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Original poster

Please Talk some sense into me (but don't be mean)

34 replies

Distel · 08/09/2005 18:01

I know that every sensible bone in my body is telling me that it is silly to have another baby (We have 3 already) BUT I can't get the feeling out of my head that I want another one. This has all come after a pregnancy scare a few months ago. Every argument I come up with I talk myself out of:

We can't afford it.......Can you ever afford it?
DS2 is 16 months, will be at nursery in 2 years....I look after a friends baby, so what difference will that make?
Mum will go mad........went mad at other 3, what difference is one more?
Only have 2 bedrooms.........Housing association would HAVE to move us if we had another!

Some one tell me (nicely)I don't want/need to have another.

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Katemum · 08/09/2005 18:03

What does your partner think?

Original poster
Distel · 08/09/2005 18:04

He feels the same as me.

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GeorginaA · 08/09/2005 18:06

I would say that if your partner wants another one, and you want another one ... then you should go for it. The details will sort themselves out as you go.

I think it's more common to regret the child you didn't have than the child you did - if that makes sense?

Original poster
Distel · 08/09/2005 18:08

Thats what we are thinking. He is on the list for a vesectomy, and with out the scare a few months ago, I think I would still be sure it was a no. BUT I came round to the idea and even liked the feeling, we have talked about taking him off the list, just to make sure we are really sure.

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GeorginaA · 08/09/2005 18:18

Go for it. You'll muddle through

Heh, it's funny. I'm on the other end of the spectrum. Me and dh are talking about him going ON to the vasectomy waiting list, although we've finally decided to wait until ds2 is 2 years old before we enquire, just so that we're sure. I feel pretty settled and that "we're all here now" though, so I can't see our minds changing by then.

Perhaps tonight is a night to wine and dine your dh and get practising

Original poster
Distel · 08/09/2005 18:23

Isn't it silly though.....my main problem is my mum and dad. I told my mum when we had the scare and she was quite keen that I should have a termination, she said this when I got pregnant with ds1 when I was 18. I wish I diddn't feel like this as we are in a situation where we are just getting back on our feet with a family holiday to Florida planned for 2008. But I do, and I can't change the way I feel.

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Original poster
Distel · 08/09/2005 18:30

A little bump (no pun intended )

Can anyone give me advice, is 4 much more work than 3?

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nutcracker · 08/09/2005 18:39

I think if you and your dp/dh agree then you should go for it.

cod · 08/09/2005 18:40

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Distel · 08/09/2005 18:40

lol cod

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Enid · 08/09/2005 18:41

I was talking to a friend who has 4 yesterday. She said 4 is definitely more of a big deal - serious new car, holidays a no no or MUCH more expensive. Not more work really, just more....more if you see what I mean.

Original poster
Distel · 08/09/2005 18:43

Thats the other thing I thought of, I don't drive so holidays are on the train. We all fit in my mums car at the moment if we all go anywhere (wqithout dh).

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cod · 08/09/2005 18:43

Message withdrawn

cod · 08/09/2005 18:43

Message withdrawn

bundle · 08/09/2005 18:44

agree with enid, imagine the cost of flights once the youngest was 2

starshaker · 08/09/2005 18:46

why would ur mum go mad

Enid · 08/09/2005 18:46

and she loves all hers desperately but said she didnt recommend it

Original poster
Distel · 08/09/2005 18:50

I had Pre-eclampsia with ds1 and Haemmraged with dd but not ds2. She thinks I was too young to have ds1 and as much as she loves them all just thinks I am too young to have a big family. I am 24 and dh is 43. so if we want another we have his age to think about, it doesn't bother me but he doesn't want to be too old to enjoy them when they are older.

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spacecadet · 08/09/2005 18:56

distel..i have 4 and i wont deny that its not hard work, cos it is!!!, however, its up to you and your dh to decide whether you have another, not your mum,go with what your heart is telling you.

Original poster
Distel · 08/09/2005 19:02

So if I listen to my heart then it is telling me I want another one, but my head is telling me that there are so many good reasons that I should ignore these feelings (if at all possible) and hope they go away.

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Original poster
Distel · 08/09/2005 19:02

I am going round and round in circles.

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Original poster
Distel · 08/09/2005 19:03

I know that there is nobody else that can decide for me, but I have no experience of 4 children. I am going into the unknown.

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bundle · 08/09/2005 19:04

don't be daft, you have 3, what's so different except you'll have less time to spend with them individually and less money

spacecadet · 08/09/2005 19:06

but surely if dh wants another one too, you should just go for it...im expecting number 5!

Original poster
Distel · 08/09/2005 19:07

We are thinking along those lines SC.

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