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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Just took HPT and pregnant

39 replies

loulou1982 · 03/01/2011 20:48

Hi everyone. I've just taken a HPT and found out i was 1-2 wks pregnant. I was over the moon when I found out and called my boyfriend straight away. Unfortunately he wasn't as happy as I thought he would be and that upset me a lot. This will be my first baby but he already has a 3 year old from a previous relationship. He said he was shocked because i was on the pill and thought it was too early to start having a baby as we've only been together 6 months. He said he is scared that the same thing will happen as it did in his last relationship, break up, weekend dad etc. I said it wasn't fair to base our relationship on his last and that I thought he'd be happy. I don't really know what to do or say to him now as I want to keep the baby. The reason I was so happy is because i love him and he loves me. Sorry to spill my guts but I don't know who to talk to now :(

OP posts:

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TotorosOcarina · 03/01/2011 20:52

Hang on, hes not said he wants you to get rid of the baby has he?

It sounds like he is a bit shocked, calm down and give him some time!

Even my husband who I've been with for years needs a few hours to take it in when I tell him we are expecting!!

And as his last relationship broke down after a birth he is probably just worried it woll happen again.

I really think you need to just let him get his head round it before you start worrying too much.

BooBooGlass · 03/01/2011 20:52

I'm about to be blunt so forgive me. Why on earth did you think he'd be happy? You had told him you were on the pill, and you've only been together 6 months. I think you probably wanted the baby and didn't include him in your plans. If you are really on the pill yOu'd have no reason to test so early surely? A very sad situation for all involved tbh :(

sum04 · 03/01/2011 20:57

I have to agree there...If you were on the pill, then surely that was to avoid a prenancy from occuring, but then you said you was over the moon to find out you was pregnant.
Now if that was me and i had been on the pill to avoid getting pregnant and then i did, the first thing that would come into my head would be complete shock and panic.

RoadCraftGuru · 03/01/2011 20:57

If you haven't spoken about baby plans and/or been trying for a baby then it must be a huge shock for him to get a phone call out of the blue. Do you live together?

Presumably if you were indeed on the pill it was a big shock for you too?

You need to give him time to get his head around this news and then sit down and talk together.

Is there anyone else IRL who you can talk to about this?

blinder · 03/01/2011 20:57

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

He has panicked, especially given his previous experience. You are allowed to be as happy as you like. No doubt, he will be happy one day either before or after the birth. He may not feel secure about it till he sees that your relationship can survive.

Be as happy as you like and let him have his own process. His feelings should not spoil yours and you should not expect him to feel anything other than what he feels.

Congratulations again!

dufduf · 03/01/2011 21:00

What TotorosOcarina said - calm down and give the poor lad a bit of time!

Personally I wouldn't tell anyone such life-altering news over the phone, if it isn't a planned pregnancy it'll been the last thing he was expecting when he answered your call, he won't necessarily start jumping for joy right away. My DP was totally shell shocked when I told him I'd taken a positive test and we'd planned it!

When can you see him face to face to talk?

Original poster

loulou1982 · 03/01/2011 21:01

Thanks for the quick replies. No he hasn't said he wants me to get rid of it. We had discussed having kids a month or so ago and he said he'd love to have them with me which is why I was happy. I've spoken to my mum and she said not to worry as he is most likely in shock. The reason I took the HPT was because I'd been feeling sick recently and had no idea why, I've always been quite healthy. My mum suggested I took a pregnancy test with me being a few days overdue on my period and I'm usually very regular. I didn't think I'd be pregnant so was shocked at first but then happy.

OP posts:

BooBooGlass · 03/01/2011 21:03

Sorry that just doesn't wash with me. I think you took a lighthearted conversation, 4 months into a relationship, as license to 'forget' a few pills. I'm in a relationship of the same length and tbh if I were pregnant the last reaction I'd have to being pregnant is happiness. I think you're actually being very unfair on your partner here.

cocoachannel · 03/01/2011 21:05

I told my husband about our first pregnancy (which sadly wasn't viable in the end) by phone as I was so excited. Even though we were trying for a baby he was still shocked as we conceived quickly, and I really shouldn't have told him by phone. (I told him in person this time...!) My point is it is BIG news for any father to be- especially if it's a bolt out of the blue!

I too am a little confused about your situation and can totally understand your boyfriend's reaction, but also your excitement. Is there someone else you can speak to? A friend? Your Mum?

In the meantime congratulations!

Original poster

loulou1982 · 03/01/2011 21:07

Thanks blinder, made me feel lots better.

No, we don't live together but I've just recently got a house and he spends most of his time there. I'll see him tomorrow afternoon but he said he wants to talk again later.

OP posts:

BooBooGlass · 03/01/2011 21:15

Why has he not come over already? I'm goign to be coming across as so harsh on this thread but I really think you're not telling the whole story here. And you are seeing a lovely little baby and not the horrible situation your dp is in.
I know there are those who will say he should have worn a condom as well. But I do disagree actually. Presumably you have both been tested for STDs, and havign been given the all clear decided that the contraception is down to you. I think that's fair.

cocoachannel · 03/01/2011 21:19

BooBoo makes exactly the point I was going to re condoms, but again I figured you'd both have had STD screening if just using the pill.

LittleWhiteSnowWolf · 03/01/2011 21:21

I can't help but feel a bit sorry for your partner. It sounds like you wanted a baby--the pill is 100% effective if taken correctly. I can empathise as I was ridiculously broody for years and probably would have taken a shock pregnancy very well as I really wanted a baby.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. But you have to give your partner time to adjust. You aren't even living together and suddenly you will now be linked forever by a child you have created. Daunting. Especially to a man who has had a relationship sour after a baby and now only sees his child at weekends etc.

I'd say give him some time to get his head round it. Its nice that you have your mums support, but be mindful of leaving your boyfriend out.

thisisyesterday · 03/01/2011 21:24

another one who is a bit to be honest

did you come off the pill without telling him?

Northernlebkuchen · 03/01/2011 21:26

He said he would like children at some point and you thought he'd be happy now? Yes I can see why he's upset. How have you got pregnant anyway - have you taken all your pills - do you have the packet to check - must be the last months worth? I think you need to give that some thought because I gurantee when you talk again he is going to want to know how this happened.

Original poster

loulou1982 · 03/01/2011 21:36

Having read some of your replies, I realised how unfair I have been with understanding the situation my partner is in. Of course it was going to come as a shock to him and yes it wasn't fair for me to expect him to be happy. I was shocked myself as I really didn't expect to be pg but then that turned into happiness as (and forgive me for feeling this way) I knew I was carrying a little baby.

I get the feeling some of you think I planned this pregnancy but I honestly didn't. My periods have been as regular as clockwork for as long as I can remember and the only reason why I had my doubts was because of feeling sick the last few days for no apparent reason.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 03/01/2011 21:37

well yes, if you've been on the pill of course your periods have been regular!

Northernlebkuchen · 03/01/2011 21:37

Ok so what's gone wrong with the pill then? Have you been ill whilst taking it? Have you missed some? You need to get this straight because he is going to think you've done this accidentally on purpose otherwise and that will be very bad for your relationship.

BooBooGlass · 03/01/2011 21:38

The pill will make your periods regular. There are no winners here. The fact that your dp hasn't come round to see you speaks volumes. Have you been ill in the last few months?

SharkSlayer · 03/01/2011 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onadietcokebreak · 03/01/2011 21:43

loulou1982 Mon 06-Dec-10 18:35:33
hi everyone, so glad I came across this posting as I've had exactly the same thing happen to me as Fortress! I thought my mind was playing tricks on me when I looked at my clear blue test and saw the faint line so after a couple of minutes I chucked it in the bin. Madness I know, but I've just routed through my bin to get the test out and there definitely is a faint line down the middle! I tested on Friday evening so does anyone think I should test again, and when?

Me and my partner have discussed having kids and we're not using contraception but I've not spoken to him about this yet I guess mostly because I wanted to surprise him but also because I don't want him to feel disappointed. This will be my first baby so maybe I'm just hoping too hard?

Think that just about sums the situation up.

BooBooGlass · 03/01/2011 21:45

OP that is despicably selfish. To both your dp and your child
You aren't using contraception but haven't discussed it? Ye gods you idiot

onadietcokebreak · 03/01/2011 21:45

OP One thing mumsnet cant stand is liars/trolls etc.

You clearly have deceived your boyfriend. You would be better off posting the truth, taking a flaming whilst also receiving some advice.

thisisyesterday · 03/01/2011 21:45

thanks for the heads up!

to think, i've wasted minutes of my life replying to this

onadietcokebreak · 03/01/2011 21:47

loulou1982 Tue 07-Dec-10 10:24:38
Thanks Fortress. I'm disappointed but this is only the first month we've been trying and to be honest it might be better just to have some fun and relax about it. And yes, now I can have a little drink or two without worrying

I've actually only come off the pill two months ago so do you think perhaps that might have an affect on my body getting back to normal? I've heard that it can take up to 3 months for your cycle to get back to normal

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