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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Why do people want a third baby?

64 replies

pongonperdy · 03/11/2010 13:43

That didn't come out quite right. What I mean is what makes some people want to have three children rather than stopping at two. I have two, a girl and a boy. Everyone just assumes that I want to stop at two since I have one of each. To be honest we probably can't afford another baby but it's strange the way people assume. Do most people who have three, do so because they are trying for a boy or girl or have they always wanted three.

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Janus · 03/11/2010 17:15

When we went for number 3 I think most people thought it was because we had 2 girls but I was just desperate for another as I enjoyed being at home with them so much, dc3 was another girl.
Am now pregnant with number 4, everyone is wishing me to have a boy but we are both happy with whatever comes and actually if it was a boy he may be a bit overwhelmed!!
I think this is it but probably only because of my age!!
We are very lucky, I am still at home with them all but do hope to go back to work one day, well, maybe!!!

eaglewings · 03/11/2010 17:20

ttc # 4. DD1 is in her 20's DS is 11 DD2 is 8 but have always felt the family was not complete. Time will tell.

It's the comments from people I'm dreading more than the side effects of being pregnant

Original poster

pongonperdy · 03/11/2010 17:21

That's true. I know it's not the be all but I would love to take the kids skiing and to Disney world. Could not afford it with three.

OP posts:

Sarahlou8 · 03/11/2010 17:37

This is something I've always wondered about - how some people just know that their family is complete at 1, 2 or whatever.

I've just had baby no 3 after a big 10 year gap. My family has never seemed 'complete' and I have longed for another baby for a long time (circumstances now allow!)
I still feel, even with a 2 week old baby, that I could go on, and wonder whether I will always feel this way - and yet I talk to friends with one or two and they just know, for definite, that they are done.

Is it built into our genes or something? In my case it isn't anything to do with families, DH and myself are both one of 2.

I'd love to know the answer..

Cleona · 03/11/2010 19:15

For a long time I was the youngest (girl) of three (two older brothers). My mother always said she went for a third because she was wanted a girl. No idea how true that really was (maybe she was just trying to make me feel special?!).

She's since had a 4th, my half-sister, and now that we're all grown, I am so grateful for all of my siblings. My parents are now split, Dad on his own and I rely a lot on my older brothers to check in on him/visit, etc since I live abroad and am grateful for my younger sis who is still very much my mother's youngest and reliant on her, taking a lot of pressure off of me!

It's a far cry from when we were adolescents, arguing and fighting about everything!

Now I'm pregnant with my first, and will likely have a second (maybe a third) if only to create a new family base. I suppose that is why anyone has more than two, more than one, or any at all, really.

thisisyesterday · 03/11/2010 19:18

i knew when i had my second that i would want another.

i just had this yearning for 3.

now i have 3 i am fine! all boys btw

phonix · 03/11/2010 19:46

After having a girl then a boy, we are now 14 wks pregnant with No.3. We have no blood relation in this country and it is comforting to know that once we're not around there will be 3 of them there for each other and not 2.

I also think that having one of each for 1st and 2nd is more of a reason to go onto having No.3 (provided you want more). I honestly think that the bond between siblings can be made stronger if there are two of the same sex plus one other.

If you have 2 children who are the same sex, you probably already have that strong bond between them. But this is just my philosophy.

LynetteScavo · 03/11/2010 19:53

I wanted 6. But we had a 4 bed house, and I hate being pg. So we stopped at three, rather than wanted a 3rd.

Definatley nothing to do with having one of each sex, although lots of strangers have presuemed that.

niamh29 · 03/11/2010 20:23

I've always wanted 3, I can't explain it but I just did, I have 2 DDs but even if I had a boy and girl I would still want 3. I am pregnant with no 3 now and can't wait to complete my family!

bandgeek · 03/11/2010 20:25

I want a 3rd. Don't know why, I just feel like my family is incomplete until I do.

racmac · 03/11/2010 20:34

I had just given birth to no 2 and decided i wanted another must have been the drugs
i was pg 10 months later - i had decided that was enough but

Im really broody at the moment - my head keeps telling me Im silly to think about another but i really want one

Karoleann · 03/11/2010 20:39

We've always planned on 3 (I'm currently pg with number 3), two just doesn't seem quite complete.

Original poster

pongonperdy · 03/11/2010 20:44

Won't one always feel left out especially if two of one sex and one of the other.

OP posts:

mollycuddles · 03/11/2010 20:47

We had one of each and then dd2 after a 9 year gap. I never felt finished and I tried getting a puppy (twice). I got a sexy convertible car. Holidayed in NYC with a friend. Tried to embrace being finished. But I am so much happier now. Wondering about dc4. Not broody. Just wondering. But dd2 is only 5 months so it's early days.

expatinscotland · 03/11/2010 20:49

Felt like someone was missing. He's here now, though! :)

1Catherine1 · 03/11/2010 21:50

I am pregnant with DC1 now and know that I want more than 2. I grew up in a family of 3 children and always enjoyed the special sibling relationship we have. My OH is 1 of 2 (he has a sister) and they've never been particularly close. My aunt chose to have 2 as well so they could have the nice material things. I was never jealous of what they had because even as a child I could see what they didn't have. The relationship between siblings is such a special one and only made stronger with more. That said, my dad was one of seven (middle child of 7) and his memories of childhood are not happy ones. Money was always an issue so much so my dad claims he didn't even know the date of his own birthday because it wasn't special or celebrated when he was a child. So I think 4 will be my max since that was the number I gave to my OH when we first talked about it :)

Jaylar · 04/11/2010 11:34

I am one of 7 and (to put it mildly) neither my Mum or Dad would qualify for best parent of the year. All my siblings fought with each other mostly for any scrap of attention. Poor parenting has had an extreme psychological effect on us all I think though we barely talk to each other now with the exception of my youngest sister who is my best friend. Most of my siblings view having children as a curse or something you are trapped into. Myself and my youngest sister take the opposite view and have a strong desire to create our own family from scratch as we have never been part of one, not one that was healthy or loving anyway.

I always thought I wanted 2. Definitely no more as I didn't want to recreate that competition for attention. I do think people who haven't experienced them can romanticise big families. But the minute I had my daughter I knew I wanted 3, 2 wasn't enough. I am now pregnant with number 2 but DP (who is one of 2) doesn't want any more. Financially even 2 is a struggle and D is already 43 so I guess it's not fair on him. But I have even started checking out fostering as an option and snooping on the fostering talk threads on mumsnet even though number 2 isn't here yet. So I do think there must be something deep-seated that drives the number and upbringing must be a factor.

Apologies for long-winded reply.

GreenCar · 05/11/2010 06:07

I have a DS and a DD and pregnant with another DD. Am sooooooooo fed up of people asking if this pregnancy was planned (which it was) as though we're mad to be having a third when we already have one of each sex!!

And why did we go for the third? Always wanted 3 children. thought it was a nice number. Big family and all that (although way back then wanted 3 girls!!!)

perpetuallypregnant · 05/11/2010 09:07

I had a DS and a DD and was a single parent for a while. Then I met my now DH and we had DD2. Then we had a 6 year gap and I got broody again. DH agreed to one more and DD3 came along 6 months ago.

Now somehow (well obv I know how!) I am expecting DC5!

I never planned on having this many. DH works very hard (as in 12 hour days) to support us and we have a nice sized house so one more won't make a lot of difference.

I think with me, I get broody once they start school. They are 14, 12, 6 and 6 months. Having older ones means that it's a lot easier than 4 litties. I couldn't have coped with that I don't think!

stuffedmk · 05/11/2010 09:49

I always pictured three or four children, DH only wanted one (although he only told me this after DS was born) it took me nine years but he came round to number two. I would love loads but two will definitely be the last.

KirstyLaura · 15/03/2017 17:01

I know this is an old thread, I wonder if any of you will get notifications still? OP, did you have your third baby?
Jaylar I can completely relate to. A large family with lacking in parenting. I have Ds 6 and Dd 3 1/2. I want #3 and possibly #4 but I worry about the age gaps. It definitely didn't work in my family, and my children currently have a great relationship. This bloodiness though!
Would love to hear from one of you previous posters!

saladsmoothie · 15/03/2017 17:08

I just knew we weren't all here yet.

When #3 arrived we were all here.

I do have moments of angst when I realise how much harder we've made it for ourselves financially. Not that I'd swap her for a nicer holiday.

I don't want #4. Hormonally I do, that's nature, but sense prevales and I know I can't stretch myself thin enough for 4.

Ecureuil · 15/03/2017 17:10

I don't want another baby necessarily, but I do want a big family. I want another person around the house. I actually hate the baby bit!
I currently have 2 DD's and we will try for another at some point. Girl or boy, I have absolutely no preference.

Emma2803 · 15/03/2017 23:09

I've always wanted 4!!! At the minute we have 1 and hopefully will soon be pg with dc2 and already I am thinking about dc3!

I think four is tough financially nowadays, I currently work full time and it's hard juggling my time with 1, but I can't shake that urge of wanting more!!
I would be so sad about throwing out or getting rid of the baby stuff!! Also like a pp said I wasn't a fan of the baby stage but still that doesn't put me off wanting more. I like the idea of them having eachother for company.

Misswiggy · 15/03/2017 23:12

I have four and always wonder "why would people stop at one or two"? I know fertility and money comes into it for a lot of people which is understandable but if you can do it, I say go for it - I love having a gang!

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