How to conceal not drinking over christmas with work colleagues??

[EllaA]

Hi, I've just found out that I am about 7 weeks pregnant (first one), am incredibly happy as ttc for 18 months. i'm really worried about how to keep it a secret from people over the next month. I work in the City in quite a masculine (and boozy) environment and i know there was a lot of speculation behind my back when i got married 2 years ago that i would be getting pregnant and leaving the job which made me really furious. I have at least 3 formal work dinners/lunches over the next 3 weeks which will be sit-down affairs (champagne at the door, wine all through meal, pub drinks afterwards). I don't want to skip them as they are important work events and I don't want to generate any speculation at all about not drinking given how misogynist they are! I also have a bunch of social events that i can't refuse (brother's birthday etc). I was out with DH and friends last night and felt really guilty just drinking a half pint of weak bitter. What should i do?? I read older threads on the usual excuses - antibiotics (rather obvious), driving (doesn't apply), dieting (very unlike me), recovering from hangover (will only work once)....so it seems deception is the only way forward. Anyone got any cunning ideas about how to do it at a sit-down meal though??! Thx xxx

Dental infection - they give you metronidazole that you really CANNOT drink alcohol with.

Or stick to cranberry for your 'UTI'

Or just accept the drink and then don't drink it, they will be too busy to notice. Get a soft drink as well as the alcohol, because you are very thirsty then forget to drink your wine. Or leave it somewhere when you are mingling.

No one will be watching your glass, they will be busy getting pissed.

Congrats on the pregnancy

Say you are on ABs that can't be mixed with alcohol

Congrats

Congratulations!!

I think saying 'I'm not drinking' can get people gossiping, so my tactic was to simply say YES to all drinks and 'Oh, delicious' when someone was pouring me a drink.

And then I'd either sip s-l-o-w-l-y or sneakily pour it away, give it to my partner or just hold the same glass all night.

I am personally pretty relaxed about alcohol during pregnancy and think that having a couple of glasses won't hurt. But of course, that's up to you to decide.

Good luck! And have fun with it :)

A friend who was pregnant over xmas made out she had drunk so much the night before she couldn't face drinking for a second night. Not one person suspected!

Don't make up 'excuses', especially about antibiotics.

Really, think about the night out. Will you be monitoring what other people are drinking? Questioning why they're drinking at a certain speed, how much alcohol they're having, reasons why any of them might have a soft drink at a certain point in the evening.

No. If it's a night out people are generally just having a nice time. It's only when you start making weird comments about what you might/might not be drinking instead of saying yes/no to the offer that people might start to think you're up to something.

Do you want a drink? Yes and don't drink it or yes just a coke for now or no thanks, maybe in a bit.

And what's the worse that can happen. Somebody says ooh are you pregnant. You say 'no, why?'

It's pretty obvious when somebody's pregnant and hiding non-drinking because they start saying things about alcohol and drinking that they just don't need to.

Or am I wrong? Do people go out just to monitor other people's alcohol consumption?

I like Festive Frieda's approach - it's similar to the one I took in the early days. It's quite fun wafting around with a full glass of champagne, bring it to your lips every now and again but you don't need to swallow. I took white wine when seated and topped it up with sparkling water as I was "very thirsty" - some funny looks from the sommelier but I've endured worse.

Also I had fun at some cocktail bars enjoying their non-alcoholic ones: asking by name, no one notices, if people do ask what's in it, slip in vodka along with all the other yummy things. And lime & soda's a good, slightly alcoholic looking, soft drink that doesn't fill one up (or rot ones' teeth) like other sugar filled fizzies.

Just be casual 'great, thanks, I'll have a White wine. Actually, no, I'm really thirsty, can I have a lemonade this time'.

Or ' I'm feeling a bit pissed. I better slow down and have a coke'

Or ' it's too early for me to start drinking, I'll be on the floor by 7!'

Or can you not tell them you're getting ready for a marathon or something???!

You could pretend to drink the wine, as long as people see you lifting the glass once in a while, no one will notice - especially in the Christmas period! And can you say that you need to get back to work afterwards at the lunches at least?

it really depends on you and the people around you. if you're known as someone who 'drinks' then suddenly not drinking will raise some eyebrows. in this instance i would go along the antibiotics route - most people wont question you on it.

if the people don't know you that well then you'd be suprised how long you can nurse a drink for. i did this rather than try and explain away not drinking - and my GP assured me that one/two glasses a week really wasn't an issue.

you can always have a reason for being up early the following day - and therefore sticking to soft drinks. try and be as relaxed as possible and people really wont notice!

Gin and tonic. But actually, it's just tonic. That works at parties / place with a bar.

If people are coming round filling up your glasses the whole time, though, it may actually be very difficult to see how much anyone's drinking, so if you accept a glass of wine and then just sip it from time to time, no-one will notice.

I worked in the city for years and know exactly what you mean. Definitely, do not drink even half a glass as this is a very delicate time when your baby's critical organs develop. I told people 1) I had bladder infection and was on anti-biotics (you have to start faking a day or so before and leave early to "see a specialist at the hospital" -- then it becomes quite belieavable) and 2) did a detox program (usually tough to get away with without being teased), 3) tried the hangover thing, but the downside is that some people would say that the best cure for hangover is champaigne or beer (great!)... Most we'll leave you alone if you pass on a drink (expelain why if asked) and then change the topic very quickly or start checking your blackberry/ mobile/step out to the loo, etc... Good luck!

It is surprisingly easy to make people think you are drinking when you aren't. Accept a glass. Take sips but without actually drinking any of it. Once everyone else has had two or three they honestly will be too tipsy to notice you aren't drinking....

In fact I have even taken my drink to the loo and tipped it away so that some insistant person could buy me another! Or just put your drink down and walk off without it. Or my DH's favourite is to sneakily switch glasses so he gets to drink for two

Go with the nursing a drink - it works brilliantly! No one ever realises that you have been on the same glass for 2 hours. Go for the very sociable table-hopping chatting approach, too, so that you aren't there when people come to refill the glasses, and also no one will realise that the glass you were carrying when you left the table half an hour ago is the same one you're carrying now. The only tricky bit comes if you'd be expected to switch from champagne to white to red at certain points - people might wonder why you're still drinking the champagne you got when you arrived. Then go for accidentally knocking it over, which is also good for fostering the idea that you are getting drunk. I think it's actually going to be easier for you at a sit-down dinner with table service than it would be in a bar when people would be asking what you wanted when they went up to get a round.

vodka and lemonade,lime, without the vodka, no one guessed, even when someone asked what i was drinking? And why i wasnt drinking wine, she took a sip and still thought it was as i said, worked for me, unfortunatly i lost my baby, but will defo use the trick next time, fingers crossed. Xx

I have the same worry of not drinking and what to tell people. im only approx 5-6 weeks and don't want anyone to know till ata least 12weeks. i am known to be a big drinker on nights out and it's not that I want 2 drink, i honestly can take it or leave it, its just trying not 2 leave people suspicious. I have already said i won't be drinking a lot as i have to pick my mother in law up at the airport the next morning (complete lie) but hopefully with a wee seed in their heads they may not notice as much.

I used nancy10's method - worked like a charm, coupled with looking a bit green around the gills. Actually I felt pretty hungover throughout early pregnancy. I'd go with the "I feel like shit, but I might force a drink down later on" & then just stick with water.

I'm about 7 weeks and work in the City too, and unfortunately I have colleagues who definitely notice what you drink - even if only until they've had a few themselves. I've booked a day off after our Christmas do and will be saying I have to drive early the next morning so can't overdo it. If all else fails, I'll pick a colleague I can trust and get him to trade glasses with me whenever his is nearly empty. I'd prefer nobody knew but better one person than the whole desk. Good luck!

I managed to completely blag my way through my own 40th birthday party. Drank "fake drinks" like lime and soda or coke. Every time someone offered to get me a drink I'd say "Oh thanks, but 'so and so' is getting me one and I've still got this one and another one over there on the table to get through." Most people only offer to buy you a drink once but if they were persistent I had an arrangement with my other half or best mate that I'd get a rum and coke bought for me by anyone else, they could get me a coke and swap it with me.

Whatever you do, don't bother trying to get your DH to help you out! When I was newly pregnant, we went to a wedding and I agreed with DH that he would go to the bar lots, always offer me a drink and Id say yes please, vodka and Ginger ale. He'd then get me a straight Ginger ale and no one would ever know. Sadly, he got really pissed and every time I'd ask him for a vodka and mixer he'd look at me strangely, say 'really? Are you sure?!' then go get me exactly that! Usually doubles! Spent a lot of the evening tipping drinks into flowerpots and feeling very thirsty...

My best advice would be to pretend you're drinking, take little sips, 'lose' drinks in the loos, and if you end up having drunk a glass or two by the end of the evening, no harm done, it is Xmas after all!

I was worried I'd go off coffee and everyone would know (happened to someone else in the office) so when I started TTC I said I was giving it up to see if it stopped my migraines.

Bloody worked too so now I can't drink caffeinated coffee.

Migraine works quite well as an excuse because you can go on and on about what symptoms you get wth the migraine. Either you get a fellow sufferer who mostly just wants to rant on about what causes theirs and how theirs are much worse, or you get someone who doesn't give a hoot in which case they don't want to be bored hearing about it.

I think you need a mate in on the secret - I was OK with my first two babies, as I dove all the time so wasn't a big drinker. However, with DD3, I didn't have the excuse. So I told my 'office husband' (you know, the bloke at work you get on really well with, platonically) who has 4 kids himself. He totally understood, and was my secret assistant in disposing of drinks, buying me soft drinks disguised as alcoholic and diverting the conversation at opportune moments. He was also very helpful at generally reminding me to do stuff (we were working on a joint project and I was so knackered I didn't always remember what I had to do.....)

I find it really sad, that you cannot just say "sorry I don't feel like drinking tonight" without any suspicion...

Completely agree mousymouse. Hate the macho drinking culture, but it seems to be endemic in lots of places.

Oh, I think we can all agree with mousymouse. But the distasteful drinking culture remains, though I notice it's get less in my field of work - I imagine it's still all over the City though.

I agree with all of the above - I work in the City as well and have always been one to keep up with the chaps in the past. I've managed to get through 3 functions so far without anyone noticing - tactics so far - drink tonic water because it looks liek ti has alcohol in it and becaus e it isn't sweets it's eaiser to drink I find (if people are that interested tell them it's got gin or vodka in it and even if they taste it they won't realise!!). Also picking up a glass of wine, holding it for a while and then putting it down or just leaving it by your plate. I haven't ever said outloud to anyone that I wasn't drinking and so far noone has been the slightest bit interested in me. Sad but true - people are far more interested in having fun themselves!