Finding out the sex of the baby - should we or shouldn't we?

[Franimal]

Hi, in a bit of a dilemma, got the 20wk scan next week. My husband wants to know the sex of the baby and doesn't mind telling other people. I don't know how I feel... I used to think I wanted to wait until the birth, but I am very curious now. However, if we did find out I'd prefer to keep it secret, as a surprise for everyone else. But I don't know how easy that would be, as people seem to ask that question all the time. So would it be better not to know to not let it slip? Does it spoil the surprise at the birth if you already know the sex? I know of people where they got the sex wrong too.

I was all for finding out until mother of a friend told me I absolutely couldn't as it was 'God's secret' just before the scan. Don't believe in God but it struck a chord. Maybe more as 'nature's secret'. Information about everything, whether we want to know it or not, is given to us all the time so I thought it was nice to just leave that unknown fact as unknown. Don't buy that whole need to know to plan things argument - just buy white babygros - they look sweetest in those anyway!

Whatever you decide, you should both be in agreement. No point one of you finding out and promising not to tell the other - it wont happen. Also, if your husband is keen to tell others, could you rely on him to keep it under his hat if you did find out?

I found out with my first 2, and then not my 3rd as I wanted to experience it the other way, also when we knew the sex it meant that we ended up choosing a name for definate and that was fine for DC1, but when DC2 came along I wasn't sure the chosen name suited her, but we had been calling her it for months so it seemed strange to change our minds.

When DC3 came out I didn't really register that she was a girl until the midwife said 'it's a girl', I was too busy looking at her face, and I didn't think about what sex she was during labour, so it was not a motivation during labour. She had no name for a while and I didn't like that. I found it harder to imagine life with her while I was pregnant. DS was disappointed upon meeting her that she was a girl, and I think that could have been avoided if I could have managed his expectation beforehand.

I also think that most people have a preference, however small, however much denied for a particular sex baby. I thought I wanted a girl, then at the 20 week scan, we both thought we saw boy bits, so in my head I started looking forward to seeing my boy, then when she was a girl, it threw me a bit.

So I much prefered finding out.

I find it strange for a couple to find out and not share the news. I always think it seems a bit attention seeking.

I know this isn't in keeping with the general mood of the thread, but I'm glad I found out for other reasons.
When we had the scan and found out that DTD1 had died, knowing her name already and DTD2's made everything a little easier for some reason. I'm not entirely sure why, I guess everything came as such a shock, the less information I had to take in the better.

We're going to find out this time too, not really for that reason, but just because I'm curious really.

Do whatever feels right.