Anyone else having their first child and not feeling at all 'babybabybaby'?

[DuelingFanjo]

I will be having my first baby in December and although it's a much wanted child, after many months of trying and then IVF, I feel like a bit of a fraud compared to other people who seem to be much more baby centred than I am!

I am really looking forward to being a parent but for me it's never been about having a cute little baby to coo over. I obviously can't wait to meet my son/daughter but I am completely uninterested in other peoples babies and the milestones they reach.

Everyone tells me I will fall totally head over heels in love with my baby, which I know is true, but I find it really difficult at the moment as people seem to think that because I am pregnant I am automatically interested in seeing pictures of their babies and talking non-stop about them.

Anyone else just getting on with the practical things and feeling the same as me?

I felt the same way as you. Even when ds was born (2.5 yrs ago) I didn't feel the rush of 'head over heels love' thing that others talk about. But I did love him, and didn't ever doubt that. I found the first year a little boring sometimes and didn't feel much more fondness for other people's children (still don't really). But I do love ds to death now. Have grown to love him more and more as he's got older and he's developed his personality and he loves me back.

I'm sure you'll be fine. But don't be surprised if you don't feel overwhelming love as soon as your baby is born. I searched for that feeling and didn't experience it. I wasn't worried though as I figured it would grow over time and it did fairly quickly.

Good luck with everything.

Aw sounds like it's new parents that are doing this to you? They're just completely overwhelmed by this enormous change that has happened in their lives, and they're excited that you're about to go through it too.
Whereas I guess you are just focussing on coping with the pregnancy and trying to get stuff organised while carrying on with your old pre-baby life?
It's more about them than you, I think.

I don't think I really "got" that I was having a baby when I was pregnant. I know that sounds silly, but on some level my head wouldn't fully work its way round the concept. I hardly bought anything and I couldn't have been less interested about talking about baby things.

I didn't get the head-over-heels thing straight away either. It grew though and I was soon doing staring in awe and adoration at my offspring with the best of 'em.

Other people's children though? I like them individually, I have much more sympathy/empathy through my experience with ds but I'm not really mad about children per se...

It's all good

Babies are dull dull dull IMO.

Your child however will be dead interesting. That's because it's not a generic blobby baby, but because it is a small human being full of intricacies and fascinations. And the things it does, and how it gets to do them are incredible and weird. And you will go "Blimey that's really quite bizarre how they do that".

You may never see your baby as a cute squidgy little thing, you may always see them as a real individual separate human person from the off.

And that will be your way, and other peoples' way will be the cute babything way.

It doesn't matter, it's not relevant because they all grow up and do their thing, and you've had a small part in it.

A very normal reaction IMO!

phew. I think maybe I am trying to resist falling into that life where everything is baby-centred. I don;t want to be one of those people who post a picture of their baby as their profile picture on facebook or whos every status update is about their baby's latest achievment. Maybe I will end up like that (hope not!) but for now I am just trying to get on with life pre-baby!

You're fine, it's the rest of them that are bonkers!

Fully sympathise. I remember feeling exactly like this and in fact tried to conceal pregnancy for longer than usual in my (very female/hormonally-charged) work-place partly because the thought of being drawn into protracted babybabybabybaby conversations filled me with huge irritation. In fact, a friendly working relationship with a colleague who revealed she was pg around the same time as me, never really recovered, as she wanted to talk about it ALL-THE-TIME, and I...um...just didn't and backed off.

I adore my DD and have built some great new RL friendships with local parents; but still would run a mile from a conversation about milestones or schedules. For me, it's akin to someone always banging on about either their 2-years hence wedding plans or a very minor health issue to the exclusion of all other interesting conversational possibilities- e.g. "how are you?" "oooh, not so good, it's my knee you know...detail...detail for the next 45 mins".

Good job I'm so damned interesting

You're not the only one, don't worry. I kept my pregnancy quiet for ages outside my closest circle of family and friends because I didn't want people to launch into full on baby wow mode.

I have no interest in babies, and even with 10 weeks of pregnancy left I am really counting down the months for the first year or so to be over, until the little fella has developed a bit more of a personality and is a bit less... babyish.

All the good things I think about when I think about being a parent involve a child that is a little bit older. I always sag a little when I think of all the babyness I'm going to have to go through first.

I've never really liked babies, am not very comfortable holding them and keeping them entertained. I certainly don't care much for looking at endless photos of other peoples' babies.

But, I am excited to be a mother soon. Very excited.

So, anyway, no. you are not weird!

suzikettles I think I know what you mean - somehow the large bump and the kicks I'm getting in the ribs seem completely unconnected with the fact that a baby is going to come out in a few weeks. As for giving birth [head in the sand emoticon]...

I hope those of my friends who don't have children will still want to know me.

I am so glad to hear this normal! I generally find other children irritating and while I am excited about my pregnancy I really do not want to talk about it with others. We will be ready to tell people by end of November and at that, it will be just close friends and family. Work won't need to know unless absolutely necessary as I am a contractor so I feel no obligation go inform them. My job is so busy anyway I couldn't bear the thought of all that distracting baby talk- we have work to do! And I absolutely will not replace my Facebook profile picture with baby photos :-)

I've found the trouble with facebook is that even the most non pregnancy related status update can result in several comments from peope who assume what you have said is pregnancy related. I've been told I must be nesting about a billion times just because I posted something inane about my dirty kitchen etc.

People also seem to think I want to see their cousin's, friend's, sister's new baby on their iphone!

I was like this with my first, it didn't help that the first 5 months of my pregnancy were horrendous and I was not capable of thinking about baby related things.

Before that I had never been into other peoples babies, I was always the one that didn't queue up to cuddle the newborn. When dd was born I did fall head over heels in love with her and that's when I started to notice other people's children.

Whilst I am still not a person who must coo, I find that I am much more comfortable with other children and relate to them much better. Not everyone who is a parent is baby-centric, I certainly never will be, except with my own.

ooh what a relief to find this thread, i feel the same (due in jan) and can't seem to get my head round fact that a baby is going to come out! I keep thinking about losing my freedom and independence etc. and although i'm sure i will love being a mum i hate all the soppy baby baby stuff too (and am booored by other peoples kids!) My boyfriend HATES it when people post their babies pics as their profile pics on facebook...so i might do it just to tease him

Me too! I'm due at the end of Dec, and I think its only just hit me, well, definitely now the sprog is jumping around constantly. I keep looking at babies and trying to feel some sort of emotion other that 'oh, its a baby'. And crying babies still make me want to run away to somewhere quiet - I'm hoping when I finally meet my little one I won't have this urge. I've avoided announcing the news on FB, and I've still not really told many people - I'm lucky in this respect as I live in another country to all my friends and family. I'm definitely got my head in the sand. And then there's the actual birth part, which I am really trying to not think about - it makes me feel all sick and faint! I'm going to be rubbish on the day

On the issue of Facebook - people who have a profile picture of their child/baby scan picture really do my head in. I know Facebook is a bit of a shallow concept to get annoyed about but your child is not you. Do you suddenly lose all sense of identity when your child is born?

I also find it wholly inappropriate to put endless pictures of your baby/child on Facebook - mainly due to the fact that 1. other people are not interested and 2. You don't know who is looking at them really, do you?

And as for the status updates: "I am so proud, Millie slept though tonight." Who gives a shit? Unsurprisingly I don't have children but I am preggers - I just pray I don't suddenly transform into one of these saps.

Phew. As for the original post - no I don't feel gaga about babies either. In fact I haven't so much as looked at a baby grow yet.

I've asked a friend to shoot me if I become one of those people

now watch me eat my words in December when I do

Totally understand this. I was never into babies at all. Really didn't like them much at all and more importantly, didn't like young children. Got pregnant and love my little baby to death (due in November) but still not a "baby" person so to speak. I am really excited about our baby but not really interested in other people's babies or kids, not interested in mother's groups and the like. And with you on the Facebook - when people put their baby photo as their profile photo - I often think - am I friends with you or your baby?

I genuinely don't think you have to turn into a baby obsessed person once you have a baby. I know my life will change but I will still be me. I will not just be a "mummy". In fact, being defined solely as a "mummy" makes me feel quite nauseaus to be honest.

And my sister is the same. She is going through IVF at the moment (first round, fingers crossed) and she is still unsure about having a baby. She is concerned she won't be able to spend as much money on clothes!!!

But when she does get pregnant I know she will be thrilled. But she will still retain other parts of her.

I really hope there's people like you all in my antenatal group - otherwise they can bore off!

Hello everyone. I am also not keen to become one of those women who talks non-stop about their children and I have vowed NEVER EVER to put a baby photo as my profile picture on Facebook.

A lot of my friends have had children so I have had years of them telling me every detail about being pregnant, giving birth, having children etc. I am determined to have other topics of conversation and not just end up droning on and on and on about my baby. I'm really excited about it but I refuse to allow it to define me. I am also planning to return to work full time after 8 months maternity, something that has already raised a few eyebrows and got comments like "oh you'll change your mind about THAT".

Another thing that I have been considering, along these lines, is that I don't want DH to call me 'mum'. I don't mind him refering to me as 'mum' in the context of, 'where's your mum' or 'ask your mum' but I don't want it to replace my name. Had anyone else thought about this? I know it's a bit wanky to have your children call you by your name, though I still quite like that idea, so I don't mind them calling me 'mum' but I want to remain Jo with my husband.

Hi, haven't had time to read all the replies. I think you sound completely normal! People feel different ways about pregnancy/babies. I wouldn't worry about it.

I'm having baby no.3 and I don't feel 'babybabybaby' either!

JoEW it's interesting that you say people have told you that you will change your mind about when to go back to work, I have had that too. I completely understand that it might be difficult to re-ajust to going back but I doubt I will change my mind really.

I don't think i's wanky to be called by your name to be honest, I hope my children will call me a mixture of mum and my real-name. Definitely don't want my DH calling me mum though!

Hey everyone - this is my first post and I am so glad I looked at this thread! I'm 40 and unexpectedly expecting our first on Christmas Day. Although I'm really happy this is happening for us, I haven't started to feel even remotely mumsy.

Very few of my friends have kids and all of DH's female friends with kids are soooo into their kids to the exclusion of everything else. Had to laugh when someone posted about changing FaceBook profile pic to a pic of their baby (check) and status updates about the latest milestone (check). I'm not saying they are wrong for doing that but it makes the whole idea of having a baby even more scary - I'm not ready to stop being me and just be someone's mummy.

At the moment I just feel left out from party plans and big nights out while my friends carry on with their lives and assume I won't want to come along as I'm 6m pregnant.

Sorry to whine but thank you everyone for your posts. You've given me some hope that having this baby doesn't necessarily mean giving up everything that I used to be.

Does anyone else find ppl constantly asking "ooooh, are you excited yet??" really REALLY annoying? It's not that I'm not excited, but what exactly are you supposed to say to that question.... "yes" just sounds a bit flimflammy and then I end up feeling like a big fake. I just dont really want to talk about it with all and sundry!

I have 3 weeks left

yep I get you. I love my unborn baby now but at the beginning was more indifferent.

My Mother brings every conversation around to babies and I find it quite irritating. We can be talking about going on holiday and she will say " but you can't go to that place with a baby"

Or we there can be an anecdote about when I was drunk and she will say "but you can't drink too much when you have a baby as you need to always be able to drive them to hospital"

Everything is baby baby baby. And she talks like I haven't thought about it at all just because I am not constantly gabbing on about it.

So yes. Don't worry about other people.

I am reassured and glad to find this thread. I never ever thought I would ever have a child, and have never been what I consider maternal. I am really not interested in other people's babies - unless I build a relationship with them like my niece and nephew or my god sons. I have always felt uncomfortable when people bring their babies into work for show and tell!

So I am in a bit of a state of shock at being pregnant. This has happened at the right time, with the right person and this baby is really wanted. But when people are me am I excited, I just don't know how to answer. I want to meet her, and I am looking forward to seeing her grow up etc. But I am also nervous, worried etc about how good a mum I will be and also a bit numb. Also have my head in the sand a bit for the labour!

I actually asked my colleagues whether they really wanted me to bring her in when she is born! And was surprised that about half said yes - you HAVE to bring her in... so I will go through with this strange custom, although tempted to base myself in a cafe downstairs and tell those who are interested to come down to me, so I don't inflict her on those who couldn't care less...