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Original poster

History of FGM with bad psychological effects, do you think I can be eligible for a section?

32 replies

normathesurvivor · 30/12/2010 23:44

Hi all,

Hope you have had good Christmas and looking forward to a happy New Year. I am new in the forum although have been reading it for awhile; couldn?t allow myself to join till I felt a little bit assured and had my 12th week scan. Now I am feeling awful, please bear with me and read on as I am desperate for advice.

I am 36. This is my third pregnancy. My first one ended with a medical termination at 7 weeks which was done privately, the public reason was that I and DH weren?t ready for it but big part of the reason was my panic over the idea of being full term and having to give birth. This psychological issue started early in my life as a result of a traumatic FGM at the age of 6 (another long terrible terrible story). As a result of that, I was 30 when I lost my virginity (sorry if tmi) as could not handle the thought of being intimate. I am pleased I had waited for the right person but honestly the waiting was due to the above mentioned experience (DH was understanding had to wait for 12 months before I even considered the idea, bless him). I had used a lot of self help psychological therapies to be able to go through this and then to get pregnant again. I got pregnant again in July 2010 and had a miscarriage at 7 weeks , felt so awful, that I am being punished for the termination I had. Now I am 13 weeks and I can?t imagine how I can give birth normally. My only hope is being able to get a section but not sure if they will agree to that. I have met the midwife, she offered a reversal of female genital mutilation, I couldn?t handle the though as I had read about it already and started to panic. I explained about my symptoms, the panic attacks, the nightmares, the flashbacks etc; she said she will arrange for an appointment with the consultant so I can discuss my options further. I am struggling with the idea of losing my control over my body again, the internal examination, the idea of the cuts, the catheter etc  and I feel I wont be able to carry with this pregnancy if I was not going to have a section, since I have known I am pregnant I feel so unwell worrying about the baby being stuck there about me being in that position. I would be grateful for your thoughts and advice. Many thanks

OP posts:
hester · 30/12/2010 23:58

norma, I'm so sorry to read your post. I don't know what area of the country you are in, but at some London hospitals there are midwives who have specialist knowledge of FGM (I used to know one who worked at Guys and St Thomas). There are also some obstetricians with a special interest in this area.

I think your consultant should consider your request for a section very sympathetically. If they say no, you should consider asking to be referred elsewhere. As you know, some forms of FGM can cause real problems with vaginal birth, and in any case it is of vital importance that you get through birth without feeling traumatised.

All my fingers are crossed for you that you get the help you need with this. Best of luck to you xx

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 30/12/2010 23:59

I'm so sorry for your troubles.

I'm pretty sure you can have an elective Caesarean section in your circumstances, and hope your consultant is supportive.

singingcat · 31/12/2010 00:01

Oh no how awful

I think you would definitely be considered, and with a decent consultant given an elcs. You have exceptional circumstances, no doubt about it. Please make a fuss if the first consultant you ask doesn't give you the answer you want, because others surely would

x

Original poster
normathesurvivor · 31/12/2010 00:07

Many thanks for your replies hester, oldladyknowsnothing and singingcat. I feel relieved I am able to talk about this worry with you ladies. It is quite strange that I can?t even type the word vaginal delivery and just reading it brought tears to my eyes. I will keep everything crossed for my appt with the consultant, I asked for a female one and the midwife said she is quite nice.

OP posts:
hester · 31/12/2010 00:10

Oh, norma, it is making me feel tearful thinking of how scared you are. You MUST get that section, and I'm sure you will be able to.

Do keep in touch and let us know how you get on, won't you?

xx

singingcat · 31/12/2010 00:13

I'm sure you'll get it. If she says no come back to us and we'll write a Strongly-Worded Letter with you. Everyone's nervous of labour, but this is NOT the same at all.

Original poster
normathesurvivor · 31/12/2010 00:26

Many thanks ladies, I really appreciate your support.
It is a scary and dark place at the moment. I needed to take a break from work so used most of my annual leave and just trying to do a lot of relaxation, meditation and chats with DH. We thought about going private from the start but this would put a lot of financial pressure on us, even with two salaries, we will need to remortgage or take a loan etc. It is quite strange because even though DH talked about getting the money and he is prepared for us to be under that pressure, I feel some sort of entitlement to get it on the NHS. I have paid my taxes and NI all my working life and never needed the NHS; I hope I won?t be let down. Thanks again for giving me the space to ventilate and for the support. I will post again after I meet the consultant , it is still await to get that appointment done. Have a good night.

OP posts:
singingcat · 31/12/2010 00:29

You should get it. Your mental health is very valuable, it's worth it to them even if you look at it purely in terms of cost. As a last resort, of course, if you go on to develop PTSD as a result of them refusing a C-section, legal action is an option. If they are difficult, make them aware that you know this. Stand up for your rights.

I'm sure it won't be necessary though - you would have to be really stupid to refuse an elcs to a woman with a problem like yours.

Original poster
normathesurvivor · 31/12/2010 14:38

Thanks Singingcat, that makes me feel better about the situation. x

OP posts:
BreastmilkDoesAFabEggnogLatte · 31/12/2010 20:10

I'm so, so sorry you had FGM. And so sorry that it's had such an effect on you.

It seems to me that, if your only other option is terminating your pregnancy, you should be entitled to an NHS C-section.

Have you been in touch with any advocacy groups for FGM survivors, or any generic support services for female abuse survivors? Organisations such as Rape Crisis should be able to help. There's also a specialist midwife - I think in Birmingham - Kathryn Gutteridge who works with female survivors. Given that FGM is so widespread in certain communities, my guess is that there will be other women in the UK who have been in your position and who may be able to help...

FessaEst · 31/12/2010 20:26

Poor you, really glad you were able to talk to your MW about this, and that she has been hepful - there is no reason to think that the consultant won't be helpful and understanding too.

When I worked in Nottingham, I know that there was a specialist clinic for FGM survivors (sorry if that is not the right term), and that a lot of reconstructive surgery was undertaken to enable those women to overcome some physical problems they had as a result. It also acted as a support group/discussion forum etc. I am sure that there are avenues available to you as and when you feel able to explore them, completely separately to childbirth if and when you feel able/want to.

Good luck!

SarahScotChristmasSpirit · 31/12/2010 21:30

norma, I have just googled FGM and am shocked by what I've read, I am so sorry you have had to go through this.

I am sure you will get a c-section, I know women who've been allowed electives for comparitively trivial reasons. I hope you get this sorted soon so you are able to enjoy your pregnancy and look forward to your baby.

beanlet · 31/12/2010 21:35

You will almost certainly be offered an elective caesarian on psychological grounds, especially as the trauma of FGM has already led you to terminate one pregnancy. The trauma you have been through must have been immense, and there's no way any responsible medical team would wish to add to that in any way. And you absolutely would not have to go private. Talk it over with your consultant, especially if your midwife is a bit dense reluctant.

beanlet · 31/12/2010 21:38

BTW fear of childbirth actually has a medical name and diagnosis tokophobia -- it's well recognised, and in nearly all cases sufferers are offered ELCS on the NHS. So you certainly should be offered one.

registrationdetails · 31/12/2010 21:40

So sorry to hear what you are going through. I have no doubt that you would be able to have a cs on the nhs. Are you in London? I know that there was/is a consultant at Northwick Park who offers a lot of help to women in your situation.

Original poster
normathesurvivor · 01/01/2011 01:53

Happy New Year and thank you to all who took the time and left compassionate/encouraging comments. Love to y?all.

Breastmilk and FessEst, thanks again. I have not been in contact with any advocacy groups, as I don?t feel I am ready yet but it is something I may consider in the future. I live in London and I was told about a few specialist clinics which are run and carry out FGM reversals (Deinfibulation). The operation, which can be done under local anaesthesia, spinal anaesthesia or general anaesthesia, is not an actual reversal as it involves giving the woman an open vagina only, it can't replace the clitoris that has been cut off. The mere thought of having it done to me , made me run to the bathroom, being sick and panicky.

Thanks Sarah, Beanlet and Registration for your messages.

X

OP posts:
singingcat · 02/01/2011 21:01

Oh God, it just sounds all too horrible.

well done for getting pregnant again, that must have been such a huge deal. I can't believe there would be consultant in this country who would deny you an elective. I've heard from a few people that an elective cs is a really nice experience.

BreastmilkDoesAFabEggnogLatte · 02/01/2011 21:08

It's probably good that you're in London... I'd imagine you'll be nearest the best potental services. And I can really understand your fear of the reversal surgery.... it sound like it would feel very much like the initial FGM.

Please, let us know how you get on with the consultant...

expatinscotland · 02/01/2011 21:14

norma, you are so brave to post. i'm not in london but i hope you get the care you need and deserve :).

spidookly · 02/01/2011 21:18

I would be very surprised if the consultant isn't happy to offer you an ELCS in you circumstances. If by any chance you come up against any resistance, ask for a referral to another doctor.

So sorry you've been through this :(

congratulations on your pregnancy. Hopefully you can get this sorted soon and enjoy the next few months of looking forward to your baby arriving.

I had an ELCS last year and it was a very peaceful experience.

monkey9237 · 02/01/2011 21:27

Hi there

you might find it useful to Google and contact Equality Now or FORWARD (both London based) who can help and advise you and provide you with support and help during and after your pregnancy. They have networks of health professionals eg midwives and specialists who they can link you up with too. I have contact info for them if you cant find them.

monkey9237 · 02/01/2011 21:30

Sorry cross-posted, i see you are not ready to contact groups yet. FORWARD website has a lot if helpful info though. Good luck.

Original poster
normathesurvivor · 04/01/2011 20:11

Dear ALL,
Many thanks for your supportive and informative messages. I will come back to update after meeting the consultant. Thanks again.
X

OP posts:
NewYearNewPants · 04/01/2011 20:13

It would be inhumane not to offer you a section, and I am pretty sure that if you explain your situation (in a letter, if you can't talk about it) to any midwife or doctor, they will agree with you.

Good luck.

Original poster
normathesurvivor · 19/02/2011 18:19

Thank you for all the messages. I just wanted to send you an update. I had a meeting with the consultant, who was very nice and supportive. She has agreed that I should be able to get an elective c/s on psychological grounds which is a great relief. I really appreciate your support. X

OP posts:
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