How painful is labour?

[NewMummy5July2011]

Hi
I'm 21 weeks and due in July,(1st pg) and am really anxious already about the labour. My friend just went through 36 hours, ended up in surgery, and hasn't slept in a week!

I know it's early days still, but I'm having moments of sheer panic about not being able to cope, or going crazy when the time times and losing it completely. Is it normal to feel this way? And how bad/painful IS it really?

The experience is different for everyone. Please don't be anxious- learn all you can about labour and birth- it will really help.
Many congratulations on your pregnancy!

Hi, this is my first too so may have to come back in April and tell you! But logically thinking about it, if it was that bad then nobody would do it more than once through choice. Obviously some labours are more complicated and painful than others but I'm sure if you ask your friend in a couple of weeks she'll say it was all worth it.

Are you booked into any ante natal classes? I had my first NCT one last night and it was really good, the teacher was good at explaining what the pain is like and the fact that it's not constant pain but waves of pain with each contraction.

It's not exactly a walk in the park, but it's not a traumatic kind of pain, if you see what I mean. It's part of a natural process that your body is built to cope with and there is a clearly defined end to it. Every contraction brings you one step closer to the baby. Unless something went wrong, most women forget about it quickly. I did anyway.

If you're worried, I would suggest reading up carefully about pain relief and its pro- and cons, so you know what's available and how it can help you. Also make sure you understand the birth process - you're less likely to panic if you understand what your body is doing and how it's working with the baby to complete delivery.

When labour starts, see how you cope but don't be a martyr to the cause. We live in a great age where you don't have to suffer through labour so don't feel you have to do the whole thing without pain relief, so go as far as your own limits take you but have the confidence that you don't have to go beyond that.

You will probably find that in the middle of the whole thing, you find strength you never realise you had and you'll be just fine.

Actually, one of the worst things to deal with is the boredom when you wait for ages for the 'action' to start, so bring a big pile of magazines for yourself and your birth partner, so you don't have to stare at the ceiling for hours.

GL!

Thanks everyone for your replies and advice - I've been torn between trying to block the labour from my mind and educating myself about what to expect - but think I'll go the education route.

I'm starting NCT classes in April so hopefully those help, but will definitely take your advice Ciske and do plenty of research. Thanks for the reassurance - will just have to wait and hope for the best!

I'm glad you posted this - I am terrified by the prospect of labour and it's actually the main reason why I've put off having a child for so long.

It's odd because I have a pretty high pain threshold compared to a lot of people I know - my very 'fussy' friend has jumped up and run round the room screaming at the dentists, but has happily given birth to 2 children. So I tell myself it can't be that bad.

I don't think it helps when you hear horror stories of 36-hour labours, and you watch soaps like Coronation Street and they're all making a big meal out of giving birth to try and get a Soap Award. The one programme I've seen that made me feel HEAPS better was the reality show "16 and Pregnant" with an American girl called Caitlyn who was giving birth to a baby she was putting up for adoption. She was so mature and matter of fact, and gave birth as if she'd been doing it all her life - no screaming in agony or anything - and she was only 15. I thought to myself if she can do it then so can I!

I think we just have to remember that it's a very short moment in time in the great scheme of things, and as long as we gen up beforehand and know all the options available to us I'm sure we'll be ok.

Good luck!

I think labour is very different for everybody but I have yet to find a woman who says it isn't bloody painful ;-)

I have 2 children and had rather quick births. (DC1 6 hours; DC2 4 hours). it was painful but I even coped without pain relief (would have never thought it possible before).

NCT classes definitely helped me as to what to expect (other than the horror stories people keep telling you).

looking back, giving birth to my children was actually the best experience I ever had. finally meeting your baby is just such an lovely thing. so try to focus on the positives of the birth rather than worrying about the pain :)

It'll be your experience. Some women (like my blasted mother) will sneeze their babies out and claim it didn't hurt in the slightest, other women find it a wee bit more difficult.

The thing is you just don't know. All you can do is educate yourself about what might happen, how you might deal with each thing, what environment will work for you, what pain relief you think you might consider. And when it comes down to it, accept that it's all in the hands of fate. Prepare for every eventuality. You might not plan a cs and might not want one but spend a few minutes considering how you might deal with it if it happens (you can still ask for skin to skin and for them to lower the screens and to find the gender yourself etc, you can still be involved). The vast majority of women have labours that fit a mould. So you might reasonably expect a break between contractions, a peak to each contraction, a lengthening of contractions and increase of frequency as time goes on. But at the same time, this might not happen and it doesn't mean you've failed or because you don't manage to breathe your baby out in water and you need help you've failed just because you saw somebody else on telly manage it.

Your body will probably know what to do. If it doesn't or the baby takes a wrong turn, then there are doctors who know what to do. You don't fail or succeed at this.

And while in all honesty it will probably smart like a bitch, it's not a pain like any other and you don't have to endure it unnecessarily. There are things you can do to cope and drugs that will help you if you so wish.

And the baby at the end? Pretty brilliant I have to say.

First of all Congratulations!! And I can remember feeling like you with my first perg. Im now 34 weeks with 2nd. Its does hurt no one would say otherwise I dont think? Different people have different pain levels and some have more problems that others. With mine I had back labour Im told this is painful? I had all the drugs going after 4cm. I loved the epidural he was such a nice man I loved that man.... Its up to you plan what you want if its natural but maybe keep it open as well as it does change when things get going. I think if there is something for the pain and its ok to do so have it. Why stress your self out over it? There is nothing like holding your baby for the first time and I think most people will agree its a feeling you will have like no other in life its amazing. Try to enjoy

When I had my first child 30 years ago my mum said to me " its going to be really painful you know " I thought yeah ok can't be that bad, just trying make it sound worse than it really is :)...... she was right it was painful but It didn't stop me having another baby 2 years later, as soon as your baby is in your arms the pain will be forgotten.....and women will keep on having children, I am sure you will be fine, my daughter is due to have her first baby in June and all I have said to her is that the pain is just a sign that her baby will soon be here and not to feel bad in any way if she needs pain relief,x

Hi

Im currently 24 weeks :)
Already got one DD which the labour i can honestly say i can't remember ANY of the pain!! It is true that they say as soon as the baby is placed on you you forget everything...such an amazing feeling.
i am getting scared of delivering this one because i can't rememeber any of the last and watching one born REALLY doesnt help!!!

Bear with this post, it gets better as it goes on...

My first birth was textbook-horrible. About 55 hours from first contraction to (instrumental) delivery. DD was back to back and I seemed to miss the 'feels like bad period pains' stage and skip straight to 'OMG that hurts'. I ended up with sytocin, epidural and forceps.

So, I'm not one of those 'ooh, my birth was straightforward and it was painful but fine' people. It bloody hurt and it didn't feel purposeful at all (probably because in 8 hours between examinations I don't think I budged from 3cm).

My second, well, it's due in May so I'll let you know!

But what I will say is this, you are miles, miles stronger than you think you are. You will cope with more than you think and, if it gets too much, there's drugs - that's what they're there for. It wasn't fun, but I coped, and having a baby at the end is brilliant (most of the time ). Having a nearly-two year old is, IMO, bloody brilliant and I love it. I am hoping that next time will be better, but if I knew it wouldn't I would still have had another. It was totally, totally worth it. A friend who has done both compared it to hitting the wall when running a marathon - at the moment you're in the middle of it you'd maybe give anything not to be doing this, but the second you are past that point the elation hits and before you know it you're talking about the next one!

One a more practical note, have you thought about natal hypnotherapy or a doula to help deal with your worries. NCT is fine and gives you lots of factual information, but it didn't give me many coping tools. That's something I'm trying to change this time round.

Picking up on something second says about hitting the wall...I am in my first pg and am also very very worried about the pain and was advised to try a couple of tactics. In my yoga class we were putting ourselves in stress positions that hurt. We had to hold those positions until we felt we couldnt do it any more and wanted to scream out. Then we had to pull on any inner resource we could to hold it for another 10 seconds. I always thought (as a hypnotherapist) that I would be able to easily pull on my images of calm, peace and inner strength. However what I discovered is that I got to the 'wall' and all my brain would do was scream 'pain, pain pain'! I have therefore been working with another hypnotherapist to strengthen my imaging and my ability to pull those images and feelings forward much more quickly. I'm not there yet but its certainly working as I practise it more.

I dont know if any of this actually makes sense but I just wanted to share a tactic that is making a difference to my fear of the pain. x

I think it is worth saying that it IS painful to be in labour. Yes, different people experience it differently, but by and large, it IS painful.

If you know this in advance it might help you - if you believe the stories about it being a breeze, you might panic when it starts to get really painful. However, as Secondtimelucky just said, you are much stronger than you think, and you will be able to get through it.

At my NCT classes (3 births ago!), they said your perception of pain is dramatically different according to your surroundings, and I think this is true. I didn't need any drugs during my homebirths because I was relaxed, in the warm water, and mentally coping with the pain. I did need drugs the first time I gave birth, in hospital, when I was alone and frightened. (BTW that is my experience, obviously lots of people have relaxing experiences in hospitals too).

It is also worth considering how you'll feel if you need a caesarian. Research that, too.

Actually giving birth is an amazing feeling. I love it! I love seeing my baby for the first time, I loved floating round in my pool afterwards, and having a nice cup of tea made for me. I imagine it must be the same sort of feeling as finishing a marathon (Disclaimer - I have never run a marathon).

Congratulations, whatever your birth story is, it will all be worth it!

Practice the breathing techniques! Really really helped me. Could hear the woman next to me panicking and crying, she needed to breathe! Also tens machine got me through half of it...helps distract you from the pain with weird pins and needles sensation on your back.
Mine was 50 hours, I had diamorphine after about 30hrs (I think!) then once I was 5cms, into the delivery room and onto g&a for about 8 hrs (felt like 30mins) then an hour of pushing and eventual forceps birth.
I can't remember the pain now, I coped, I didn't scream, you will be fine!

Sorry had not properly read secondtimelucky's marathon comment before adding mine. Oops

I have one DD. The labour was incredibly long (68 hours from first contraction to giving birth).

Secondtimelucky is right that you'll cope with more than you think. I was sent home when I was 5cm because apparently I wasn't in established labour. Those few hours at home were the most painful for me and obviously had no pain relief but I coped. TBH the pushing seemed easy in comparison!

My advice would be to do a lot of reading about what will happen and your options at each stage, including before you go into hospital. You need to set out with your birth partner what you want to do and what you want them to do because you need to feel in control but as relaxed as possible.

I didn't have that immediate feeling of forgetting the pain, especially while the sewed me up but I did forget quite quickly and would definitely do it again, in a heartbeat!

Good luck

Agree with what the others have said - it is painful, but you will manage.

I think the most important thing you can do is talk yourself into being relaxed about the whole thing. Yes, it is scary, but that baby has to come out no matter what. If you get yourself worked up and terrified then it isn't going to do you any good whatsoever.

Make sure you practice breathing techniques and try visualisation / hypno-birthing techniques (if you look them up they are billed as an alternative to traditional pain relief, but there is no reason they can't be used alongside analgeasic pain relief). I'd had previous experience of meditation and knowing how to do meditation helped me massively - especially with the early contractions (each contraction comes on, increases with intensity then fades - I used to imagine that I was cycling up a hill and then coasting down the other side while doing meditation breathing).

Get a TENs machine for the early stages - I only used my up to 1.5cm but a friend who borrowed it got to seven cm before needing additional pain relief.

Read about all the different possibilities and how you will respond to them, but don't get fixated on wanting a particular type of birth as it might not happen the way you planned and it may make you more anxious if you can't have what you want and you might feel cheated afterwards (for example if you decide you want a water birth and only a water birth will do but the pool isn't availble or you have to be induced). It's fine to have ideas about what you want, just don't make them the be all and end all. Be flexible and go with the flow - you may also find that what you want now is not what you want on the day, but if you have made a big deal out of your birth plan, you could end up feeling you have to follow it.

Most of all though, just relax - if you find yourslef getting stressed just keep telling yourself that the baby is coming out regardless and you will get to meet your beautiful child at the end of it.

But be prepared for your birth not to go according to the birth plan!

I agree about the birth plan. It's probably best to have a set of ideas according to different situations that may occur.

I had no birth plan, just wanted a water birth - the pools were being used so just had G&A instead.

My sister also wanted a water birth, she wasn't allowed as her waters broke 41 hours before contractions started and she ended up having an emcs.

Whatever happens, remember that it doesn't really matter how you did it, you still did it and you'll have a beautiful baby no matter what happens.

Hi! Congratulations :) - I'm pregnant with my 3rd at the moment and was induced with both my other two. Labour's really weird I think and it's hard to really tell you what it's like because it does seem to vary wildly for everyone. Although it hurt like a bitch, what I found was that it's not like a pain when you've hurt yourself but until you're in labour the only time you experience pain is when you've done yourself an injury iyswim! So hard to imagine... Also, it ramps up quite slowly (usually), so you're not hit with massive contractions immediately like in the movies. The other slightly weird thing is that for most of the labour when the contractions aren't actually happening you'll probably feel fine and not even remember what it was like in the throes of it! Anyway, try not to worry - have confidence in your body, it knows what it's doing and like other people have said, there's plenty of pain relief to help. And, at the end, you'll have a scrumptious baby to snuggle and you'll forget the pain...honest...in the end

For me it hurt and was very intense, and the contractions made me sweat. I ended up with emcs too, so pain afterwards (a double whammy, with both babies).

But look, the pain is manageable. Because contractions come in waves there is time to recover between them. And for most women it is only a day. The key for me was to think of it as a constructive pain, getting me where I needed to be. With my first labour I was very afraid and so that made the pain worse - I fought it and wanted to go home. With my second I mostly laboured at home and at one point managed to sleep my way to 5cm! Being more relaxed made a huge difference.

Some of my friends had virtually painless labours - I have two friends who were thought not to be in labour because they were talking, joking etc, and then were found to be very dilated. It is different for everyone, but the important thing is you will be fine.

The real answer is no one can tell you.

With my first the pain was so hideous, it was extremely traumatic (fortunately I was given an epidural when I asked for one), but I really thought I could never go back there again.

With my third, I had a completely pain free, drug free labour.

My only advice is read as much as you can about birth, and make sure you are as relaxed and as in control during birth as possible. If you're not tense and scared, your body should be able to do what it was designed for.

Good luck!

period pains x 10000000000000000000000000000

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I had disslocated my knee cap whilst I was pregnant and sometimes the pain from my knee would over ride the contractions! The contractions won eventually and had epidural! Which I think sort of helped with the knee?! Dont go disslocating your knee to see which is more painful!!

God it's so weird but I'm really not dreading it all all! Perhaps I'm insanely naieve but I just say bring it on!