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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

If you're having your second baby...how long..

30 replies

felicity10 · 20/10/2010 22:34

...did you wait before getting pregnant again after PFB?

I'm not going back to work and with DD now 8 months, am wondering if we should just crack on, or hold out a bit more and see if i feel less knackered at some point first!!

Any thoughts on the best age gaps?

Cannot believe I'm already thinking about this again!

OP posts:

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Funnys5FootUnderThePatioGarden · 20/10/2010 22:36

blimey, I can't believe you are thinking about a second now! Depends on your age, but I waited until DS1 was 2 and a half before even thinking about it. As it turned out there is a 4 and a bit year age gap between the DS's. Just about right for us. BTW I was 34 when I had DS1 and 39 when I had DS2

Original poster

felicity10 · 20/10/2010 22:40

I can't believe it either!! Now that i've decided to stay at home, was thinking we should just get on with things, so that i can rescue a career at some point!

That is making the huge assumption that all goes to plan, we were very lucky with getting pregnant quickly last time - and I'm 35.

OP posts:

SlaughteredSheep · 20/10/2010 22:46

DD had just turned three when we conceived DD2 (due Feb) so there will be exactly 3 years and 9 months between them.

SlaughteredSheep · 20/10/2010 22:50

Not sure about best age gaps btw. I guess they all have their pros and cons. Smaller age gaps might have less jealousy if oldest DC isn't old enough to remember being an only, may be close enough to play together and share toys but on the other hand might fight over belongings. Siblings with larger gaps may be interested in different things so may not be as likely to fight over toys etc.

Meglet · 20/10/2010 22:52

Started trying again when DS was 9 months old. Had to crack on with it really as I was 33 by then so wanted to do it while I was still in good health.

I eventually had a 22mo age gap between DS and DD.

mumbybumby · 20/10/2010 22:57

We just got on with it! Left it up to luck :) although, unlike the first time, as I was bf I didn't actually get pregnant until DD was 13 1/2 months (which is probably a good thing!).

DD will be 23 months when new little 'un arrives and I can't wait!
I guess there are advantages and disadvantages to different age gaps but we were always relaxed and of the 'when it happens, it happens' attitude.

LoubyLoubyLouLa · 21/10/2010 09:10

There will be a couple of weeks under 4 years between mine. I am 36 weeks now and 36 years old.

My DD1 is so excited about new one I have no worries about jealousy. She is at preschool 4 days, out of nappies, quite independent so I feel as though looking after a newborn won't be as hard as having a toddler around too.

Judgemum · 21/10/2010 09:26

Hi Meglet, I have a DS who is 18 months old and just found out we're having no.2. How did you cope with the small age gap?

mousymouse · 21/10/2010 09:30

we started ttc when ds was 18 months. took us a while so there are nearly exactly 3 years apart (great age gap btw)

robino · 21/10/2010 09:34

When DD was 8 months we decided leave it to chance. We chanced it once. 17 months between DD1 and 2. Was a bit surprised it happened quite so quickly! Can't have been too bad, am now 24 weeks with no3, DD1 will be just 4 when this one arrives..

Fredfred · 21/10/2010 09:37

felicity10 we decided to start trying for DC2 as soon as our DD was a year old for the same reason that you are thinking about it. There will be just over a 2 year gap when DC2 is born. I would love to have more children but I also have 2 DSD so four children for DH to support is more than enough financially!!! I am hoping to get back to my career as soon as DC2 goes to school.

megonthemoon · 21/10/2010 09:40

Tried when DS was 18 months old - I finished breastfeeding at 12months and we enjoyed a few months of independence where we could leave him with GPs while DH and I stayed out late, had nice meals, and I could drink more than one glass of wine without stressing about whether it would affect the baby or not! I also got 15 months back at work trying the whole part time WOHM thing and it was important to me to have time to see if that worked - sounds like not so relevant for you.

Got pg straight away but had a miscarriage. Got pg quickly again and had DD 3 weeks ago when DS was 2.6

Pregnancy was hard with the heat this summer and a livewire toddler - would have been easier with 12-18 month old I think as less battle of wills going on and a bit slower than a 2 year old! But now she is here, DS is able to understand that he has to share me and seems to accept that (at the moment at least!). And he loves helping out - e.g. getting a muslin when she's been sick. He also understands reasonably well that he needs to be gentle with her - noticed a big difference between his actions towards her and my 20 month old nephew who visited this weekend. He adores babies, but spent the whole day shoving his fingers in her mouth or her ears or her eyes or hitting her on the head out of affection (!), whereas DS understands that's not appropriate.

The other advantage of now for us is that he is a much better sleeper than he was a young toddler so we have only had to get up with him 3 times since she's been born whereas if we'd had her when he was 18months, we'd be up at least once a night with him as well.

clarabella18 · 21/10/2010 10:50

8 and half years!!!
Had my ds when I was quite young (22) and not in a great place financially. Has taken us this long to get to a comfortable position and own my own home and car. I know money is t the be all and end all and that you do manage no matter what but we decided that we wanted to be in a better place financially as it was a real struggle the first time. Didn't anticipate it would take quite this long though!
Am due in may the month after DS will be 9. Think the hardest thing for us will be getting used to having someone completely dependent on us again as DS is now at at an age where he can get his own breakfast showers and dress himself etc!

slimyak · 21/10/2010 11:18

DD1 will be just over 3.5 when DD2 arrives in January. For me a didn't want 2 in nappies or a double buggy and I felt it was good to give as much time to my baby/toddler as I could when she needed that real dependant contact.

DD1 is at school nursery every afternoon so newbie will get some of my undivided attention. I know need to still give DD1 plenty of time too but she's at a very different stage in her life now. I think this is a good gap for me.

I know others who have had their DC much closer together and it's worked for them.

DH and his brother are only 13 months appart and so have been close friends all their lives. There are 5 years between my sister and I so we weren't that close as kids, but we do have a very good adult sibling relationship.

I think there are pros and cons to every age gap, you just have to go with what feels right for you and your family set up. If the time is now - go for it and enjoy

valz · 21/10/2010 12:01

Hi ladies

I have twin boys now 14 1/2 motnhs, im pregnant at the mo and due in May, im 28 and had intented on having a third child by the time i was 30, but this pregnancy happend super quick for us. i do wonder sometimes how i'll cope as the boys will be 22 months when baby arrives and i always hear people talking about the terrible twos, although im looking forward to it so much and feel very blessed.

I think different age gaps work for different families, if you think the times right to crack on then do so. i kinda think if it wasnt manageable nature wouldnt let it happen in the first place. good luck x

me23 · 21/10/2010 12:42

dd will be 5 year and 9 months when I have this baby. It totally depends on what suits your family, I know I couldn't have coped with a small age gap so this has worked out perfectly for me. DD can't wait to help us with the baby and is really involved.

Judgemum · 21/10/2010 13:34

I like your theory Valz - if it wasn't manageable nature would not let it happen!!

I'm so sick at 9 weeks I'm off work and the running joke is that it could be twins, I don't think it will be, but just in case - how do you cope???

Meglet · 21/10/2010 13:46

judgemum I let my standards slip to rock bottom . I was very sick too and had time off work. Hang in there, it should get better soon, those days were hard going.

I did get lots of help from my family after DD was born as it was a cs. But on days we were on our own I just didn't rush to do anything (no school to go to anyway and being late for toddler group isn't a crime). My aim was to keep us all fed and clean, and even that involved quite a few ready meals, an over-spilling laundry basket and a bit of chaos.

beckie90 · 21/10/2010 14:00

everyone thinks im mad for having my 2nd but id rather do it all now then having to do it again later, my mum waited 10 years to have my sister and i didnt want to do that. i am 20 years old and nearly four months with my 2nd my son is 22 months, its totaly upto you really do what you feel is right theres nor right or wrong age gap its just how you feel about it, although 8 months is still really young

Bloodberrybatbait · 21/10/2010 14:08

There is 1 year and 9 months between our DDs to the day. - everyone now knows what we were upto on DD1's 1st birthday!

Judgemum · 21/10/2010 14:20

Thanks for your honesty Meglet - its nice to know I'm not the only one to experience this!

I've got my mind on what pushchair to buy, decisions, decisions. Any tips would be great.

JustOneMorePlease · 21/10/2010 15:17

I think you cope with what ever happens! We had Ds 2 when Ds1 was 14 months old and then had 4 and 3/4 year gap till Dd1, am now 23 weeks with dc4 this should be about 16/17 month age gap (am vague as haven't made my due date as yet!)!
There are loads of pros and cons for each different gap, I think you kind of sense the right time!!! Then you are so busy adapting to the new family dynamics that you cope fine (ask me again in Feb!) x

Original poster

felicity10 · 21/10/2010 19:10

Good grief, what a variety, sounds like you're all amazing at coping with more than one, however long you left it!! Thanks ladies, much to think about! I'll probably have a hideous week next week and change my mind!

Thanks!

OP posts:

valz · 25/10/2010 11:40

judgemum Twins are fine, they were my first so i suppose i didnt really know what to expect and having nothing to compare them too meant i didnt get too much of a shock, i have to say i lived in my mothers for the first few weeks because we were waiting to move into a new house so i had plenty of help there. boys are great now, they play together so they are always entertained plus they luv tv so i can leave them to watch that...i work from home so i need to distract them some way. i was so sick last time from week 6 to about week 14, however im as sick this time and because of bleeding early on ive already been scanned and theres only one in there so for me the sickness is solely to do with the pregnancy. when u due?

withorwithoutyou · 25/10/2010 11:43

We started when DD1 was 1 - I have 22 months between mine.

It was exactly the age gap I wanted and am loving it so far. The pregnancy was HARD though - still had to lift DD1 a lot, even though she could walk she wouldn't walk far and there was a lof of hefting her in and out of car seats and buggies.

Part of my motivation though was that I went back to work p/t when DD1 was 1 and I really wanted to go on m/l again as I hated being apart from her. If you're a SAHM that's less of an issue I guess.

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