Missed miscarriage - advice please

[vnewmummy]

Hi,

I have just been told that i have had a missed miscarriage. I was scanned 2 weeks ago at 7 weeks and all looked well, I had some bleeding but brown and they said it was implantation bleeding.

Today at my scan - 9 weeks, they can see sac and baby but no hearbeat.

They have sent me home for a week and booked me in for a ERPC which i dont know much about. However, before I left i asked them to calculate when they think the baby stopped growing and they said about a week ago.

I have no pains or bleeding, is it better do you think for me to bring the ERPC forward rather than have even more heartache and wait until next week.

I am so sad and feel for my husband who is on his way home now. Im 41 and we had been TTC for 1.6 years and this really was our last chance.

Sorry for long post but dont know where else to turn as we never told anyone else x

Oh gosh I am so sorry to hear this. How dreadful for you. I have no experience with an ERPC but I just wanted to respond.

I am not sure if this helps, but I believe that the chances of falling pregnant again are very high after a miscarriage. So perhaps not all hope is lost....

Once again, terribly sorry for your loss.

vnewmummy - my heart goes out to you. I had a mmc last year at 41 (similarly thought it was our last chance) but I'm now nearly 40 weeks and due this Thursday at the age of 42 so please don't give up hope. It's a horrible time - I got loads of support on here through.

IF you do feel like trying again (very early days to be thinking of this so hope I don't offend you) - I found two of the threads under Conception to be sanity savers - TTC again after m/c thread and TTC for over 40s (fiesty and fabulous).

Sorry I can't add anything about the ERPC as I m/c naturally in the end (had started to bleed, went to the EPAU and then it happened that afternoon) but just didn't want you thinking there was no hope.

Take care

hi vnewmummy

I am so very sorry that you are going through this. I have had one natural MC and 3x ERPCs.

I know that they are not the same for everyone, but I would personally go for an ERPC over a natural MC (and this is even though they messed one of mine up so I had to have it repeated).

It's not nice going to hospital and having a general anaesthetic, but it is also horrid waiting for a natural MC to start, and then going through a mega bleed with lots of cramping. My natural MC lasted a few days and was very painful indeed for about 12-16 hours, with less intense cramping for a couple of days either side. After the ERPCs I was a bit sore and shell-shocked, but all in all it was a more clinical experience and not as traumatic (for me).

Let me know if you want further info about ERPC. I dont want to overwhelm you at what is already an overwhelming time.

Best of luck to you and don't give up.

Soo Sorry Vnewmummy its crap.Like TFLS i have been in a similar situation to you.I had a MMC in Oct 08, 2 MCs since but are now 39 weeks pg i m nearly 40.BUT none of this helps you now.I had medical management after my MMC.Mine was diagnosed at my 12 week scan they think the fetus had ceased to be "viable" at 8weeks.I went through a whole range of emotions: grief, disbelief,feelings of stupidty [as a nurse i should have known there was a problem],heartache, depression,despair and lunged from wanting to ttc asap to never wantimg to be in that position again.

With my 2nd MC i had surgical management and did find this to be much less traumtic and helped me personally begin the healing process.The ERPC was over with very quickly and i found my body healed much quicker [with less bleeding] with the tablets things took ages to happen and i bled intermittently for up to 6 weeksI was scared to have a GA too, but actually found it was nothing.

It s a horrible time for you both.I have a good relationship with my DH he was a great support during the last 2.5 years....I also found Mumsnet to be a great support system to "talk" stuff through with other people who have been through the same stuff.I had counselling , at a later date, as i was approaching my due date and found it helped me greatly, but you have to do what works for you.

Much love to you both....Please take care of each other and i hope both you and your DH find a way to work through this horrible time.Take care XX

Hey

I'm so sad about your news. I had a MMC discovered at 13 weeks although they felt the baby stopped developing at about 8 weeks - so similar time to yours although discovered later. In my research I discovered that 8 weeks is when the baby starts using the placenta for it's food supply so I've rationalised that there was something wrong with the placenta and how it developed... rather than there being something 'wrong' with the baby. This has really helped me think everything through - although I won't hide that I'm still very upset and have a good old cry at unexpected moments.

After my MMC was discovered I had an ERPC as I didn't want the 'unpredictability' of a natural MC - and also because my body had held onto it for so long I wasn't quite sure what I would pass....

The ERPC was quick and I seem to have recovered quickly. You need to have someone to take you home from hospital - obviously you can't drive and also someone at home with you for the next 24 hours just in case.

After the ERPC you can start trying again as soon as you're ready. We've decided to wait until i'd had a period which I am really glad about - I wanted to know that my systems had normalised before we started trying again to give us the best chance for the next one.

Also be prepared for occasional random bleeds. I bled after the ERPC then nothing for 2 weeks then spotting, then two weeks after that my period since then i've had two separate days of spotting. i guess it's just my body having a good spring clean!

I hope that everything goes ok for you - allow yourself to grieve and to mourn the baby that wasn't meant to be.

Vnewmummy - so sorry for your loss.

I had a missed miscarriage in April and feel for you and your husband.

Within hours of finding out I'd had a MMC I then actually had a natural miscarriage. If you opt for one ask for Naproxen (I think that's the spelling) - it's a really strong pain killer. I probably would have had an ERPC if I hadn't miscarried quickly.

Also, I know you won't feel ready to think about trying again but please don't see this as your last chance. Recent research suggests women that conceive within six months of a miscarriage have a better chance of a successful outcome and some people have told me you're more likely to conceive in the six months after a miscarriage.

Be kind to yourself and don't think about trying again until you're ready. We waited until I'd had a period and then got pregnant right away. Am now 20 weeks pregnant. There is hope.

Big hug to you and your husband.

Xxx

Dear vnewmummy

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. I had a MMC in April of this year and was heartbroken.

My mc was medically managed and I had terrible cramps and lost a lot of blood so i think ERPC is the best idea. I personally wanted to start the process sooner rather than later so I had time to heal both physically and emotionally.

Please dont think you wont have a healthy pregnancy after this - and as posted earlier the chances of a healthy pregnancy within 6 weeks post mc is high.

wishing you the best of luck for the future.

Take car xx

Girls,

Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences with me and offering advice.

I have decided to book in tomorrow to have the ERPC done rather than wait a week.

xx

Hi vnewmummy, so sorry and know how you feel, I think you've made the right choice. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Hi vnewmummy,

I am so sorry for your loss. Its such an awful thing to try to come to terms with. If you feel like you need some support from women who have been in your situation here is the link to the thread mentioned above.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1029309-Just-MC-and-ready-to-try-again-Pack-your-cake

Lots of us are TTC again, some are waiting but we are all here to support you if you feel you want someone to talk to who knows what its like.

Take good care of yourself, lots of treats and rest (chocolate helps ) Hugs xxx

I'm very sorry to hear about your MMC- its really rubbish isn't it? I echo what others have said about the feeling of being cheated. I had a scan on the Friday after a couple of days of bleeding at 10 weeks then went onto miscarry completely and naturally over the next 3 days, losing the majority on the Sunday night. The most agonising was the Friday night when I had severe cramps. If it happens in the future, I'd go for EPRC so my body could get back on track ASAP/quicker. Top tip, jump straight back on the wagon if you're fit mentally and physically to do so, don't let your age put you off. The best advice I got about a MMC was the fact that I got pregnant, which is a good sign, that particular pregnancy just wasn't meant to be. (Its taken me a long time to be able to say that).

Good luck x x x

I'm very sorry about your MMC.
I've gone through this just over two years ago and it's a horrible experience for anyone... The pain doesn't completely disappear, but it does get 'muted' with time.
My only advice would be to speak to your doctor and see if it's be best to wait for things to take their course naturally. As this would have much less impact on your health and, ultimately on your chances of conceiving again! And you will conceive again, I'm sure .
The whole thing is/will be painful regardless of whether you wait for it to happen on its own or have the procedure...but with less medical involvement, there are actually less risks and quicker recovery (physically, at least). (IMHO)

I dont think its necessarily true that do natural management means you recover quicker. I think that really depends on dates, and your individual circumstances. I believed that this was true and chose the natural and then medically managed options (my baby stopped growing at 8 and half weeks, similar to yours) and in the end had many months of complications due to retained "tissue". It was very painful and very stressful and eventually I had to have an ERPC anyway.

Please make the decision thats best for you and your circumstances. If you have an ERPC if may take an extra couple of weeks for your cycles to return but I would strongly recommend you take this time to recover emotionally before TTC again immediately. Its very important to deal with your grief first and then treat any future pregnancy as something new and not a replacement of what you lost.

I wish you and anyone else suffering this the very best xxxx

I am very sorry to hear about your loss. I had an erpc nearly 8 weeks ago and it wasn't as bad as I feared. I don't believe that there is any evidence that having an erpc impacts on your chances of conceiving again. Not an expert of course, but was reassured by medical professionals that it did not reduce my chances in future. It was much less traumatic than having to wait out a natural miscarriage. I believe I recovered much faster by having an erpc because i didn't have to wait perhaps two weeks for it to happen on its own and I only had five days of proper bleeding afterwards, with only a couple of days of bad pain. I had my period back five weeks later, although many women wait longer. Having the erpc probably really helped my emotional ability to cope with the m/c too. Knowing you have been carrying a dead baby for two weeks already is hard enough without having to do it for longer still.

I echo MummyAbroad's advice to do what is best for you and wait to try again until you are ready. I launched straight back into it and am now glad it did not happen the first month because I could not have coped with the strain of an early pregnancy and the worry of it going wrong again when the grief was still very raw.

Good luck, hope you have a speedy recovery.

thank you Everyone for sharing your experiences and offering the support when I really need it.

I had the ERPC yesterday and am so glad I brought it forward. I was very sad just before and after procedure but they looked after me so well.

Today I have very little pain and not much bleeding so I know I did the right thing.

Mummy Abroad I will take a look at the site in a couple of weeks once I have my head sorted out! Thanks x

Well I guess its just time now....xx

I've nothing to add about the MMC, hust wanted to say how sorry I am that this has happened to you and I hope your DH is home soon. Good luck with whatever you decided to do next
x