Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

When is it reasonable to ask husband to stop drinking?

28 replies

EmmieA · 20/09/2010 08:58

Hi. I'm nearly s pregnant, due 4 December. Obviously Christmas can bring lots of boozy nights out and my partner is more than willing to stop drinking at some point in case we need to make an emergency dash to the hospital etc. But when is it appropriate to start this? I know babes can come at any point but what have the rest of you done? Thanks.

OP posts:

Original poster

EmmieA · 20/09/2010 08:58

Sorry, that should read "nearly 30 weeks pregnant".

OP posts:

FloraFinching · 20/09/2010 09:01

I've not asked mine to stop. You can always get a cab to the hospital if your DH has a drink. It's what you'd have to do if he's at work when you go into labour, or if he didn't drive. There's no point in two people being on pregnancy enforced sobriety, IMO.

notyummy · 20/09/2010 09:07

I think he abstained for the last 4 weeks - but that turned into 6 weeks as dd was late! I think as long as I had some notice, then a one off night out drinking (i.e Xmas night out) wouldn't have bothered me - I could always have spoken to frineds to have them on standby on the unlikely chance that they were needed.

excitedmummy2be · 20/09/2010 09:10

I'm due nov 1st. DH has plans to go out and drink far too much with his mates 4 weeks before. I've asked that after that he doesn't drink anymore. I'd be quite upset if I was in labour and had his beery breath all over me and quite embarrassed if he actually drunk! Also if he is hungover, what good will he be to me!!! I've not touched a drop of alcohol for my entire pregnancy so I figure that to ask him to abstain for 4 weeks is reasonable. He is totally fine with that... He's not a big regular drinker anyway and he wants to have his wits about him and enjoy the moment our DC comes into the world.

Cluds · 20/09/2010 09:14

A tricky and sensitive subject EmmieA, especially with my husband who loves a drink (which i have no problem with) but who also for some reason seems to feel that in order to have a good time out he has to get drunk and wouldn't dream of driving on a night out (normally me when not pregnant, or we sometimes get a cab). We had a friends 40th when i was 38 weeks pregnant, I was obviously happy to drive, but on the way there i (very sensitively, I thought) asked him to take it easy with the booze as I had had DS1 at 37 weeks so could easily go into labour that night. He didn't say anything, so i knew he was a bit peeved at me for even asking/suggesting. To cut a long story short, he got trollied. When we got home he was snoring/burping/farting so much in bed i went into the other room to sleep. Got woken up at 4am when he was drunkenly wondering around the house and had set the burglar alarm off! Thank god i didn't go into labour that night! Don't think i could have coped with the alcohol fumes coming from his mouth! I wasn't angry with him as i could tell in the morning he felt really bad, and that was the shock he needed and hasn't got drunk since. We were at a party this Saturday and I am now 40 weeks, and he drove!

redbird79 · 20/09/2010 09:19

This is a hard one, I am 34 weeks and haven't asked- but after reading this I may have to. Don't particularly want to, as I have hated not being able to drink really during pregnancy- we are real ale people and our social life pretty much revolved around going to the pub! Anyway, perhaps it's more a case of him not drinking a lot- especially reading the posts above- and recognising that you might just have to get a cab. He's not going to be able to stay with you 24 hours a day anyway and babies don't necessarily have the best timing! Let us know what you decide- as I have a feeling I will need to broach this pretty soon too....

cory · 20/09/2010 09:28

I'd settle for a "don't get so sozzled you can't bring your newborn into focus". As redbird says, he probably won't be able to stay with you 24/7 for several weeks, so you may well end up taking a cab anyway. I found taxi drivers incredibly helpful and supportive.

somethinganything · 20/09/2010 09:37

I didn't ask but have to admit that I did get fed up when DH got completely ratted towards the end of the pregnancy, had a planned CS with DD2 so it wasn't the driving thing I just wanted to get as much sleep as poss as I was getting up with DD in the morning and got sick of the booze breath and snoring throughout the night. To be fair he didn't do it a lot and I certainly had no problem with him having one or two beers it was the 3am nights out that bothered me and there were only a couple of those. I usually wasn't too bothered by the morning either, it was at 4am that I wanted to throttle him as he lay snoring and stinking next to me!

Chelle1986 · 20/09/2010 10:22

I'm due today and my DP has been winding down the drinking for the last 4 weeks or so, without me having to ask weirdly enough. He wouldn't dream of putting me in a position where a.) he couldn't drive me to the hospital or b.) be supportive during labour and afterwards.

If he wants a drink at home he will only have two cans.

He is however a Police Officer and knows only to well what can happen when someone drinks and drives - even if it is classed as an emergency.

Cher87 · 20/09/2010 10:43

I think I am just mean but hey I have had to give up certain foods drink etc so I was selfish and put my DP on a drinking ban from 34 weeks!
He hasnt moaned about it really only in jest when telling his friends why he cant go out to the pub!! Although I have lifted it twice in that time for good behaviour!
I think you should discuss it with your DP and agree between you that way you wont need to feel guilty!

Mahraih · 20/09/2010 11:14

Hmm, interesting thought ...

I'd feel cruel banning him from a beer or two, but after 34 weeks there may be a 2-pint limit.

God, it'd be awful if he was drunk while I was giving birth.

But tbh we won't be driving anyway, cab all the way!

tiredfeet · 20/09/2010 11:15

I haven't stopped DH from doing anything, I don't have a problem with him drinking too much to be able to drive (as long as he pays for the taxi to the hospital if needed ) but he's got a few parties coming up so we did discuss how awful it would be for him to not be able to support me during labour because he had drunk too much. He really knows how much I am going to need him. So now we're in the final few weeks he has decided of his own accord to not have more than 2-3 drinks on a night out.

Original poster

EmmieA · 20/09/2010 11:22

I think I phrased my question poorly as DH is more than happy to stop but as I'm due in Xmas party season, we weren't sure when was sensible. I think from 36/37 weeks we will have a 2 pint rule maybe. Think he himself would be devastated if one of the few things he can do (get me to hospital) had to be done by taxi or my dad. Thanks all.

OP posts:

Honeybee79 · 20/09/2010 11:26

I have asked DH to stay under the driving limit from the time I am 38 weeks. We also intend to get a cab but you never now . . . plus I don't want him in the delivery room with me if he's been drinking lots. And believe me, he likes to drink lots. We have had our arguments about it but I don't think I'm being unreasonable in wanting a sober birth partner and if he doesn't stick to it then he's not coming to the birth. I don't think it's a big ask under the circumstances!

dinkystinky · 20/09/2010 11:31

Didnt ask my DH to stop with either of my pregnancies (and to be honest, didnt actually have to as it turned out as induced first time and he was at work when labour kicked off second time so came straight home without stopping off in a pub) - if your DH wants to cut back to under the driving limit, and you dont have any other transport options (e.g taxi/lift from friends or family) then he may want to do so from around 35 weeks - though he could have up to a 7 week wait for baby to turn up....

Woodlands · 20/09/2010 11:55

i didn't ask but lots of people around us mentioned it. i figured with a first baby we would have plenty of warning anyway. we agreed he would still have the odd pint/glass of wine in the last few weeks but wouldn't get drunk. in the end i knew i was in labour from about late morning on a saturday, and we went to hospital at about 8.30pm.

saoirse86 · 20/09/2010 11:59

I'm 39+3 and my DP has not stopped drinking, but since I was 38 weeks he's stopped going out drinking with his friends. Mainly because he knows he'll just end up getting carried away, not that I don't want him to go out or that I don't want him to drink at all. We've gone out since then just the two of us and he's had a couple of pints and I've driven home.
I know there's a possibility we'd have to make a mad dash to the hospital, but it's more likely we'd have a few hours at least before we had to drive there. If we do have to rush, there are plenty of people nearby who'd take us so we're not worried about that.
It's up to you both how you feel about the drinking situation. If you've decided he's going to stop on a specific date and he's happy with that, maybe make it at about 37-38 weeks.

Hevster · 20/09/2010 12:04

my DH stopped drinking at 36 weeks last time and the same this time but to be honest I am more worried about him being at a football match and unable to get back than I am about him drinking and me calling a cab.

annie51 · 20/09/2010 12:34

My DH stopped at 35 weeks with our first. He had a big drink for his last so I went to stay with my mum for the night. My waters started leaking in the middle of the night. Phoned hospital in morning, they said to come in so at 8.30 am. phoned to a hungover DH arranging to meet at the hospital. He felt awful about stinking of drink and didn't want the same to happen again.
With DC2 he stopped at 33 weeks and this time we've agreed he will stop on new years eve, I'm due at the end of Feb so about 32 weeks.

IControlSandwichMonkey · 20/09/2010 12:43

On our first date.

My friend's xp was out getting trollied (at lunchtime) when she went into labour (she was 40+9). She couldn't get in touch with him so got a lift to the hospital with her aunt. I tagged along as an impromptu birth partner as she was frightened. Her dp was eventually tracked down by my dh, driven to the hospital and deposited in the delivery suite. He vomitted, burped, farted and passed out in the chair (not all at the same time). He missed the birth entirely as the mw chucked him out. He passed out in the carpark iirc.

jo4nn492 · 02/02/2020 17:23

I'm due 19th July. I asked my partner to not drink any more than a couple past 35 weeks but he was not happy! He seems to think his life shouldn't change because he isnt the pregnant one! It drives me mad already because he goes out and doesnt answer his phone and rolls in at 4am in the morning. What happens if God forbid something bad happens and he couldn't be reached! He is best man at his best mates wedding on 3rd July so I'll be 37 weeks 5 days. I've asked him not to drink but he wont have it. He was going to drink the night before, stay at his friends and drink at the wedding. I finally compromised and he has agreed he wont drink the night before and will come home and go back to his friends in the morning. It is agreed he can drink at the wedding but not get very drunk. I will just need to organise alternative transport from the wedding to home (if latent phase is long) and from home to hospital. Ive warned him that if he is drunk my sister will be being my birthing partner until he sobers up and if he misses it tough although this would upset me massively. I can't be dealing with him being drunk aswell as giving birth. Fingers crossed he will control himself and hopefully my baby will choose a more appropriate time but I know it doesnt work like that!

Bookworm83 · 03/02/2020 06:38

@jo4nn492 sorry to say but that sounds really selfish and irresponsible on your partner's part. Why would he risk missing the birth of his child just to have a drink?
You've done the right thing telling him your sister would be your birth partner in that situation and I'm glad you have that backup xx

I'm due end of March and my husband has two big parties coming up, his best mate's 30th and his gran's 80th, within two weeks of my due date. I'm invited too but doubt I'll feel like going. Either way, he will not be drinking and will be reachable by phone at all times. I didn't even have to ask him, it was just obvious to us both.

jo4nn492 · 03/02/2020 06:57

@Bookworm83 I totally agree with you. I have never seen a selfish side to him at all until I fell pregnant and we are having these conversations. Its amazing what it has revealed! Like I say he is now not drinking at all the night before. He says he is only drinking a few at the wedding to join in with the celebrations but I still do not see why that is necessary, its not like I'm doing that at all while I'm pregnant. I'll just need to hope he keeps his word and keeps himself right not that I'm happy about the faff with transport. It's a while away yet like so I have a while to chip away at this.

LividLaughLovely · 03/02/2020 06:59

Mine has had about one beer a fortnight the whole pregnancy, and most of those were no-alcohol.

He’s my second husband - the first was an alcoholic.

Let’s just say I knew I’d found a keeper for many reasons when I met him. It’s shocking to me every day how lovely life can be with the right man.

Bookworm83 · 03/02/2020 08:31

*He’s my second husband - the first was an alcoholic.

Let’s just say I knew I’d found a keeper for many reasons when I met him. It’s shocking to me every day how lovely life can be with the right man.*

@LividLaughLovely I could have written those exact word myself ❤️

Flip

1 2