WHEN will people realise it is NEVER ok to call a woman huge - pregnant or not!

[RoxieP]

Ok, so I know I should be proud of my blooming body, but just recently (I am 30+1) my bump has popped a bit - up until now apparently poeple were saying I was quite "neat" and depending on what I was wearing, poeple who didn't know rarely commented as I guess it was slightly ambiguous whether I was actaully preg or just a bit thick round the middle!

But oh my these last few days.... People have been asking when I'm due and when I say January, they look shocked as though I should be due much sooner and I have heard "wow you're huge!" and other such wonderful phrases! Thing is I don't think I am actually THAT big - I have seen women WAY bigger than me at this stage - I don't even have a proper outie yet, or a linea nigra or even a single stretch mark!

And yes I know they are commenting on my bump and not the rest of my body, but when they say things like that I feel like they're calling me a big fat whale! Do people not realise that it is NEVER ok to call a woman huge? Though I suspect that I may have been guilty of it in the past before I was preganant and knew what it felt like! I guess my logic was that it was ok as I was not calling the woman FAT, just commenting on how pregnant she looked, which I assumed was a positive thing. I now realise that this ain't the case! Don't get me wrong I love being pregnant and am fascinated by my changing shape, I just don't like the adjectives "huge", "massive" or even "fat" (yes one woman did use this one - and yes she knew I was pregnant and not simply fat) being associated with my body in any context!

Does anyone feel differently? Does anyone actually love being told they're massive?

Roxie - stop apologising! Honestly, it's not a crime to disagree with someone, and by MN standards this isn't even a minor spat.

You can be as pissed off as you like about it - as many others seem to be.

I think I'm going to post on the Really Angry pregnancy thread as I'm 40+3 and I WANT THIS BABY OUT NOW!!

Bumps may be beautiful (I agree with that), but babies are definately better out that in.

Hmmm... guess I'm just a bit too diplomatic for my own good! Didn't expect everyone to agree with me on this for one second, just not good with the whole conflict thing even if it is in the interest of livley debate! And aitch I'm cool with everything you've said too - just didn't like that you said I ignored opinions that didn't match mine as I have had the most dialogue with you and you have disagreed with me the most! I always try to take everyone's opinions on board, but I also feel there's nothing wrong with acknowledging someone who agrees with you though!

Anyway BFF everyone - love and hugs! xx

I like making people do the face!! When I say january they ALWAYS do it . . It amuses me :)

I'm going to jump in and say that (in my experience, anyway) it's the fatties who seem to take pleasure tell you how 'huge' you are. Anyone with a modicum of tact just says you look great. I know I'm huge, and I'm not particularly interested in hearing about it. It's kind of stating the obvious when you're 8 months pregnant. The worst comment I've had was a drunk staring at my belly and saying, that was a good night. Ugggh.

Yuk, what a perve!

Anyway, you could have the opposite. People keep telling me I'm tiny, and while most people just say 'gosh, you're lucky, that weight will fall off afterwards', I've had work colleagues ask me if the baby is measuring normally. Yes, the baby is, and the midwives/doctors are perfectly happy. But I'd hardly be likely to thank them if, for example, the scans had shown growth problems! People can be very thoughtless sometimes.

I keep having people telling me I am small too. It bugs me but I don't know why. Apparently for 6 months I am really small, I don't think so and I am very proud of my bump. It was the same with DS though then I got really big at the end so I hope its not going to be the same. I was in agony but this pregnancy has been identical so far.

I used to get told I was small and til about 6 months too. I wasn't so offended by THAT I must confess, but I did find it a bit worrying. Guess we all want to be "normal", not too big, not too small! This is my first one so I am never sure whether I am the right size for my time etc. I'm not small now though apparently so I must be catching up!

I found the comment "that's not a real baby, that's a food baby!" highly offensive at the weekend. It was made by my sister's boyfriend. Why would he want to say I looked like I'd been eating too much? I'm 23 weeks pregnant! Some people are dicks. I'm with you on this one, OP.

It's not much the comments that annoy me but the fact that once you are pregnant people feel as though they can say personal things to you and it's okay. For some reason being pregnant seems to make a certain brand of people think you are public property . I always consoled myself with the fact people really never knew what they were talking about . . I had comments at 7 months (on the same day) which were 'are you sure you're not carrying twins, you're huge' and 'really, you're 7 months. I only thought you were 3'!

knackered76 yy dont even get me started on the bump patters - get out of my personal space!!

I am 27 weeks and my bump seems to have gone thro a growth spurt - EVERY~ONE is telling me how big I am suddenly. I domt really mind cos I know its kindly met.

I was sat next to a lady today who was 4 times the size of me and she is not even pg, so I felt like a supermodel in comparison!

I sympathise as I got really annoyed with the personal comments during my last pregnancy too. More because of the "public property" aspect than anything else.

Anyway whenever anybody said something like "God you're huge" (it was usually one of my less tactful colleagues who has a voice like a foghorn!) I would reply "Well what do you expect, I'm (X) months pregnant!" or "yes, that's normal at X weeks of pregnancy" and that usually stopped any further comments.

This time round, my bump is still quite small and you can't see it under my winter coat so I've not had any remarks from strangers yet, but I'm sure I've got that to look forward to...

I'm lucky in that people have kept their hands off my bump - well strangers at least! I saw a load of old friends recently who I hadn't seen for a while and they couldn't keep their hands off it! But it was quite nice in a way to get a bit of fuss (FROM FRIENDS) because everyone else is getting quite bored of my pregnancy now! I do love being pregnant, and I am proud of my bump, but total strangers being quite rude? No thank you!

As others have said, people only usually comment on something when they have issues about it themselves. A guy at work keeps going on about me being "fat" (I'm 33 weeks) but I know it's because he is absolutely obsessed with his weight. It was quite refreshing when a colleague heard him say that, gave him a poke and said "she's not fat, she's pregnant. Rude!" He just laughed but I was glad she said it, it was nice to be stood up for.

It bothered me at first but now I see what a burden his weight issues are (he isn't at all fat btw) and I feel sorry for him. I have had other comments about the size of my bump, but that doesn't bother me at all because I don't really see it as a comment on me as such, seeing as it's a baby they're seeing, not the product of ridiculous eating!

I find the more personal inappropriate comments more annoying really. For example recently I was with a bunch of my DH's family (who are generally lovely) and when someone wouldn't tell a risque story because I was there I said "I'm not as innocent as I look you know" which of course brought a gale of laughter given that I'm hugely pregnant and obviously not an innocent. Then there were some jibes about the immaculate conception etc and my FIL then piped up "So there was rumpy pumpy involved then?" Silence. I was mortified. What a thing to say.

Eeeew! I suppose a pregnant bump is visible "evidence" that you have actually in fact "done it" before. Especially scandalous for me as I am not even married! .

It's a bit like when I used to get embarrassed buying tampax, because then the person (usually male, young and embarrassed) on the till would know that I was menstruating...

I am totally fed up with people and colleagues - female colleagues - telling me a) i'm massive and b) how massive my boobs are too. Like you would ever dream of commenting on someone elses tits but apparently this is perfectly acceptable when you are pregnant. I got into work on Monday morning and some lady who never usually speaks to me couldn't wait to tell me in a really loud voice how massive i'd got over half term. Was too shocked to actually respond. Like I now keep telling anyone who dare comment 'my baby has grown but actually i'm pretty much the same'.

I have a healthy attitude about my body but I object to people I barely know discussing private parts of my body as if it is public property.

Thank you!

I don't mind people commenting on my bump at all, but my MIL KEEPS telling me that I must be very careful not to fall over "because you are very big round the hips anyway and that might make your balance more of a problem"...she says it every time she sees me! The thing is I know she means well and is just communicating a genuine worry of hers, and I do have a naturally big bum (before pregnancy too), but really does all tact have to fly out of the window now I am carrying her grandchild? And why would big hips/bum make me more likely to fall over FFS??

I'm with the OP. People should be aware that body-image issues don't disappear the minute you get pregnant.

Word of warning for first-timers- it gets worse after the baby when you know people are checking your ability to shift baby weight and helpfully tell you how tiny their neighbour was two weeks after giving birth. But I guess that's another thread...

I must admit I am fed up of people asking me if I'm sure there's only one in there... I'm 30 weeks and the comments now come thick and fast. Over the course of the day I have been called Fatty, Tubby and had two people express shock and horror at the number of weeks left till EDD. I have had someone comment on the post baby diet I will need to go on and a number of people just commenting on my enormous size. Not to mention the person who told me she had lost loads of weight due to being stiched up by a butcher (her words) which led to a massive haemorrhage. FFS...