Would a friend say these things?

[dappymoo]

(I know this is nothing new for a hormonal pregnant woman but god I need a rant!!) I might just add I am expecting my baby any day! But in the space of a couple of hours she said...

"why on earth would anyone want a baby? goodbye social life!"

Friend: "babies are just like a small animal, so easy to look after, just feed and change them."
Me: "I think there may be a little more to it than that...like for example a bit of affection somewhere..?"
Friend: "No it's not really necessary though."
???????????????

"God you're fat/ massive"

"Look at the size of you"

"I guess we won't be seeing you any more. I'd rather you didn't bring the infant to my house."

"Of course it will be excruciating to give birth, there's nothing you can do about that."

"You'd better come to my party" (2 weeks after due date)

"If someone can't conceive they just need to get over it and get a life"

I know I need to ignore these ignorant comments but it felt so relentless last night that I left feeling so peed off and actually kind of lonely..?? None of my friends have babies (I am 30 so no spring chicken) so the comments aren't unusual but most people at least don't say things in a spiteful way, they're just stupid.

Yup totally jealousy. I also think by the conception comment she may be struggling with fertility issues herself. I would say those comments are totally out of her own pain and nothing personal to you (even though of course they totally come across as such).

At 30 you're hardly over the hill either . I had my first child at the same age and was worried as has no close family or friends with babies/young children. I kept in touch with a couple of people from AN classes and went some toddler groups once the baby arrived. I met loads of people in a similar situation. I still see friends from before but there was one that made comments like your's so I dropped her and I'm glad of it. She isn't worth the time or effort.

She sounds like an utter cow.

You'll meet some lovely people when your little one is here, screw her.

She sounds toxic, NOT the sort of friend you need at this point! Incredibly insensitive and tactless at best!

Perhaps time to reassess what you get out of the friendship, and whether she is worth keeping, though to be honest it doesn't sound as though you'll lose much if you drop her.

Cultivate friends that make you feel good about yourself, lose anyone who makes you feel crap..

Congrats on your little one, sooo exciting!!

Hmmmm. strokes beard
2 things jumped out for me.

'I guess we won't be seeing you any more.'

Does she have any abandonment issues? You are moving into a joyful new stage of life, one she can't follow you into. This is a change and however resentful or unready for it she feels, it is beyond her control. That is upsetting for some people and she may also be jealous.

and

'I'd rather you didn't bring the infant to my house."

And she can't clearly fears that she can't cope with facing your new reality.

Clearly, this is all about her and her pain/discomfort/jealousy. She is not handling it at all well. It's completely her stuff not yours.

What she is saying to you is extremely hurtful - it's designed to be hurtful - but it she is more than likely saying EVEN MORE horrible and toxic things to herself.

Unfortunately, your beautiful state is an affront and an upset to her because of her own painful issues right now.

That's her problem not yours.

You can choose to feel sorry for her, whilst protecting yourself and your baby from her barbed comments and painful feelings and refuse to let her try to put her painful issues on you and drag you into her painful world. But at the end of the day, you can't heal her however much you want to help - she will have to deal with it herself (or not) and in the meantime you can help her by holding appropriate boundaries and showing her that it is not appropriate to be 'acting out' in this childish, resentful way, lashing out at you, and especially whilst calling you 'a friend.'

Friends don't behave like this. Bullies do, child-siblings with rivalry/abandonment problems sometimes do, daughters sometimes do with parents, rejected or fearful lovers sometimes do - this is why I think this isn't really about you at all but about something else and your moving into motherhood and a different life stage is triggering something off for her.

Anyway, she might sort it out or not but IMO the best way you can help is by showing her dignified, appropriate grown up behaviour - moving away, not feeding her issues, taking time out and focusing on yourself, your lovely baby and the love and support that surrounds you.

Some of those comments can be seen as flippant and insensitive but all of those in such a small space of time shows she has some issues- I agree with the above statements.

You have a beautifl baby on the way and a real friend would support you- before I got pregnant I was so jealous of my pregnant friends but openly admitted it and tried my best to support them now they are even more happy for me as they know how much I want it.

She isn't dealing with your situation and if she continues her behaviour like this then stop making the effort.

I know it sounds cheesy but friends have always come in and out of my life for good reasons and when either mine or their circumstances have changed and we've grown apart it is better to let them leave and just leave the door open in case you both find yourselves in a similar place again.

What did your other friends say? Did they laugh it off or defend you?

You dont know how she'll be when the baby is born but rfom the sounds of it you don't want a destuctive person like her around your child anyway!

x x x

Thanks you're all right and I do appreciate the support as it really got me down the other day. You've helped me get a bit of perspective though and I can see that she's a bit resentful and sad really.
I won't confront her about it but I don't think I'll be making too much effort with her anytime soon!

My other friend was nice actually, after some fat comments she'd say things like "oh no my other friend who's pregnant is a lot bigger" or "well she is term now" etc, but I think we were both a bit taken aback at her negativity in general. Although to be honest we've gotten used to conversation revolving around her when we're together! My other friend can't wait to see the baby and is really excited for me, and is doing the usual "I can babysit!" which actually most of my mates are saying, so I should listen to them more!!

it's not you, it's her.

Yes get them to sign something to that effect, definitely! A Babysitter you really really trust is a godsend. Let us know when your baby arrives, won't you? :)
Wishing you a safe birth x

I agree with Lougle.These are the words of a very jealous person (will not use the word friend). She sounds like she wants exactly what you have :)

It makes me wonder why we put up with friends like this.... if a man behaved like that we would dump him without a second thought!

Enjoy your pregnancy and baby - and knickers to anyone else who does not share your excitement! xx