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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Nice, appropriate things to say to pregnant ladies

51 replies

Miffster · 06/10/2010 08:57

We've been and recently on the thread about weird and inappropriate things people say to pregnant women.

So I thought I'd start a thread where we could collate sensible, supportive questions and nice, encouraging remarks for the benefit of colleagues, partners, family, in-laws, random strangers, people in shops and so on.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Swazzee · 06/10/2010 15:21

Ha Hullygully! What I would give for one of those nasty London commuters to offer me a seat just once!

Otherwise I'm pretty happy with anything people say to me. I get a lot of 'oooh double trouble' and the like (I'm having twins) which I actually find quite funny if a little unoriginal!

colditz · 06/10/2010 15:26

"Would you like some cake?"

Is about the only thing guaranteed not to offend.

sethstarkaddersmum · 06/10/2010 16:38

are you kidding Colditz?
I had hyperemesis; there were months when there mere mention of cake would have made me literally throw up.
def not safe to mention cake or indeed any other foodstuff around pregnant women unless you know they're not having HG or severe nausea!

Ragwort · 06/10/2010 16:47

I think it is a minefield and it is enough to say 'congratulations' and then take the lead from what is said in reply; I became pregnant at 42 (reluctantly ) - many people sort of 'assumed' we had been trying for all of our married life - 12 years - when we had been happily child free by choice so I had to put up with all the sort of comments about how happy we must be after all these years etc etc. One of my closest friends actually said' "I'm so happy as we'll have so much more in common now" - that actually made me quite sad (and I can still remember the exact words after 10 years) as I sort of interpreted it as though our friendship hadn't been that important up till then - I am sure I was over-analysing things but I just hated any comment which were more about 'baby' than me. I hated any comments refering to how I looked. Not sure if I've explained that very well !

laloony · 06/10/2010 16:54

Some one on here said once:

" having a baby is like that scene in wizard of Oz, you know, when Dorothy steps out of the black and white and into the colour, thats what having a child brings to your life"

and
"you think that your life has been good up till now, well things are about to get 10000 times brighter when you have your baby"

I was asked about my job and described it AFTER having ds as being "professionally derailed" because thats how i felt and it took many years to get back on track!

EauRouge · 06/10/2010 17:10

I hated birth horror stories when I was expecting DD, but my Grannie told me this one which I share with all first time mums-

When she was in hospital having my uncle, my Grannie saw a very glamourous woman come onto the maternity ward in full make up, miniskirt and high heels saying with cynical disbelief "apparently I'm in labour". She was made to sit down and wait for ages and she complained the whole time that she felt fine, was bored and wanted to go home. All of a sudden she said "christ I've got a pain" so a doctor was called. By the time the doctor arrived 5 minutes later, the woman had given birth to a healthy baby

Not sure how accurately my Grannie remembered it but it's a lovely antidote to the 'I was in labour for 11 days and was stitched up from my ears to my ankles' stories that some women like to scare first time mums with.

moulesfrites · 06/10/2010 17:27

I ended up telling people at work much earlier than I would have liked, as I was so nauseous on work weekend away. I was only about 8 weeks so obviously was still anxious about telling people and kept saying "it's really early days" and my lovely colleague said "we were all early days once" - which was a lovely thought...

am 24 weeks now and someone told me I looked beautiful today which was nice!

redandyellowandpinkandgreen · 06/10/2010 19:44

I like it when people spoil you a bit and get you a seat or check if you need a drink and things!

Or say we look blooming or something!

spilttheteaagain · 06/10/2010 19:46

The simple "how are you finding it?" is always nice, if accompanied by a genuinely interested expression, and then you can tell it like it is

Also I would be pleased by "you've got a lovely shape/lovely curves".

"Congratulations, that's fantastic!" is always the most safe option.

TooBlessedToBeStressed · 06/10/2010 19:53

i liked it when i was pregnant at my work, all the girls would come to see if i needed help,including my boss,tea,coffee was made for me whenever i wanted it,which to me was fabulous,and all the heavy lifting was sorted

then a male co worker spoiled it by saying,oh how wonderful i looked,just like a well fed dolphin:o

TooBlessedToBeStressed · 06/10/2010 19:55

sorry,went off topic,

'you look absolutely amazing',it seems to work all the time when i say it,when i say it i mean it,because being pregnant is an amazing thing,one day you make a lung,the next you make a heart,the next its a head,its not everyone who has those skills:o

PaigeTurner · 06/10/2010 20:05

I know this isn't appropriate for everyone but as I'm single and pg I quite liked a young chap (15 years younger in fact) telling me I'd make a good MILF!!

LisMcA · 06/10/2010 20:15

Big Boss - "You look tired, why don't you head off home and take the rest of the week off"

hang one that wasn't real, just one of my many pregnancy dream i wish were true...... Euan McGregor has featured in quite a few recently :o

PipPipPip · 06/10/2010 20:24

The best things anyone has said are "you're going to be a fantastic Mum" and "you guys are going to produce a really cool kid".

Both very made me feel really happy :)

openerofjars · 06/10/2010 20:33

"Its my turn to do the washing up" always made me smile.

Ditto "Would you like this biscuit?" and "There's probably another packet of biscuits in the cupboard, would you like me to have a look?".

Not forgetting, "No, don't get up, I'll go".

HuwEdwards · 06/10/2010 20:36

Hey fatty, stick the kettle on

WriterofDreams · 06/10/2010 20:37

I definitely think the nicest thing said to me was "Lucky kid to have you and your DH as parents." What a compliment!!

I think in any context it's quite rude to comment on how someone looks unless it's quite a neutral or clothes-related comment, like "Oh that dress is lovely". When you're pregnant people seem compelled to comment on your appearance all the time. Even though I mostly get "you look very well" it still makes me feel sort of "watched" IYSWIM? Also I'm not actually that well (feeling very tired) so I feel that people, particularly at work, don't realise how hard I find it sometimes. It's hard to contradict them and say "well actually I feel a bit shite to be honest..."

FourEyesGood · 06/10/2010 20:43

My lovely colleague told me this morning that I "look exactly the same as ever from behind" and that she got a shock when I turned around, because she'd forgotten I was pregnant. That was nice, although the view of me from behind has never been all that fantastic...

But I've never minded the "Wow, you're huge!" comments, to be honest. I sort of expected to be huge when I decided to have a baby; if I wasn't enormous, I'd be worried!

laurenamium · 06/10/2010 20:52

labour is just like being on a rollercoasrer...thats EXACTLY what it feels like

Im still hanging onto this hope as I quite like rollercoasters :)

NorkilyChallenged · 06/10/2010 20:59

Tonight it was "would you like me to go to the shop and get you some bacon"

Best thing ever (pregnancy is so weird)

Earlier today it was a lovely old lady in a cafe just being sympathetic about how rubbish early pregnancy can be (I nearly cried when she was understanding) and saying "don't feel bad for doing nothing, it's so hard and I know you feel guilty, like you're malingering, but you're growing a person"

[hormonal sob]

Panzee · 06/10/2010 21:02

"Hello" without "And how are you doing". I got sick of people at work asking me how I was in that way, because they never did before! And I know they were only being nice but I wanted to talk about normal things, not about pregnant things! :o

Pochard · 07/10/2010 19:37

From DH:

"I'll cook dinner"

"You have a lie-in, I'll get up with DD"

and best of all

"I'll get a mattress out at 1:30am and spend the night on the floor in DD's room because she has been up every hour of the night so far with a temperature, so that you can get some sleep"

I love my DH a lot!

Am 10 weeks tomorrow.

mmmerangue · 07/10/2010 21:01

As a younger mummy (only the 3rd person in my year to be a parent as far as I know, now 22) I am quite proud that on Facebook Compare People I am No. 1 "Would make a good mother" and I was before I got pregnant too!

I am also happy every time someone tells me "Everyone is different" because I'm getting really quite sick of all the contradicting advice and predictions... Much as I can appreciate good advice!

PipPipPip · 07/10/2010 22:34

I agree with mmmerangue - it is lovely to hear people say "whatever works for you" and "everyone is different" etc.

Much nicer than unsolicited one-size-fits-all advice!

SittingWatchingWaiting · 08/10/2010 17:10

Awww bless your DH Pochard.
This is a lovely thread.
I also think talking to me like a person instead of a walking incubator always goes down well.

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