Anyone else having their first child and not feeling at all 'babybabybaby'?

[DuelingFanjo]

I will be having my first baby in December and although it's a much wanted child, after many months of trying and then IVF, I feel like a bit of a fraud compared to other people who seem to be much more baby centred than I am!

I am really looking forward to being a parent but for me it's never been about having a cute little baby to coo over. I obviously can't wait to meet my son/daughter but I am completely uninterested in other peoples babies and the milestones they reach.

Everyone tells me I will fall totally head over heels in love with my baby, which I know is true, but I find it really difficult at the moment as people seem to think that because I am pregnant I am automatically interested in seeing pictures of their babies and talking non-stop about them.

Anyone else just getting on with the practical things and feeling the same as me?

Hi Dueling, i remember you from the IVF TTC thread. I feel exactly the same as you. Of course i really want this baby no question about that, but i dont know about you but i feel an added pressure to feel excited about it from those who know about the ivf as its ' so wanted' etc you will be a fantastic mum you really deserve it' from well meaning close friends and family.
I almost feel like i am going to let them and the baby down at some point due to their high expectations that i am going to be some super mum or something! I really hope that i am and as the big day draws closer i am starting to panick about it all big time!
As a previous poster said my mum is exactly the same at turning every conversation around to' baby emily' and what i will and wont be able to do almost as if my life is over or something! I know they all mean well and im just starting to have a bit of a wobble but i have never been one for other peoples children either and always dreaded being handed a newborn and hoped they would be fast asleep when ever we visited friends etc! im sure it will all be fine, i just cant see me being one of those people who discusses the contents of their babys nappies whilst on a night out (yes i have friends like this) or how funny so and so is etc or does it automatically come with the territory i wonder when you become 'mummy'

How refreshing. I've stopped going into the staff room at work because I'm sick to death of having the same conversations over and over again. One particular person just keeps looking at me wistfully and saying 'oooh, isn't it a miracle' as if I'm doing something cosmic with loaves and fishes.

I feel as if I'd like a few buttons to press with preprogrammed responses to the same 5 or so questions I seem to get asked every day: do you know what it is yet, are you having any cravings, are you looking forward to it, how long now etc. Feel odd about taking baby into work after it's born, too and don't intend to do it. What am I supposed to say 'look what I made'?

Don't mean to sound grumpy and really am looking forward to meeting my baby, just fed up with numpty converstaions.

DuellingFanjo, I've also asked a friend to shoot me if my baby replaces me on facebook and and not sure that posting baby pics on the internet is a good idea full stop.

df its not quite the same i am due in jan and am excited about MY BABY however,i cant stand all the mumbo jumbo about it all woman sits next to me at work is 3 months with first and is co sleeping and water birthing and bf untill baby led weaning etc etc. Its her first fgs.I have adamanding job with lots of paper work which i will face a fireing squad if dont get right and i am simply not interested in h an m maternity range or special car seats which over ride the air bag. I have snapped a couple of times and then end up feeling all mean spirited. I am enjoying my pg and looking forward to having my baby but i also cannot wait to be a normal human being again. What a horrible lot we are.:o

I feel a bit unconnected to it all, like I still haven't got my head around the idea of being pregnant (I'm 34 weeks!) I've bought hardly anything and am very unorganised about it all and can't really focus on the future at all, everything after baby just feels like a black hole because I have no idea how much my life will change.

I am excited but I fully expect it to be hard work at first and wonder if I have spent so long reading and listening to other people I can only think of the negatives. I have been asking my friends to just talk to me about the positives because I want nice things to think about.

I don't really get the 'cutesy' teddy bear and little ducks thing either. Everyone around me is going 'awwwwwwwww' and I feel like I am missing what it is they are seeing!

Bloody hell duelingfanjo I have just realised that you are BeanieB!

I have often wondered what happened to BeanieB and have also thought that duelingfanjo seemed very familiar in posting style for some reason

You prob won't remember me but once, long ago I was chequers.

Anyway, I just wanted to say a HUGE congratulations on your pregnancy, I am properly chuffed to hear that you are pregnant.

Yup - totally get you and your feelings. I've never really felt 'maternal' but woke up one day, looked at my husband and decided I really wanted a baby with him! Denied it at first but kept getting a weird nagging feeling whenever I saw babies around and about....but not in a 'awww, cute, I want one' sort of way. Its difficult to describe.

Other people's kids? Nah, not interested and never have been - am expecting my first in Dec and worry ALL the time about not 'loving' it properly! And I too am sick to death of people going on about it being exciting and how do I feel and isn't it wonderful....yes, granted, but forgive me for not wetting my pants about it every minute of every day. Equally, just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I want to talk about it all the time - I do have other interests, you know?!

On woman at work who is expecting around the same time is a complete 'mare and keeps flapping on about prams (DH and I did the research, picked one with minimal whistles and bells thank you very much....)and shopping in mothercare - and isn't it lovely? And aren't all the clothes sooooo sweeeeeet.....gah! I try and avoid whenever possible. I'm just not a gooey person.

Oh good, glad I saw this thread!

I am due in Feb and this baby is much wanted. However, that doesn't mean I want to talk about it all the time, right now theres not much to say except for "yep, had my scan" and "yep, everythings fine".

I feel like I'm expected to gush sometimes about the baby in general - I'm not the gushing type! And I don't have much to say about what I've bought/buying - not thought about it yet

Congrats to you all aswell though

This was me. My, this was me. DS wasn't planned, and my head didn't engage with my pregnancy at all - added to which, I had a titchy bump, could easily pass for not-pg up to about seven months, in the right clothes, and I actively embraced that.

When he was born, I felt absolute responsibility, as well as a sort of warm fondness - but I was BORED out of my brain by early-baby days (made harder by the fact that none of my close friends had had babies at that point, and I felt completely out of the loop). Another but - DS's father and I agreed when DS was 6mo that we had to split up - it was pretty amicable, really, but still hugely unfun, and I moved out to live with my sister (and DS, obv ). All in all, pregnancy and babyhood were pretty meh, as far as I was concerned.

Fast forward two years, DS is 2.7 years old, and when I check on him last thing at night (now in out own place!), my spine goes fizzy with love for him (seriously: I get a fizzy feeling in my spine! ). Practicality serves you very well indeed in pregnancy and early babyhood, I reckon. Good luck with it all!

ps I got a SUPERB list of essentials from only mother-friend, and ordered the lot from John Lewis in one fell online swoop. I was SO not in the zone of gushing over teeny-tiny babygros

Loveandsqualor - you haven't still got the SUPERB list of essentials, have you? It will save me the agony

I am exactly like all of the women on this thread. And I don't feel bad about it. Maternal ambivalence - even after years of wanting to conceive, if that's happened to you - is totally normal. And healthy. It doesn't make a person any less capable of love for their child.

Motherhood is a totally personal thing and no one has to join a club or a certain way of doing things in order to justfiy being a good mum. The best mums I know are the sane, rational, critical, honest ones

x

I felt like this with my first. Totally refused to get down with the baby baby stuff. Didnt want to get lots of baby related decor for nursery, said i refused to let it change me. I too am usually irrirated by other peoples children unless I know them well.

DD is now 1.5yrs. Think that all changed when she was 6wks and I fell in love with her. Now I cannot wait to go ahead and TTC for #2 as I will enjoy every single second of the preparation and newborn bit. Good luck

Oh and I said I'd never paste photos of my child anywhere....... LOL

I'm a bit like that in the sense that I still have quite a lot of baby stuff to get. I'm very excited about having a baby, but despite scans, a visible bump and feeling movements I still find it hard to get my head round the fact that a new human being is growing inside me that has got to come out. I'm also not desperately interested in other people's babies unless they are very close friends, though I have taken a bit more of an interest since becoming pregnant. I haven't put anything about being pregnant on Facebook, let alone a scan picture as my profile picture, and certainly don't plan to post status updates detailing my baby's latest bowel movements.