Would a friend say these things?

[dappymoo]

(I know this is nothing new for a hormonal pregnant woman but god I need a rant!!) I might just add I am expecting my baby any day! But in the space of a couple of hours she said...

"why on earth would anyone want a baby? goodbye social life!"

Friend: "babies are just like a small animal, so easy to look after, just feed and change them."
Me: "I think there may be a little more to it than that...like for example a bit of affection somewhere..?"
Friend: "No it's not really necessary though."
???????????????

"God you're fat/ massive"

"Look at the size of you"

"I guess we won't be seeing you any more. I'd rather you didn't bring the infant to my house."

"Of course it will be excruciating to give birth, there's nothing you can do about that."

"You'd better come to my party" (2 weeks after due date)

"If someone can't conceive they just need to get over it and get a life"

I know I need to ignore these ignorant comments but it felt so relentless last night that I left feeling so peed off and actually kind of lonely..?? None of my friends have babies (I am 30 so no spring chicken) so the comments aren't unusual but most people at least don't say things in a spiteful way, they're just stupid.

No
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no

Ignore the silly thing and enjoy loving and cuddling your baby when they come.

nope silly moo

Honestly?

Well, no, a friend would not say all these things in the space of two hours. I would be able to cope with the odd one amongst these but in a row like that? she sounds resentful of something. I hope gather she is childless herself, is it out of choice?

Your friend clearly has some serious issues surrounding fertility/family/you and god knows what else. I can only describe her behaviour as being toxic, and she achieved what she wanted by making you feel awful.

Stay away from her. No good can come of spending time with someone like that, enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and your lovely new baby.

You may well find that having a baby changes your friendships - you may drift apart from people with no kids, and become close quite quickly with people in the same boat as you. Have you made any antenatal friends? They will be a lifeline when all you can converse about is poo and sleep! :)

Congratulations and don't let someone else's issues spoil this for you.

No. She sounds like a vile person.

Thank you for sympathising/ empathising guys, sometimes it's hard to see if I'm being hormonal or not..!! I have spent all morning feeling rubbish about this.

She is single and has never really had a boyfriend, but has always been rather opinionated and right about everything! She does say ho9w annoying it is that EVERYONE is getting married or pregnant. My OH thinks she's just jealous, I don't know why I let it get to me, just emotional at the moment I guess.
Our other friend has discovered she can't have kids, and is really cut up about it and having psychological problems, which is completely understandable, but this (?)friend is not very sympathetic and is harsh in her "advice".

Yeah I think I will have to make an effort with antenatal class people and new friends really! I am quite scared that things could be even worse when I actually have a baby. Although hopefully I will be so loved up and happy with my new little bundle...

Dappy I feel and :( for you. I think your OH is exactly right, it is very very hard when someone else is pregnant if you can't see it ever happening for you - but not everyone is then horrible to the person about it.

I really really think you need to let your feelings go, and let the friendship go too for the time being. Let her come back to you if she ever feels differently, but don't put up with this behaviour.

I would be inclined to email her to the effect of 'you said some horrible things to me last night and I have decided not to see you for a while' - or you could just avoid her if you think that is better. Honestly, this is SUCH an important time for you which you should really be enjoying - YOU'RE HAVING A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It really is the most exciting thing ever x

And have just seen your other post re antenatal - we used to meet up every fri when our babies were younger, before some of us had to go back to work which buggered things up somewhat! And it was honestly a lifeline for me. Do you have all the emails for your group at all? If so, take the plunge and send a message round suggesting a meet up - I guarantee you that some if not all mums will be very pleased!

The other thing I would recommend is finding a local mother and baby group - really really nice, give s you a bit of structure to the day and you will meet lots of other mums and babies who live near you. I will prob be banned from MN for linking to this but netmums is excellent for local listings - if you register, you can then look on the local board under 'what's on'.

:) Brill, thanks gingerkirsty, sound advice.

I SHOULD be really excited!! I am really. Yeah our antenatal ladies are meeting up next week and I'm determined to go even if I do pop before then!

Excellent, I am very :) for you and now that DD is 7mo almost wish I could do it again soon!!! Spend time with those who enhance and support your experience. You are about to become a Mummy! :)

Thank you, you made me cry! Not hard to do mind..!! :)

I had exactly the same issue too. Had my baby in Feb this year, friends and I all 30 this year, I'm the first one to have a baby, some friends are still single and living at home.

Had identical comments, and can only put it down to resentment. People act strange when they can't admit to themselves that they want something that someone else has got. I found it quite sad really, and a few of them I don't really see anymore.

On the positive side though, I went to Baby Massage and then Yoga at the Surestart centre, made lots of friends through that and now have a lovely circle of mum friends, in fact we're all attending the first baby's Baptism tomorrow.

The other positive of course being my absolutely amazing DD.

Good luck for the remaining part of your pregnancy, this really is the most exciting bit!

:)

Eric how cute is your DD!!!! V jealous of her fab hair :)

True, stresshead, I think it is resentment. Must remember how lucky I am, and I have a fab husband too. I just want my little girl to be here safe and well!

My husband keeps saying "just be patient, when it's their turn you can be all high and mighty and remind them what bitches they were"!!!!
I'd never do that, but it's some comfort!

Your friend sounds very tactless! Even if she thought those things she shouldn't have been voicing her opinions.

But I must admit, I was MASSIVELY anti children and never wanted to have any, and I have thought some of those things in my time. However, I would NEVER tell a pg friend! Poor you.

I would normally say that's why I like her, because she doesn't beat around the bush. But this feels a bit different!

FWIW I find I have little in common now with friends who don't have children, I don't envy their endless boozing. I'm much happier now anyway. Toddler groups are my social life, and I love it :). Your friend sounds a bit sad.

How insensitive!
You really don't need a friend who isn't supportive and make such comments!

I'm pregnant with my first and whenever I speak to my friends with no kids they make some comments/assumptions about being pregnant/labour/birth and most of the time we laugh it off but I feel like saying 'you're not making me feel better about it...'

At the same time I look back pre-pregnant time and think of the things that I said to people who were expecting, such as painful labour, and thought it was okay - I thought I was sympathising them but now I know what I shouldn't say to pregnant woman as these small comments can leave them worried/annoyed.

I think its hard when people haven't gone through pregnancy to understand what you're going thro.

Yeah, I do think back and wonder if I said inappropriate things too.
But I think it's the way you say things too, it really annoys me that some people think they know best when they have NO IDEA. I would never assume to know more about pregnancy than someone who was pregnant (if I wasn't pregnant IYSWIM?!!)
But some people are just like that aren't they? I mean, there was another mate there last night who has no experience either, but was really nice and open and asked questions rather than assumed, and was kind of open about her lack of knowledge.
(we didn't only talk about baby stuff all night by the way!)

It sounds very much like she's jealous and overcompensating!

If you really want/need to keep this woman as a friend I would stop her the moment her next inappropriate comment leaves her lips and just tell her if she's got nothing positive to say then you don't want to hear it!

She doesn't sound like a great friend

OMG!!! I would be finding new friends!

Some of those comments really made me .

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks." Hamlet.

She is desparately desiring everything you have, and is dealing with it by making it seem most unattractive.

In a few days, you will have a wriggly, squashy, warm little body which seems to do nothing and everything all at the same time. Amazingly time-consuming despite spending at least 16 hours of the day asleep! Yet, you will stare and wonder if it is all real in a sleepless daze.

In a few days, she will still have no committments, nothing to take up her time unless she chooses to.

Give her some space. She's either upset, or just plain insensitive

"She is desparately desiring everything you have, and is dealing with it by making it seem most unattractive." - very well put indeed, Lougle