and on a rack other times...they are fab and hardle ever leak poo from random areas like disposables .

As many others have said once they start to move holidays and restaurants become a bit less relaxing and a bit more about keeping the DC entertained...so make the most of it in the first 6 months including trips away

Enjoy xx