"Was it a planned pregnancy?"

[LuluLozenge]

Has anyone else been getting this?

I'm 32, have been with my DP for over six very happy years, and we both have good jobs.

I'm a bit taken aback to be asked this all the time - most recently by a friend's new girlfriend I'd met an hour earlier! I always answer politely but I think it's really rude.

Does everyone get this or do I just look like the kind of person who is too disorganised to use contraception?

(It WAS planned, by the way!)

[dazedandconfused]

I agree, I think it's cheeky to ask if a pregnancy is planned. I always say 'sort of' which leaves them totally confused lol! Pregnancy seems to make peple think they can say what they like. I had, 'God, you're really big!' the other day. Grrr. It might be true but do people really have to say it?

[TallulahBelly14]

I got asked this by a good friend and I immediately pointed out that it was a rude question to ask.

It still stings that he wasn't immediately happy for me, just genuinely puzzled by the fact that I wanted to have a baby (while comfortably off and in my thirties - never)!

Most non-rude people just said 'congratulations'.

[PDR]

People ask me this all the time... I find it very very rude and always look a bit like this when they ask and reply with "of course it was"!

[walkinZombie]

I always got this, but I was 19 and didn't get the courtesy of politeness, even from the doc when i went to find out , just went
"'take it you not use owt then!'"

(which was very offensive as I got preg on the pill)

i do think it is rude

[sarahtigh]

my answer is "well we were hoping for immaculate conception but have just been told the last one was apparently 2000years ago."

normally stops them dead in tracks, must be said with stright face though

[FessaEst]

I think a doctor asking, "is this good news" is just being sensible. They will all have made the mistake/know a colleague who has made the mistake of making assumptions and ending up in an awkward position.

However, I find people asking me if it is planned really rude. I had an ectopic our first month of ttc and ended up not correcting people who assumed it was unplanned as it hurt too much to admit it was so wanted. This pg is quite close to DD to everyone has beein asking this. A work colleague tried to get more specific after all the general, "was this a surprise", and asked in front of the whole office, "so, what type of contraception were you using, what actually happened?" I snapped at that point and said I would not be discussing my sex life any further, that I knew how pregnancies occured and could explain if she liked! She did apologise later.

[AlmightyCitrus]

There will be an 8.5 year gap between youngest and new baby.
I've had loads of "was it planned"? Doesn't help that I'm cracking on in the age stakes, so "at your age"?! Is another popular comment.

I'm now practising an enigmatic smile.

And my right hook.

[chelstonmum]

So far we have had the following two responses...........

Husbands boss: Is it congratulations or commiserations?

Friend: Going on those dates it looks like the night we went out for dinner together.....must have been the wine!

Truth: We had been trying for a long time!!!

[GrannyMo]

Told a friend we were expecting the patter of tiny feet. Somewhat surprised when they said, in all honesty - You're getting a hamster? Well Done! [bconfused]

[NoLadyButManyBubbasAndBumps]

My response to that very nosy question is a variation along the lines of "do you really want to know whether my DH and I made a conscious decision not to stop and put a condom on him while we were shagging?"

Normally shuts them up :o

[marantha]

It's rude to ask so you are not being unreasonable.
But having said this, if a couple are unmarried, I do wonder if pregnancy planned.
If married, I never think it because the deal to stay together for life has been made explicit via a marriage whereas if single or cohabiting, the relationship may be steady and secure but then again it may not be.

[marantha]

Nothing wrong with wondering but always, always rude to actually ask- married or not!

[moonbells]

I got away with it for a year or so but recently there's been an upswing in the number of people asking me "isn't it time you had number 2 then?"

The last one was summarily referred to a colleague to explain how ill I was last time, as she had to suffer the indignity of having me throw up in her car as she was driving me to the local A&E with hyperemesis...

I admit it's a nice compliment when someone says "You're HOW old?!" when I point out I'm too old for this shit doing it again, but it depends on my sense of humour (and whether they're eating!) as to what reply they get.

Yes it's rude.

[doodledee]

It used to be a standard question on the pregnancy notes - there was even a place to tick whether planned or unplanned - interestingly it's been removed. I also used to hate people asking 'are you trying?' made me feel very uncomfortable - its nobody's business whether i'm currently using contraception when i have sex with my husband!!!

[stegasaurus]

I was really surprised by how many people asked whether my pregnancy was planned. It was very much so, but that is a very personal question really (possibly more so if the answer is no and you don't want to admit that to random people). I was even more suprised when it was followed up with 'how long had you been trying?' but I might be over-sensitive about that because the answer is nearly 2 years. I am no longer surprised by anything people ask (except the other day when a pregnant colleague asked me in front of about 10 other colleagues whether I had gone off sex since getting pregnant! I didn't know what to say to that really).

[marzipananimal]

I think it's rude but people don't realise that, so I don't take offence. (Was a bit annoyed with MIL though - we'd been married 2.5 years, DH has good job, everyone knows I love babies, why on earth would it not be planned?!)

[Shineynewthings]

I think it's a rude question and can be upsetting. You can get a hard time if you say no. Health professionals can over-step the mark a bit too if the question is asked and it's noted down. I was 22 when I had 1st DS (but looked about 16-17) and was constantly asked whether it was an un-planned pregancy. Worse, for the first 3 months I was asked by every doctor, midwife and scanographer 'whether I would be proceeding with the pregnancy' When I look back I really resent the liberties I let people take. By the time I had 2nd DS I was much more clued up and didn't allow any of it. I don't think anyone has the right to ask the question as 99.9% of the time it's a judgement question.

[imnotyourmother]

I just ended up asking those who did, "were you?". It seemed to do the trick.

[duckmum]

First pregnancy was not planned but I was really happy and everything felt right when I found out. I found the was it planned question uncomfortable initially and made me feel guilty!! Eventually I just said no and watched someone squirm as they tried to work out what to say next!!
Unfortunately I had a late miscarriage and no one said anything this time!

Strangers have mainly asked if this is my first pregnancy which I find really personal and normally end up rapidly changing the subject as its not really a conversation I want to have.
When did becoming pregnant make you public property!

[sevendwarves]

I was asked by my mw, she then asked how long we'd been trying. When I said 2 years she replied "right, so you're sub-fertile then!"

Surely that's not appropriate and irrelevant when you're already pregnant!

[sevendwarves]

Sorry duckmum. surely "is this your first pregnancy" is the rudest question that they could possibly ask?!

[bubbablubber]

This has been my biggest bug bear, I have been with DP for 8 years and I have lost count of the times that I have been asked 'is it planned?'

GRRRR am particularly unhappy as personally I think that if I were married no one would ask!

[PrincessScrumpy]

I did ask a couple of friends how long they'd been trying before dd1 was conceived - I was curious as we were planning to try. Would never ask if it was planned, though a few people have told me openly when they weren't.

I don't ask how long any more - seems a bit rude and dd1 took 2 months and current pg was first month of trying so I don't want to get caught in an awkward situation when it's taken them months and then they ask me about mine.