Stop telling me things are 'impossible' after the baby comes

[Cyclebump]

I'm 35 weeks with DC1 and am amazed at the tide of negativity about things I've said I'm planning to do/try to do after I've had the baby. Obviously there have been a few exceptions and people who have been positive but surely life continues post-baby?

Things I've mentioned that, according to friends/family/strangers are 'impossible':

Using reusable nappies. Ever. All I said was that I wanted to give them a go and was thinking of phasing them in after the first few weeks.

Going for walks in the local park (right outside my house). 'Oh no, you won't leave the house for WEEKS!'

Going to France with baby when he's about eight weeks old (driven and taken by ferry by mum to parents' house in France).

There are other things too, but it's starting to drive me a bit mad. Anyone else get this?

Yeah you can do all of those things (probably, I say probably because my first baby vomited all the time so it was hard to do anything).

Thanks prettywhiteguitar, I will. I was particularly annoyed when someone pooh poohed the France idea as I'll be staying with my parents. My mum's hugely supportive and very practical, the whole point of me going is that she wants to cook for and take care of me so I can enjoy a couple of weeks stress-free.

My parents moved to Paris when my older sister (their first baby) was seven weeks old. She slept in a hotel drawer padded out with blankets for the first couple of months, mum said it was hard but they just got on with it!

psml at lionrocks' mil

that is my mum

I just interupt and say oh then I'll probably just not bother then, just let them stay inside

make inane jokes and it will drive them insane !

BTW giving advice to someone who already has had a baby is also REALLY annoying. I can remember...

God that sounds perfect, no cooking !

They were probably jealous that you're parents sound so lovely.

While in rant mode I forgot to say - I have 4 friends with babies under 12 months at the moment so have a reasonable idea of what to expect. There are a few people I've mentioned ideas to, as in "I heard about xxx and plan to give it a go and see how it works out for us". I now know who is more interested / openminded and who will be negative about everything. It's fine because I now expect their automatic dismissal of any ideas and can ignore it.

Still annoying though.

You won't know what you can do, or feel like doing, until you're actually doing it.

If you have lowish expectations, chances are you'll exceed them and feel really good.

I have had this negativity from so many people. I too have lots of plans and people say "you can forget that." Er...why?

As a couple we were also warned off having a baby in the first place (mostly by DH's parents). Yes, I appreciate some people do find it tough - but if it's so awful why do people then go on and have two more?

F**k 'em. I've worked all my life and while I intend to enjoy our new baby I'm not about to become a moron that sits and watches television all day.

I think a lot of it stems from jealousy and regret if I'm being honest.

I'll admit I'm VERY lucky as my parents are very supportive and so are DP's.

PIL are a bit about the reusable nappies but his mum heard me out and when I explained the research I'd done, my reasons (me and my sisters were all allergic to disposables) and how I was thinking of phasing them in etc she came round so at least they're open-minded.

I know lots of people who use disposables very happily. And I went out to dinner when my DS was 7 days' old so it's by no means impossible. And I agree that travelling with a very small baby is a breeze compared to an older one.

I am sure you will be able to do all these things, but do not feel pressured to keep up to the challenge to prove others wrong if you have a difficult patch.

I was lucky that no one told me what I will and won't be able to do (well, except raised eyebrows re. reusable nappies), but I was preparing myself for the worst case scenario (EMCS, endlessly screaming sleepless baby etc).

As it turned out, I had a very quick birth, DD has been sleeping well from birth and overall it has been much easier than I had anticipated. She has been in cloth nappies since day 5 with the exception of four days when we went to Whitstable with her (she was 10 days old). Walks in the park from week 2 - absolutely, to keep sane and shift all that weight!

She is now 6 months old and I quite a few times I've travelled across London with her in a big Stokke pram (East Dulwich to Marylebone or West Hampstead by public transport...)

I agree with everyone here - a little baby is pretty portable and plenty of women use washables. I used them for a while. I went overseas with LO at 12 weeks. It's fine.

OTOH my MIL was the complete opposite. I had anaemia after haemmorrhaging (sp?) in labour and was in hospital for a week and she was most about me not doing housework / staying in bed all day after seven am in the early weeks.

She once had a rant about some fictional woman on The Archers who had just had twins for saying she was tired. MIL's mother had twins and never ONCE complained.

ah bless them and their small worlds - you'll do what you fancy when you fancy it!!!

I didn't got out for a couple of weeks, then at 2 months I flew with baby from UK to NZ (without DP) & lived on a very tiny island with no electricity or shops (pop 12) for 3 months over the summer. Some people thought I was mad - for me it was heaven on earth!!!!

Oh don't woryy. One thing I've learnt living in this country is that the British love being negative. It's like a national hobby.

You'll be fine.

Your live will change beyond your wildest dreams. You will be sleep deprived and some things will be very difficult. But you will be able to go out, go abroad (I went to NYC alone with DS at 4.5months, we took him to South Africa at 6 months and France at 7months - it isn't a breeze and needs planning but it is possible), and use reusables.

I would say that you should make your plans but keep them flexible as you may change your mind depending on how things are going post birth, but don't listen to all the nay-sayers. They're just being miserable!

oh, I know! I'm also getting the same about my plans for later in my pregnancy - "you'll never be able to do that then" - i.e. walk 12 miles in a day when I'm 4 months. Things they think are hard, but I do all the time (and also used to do when I was 2 stone heavier than I am now!).

I'm fully expecting not to be able to do everything I can do now - but why plan not to do anything at all? What does anybody gain by not looking forward to it?

lionrock do we share a mil? In week one post-birth, she kept sending me diet magazines. How rude! Am in non-maternity size 12 leggings fgs .

2 weeks in, and recommend just taking it a day at a time - sometimes it's cafes and walks, sometimes it's pjs. Just do what you can & relax when things don't go according to plan.

It's a shame that these negative people can't be trusted with your ideas and plans, isn't it? I hope they are just trying to spare you disappointment, as such disappointment can be really gutting.

I had 2 horses when my daughter was born and she went to the stables with me every day since she was 4 days old!

My mil keeps looking at me and my partner and saying 'I would love to be a fly on the wall and am looking forward to sitting back to see if you can cope'

This is bearing in mind she had one child over 30 years ago and I am actually a early childhood specialist who has been a parental advisor for new mums and currently am the teacher in a nursery class with 52 3 year olds. I am very aware you don't know how you are going t o react but I am confident I will cope in one way or another!

What a smug MIL, Danilou!

I haven't had time to read through the other posts yet (putting toddler to bed - it's just impossible to get time to read Mumsnet these days ) but, in case no one has said it yet, I'm afraid these type of comments also come in your second pregnancy.

I'm currently pregnant with DC2 and all I'm getting is "oh my goodness, it's sooooo hard with two. You won't know what's hit you."

The thing is, you just don't know until you meet your baby and get to know them. You could end up with a bad sleeper, like my DD1, or a good one, as many of my friends have done. [Not-at-all-envious-really emoticon]

It does also very much depend on what you're used to in your pre-baby life. If you get up early, as I have always done and as the OP does, you will likely be able to cope rather better than people who are used to sleeping in until gone 8am every day. And if you don't really care if someone sees you in jogging pants with baby sick down you, you won't be afraid to venture out! If you are someone more image-conscious than I, you might prefer to stay indoors.

You just have to take each day/night as it comes.

Good luck OP!

Newborns are a doddle, pretty much up until they can walk, thats when the fun starts.

As my mum says, babies are easy cos you can just strap them in a pram and take them anywhere. I was forever out and about when I had my DD, loved going for walks with my pram. Now shes 2.5, its a bit more of a bother as they are less pliable, but you develop your own way of doing things.

I can't see why you can't do any of the things you've listed.

The only thing with babies is lack of sleep. You get used to it and theres nothing a catnap and strong cup of coffee won't solve. Go for it, especially the holiday in France, it'll be lovely. There'll always be challenges as a new parent, but thats part of the learning curve.

The best advice I got when I was expecting the first time was not to listen to anyone's advice!!! You do just need to go your own way - and I agree it does drive you mental folk telling you how life as you know it will be over when your baby arrives.

Life does change but I found that as someone said above, that newborns are very portable!!

I also remember getting really annoyed at people saying things like "Oh, enjoy this bit while it lasts, you won't find it so easy when he's crawling/walking/whatever.." I'd just think "can you not let me just enjoy my child for what he is" and I think that's the key thing - people are remembering how they felt at a similar time and projecting it onto you, and can't bear to think you might cope better/be happier than they were.

Everyone had an opinion when you are pregnant and have a new baby.
I found that if you're not doing what they done they think you are doing it "wrong" and "you'll learn"
Must admit, most of the things I planned to do when I had a baby fell by the wayside after I had her!
Best advice I would give anyone with a new baby is don't listen to other peoples advice, do what you think is best for you and your baby!

Ive had more or less the oposite, my parents and his Mum are deceased so no comments there. All my friends and aquaintances that have commented all expect me to carry on as normal - after all I worked, did two degrees, looked after my disabled Mum and competed reasonably successfully in my chosen sport without a DP, why shouldnt I be able to have a life and a baby with the support of my DP ? :)

Im not expecting it all to go completely without hitch but will be buying a baby sling :)

Exactly what I was thinkingdaimbardiva!

Why not just let me enjoy it rather than telling me I'm being ridiculous? Having a baby is hard work I'm sure and I know life will change but I really don't think it has to end.

Oh and don't worry notsopukey I'm the least glamorous person I know, being seen in sicky tracky bums is probably par for the course in life prebaby!