WHEN will people realise it is NEVER ok to call a woman huge - pregnant or not!

[RoxieP]

Ok, so I know I should be proud of my blooming body, but just recently (I am 30+1) my bump has popped a bit - up until now apparently poeple were saying I was quite "neat" and depending on what I was wearing, poeple who didn't know rarely commented as I guess it was slightly ambiguous whether I was actaully preg or just a bit thick round the middle!

But oh my these last few days.... People have been asking when I'm due and when I say January, they look shocked as though I should be due much sooner and I have heard "wow you're huge!" and other such wonderful phrases! Thing is I don't think I am actually THAT big - I have seen women WAY bigger than me at this stage - I don't even have a proper outie yet, or a linea nigra or even a single stretch mark!

And yes I know they are commenting on my bump and not the rest of my body, but when they say things like that I feel like they're calling me a big fat whale! Do people not realise that it is NEVER ok to call a woman huge? Though I suspect that I may have been guilty of it in the past before I was preganant and knew what it felt like! I guess my logic was that it was ok as I was not calling the woman FAT, just commenting on how pregnant she looked, which I assumed was a positive thing. I now realise that this ain't the case! Don't get me wrong I love being pregnant and am fascinated by my changing shape, I just don't like the adjectives "huge", "massive" or even "fat" (yes one woman did use this one - and yes she knew I was pregnant and not simply fat) being associated with my body in any context!

Does anyone feel differently? Does anyone actually love being told they're massive?

i mean, i would also take issue with the OP that it is never ok to call a woman huge. i don't really think women should get special privileges here. dawn french, for example, is huge. i'm sure she wouldn't disagree.

I have to say I heard this, when it was commented on, as AREN'T YOU FAT. But then I hear most things as AREN'T YOU FAT...

Yes I think some poeple just don't like being the centre of attention - and pregnancy really makes you stand out! I know the majority of poeple are just fascinated by it (as I was before I was pregnant - I always thought, and still do, that a pregnant woman is the most beautiful thing in the world) but some people are just down-right rude! And some poeple's choice of words have very negative connotations in any other context! You would never dream on commeting on the size of a woman's breasts if they weren't pregnant! And to go back to that contraversial word "huge", to call a woman that would be deemed an insult at any other time. I think poeple forget that you are still a human being yourself and not just a shipping container!

And just to reiterate on my first post, I love being pregnant and love my changing shape - I just don't think every Tom, Dick and Harry has the right to comment on it in a negative way! That is why women end up with body-image issues at a time when they should be loving their bodies as they are doing what nature intended them to!

I was fecking enormous (or rather my belly was). I loved it when people commented on it, and rather enjoyed the special status you have as a pregnant woman.

Only time I got pissed off and felt like public property was when someone commented on my drinking a glass of wine. She meant well though.

Except people comment on the size of my breasts suprisingly often when I'm not pregnant (F cup)! And yes it's really tedious. I'd rather people didn't call me fat, but I suspect they won't because I was a bit fat pre-pregnancy (size 16). In fact people are terribly diplomatic because you wouldn't want to actually call a fat person fat would you.

So take comfort in being called fat/huge. Probably means you're skinny

Oo I know what you mean! I took a rare excursion out after dark the other night to go to a bar for a friend's birthday and I allowed myself a small glass of champagne (really hardly ever do this as alcohol doesn't taste that nice since being preg). I could feel all eyes in the room on me! I then moved on to a couple of non-alcoholic mojitos (before retiring to bed way before 11pm) and I wanted to announce to the whole bar that they weren't real ones!!!

Or maybe that's just my supreme paranoia and insecurity rearing it's head again!

thing is, roxie, i don't think a single person has accused you of being supremely paranoid, you know that, don't you? the worst anyone has said is that you might have some issues to transmit here (which you acknowledge you do, as transmitted to you by your mother) and that you may be taking what is meant as a compliment as an insult.

but since you mention it, i found drinking was a lot easier with my bump hidden behind a table.

and yyy to the point that people wouldn't call a fat pregnant person huge... so take comfort from that if you wish.

I was only being tongue-in-cheek! Sorry! I guess the typed word sometimes conveys the wrong "tone"! I am naturally a bit sarky - but in a nice jokey way - honest! I am really not horrendously insecure as far as I know - just a normal woman with the usual hang-ups! Generally I'm pretty content I promise!

And I think my bump is too "huge" to hide under a table while imbibing alcohol! (Joke!)

Roxie, I completely agree with you. I am 26 weeks and am told at least once a day (by strangers & friends alike) how big I am: 'you're not due 'til X!', 'oh, you'll never last that long!', 'you're only X weeks!', 'OMG!' etc. I have even had 'I wasn't even as big as you at full term with my DD!' Oh, er, thanks .

My annoyance has nothing at all to do with my body image insecurities or otherwise, just plain old exasperation that people think they have the right to comment on my body shape/size just because I am pregnant.

I wouldn't dream of stopping a stranger in the street and exclaiming about the size of their breasts/belly/arse/nose etc., so why does every (wo)man and their dog feel the need to comment about the apparent enormous size of my baby/belly. It is the public property part of it that gets to me, I guess.

I have to admit that a major part of my displeasure is the sheer volume of comments that I get - I can barely walk into town without someone making a 'big' comment. If it had only happened a few times then I would probably have no problem whatsoever, but it just seems so constant. And as I measure absolutely spot-on for my dates, it pisses me off just a touch. Haven't these people seen a pregnant woman before? Some day I will lose it at a poor well-meaning old lady and scream 'Well there is a chuffing baby in there!!! What the hell do you expect?!!'

you are drinking in the wrong bars...

i knew you were being sarky, but there is generally some truth there. you even thought you were being attacked on here when nothing could be further from the truth tbh.

anyway, at least now you are aware that when people call you huge, they tend to mean gorgeous. lardy-cake weirdos aside.

but babyvalentine, they really are just trying to make conversation. why can't you take it in that spirit? they're hardly wishing a premature baby on you when they say 'you'll never last that long', are they? they're just talking shite... so what?

I find it annoying too. And on the body image question, I find that it's friends with body insecurities/eating problems who are the most driven to comment.

Sometimes, if it's someone close like my brother, I just say "Fuck off or I'll sit on you", in a genial sort of way. If I'm feeling didactic I explain that actually the bump isn't that big yet, but that one rarely sees women at 8 or 9 months out and about.

ah well maybe that's it... i have ditched any friends with body issues, they just went on about carbs all the time...

Yes baby valentine that's totally what I m saying!

And aitch - I didn't feel that I was genuinely being attacked - but maybe I misinterpreted your tone. This is obviously an issue that people feel strongly about and throws up some strong opinions - nothing wrong with that!

I totally get your point and realise that insecurity plays a part to a degree, and I totally accept that I have insecurities like anybody else. However I don't agree that I am excessively insecure and my feelings are unreasonable - as lots of people seem to feel the same way! Lot's of interesting points raised though - certainly some food for thought! And yes, I'll try not to take things so personally, but I was just a bit fed up with it constantly tbh, like valentine and many others!

Thassit umf.

When you've got a family who are horrendously body-dysmorphic, you can't get away from the fuckers.

From my Dad everytime I see him: "hello big, fat lady" plus constant comments on how much I'm eating. He's the one with issues around being fat, and usually it doesn't bother me, but pregnancy makes one more... sensitive.

MIL bangs on and on about how much weight she lost in pregnancy (this is a source of pride), then in the next breath talks about how massive I am. Thing is, I'm usually slim and she is most emphatically not.

I KNOW these are their problems and not mine. I just wish they wouldn't inflict their warped outlooks onto me when I'm pregnant, vulnerable and generally fed-up.

So I sympathise with the OP.

And I find perpetual atkins dieters a bore too - can't eat out anywhere with them. At least when I'm dieting I have the good manners to fall of the wagon in spectacular style when I'm eating out with friends .

lol at you backing yourself up with those who agreed with you and ignoring those who didn't. btw i am not insecure about stuff, by and large, that's not really my bag, so please don't assume that everyone is insecure about their body just because you are, even if only a little. i like some bits more than others, i could lose weight if i ate less etc, but i really would never describe myself as even slightly insecure about my body and tbh i find myself kind of offended at your assumption that everyone is like this. i bet if i started a thread on here about that i'd get a bunch of peopel agreeing with me too... but then where would we be?

Oh, Aitch, I know they mean no harm. But it seems to be every shop assistant, old biddy, lollipop lady, etc, feels the need to comment. I KNOW I have a large abdomen - it is housing a baby. It's not like I'm likely to forget. But I just get sick of hearing it.

And considering I am normal size for my dates, they are incorrect any way. Not huge, just 26 weeks pregnant.

Yes it's normally fat old men with bigger bumps than me who call me fat! Funny that!Projection! They're just jealous that my "beer belly" will disappear in a few months!

sure, precisely. if the op had posted 'i am getting sick of being called huge' as i have seen loads of people do here in the past, i wouldn't even have clicked on the thread.

it's the 'NEVER ok to call a woman huge'/'feel like they're calling me a big fat whale' thing i take issue with. because they are not saying any such thing and to interpret it as such is just a waste of precious energy.

Roxie, I find that because I am naturally quite slim, I get told how huge I am more frequently than someone who was perhaps larger pre-pregnancy. And, as someone said further up the thread, not many people are going to tell a fat, pregnant lady how huge she looks. But, seems slim, pregnant ladies are fair game.

Of course, being a short-arse doesn't help either .

I TOTALLY took on board what you said aitch! Think this is getting a little bit out of hand - I never meant to cause WW3! I think it's great if you are secure with your body and I'm sorry if I offended you! Fact is I'm not 100%, and if there are lots of people out there who are I genuinley take my hats off to them! Just that I know lots of people who aren't, but that doesn't mean they are completely messed up people.

it's not ww3 at all, not even slightly. i'm going to back away slowly now as i think that you are just misinterpreting whatever i say.

babyvalentine... it's not that slim women are fair game it's that you are normally NOT HUGE and now you are HUGE. it's Not An Insult. you are pregnant and making a whole new human being, this is an amazing thing, and the physical side effect is that you get HUGE. embrace the hugeness.

And baby, I am not that slim, I was 12-14 before pregnancy and had to "work" at it to keep my weight down. Perhaps to other people I am perceieved as slim so they feel it is ok to make these comments and maybe if i really was VERY skinny they wouldn't bother me. But because I have been known to be on the chubby side I guess it gets to me a bit more.

Anyway, yes, they proabably mean no harm! Was just ranting/blowing off steam!