Anyone NOT going to have a nursery?

[Miffster]

Dc1 expected in December. We're planning to sell up and move abroad in March. So for us there is no point making a nursery, and we don't have the space anyway, but even if we weren't moving abroad, I am not sure that I would have one for him as a new born, until he was of an age to move into his own room at night.

We currently live in a 1-bed London flat with a small study/box room and a large sitting room/kitchen. The plan is for him to sleep in a bedside cot up alongside our bed at night, and to nap in an Amby hammock in the sitting room in the day.

When we move abroad we will be in private rented accommodation for at least the first year and so we will just have to find a 2 bed condo/flat where one room can be made into a nursery. It's highly unlikely that we will be able to decorate or even have any furniture of our choice there - apart from a cot which we'll have to find ourselves.

MIL etc are all a bit :( and that the baby will therefore never have 'a proper nursery'. But apart from the pg nest-building urge, will he and I be missing out? Do babies need nurseries aged 0-2?

DS didn't have a nursery. We were having an extension built and needed the space to store junk building materials etc.

He does now have a really cool bedroom, but he slept in our room until he was almost 2.

I don't understand the need for a 'proper nursery' to be honest, especially for the first 6 months when baby will be sleeping in your room.

DS did not have his own bedroom/nursery til we moved house when he was 10 months old. We did have more than one bedroom, but it was a big room, far too big for a baby. So he just had his cot in there, and it also had a double bed, so when we had guests, we moved from our bedroom and slept in there with him (I slept in there for about 6 months anyway). So, not the same situation, but they don't need a nursery if they are sleeping with you. We had the changing table in the bathroom, which is far more better anyway. When we moved, we renovated a house, so he didn't have a nicely decorated bedroom til he was 2 anyway. He's nearly 4 now and still only sleeps in room - doesn't spend any of his waking hours in there!

far better, not far more better, obviously

I've never had a nursery. I never wanted my newborn/baby to be in another room anyway, I can't understand the logic in putting a baby in a separate room so when it wakes up hungry in the night you have to get out of bed and wander down the hall to fetch the poor lonely thing. Much easier to roll over and put baby in bed next to you then go back to sleep. I put my babies in a separate bedroom (all three now sleep together in the same room/bed) when they slept through the night and didn't need night feeds, usually 8 or 9 months old. Surely a "proper nursery" is something posh Victorians had, when it was trendy to be emotionally unattached to your child/ren, so a nanny attended to the children in the night?

DS didn't have a nursery, we only had a one bedroom flat. it was fine, we wanted our own space after a few months and moved onto a sofa bed in the sitting room for a month or 2 while our house sale went through.

DC2 will have a room which will have their cot in it and some nice baby bits, but I have not decorated or anything. But only because we have a spare room.

When we move in a year or so if its somewhere we want to settle I will give them a lovely bedroom. But not a twee colour coordinated show room

We had one for our first DD but now that I am pregnant again I am not too fussed for the need to have one before DC1 arrives.

I co-slept with her for the first 7 months before she went into her cot so I don't really see the rush now.

However, DH thinks that we do so will probably have it done, but I'd prefer to know if it's a boy/girl before decorating as there was far too much beige for my liking far time round!

we didn't have a nursery for DD either. she slept in our room in a moses basket. after 2 month we upgraded to her co-sleeping and have been doing it ever since (DD now 2.5). she likes to be around us - so her play corner is in our lounge. nappy changing was done on the bed/floor (i.e.no need for changing table either)... so no, IMO there us absolutely no need for a nursery for the first couple of years as far as I see it.

Ds 1 didn't have a nursery, and neither will this one! I can't see tha point in having a tiny baby that you wait so long in having shoved in a seperate room. Plus I wouldn't feel comfortable with my baby not being near me...I wouldn't be able to her his/her every move or breath iykwim. My babies will sleep with me!

For me, it seems a bit pointless at night when he will need feeding through the night - much easier to reach out and fish him out of his cot-nest next to my side of the double bed than to have to get up in the night and go to him. as for daytime naps, I want him where I can see him when I'm doing things in the day and I'd like him to get used to napping through normal daytime noise and me doing my normal daytime tasks and activities, rather than having to put him in a special room with blackout blinds and tip toesing about.

Once he does sleep through at night and not need night feeds, then I think I would like him to have a room of his own to sleep in - but it will just be a room that he sleeps in due to the renting constraints we'll be living under - it won't be decorated with baby things and have special baby furniture.

I expect it will be ok with the private landlord to put up a mobile or two ( but no pictures) and of course he can have a toybox and books. But MiL seems to think it will be terribly sad if he doesn't have Beatrix Potter (or whatever) kit everywhere - I am arguing back that he's just little, and he won't know...and that nurseries decorated for babies are really for parents to enjoy - not babies and toddlers.

Am I being unrealistic? When does a small child feel a need to have a sleeping space which has their mark on it and is decorated 'for them'?

DD (12 weeks) has a bedroom with her cotbed and chest of drawers with clothes and toys in. However she won't be using it until she is at least 6 months old and currently sleeps in a crib in our room.
It is handy to have another room to store all the baby stuff but it is by no means essential.

I definitely wouldn't worry about not being able to decorate when you move to a 2 bed flat later. She still won't be of an age to worry about decor. I've had fun decorating the nursery for our DD but I suspect she'll be completely indifferent for a long while yet!

What on earth is a nursery?

Is it another word for the bedroom they will end up sleeping in? Sounds very pretentious.

The babies slept in their crib next to me for a few months then went into their own bedroom (nursery?)with the cot and wardrobe and anything else they needed (which wasn't much because they were babies.]

We have spare bedrooms but the baby will be in with us in a co-sleeper hopefully (arm's reach) for quite some time.

I don't 'get' the doing up a nursery thing at all. IMO babies just want to be near their parents and cuddled and fed... I don't think they are much interested in wall paper!

We never had a nursery.

Firstborn was in with us until she moved into a room of her own some time after she was 1.

Second born was in with us until he moved into his sister's room.

Neither of them made a terribly definitive move and both of them think of our room as a sort of communal family sleeping area I think .

upahill, I'm quite surprised you have never heard the term 'nursery', it's in common usage in both the UK and the USA. Perhaps English is not your first language?

Here is a definition for you from Dictionary.com :)

Totally pointless IMO. A baby won't know different. DS's room has posters and pictures on the wall, and as he's got older and more interested in various things he's had character bedcovers etc. He's reached the grand age of 3 without the benefit of a Disney border and curtains and seems pretty unscathed!

Thanks, it is reassuring to know that DC1 is unlikely to be traumatised by not having his own room decorated and furnished with special baby/young child stuff!

I guess by the time he is old enough to notice the lack of personalised baby furnishings
( ie. about 2?) we will have had a chance to find a landlord who is okay with us personalising the accommodation a bit, like putting up shelves for toys, or hanging children's pictures, or we could buy somewhere if we end up living abroad for more than a couple of years.

I am when I go to mamas and papas and see all the expensive wardrobes and chests of drawers and stuff - can't see how they are any different to normal furniture.

We have a nursery for DD but she is in with us for the foreseeable future (only 9 days old) - having a nursery doesn't mean you abandon your baby there from day one like some posters seem to be assuming!

For us it's good to have a place to store her clothes, nappies etc, and we change her there during the day as the room has a sink (old house) so very handy for that. Also will use it in the evenings for naked kick around before bath etc. once she's a little bigger as it is very cosy. We have consciously not decorated it in a babyish way though - vibrant colours rather than beige or baby pink - and it should last her a good few years when she is finally in there as her bedroom.

We did the same with DS. It was just easier for us to decorate it before the baby arrived and have it ready. But in both cases we didn't need the room as a spare bedroom for guests so it didn't need to be multi-purpose and we didn't make the rooms babyish or be all matchy matchy with cot bumpers etc that would not be used so they are very much children's bedrooms.

I wouldn't bother if I was in OP's situation - our baby won't appreciate it until she's more of a toddler's age.

Completely agree about the overpriced baby furniture. We were lucky anough to get a boori cotbed secondhand at a low price from a relative. The chest of drawers comes from ikea from their adult bedroom range.

I've been preparing a bedroom for our bump but I'm fully aware that he/she will be in with us for a few months. The only reason I'm doing it now is that the room needed lots of work to make it usable and I have time to do it at the moment. If we were going to move within 6 months of the birth I wouldn't have bothered.

Stuff MiL's comments. Your approach sounds eminently sensible to me. And is exactly what we did.

But do make sure that everything is set up comfortably for you. Eg changing table with baby clothes and everything else you need. And a good place to feed, with a little table for water and remote controls.

Now expecting DS2 and (at last!) in a house of our own. DS2 will be sleeping in our room for 6 months, but we're setting up DS1's room as a shared room with cot and changer right now, to help him get used to idea that it's really for both of them. Furniture is child-friendly, so that they can reach their own things, but it's not all matching and themed [shudders snobbishly].

We've never had a "nursery". Both DDs were in our room until they were 6 months old, then they were in a separate bedroom, but in a rented house, so not specially decorated. DD is nearly 4 and still doesn't have a room that is decorated just for her.

Once you have the cot in the room, and a few toys about, it is very obviously a baby's room - I think that the special furniture and decor is just a way to trap hormonal pregnant women into spending a fortune.

I got sick of people asking me if I had decorated "the nursery" yet when I was pregnant!

We were/are in a similar position to you OP - we started off in a one bedroom house and now we are in a bigger property that has been rented for us by DH's work (will probably only be here for 6 -12 months). DD is in her own room now but it is also the spare room and obviously we haven't decorated as it's a rented property.

But did have the odd pang of hormonal guilt about it before she was born - I think first time mothers very much want to do the "right thing" but all the baby wants/needs is to be with you

If we have a baby any time soon, it'll be in a rented house. We're lucky that the walls are cream and carpet are cream, so as the bedroom currently has red gingham curtains, I think a rug and a framed picture of a children's book would be enough to make it look the part. That said, I doubt we'll bother unless we're still here when the child is 18 months old or so, as until then it's more useful as a spare room with a double bed and there isn't room for a double bed and a cot.

Nursery?? I'm expecting DC4 so she will be in our room for the first 2 or 3 years til we find a spot to squeeze her in elsewhere!

You sound very sensible OP - your baby will be quite happy in your room and really won't care what colour the walls are :)

DD never had a nursery. In face she is nearly 3 and we are still in a one bed flat!! It's time for a 2nd room now, but I'd def be happy with my baby in the room with me for at least a year (if I had a choice I mean).