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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How painful is labour?

51 replies

NewMummy5July2011 · 22/02/2011 10:13

Hi
I'm 21 weeks and due in July,(1st pg) and am really anxious already about the labour. My friend just went through 36 hours, ended up in surgery, and hasn't slept in a week!

I know it's early days still, but I'm having moments of sheer panic about not being able to cope, or going crazy when the time times and losing it completely. Is it normal to feel this way? And how bad/painful IS it really?

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allatsea1 · 22/02/2011 16:11

naive

sancerrre · 22/02/2011 16:19

I believe a lot of it is in the mind and how you think its going to be (not entirely of course, things do go wrong). I went in absolutely convinced my body could do it and yes, it was painful but I was never scared or panicked, just concentrated on getting the job done. I recommend hypnobirthing and learning as much as possible about the whole process in advance. Childbirth without fear is a great book for this.

cloghead · 22/02/2011 16:23

I think it really depends. I had a prem but in all honesty labour was better than either breaking my arm, which I did spectacularly, or my odd kind of miscarriage. And I was really frightened as I had not had time to do the prep and was obviously worried about how ds would be. But even in those circumstances you get through it

domesticslattern · 22/02/2011 16:25

If you're still panicked nearer the birth then I highly recommend chilling out to a CD from these people, to put you in a more positive state of mind.

doodledee · 22/02/2011 16:27

Its bearable and there is an end in sight. Not as painful as first 2 weeks of breastfeeding.....

CrystalStair · 22/02/2011 16:27

I had a fantastic antenatal yoga teacher who made me relaxed about the whole process. I LOVED giving birth. It is painful of course but I do believe that being frightened of the pain will make it much worse. When you think that each contraction is a muscle in spasm, if you are already tensing in anticipation of the contraction it makes it even more acute. I trusted my body and this ancient birth process (see what my hippy teacher made me think!) and the whole experience was really truly amazing. I do think the preparation I had was enormously helpful. I was so into it my second and third births were home births and really made me feel great - powerful and earthy - which I'm not at all the rest of the time! Where are you? NCT will help but if you are in east London you could look up Arlene Dunkley Wood. She helped me no end. Highly recommend!

CrystalStair · 22/02/2011 16:28

Oh yes - I would much rather be in labour than have the early days of breastfeeding. That is SO much worse.

Secondtimelucky · 22/02/2011 17:38

Ah, see now I found breastfeeding a breeze (and carried on just as happily). I'd do the first days of that in a hearbeat over labour! Maybe it was the universe balancing out the labour.

Bumpsadaisie · 22/02/2011 17:40

The key thing is not to be afraid when it hurts - because that makes it worse. It is supposed to hurt and it means its all happening as it should. Try and hang on to that and just stay in the moment.

Don't speculate - eg "OMG if it hurts this much now how much more will it hurt later..." doesn't work like that. Just stay right in the moment, deal with each cx one at a time. Say "bring it on" and don't be afraid.

MrsVidic · 22/02/2011 17:54

It is the most intense experience you will ever endure. I was in labour 6 hours with contractions 3 minutes apart from the get go. Your body will do what ever it needs to to cope. Mine made me run around to and from the loo. Yet I coped and felt wonderful the following day, I actually spent it getting the women who had had c sections brews and passing them their babies.

My Dp looks back at the birth as one of the best experiences of his life, so I must have looked like I wasnt doing too bad.

You will do it, you will give birth, it's the how that you can't control. The best advice I can give is go with the flow

chibi · 22/02/2011 17:59

you will almost certainly be fine and will cope, mostly people do

Congratulations on your pregnancy and best wishes for the birth x

CrystalStair · 22/02/2011 19:34

It helped that the baby and I were in it together. I felt we were a team - when I felt a contraction, so did that little squashed person coming down into the light. I never felt it was just me in pain with onlookers - I had DH (who was fantastic - much to his surprise but not to mine!) and a best friend who both had the right mix of love, encouragement and sympathy. I felt it was me and my baby and really felt the power of each contraction bringing us to our first real meeting. Very intense. Agree with Bumpsadaisie and MrsV.

Good luck!

spikydahlia · 22/02/2011 19:37

I found it uncomfortable, then it hurt, then they jabbed me with pethidine, then I was ok- but I looked spaced out with rolling eyes in all my photos and I can't remember it as well as I'd like.

I found day 3 at home the worst part of the whole experience and the first month of sleepless nights. The general niggles and sleep deprivation was worse than the birth for me!

Having said that I'm about to go through it all over again in 6 weeks, but this time I have a toddler so I won't be sleeping in until 10am and not leaving the house until after lunch like I could do before. God help me!!!

del1 · 22/02/2011 22:06

I am worried about putting a positive birth story on here.
I put my story on here a while ago, due to someone asking for positive birth stories, and got slated for my post by one mumsnetter, saying that I was smug, and I should have feelings for people that have bad births!!
Well, here goes -
I spent my whole first pregnancy petrified about the end - how much is it going to hurt?

My first started with mild period pains and a trickle of water at 2am. I went back to sleep, hopeing it would all go away . When I started to walk around, the pain got quite bad, like really bad period cramps.
So I went to hospital at about 9.30am. Whilst there, I continued with period pains, that did make my toes curl!

I had only ever heard horror stories, and thought I would be in real bad cripling pain, so didnt think I was anywhere near ready. So, I was expecting to be sent home, and felt embarrased about wasting the midwifes time.
But At about 10.30 am, I got an overwhelming urge to push. What a shock that was. Your body just takes over, and there isnt a lot you can do to stop pushing!

I forgot about the contractions ( period pain).
I'm sorry if I worry you, but the most painfull thing for me was the burning feeling as the head crowns. I felt like my bits were on fire.
I didnt get time for pain releif, so felt every single thing - even if you just have gas and air - it will take the edge of it apparently? After I gave birth, the pain went vertually straight away.

My second was vertualy the same, but as soon as I got to hospital, my waters broke and started pushing. Had the baby within 20 minutes of walking through the door. Again - no time for pain relief ( after I had sworn I would have some)

I am pregnant again with number 3, and not worried at all about the birth.

It is not like a break in a bone, cut, or burn type of pain. It comes and goes, doesnt last that long, and you get soething amazing at the end of it.

Most people I know have had long, painfull births, and swap 'who's was most painfull' stories.

I think I have been very lucky, and hope number 3 is as straight forward as the other two. ( would like some gas and air thought this time!!)

I do have massive hips - if that has anything to do with it?

Try not to worry yourself, and enjoy being pregnant. If there are no complications, and baby is in the right place. I would just concentrate on getting baby out, and use all your strength. Dont give up pushing, or say you cant do it. As soon as your baby is out, the pain will go - it wont last forever!

Hope Ive given you a light at the end of the tunnel ?
It really is an amazing experience Good luck

del1 · 22/02/2011 22:07

OMG - didnt realise I had written that much - sorry

Original poster

NewMummy5July2011 · 23/02/2011 10:52

Thanks again for all your replies - it's really reasuring to hear all of your stories and advice...has helped alot! xxx

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Original poster

NewMummy5July2011 · 23/02/2011 10:57

Oh and to Del1 - it's good to hear positive stories too - maybe I'll have an experience like you! Must start doing more positive thinking though - sounds like that really helps alot more than focusing on the fear.

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growing3rdbump · 23/02/2011 11:03

I also have positive birth stories and didn't find it all that bad at all (I think you forget about it quickly also!)
With DC1 my waters broke 5am, Was told I was in pre-labour. So just waited around. Contractions got bit more painful gradually and at around 11am and they said I was 4cm and could go down to labour ward. Was taken down and shown to room when I got one strong painful contraction and then started pushing - DH had to run out to get someone, who came quick and delivered DD at 11.46am!
DC2 Started getting some contractions around 5pm - cooked dinner for DC1, ran down the road for ice-cream etc. 6.30pm waters broke and contractions more painful, so DH rang friend to take DC1 (as was having home birth) and rang midwife. DS was born at 8.30pm.

My advice is to keep walking and moving about as it seemed to help with my labours being fairly quick and problem free! I think you just get 'carried away' with the moment and I didn't really have time to worry about the pain etc - just got on with it!

growing3rdbump · 23/02/2011 11:06

Oh also, I'm pregnant with DC3 and plan to have home birth again. I tried G&A and didn't get on with it at all, so did both births without anything.
Forgot to also mention I didn't need stitches with either birth and think perineal massage is the way to go!!!

Abcinthia · 23/02/2011 11:28

It's different for everyone. I was quite scared when I was pregnant because I'd heard so many horror stories and that the pain was unbearable. But I found that when the time came, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.

EldritchCleavage · 23/02/2011 12:14

I was induced. I had big, intense and rapid contractions. They really did hurt. I managed 4 hours with no pain relief, tried gas and air then had 5 more hours under epidural. I think I'd possibly not have needed the epidural then, if at all, if I had been able to move around more, but I was strapped down for monitoring.

I feel that the pain affected me as much if not more mentally than physically, so it was a kind of mental panic that was worst not the actual contractions. Perhaps hypno therapy would have helped.

All that said: I am not traumatised, it was ok, I forgot it once DS appeared, it does not matter to me that I had an epidural. I've had pneumonia and that was more painful, at its worst, than childbirth by a wide margin but no one goes on and on about how much pneumonia hurts, and no one offered me pain relief for it.

It is as much the fear of the unknown that gets to you beforehand as the prospect of pain, found. I would say that it is important not to be passive. While you can't control the process you can engage: ask for thing, ask questions, tell people what you want or need, exercise a right of veto. That will help you deal with all that is happening to you, especially mentally.

And do stay active right up to the end of pregnancy, that helps. I used to go for a waddly little walk every evening after I had to give up the gym.

poppygolucky · 23/02/2011 13:33

This thread has made me feel a lot better too, so thanks. After reading that epidural thread, I was absolutely terrified. Now I just feel a bit more prepared: chances are it's going to hurt like hell but at least hearing how other women coped and got through it makes feel like I can do it too (although I'm certainly not adverse to asking for an epidural if I feel I need it).

caramelcoffeelover · 23/02/2011 14:19

I found reading a book on natural birth helpful. Even though you might decide to go down the medicated route it still helps to read about how natural labour really is and it kind of makes you feel relaxed. See if this helps.

omaoma · 23/02/2011 14:30

Having talked to friends who haven't had children yet, we agree that the most helpful way of thinking about birth is thusly:

think about if you were to go out and run a marathon or triathlon or even an extreme iron man contest (if you're already really fit :) )- nobody would imagine you come out of that saying 'ooh didn't feel a thing, that was a breeze!' . It would have consequences for your body and be pretty difficult but equally, you would feel some massive sense of achievement and personal satisfaction and think it was bloody worth it.

Also, you would never run a marathon without preparing for it - so think of labour as something you need to do a bit of training for, be it relaxation techniques, perineal massage, practising birthing positions, breathing exercises, making sure you are well-rested and enjoying a well-rounded diet.

omaoma · 23/02/2011 14:31

for the record I did a bit of hypnobirthing, water birth and gas and air so no epidural there!

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