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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

HELP! Do I find out the sex or not.

32 replies

swannny · 24/01/2011 10:18

Hi Ladies

I'm in a pickle... Hubby and I decided that we would have a surprise at the beginning when we found out I was pregnant. In fact, I've always said that if I was pregnant, I would keep it a surprise, but yesterday, I came over all anxious.

This may just be nerves, but recently I have started to lean towards it being a boy, despite calling it, 'she' from the beginning to avoid calling baby 'it'. Arrrrrrrrggghhhh...

Anyway, I'm wondering if I should find out as it might help me more if I know whether I'm going to be bonding with an 'Alex' or a 'Lily'?

OP posts:

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kreecherlivesupstairs · 24/01/2011 10:27

You have to do what's right for you. I really wanted to know whether it was Arthur or Martha. We were in Oman when DD was born, DH was unable to come to my anomaly scan (28 weeks) so I went on my own.
The radiographer kept showing me her face, I asked for the wand to be put over her privates. The woman was really sniffy and told me I wouldn't be able to see. I did.
DH was thrilled to find out he would be a dad to a girl.

happycamel · 24/01/2011 10:33

it's been really hard to resist because I'm having loads of scans because of my GD but so far we haven't found out. Even at the 4D private scan we had we asked not to be shown.

Part of me would love to but I like the idea of a surprise. It's been fine buying a few things in neutral colours and it's stopped me going crazy buying loads of stuff.

We've given the baby a name, Bam-Bam in our case, because it kicks a lot. Otherwise I just call it "baby", so I avoid saying "it" a lot.

I'm not sure about the bonding bit. I don't think I'd bond more or less depending on the sex but maybe you would. I kind of like not knowing whether I'll spend the next 15 years standing on the edge of a rugby pitch or a ballet class. I also think the curiousity will help me get through labour. As Kreecher says though, you have to do what's right for you and maybe if it wasn't my first I'd be more keen to find out.

I hope my ramblings help!

Twinklebum · 24/01/2011 10:33

hi i didn't find out with my first, but have with the others.

with ds2 and ds3 i felt a bit cheated as after all that pushing there wasnt the element of surprise as there was with the first. obviously it was still exciting to finally meet them but i think that know took the edge off a bit!

BarbieLovesKen · 24/01/2011 10:39

Hi, its very personal really.

For me, no I wouldnt.

I didnt find out with dd, but did find out with ds and regretted it - ok, its not a huge big deal but I did miss the "ITS A ...." announcement at the birth. I did buy his clothes and decorated his room and named him but it wouldnt have been too much of an inconvenience to do this after the birth, would it?. I regretted asking almost as soon as I had

I found I bonded with each baby equally, knowing t he sex didnt make any difference.

Am pregnant with number 3 now and definately wont be finding out. I just think there are very few suprises in life and well.. we're just not supposed to know, are we?

MommyMayhem · 24/01/2011 10:41

No I wouldn't find out if I were you. It's like opening all your Christmas presents a few weeks before Christmas then wrapping them all up again.

Original poster

swannny · 24/01/2011 10:42

Thanks ladies... I think I'll keep it a surprise... It is what I've always imagined anyway :) OMG I am so stupidly excited! haha xx

OP posts:

Deliaskis · 24/01/2011 10:47

We're expecting our first in a few weeks, and have opted for a surprise. We had said this from the beginning, but the night before our 20 week scan we really agonised over it again. We ended up deciding against finding out, as we felt it would be as MommyMayhem describes, like knowing what's in your Christmas presents. Yes you reeeeeeeally want to know, but actually you don't, and knowing makes the event itself less special. (That is all an IMO relating to the Christmas present example of course, I don't mean that those who do find out have less special birth experiences!).

So that was why we didn't, and at this point (36+3) I feel I am bonding with baby anyway, and talking to it and asking questions. I'm intrigued about what s/he is going to be like in every way, not just gender. Is s/he going to look like me/DH/neither, is s/he going to have inherited our characteristics etc. That is to me the intriguing stuff, gender is just one thing.

KangarooCaught · 24/01/2011 10:52

Ime your to-ing and fro-ing mean you don't really mind which gender you have, either would be equally lovely. Personally with the first two dcs, we didn't find out because I rather liked the idea of getting a 'find out moment' after all the hard work. A lot of women call the baby an affectionate nn if they don't want to call baby 'it'.

Or just find out

GrumpyFish · 24/01/2011 11:43

I didn't find out with my first, and it was lovely to get a surprise when he was born (although i had a real gut feeling all of the way through that he was a boy, and so I'm not sure how it would have been if I'd had a girl, I might have been in shock!).

This time round we have found out - we didn't mean to, but it was so obvious on the scan that I ended up asking the sonographer to confirm what I was seeing. I found finding out at 21 weeks equally lovely, and am really enjoying being able to imagine what it will be like to have my 2 little boys.

So in summary, having done it both ways, I think either choice is fine! I don't feel as if I've opened my Christmas presents early - there is so much more than gender to find out later!

Meglet · 24/01/2011 11:49

I didn't find out with DC1 (turned out to be a boy).

We did find out with DD and TBH I loved knowing in advance. She was a planned cs and we decided on her name before she was arrived. . It suited me down to the ground.

deliakate · 24/01/2011 11:53

Agree with Kangaroo. It is so wonderful to find out when you have gone through all that pain that its a boy/girl.

With no. 2 we do know we are having a girl, and this is lovely too. But we've had a rocky road and had to have a CVS and so much worry, and I just needed something to make it seem more real this time.

piprabbit · 24/01/2011 11:54

We left it as a surprise both times - there was something rather wonderful about DH being the one to tell me this important news himself.

Original poster

swannny · 24/01/2011 12:11

Ahhhhhhh I'm smiling now :) I love these stories... I'm so glad I asked

OP posts:

mum295 · 24/01/2011 12:41

We didn't find out with DC1. DH was convinced it was a boy, and we both thought we saw boy's genitals on the second scan, so I thought it was too.

But...I kept on having dreams about having a girl, suffered from morning sickness, the ring test (codswallop, I know) said a girl, and for some reason I was obsessed, for reasons I couldn't pinpoint, with girls' names.

Guess what? We had a girl!

I was worried at first that DH wouldn't bond with her but he absolutely adores her. Am now pg with DC2 and we are going to leave it as a surprise again. DH is convinced it's another girl but I am now over-analysing my dreams and thoughts and don't trust my instincts this time.

Having taken ages to conceive both times, we will just be happy to have two happy children (fingers crossed).

Lots of friends have found out in advance and I've just always found it a bit odd to have named the child before you "meet" them. What if the name doesn't suit them? We had two lined up for DD and chose one after she was born. Also, someone I used to work with was told the wrong gender - it happens! That could really impact bonding.

Just buy lots of white babygros for the early weeks!

DuelingFanjo · 24/01/2011 12:44

I didn't find out and it was lovely being told as he came out. I did have the sex on the form from the Amnio which was in my maternity notes, but I resisted looking at it all the way through my pregnancy.

babynelly2010 · 24/01/2011 13:07

we found out. planning is so much easier when you know. I don't feel like I deprived ourselves from a surprise. If I could change my experience however I would find out the gender with my DP and not tell anyone because we asked everyone particularly not to give pink clothes to us and people did so much. So we now have half zoo animals neutral and half flowers pink. Also, names, it is hard to come up with just for one gender... my DP and I learned not to share our name options with anyone because there is always someone to make comments and ruin it for you... Congrats, do what feels right for you.

LittleMsH · 24/01/2011 13:13

we've found out because for me personally I was finding it hard to actually visualise having a child and now I know it's a boy I find the whole pregnancy more enjoyable. But we weren't going to - and I think the surprise would have been amazing. We haven't told anyone though as we didn't want any gender specific stuff creeping in!
Agree with babynelly - do what feels right for you.

moonbells · 24/01/2011 13:17

I was desperate to know what we were having!

For a whole load of reasons, not the least being that with very elderly parents, I wanted to be be able to tell them what their first grandchild would be, in case one of them didn't make it to the birth!

We already had a pair of names picked before the 20-week scan, and given babies can hear you talking while they are inside, I felt much more comfortable being able to address him by name!

There was absolutely no doubt from the 20w scan what he was :) and if I'd been more clued-up, I would have realised that the straight-out-in-front legs even at that stage were a clue to his later extended breech presentation!

Luckily all grandparents still around at nearly 80, loving their affectionate whirlwind of a grandson.

rubybambini · 24/01/2011 14:27

Ask the sonographer to write the sex down, then put it in a sealed envelope - we did that, as we weren't sure and though the 20 week scan was our 'last' chance to find out before delivery. That was you can decide at your leisure, rather than have the argh-what-should-we-do moment during your scan.

Ours is still unopened nine weeks later =) So now, we'll wait to see if she was right.

rubybambini · 24/01/2011 14:28

Can't spell today! 'thought' and 'way', oops, not though and was =)

BadRoly · 24/01/2011 14:30

We didn't find out with dc1 but did with the next 3. We told everyone what dc2 was before the birth but didn't tell people what dc3 and 4 were.

cocoachannel · 24/01/2011 14:40

We found out- it was a wonderful surprise, just at an earlier point! I've found it has really helped me bond with my baby girl, and obviously it's made some of the practical things a bit easier. Although her room is painted blue and that was never going to be changed!

Before we found out we chose names for both sexes, so we had the fun of thinking of boys names too. Having said we still haven't settled on a girls name and are going to wait and see which of our short list suits her best!

cocoachannel · 24/01/2011 14:41

Oh- just realised the OP is Leila- hello!! Cx

midori1999 · 24/01/2011 14:51

I found out with my first three DC, all boys. I wanted to find out with my twins, but despite being scanned weekly or more from 14 weeks, they still couldn't tell me until the day before I gave birth at 24 weeks, and even then only for 'twin 2'.

It was still just as much a suprise finding out at a scan and it was nice knowing what gender baby was.

I am finding out this time. I have booked a private scan for next week as even though my consultant will tell me I am not sure when I will see her and she is next seeing me after my anomoly scan so won't scan me then herself. I think either way I will need time to come to terms with it and I would much rather that be before the baby's born.

nancy10 · 24/01/2011 14:58

I really wanted to know the sex but my dh didn't. So he left the room and I was told. We told all our family and friends that we didn't find out and they all believe us
It was difficult for the first few days particularly as we have 3 sons and I've been told this baby is a girl! But now I don't struggle at all. I have bought neutral baby gro's vests and a few pink bits that are locked away and dh knows that there are some baby items in my locked cupboard that would reveal the sex. I love being the only person that knows and my dh gets to tell everyone once she's born!

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